Two pony tails?  Is this an intentional difference?  The "real" Akane
had a single pony-tail.

Does it really matter?
 

Not _another_ little sister named Ranko.  It really doesn't seem likely
that the Saotomes would name their children "Ranma" and "Ranko" -- they'd
be more likely to pick more different names.

I've never seen evidence anywhere to suggest that.
It's good to call her Ranko, because it helps all
the readers get a better idea of what she is like.
It might be a shortcut or writer laziness in describing
an entirely new persona, but it helps.

You should probably change "Kuno-chan" to just "Kuno" (unless this
Nabiki thinks of him very differently than the "real" one).  Nabiki
may call him that, but it's mostly to annoy him.  I very much doubt
that she actually thinks of him that way.

This fic is about everyone having lots of fiancees,
right? Maybe it's the author's insidious way of
revealing this particular emotion. ^_^

So, this Ranma is a much better fighter than the "real" one?  The
canonical Ranma didn't find Kuno nearly that much of a pushover the
first time they fought.

Kono canonical Ranma janai, ne? Sore kara, da!
 

If this is supposed to be a reference to the "Ranma" author, it's
"Takahashi".

I'm sure everyone on this list knows that.
 

If Ranma knows Kasumi (which you'd hinted at earlier, too) then we need
to know how.  Details missing again.

Not really. While some of the other
incidents might have been better
detailed, (such as the Ranma-Akane
relationship and the Ryouga bit), this 
sudden incident seems to fit in place 
well enough as it is. It serves as a
nice little surprise, and someone who
was keen enough to pick up Ranma's
love for cooking earlier would have
seen it coming a mile away.
 

He must _really_ trust Kasumi if he's telling her about the scheme.
Or he's _totally_ thick.

Well, Ranma IS thick. Heck, just about
everyone in Ranma 1/2 is *thick.* Besides,
isn't Kasumi the kind of person who
exudes a sense of trust? ^_^
  

	"Yeah, but don't tell her that I told you.  I don't think that
she wanted anyone to know, but I'm sure she can't trust you, being
her sister and all."

						^^^^
I'm surprised that the very thorough spelling and 
grammar check missed this juicy little nugget.