This is the only thing I have to say about the flood of response, both
positive and negative, Chapter 11 generated. I'll tell you, if you
disliked Chapter 11, you're *really* gonna hate Chapter 12.

And conversely...?  :j

C&C to parts 12 and 13 below.  Spoilers ahead.  Snippage throughout.

Take the title however you care to. I think its appropriate all the
ways I can think of...

[...]

Ch 12 : Tears

[re-reading it]  Cute.  :j

	"O-h-o-h-oooooooo n-n-n-n-ooooo" Akane sobbed. "I don't want it
any more! Take it back! Take it back!" she screamed.

So she realizes it wasn't so smart to jump into the decision afterall.
Of course, NOdoka and her sisters didn't exactly warn her to think
about the consequences, either...

[...]

	Akane shuddered once... and began to scream.

	"GGGGGGYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...."

I originally just (just?) thought this was a heart wrenching wail of
despair.  Re-reading this, I realize that's it's agonizing pain.

[...]

	Ukyou had never seen Ranma cry before. Not when he burned his
hands on her spatula-ring, or even when he lost his strength to
Happousai's moxibustion attack. Not even when he was six, and gouged
his leg open on the edge of a rail-road track they had been playing on.

Is the "spatula-ring" the non-stick ring-shaped cooking surface that
she originally challenged Ranma on?  'Cause it sounds like some sort
of themed wedding ring Ukyo had made.

[...]

	She then spent several minutes with a disposable scrubber and
several ounces of her industrial dish detergent making sure that there
was no trace of the disgusting black goo remaining on her hands.

The fact that she's scrubbing herself clean makes me wonder how well
that shower nozzle really cleaned Ranma.

[...]

	From Akane. *Somehow*, she thought, Akane had done something to
Ranma to make him so miserable. It was obvious that she had beaten him
senseless... Maybe it was Ranma pissed her off when she was sick?
Maybe...

At least you managed to avoid a cooking joke.  :j

[...]

	Maybe, Ukyou reasoned, he and Akane had finally had it out, and
they had called off the engagement. Whatever the reason was, though,
Ranma was more upset than Ukyou thought was capable. If *she* were the
one to comfort him...

Heh.  Business women take their opportunities when they see them.  ;)

[...]

	The pretty boy nodded, although he was not very sure what needed
tending so late.

Pretty-boy?  More of a pansy-boy...

[...]

	"There is a great evil afoot in the city."

	"No shit," Ranma sniped. "I spent all afternoon kicking its ass."

:D

[...]

	"The process *never* goes wrong..." Nodoka wondered aloud.

Nothing can possiblie go wrong.  Possibly go wrong.
That's... the first thing that went wrong...

[...]

	"T-this 'taking blood'," Tofuu stammered. "What does it involve?"

	"We take all our clothes off and bite each other's neck, Tofuu-
chan," Nabiki teased.

necks(?)

	The woman shook her head. "Not to my knowledge. Wait. I have
heard a tale of a woman long ago who had her tongue cut out by her
master for treacherous speak. When she became a vampire, it grew back."

	"That's still just the healing, though," Nabiki argued. "Akane
hasn't even had her tonsils out!"

More importantly, it suggests that even if you cut the "cysts" out,
they'll go back.

[...]

	From out of the shadows, a diminutive woman in a severe green
dress stepped. Her skin and European features were pale, and her hair
was a natural whitish blonde.

"Cologne!"

[bap]  "I am NOT Cologne!"

[...]

	"We've seen two raveners in as many weeks," Nodoka explained.
"And I believe that my son killed one this afternoon."

She made a point of showing Ranma that he couldn't defeat the raveners
with his fists.  Why does she now think he was able to kill one?  Sure,
he came back with goo all over him, but why wouldn't she think that he
had injured it and mistakenly left its regenerating body behind?

I don't recall him ever telling her what he did that afternoon.
Or Akane.

[...]

	While it's skin was beginning to bubble and blister however, the
Ravener failed to be incinerated.

Ravener doesn't need to be capitalized.  This occurs in some other
places, as well.

[...]

	The flagpole impaled the monster neatly, and drove down several
inches into the soft asphalt. While is was still struggling and
lunging, the monster was effectively pinned.

Soft asphalt?  Maybe if you're a super-powered martial artist...

[...]

	"Whew... haven't had a workout like that since... since the last
time I fought a ravener," he admitted. "Thanks, Ranma-chan. I could
have been here all night."

"And I'd much rather have been here all night with you, sweetie!"

[...]

	"My little girl is an angel..." Soun whimpered.

	Still kneeling, her hands on the floor, Akane spread her wings.

You know, I would have figured them for bat's wings.

[...]

And some readers said that I was letting Akane off easy in this
story...

Oh, I'd say she suffered plenty in this part, even without the
"extra limbs".

[...]

Ch 13 - Scramble

[...]

	"Big, round eyes?" Happousai asked.

	"Yeah."

	"Long hair?"

	"Yeah."

	"I'll help you look," Happousai offered.

Cute.  :)  Make us think he knows her, and then make it apparent that
he's just looking for another cutie to fondle.

[...]

	Ukyou rushed out and embraced Ranma roughly. She was obviously
worried, but didn't allow it to show on her face.

Happosai drooled.  "Woohoo!  Hot two-girl action!"

[...]

	The wings fluttered and flickered out of existence. They returned
seconds later. Akane wheezed in confusion, blearily trying to look over
her shoulders.

Man, she's so drugged up, what's she going to remember in the morning?

[...]

	"Shut up, Nabiki." It was Ranma. "Get Nodoka on the Phone".

Heh.  Looks like she's not "mother," anymore.

[...]

	"Ain't comin' home, so don't even ask. You fight the raveners.
I'll fight the raveners."

I would have expected, "You fight the raveners your way.  I'll fight
the raveners my way."

[...]

	Ukyou stared in shock. Even after the crying Ranma, this was a
Ranma she had never seen. He was mean... gruff and forceful. Ukyou
felt... Actually, she admitted, it really turned her on. He was usually
so spineless...

Well, I didn't expect that reaction!  Makes sense, though...
I imagine a non-obsessive Takahashi male with a spine is a rarity!

[...]

	"Martial Artists don't tell," Happousai said seriously.

Artists doesn't need to be capitalized.

[...]

	Ukyou came through the gate, followed closely by a man in a
Furinken school uniform who...

It's typically spelled Furinkan.

	"Wait a sec..." Hiroshi called out. "That's Ranma. I can tell

>from the pigtail."

Ranma's perfect disguise: a school uniform and no pigtail.
Then *nobody* would recognize him!

[...]

	"Well I'll be damned. He's in a uniform. Wonder what happened to
his regular clothes?"

	"No telling. It looks a little tight. It might be Ukyou's. That
dog!"

They might be Ukyou's.

And what is it with Ukyo and dogs in fics these days?  ;)

[...]

	In the Daylight, Kasumi could tell much more about Athia by plain

Daylight doesn't need to be capitalized.

[...]

	"What was odd about the black sorcerer was that the raveners all
defaulted to him. Half the young women of the village were lost to

deferred to him.

[...]

	"Ah," Athia countered. "You are in a better situation, though.
Your younger sister emasculated it while it was trying to rape her, did
she not?"

	Kasumi nodded. "It must have been very unpleasant for her."

Moreso for the Ravener King...

[...]

	In the trees, behind a school...

	"Hello, Pretty..."

	"AAAAGGGHGHHHHH!!!!!"

So.  Ravener King?  Or Happosai?  :)

[...]

	To his credit, Ranma didn't even flinch as she apparently
appeared out of mid-air in front of him. Ukyou, who was at her portable
grill, didn't even notice as she sold lunch Okonomiyaki to the hungry

Okonomiaki doesn't need to be capitalized.  This occurs in another
place, as well.

[...]

	Ryouga began to chuckle madly, and dropped the log he was working
on.

Ryoga'd better quiet down.  Let sleeping Akanes lie!



Well, I liked the opening to the first part, seeing Ranma and
Akane reactions.  As I said, I missed Akane's scream representing
physical pain, so I was a little confused by Kasumi getting worked
up.  The Happosai scene was good, if a little unfair to the little
perv.  He's not really evil, just misunderstood.  ;)

Still, it clarified the ravener situation.  I had suspected that
Ranma's ravener might be dead.  But rather than feeling bad about
it, or having to hear an "I told you so" from Mom, Ranma manages
to do it right this time.  Good work.

I don't know what to make about Akane.  I can't really buy into
the wings-were-in-her genes idea, but I won't worry about it too
much.

I'm glad that Ranma realises that he's being lead around by the nose
by Miss Red, but if he's paranoid of his own family and loved ones
being monsters, and he suspects the girl of being a vampire, he should
be *really* worried about what she might do to him.

I'm not sure about Ranma's interaction with Nabiki and his mother,
although I suppose it makes sense.  He can't exactly avoid Nabiki,
and he wants to help his mother stop the raveners.  Still, I was
expecting a bit more tension.  Then again, Akane hasn't come back
to school yet.  ;)

Well, another good read.  Hope to see more in the future,


Doug

----
Douglas MacDougall     Art and fiction available at my homepage:
dougmacd@thecia.net    http://www.thecia.net/~dougmacd/fanworks/