-----Original Message-----
From: Kenjiko2@aol.com <Kenjiko2@aol.com>
To: ffml@fanfic.com <ffml@fanfic.com>
Date: Thursday, May 06, 1999 6:40 AM
Subject: [FFML][RANMA][FIC] Girl Days, part Five (Draft)

whoo-- Kenko is on a roll!

What kind?  Wheat?  Sourdough?

Anyhow, this one is slightly introspective  at times-- but just a
little.  Silliness abounds as usual,  and (Yes, it's YOUR turn, sugar)

Ukyo

makes her first appearance.  Then again, so does Tsubasa as a character

and

not as a mention.

As always, C&C is appreciated.  Suggestions that I sell my body for
science are not.  neither are suggestions that Science sell it's body

to me.

Kenko


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-- Name   : GIRLDADR.TXT
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Girl Days

A Ranma 1/2 fanfiction

by Robert Haynie

(insert discl-- aw, forget it.  We all know what goes here.  Go
ahead and sue, you'll never find me anyway!  Bwaah-ha-ha-haaah!)

Part five:  A Quiet Day (yeah, right)


####

Ukyo Kuonji sighed.  Slow days were something that she never
really liked in the restaurant business.

This particular slow day was something of a blessing, though.
Konatsu had had to leave for a few days, due to some obscure ninja
ritual.  If it had been a fast day, she would have been swamped.

She.  Sometimes she wondered about the term.  Forced by honor--
or what her family thought of as honor-- to live as a boy, dress as a
boy, even be legally registered as a boy

Makes you wonder what other kinds of weird family honor there might be
out there.

"All my life I've been forced to live as a squirrel, dress as a
squirrel, to be legally registered as a squirrell... all because of what
happened when I was six!"

She sighed, letting herself slip into her familiar daydream of
herself and Ranchan in a lovely home, with a beautiful restaurant,
and many happy children.  One which, in defiance of all reality, was
strangely unbothered by dragons, spirits, small aged perverts,
homicidal amazons, and the occaisional martial artist from apparently
nowhere that was after Ranma Saotome.

occasional

Compared to most of the other people in Ranma's life, Ukyo was
one of the saner.  That didn't mean she didn't look at the world
through her own set of Ranchan colored glasses.

She was wakened from her reverie by the bell ring that meant
someone had entered her establishment.

As opposed to the heavy thwack that usually meant someone was leaving
her establishment, without even touching the ground...

Ranma nodded.  Her time dealing with feminine things seemed to be
helping her to understand-- just a little-- girls a bit better.

For some reason, that sentence doesn't scan well for me.  If you said
"helping her to understand -- just a little -- what being a girl was
like.", then it would scan fine.  I think it's the fact that you insert
the "just a little" between the verb and the noun... I don't know, it
would work better for me if you said, "helping her to -- just a little
bit -- understand girls better."  Or  "helping her to understand girls
better, if only a little bit."  Or something besides how you have it
now.  ^_^

Maybe it was because the other times trapped she'd been
desparately trying to maintain a hold on her masculinity, while this
time she was trying to find what femininity she had.  So far, she
wasn't really a different person (as she had feared), she was still
Ranma.  Just a feminine-- well, sort of feminine-- Ranma.

One might be tempted to say more feminine that the two girls with her.
In some respects, at least.  ^_^

"So, you have a wardrobe and everything, Ranchan?"

Technically most guys have a wardrobe, just not quite so interesting as
your typical girl's wardrobe.  So we assume Ukyo means a feminine
wardrobe, and not just any old wardrobe.

On the other hand, three Chinese outfits probably do not constitute a
wardrobe, so we could very well assume that Ukyo means exactly what she
says... ie, "So, you actually own clothes now?"  ^_^

Just thought I'd point that out... not that it helps  you any.  ^_^

WHAP!

"Or ANY place!" finished Ukyo, reholstering her battle-spatula.

Fastest spatula in the East!

The man was tall, lean, and weather-beaten, and wore a western outfit
that would have looked cliched on John Wayne.  He strode into Uchan's
okonomiyaki-ya slowly, his moustache moving up and down as he chewed
like a fuzzy grey catapillar on a lazy sunny Sunday.  But the most
notable thing was that, strapped to his thigh, where you would expect a
Hollywood-cowboy reject to be carrying a gun or something like it, the
old gaijin wore a large spatula -- the sort you might use for an outdoor
barbeque.

He paused to spit on the floor, pushed the brim of his hat up, and
drawled, in an approximation of English, "Herd yew wuz purty fast wit a
spatula.  Will, ah'm about ta take yew down."

Ukyo blinked, and then said, "Nani?"

*Ahem*  We now return you to your regularly scheduled C&C post....

As Tsubasa sailed through the door, vowing some ill-defined
vengeance, Ranma sweat-dropped.

It's when they get specific about defining their vengeance that you need
to worry.  ^_^

The fact that at the moment Ranma was not technically
crossdressing was brushed aside like... like almost every fact about
Ranma that would have helped him in the past.  For some strange
reason, when the facts were in Ranma's favor, it was as though a
giant blanket of silence draped over the minds of the citizens of
Nerima.

Nice image.  ^_^

Tsubasa, compared to most people in the ward, didn't have that
much-- only a very good talent for disguise and a burning infatuation
with Ukyo.  And, like most male martial artists in the area (and not
a few female ones) a severe dislike of Ranma Saotome.

ones), a severe (need the comma -- you're setting off a phrase between
"And" and "a severe dislike of Ranma Saotome."

Now, considering that Tsubasa was at the moment wearing an outfit
that would cause Azuza to choke and collapse in a diabetic fit (That
is, Uber-kawaii), while Ranma was simply wearing attractive and
flattering clothing that worked well on her figure, this was not
surprising.  Ranma looked like an attractive girl in a sundress while
Tsubasa looked like a sort of demented female ice-cream cone with
extra sprinkles.  But trying to tell Tsubasa that would be somewhat
pointless.  Right now Tsubasa was thinking with his heart, not his
brain.  Standard mode for the average Ranma antagonist, really.

Really good imagery.  ^_^  Unless you're trying to write a darkfic, of
course....

"I will never forgive you, Ranma," the crossdresser snarled.

Of course there was one small problem with his burning vows of
vengeance... namely that he stood as much chance against Ranma in a
one-to-one fight as a glass of beer stands against a thirsty
steelworker at five o'clock.  None, nil, nix.

Not to mention nada.

In retrospect, his first disguise, that of a practice dummy,
wasn't a very good choice

You could get sued for being this funny, you know.  I almost burst a...
well, a something that definately doesn't need to burst!

since Akane, upon returning home, was

still just a bit frustrated.  So she repaired to the dojo to work off
a little steam.

I think you mean "she retired to the dojo", although, if she has to
patch up the south wall and fix that hole in the roof before she can
work out (a distinct possibility), then I can understand the word
choice...

Her first reaction was terror, since straw dummies don't usually
scream in pain when punched.

Did I not warn you about being funny?  Oh sure, at first it's all fun
and games, but when somebody dies from laughing too hard, you'll be
sorry!

Her next one was fury as she realised the truth, and demonstrated
that transvestites DO usually scream when punched, kicked, elbowed,
slammed, and-- for good measure-- malleted into LEO.

I didn't really have any doubts about that one, but thanks for the
demonstration anyway...  ^_^

"You're... you're probably right, Ranma."  The admission came
easier than she'd expected.  Ranma WAS trying to be nicer, recently,
and usually was-- unless she insulted Ranma.

Ranma usually was nicer, unless she insulted herself?

Well, that's what it says....

Ranma, in a gesture of kindliness and helpfullness, plucked the

Although kindliness is a word, I really think you want to use kindness
here.

"I don't believe you!  You're doing this to seduce Ukyo!  And
this dress was hand tailored!"

"Wow.  I didn't know there were blind tailors..."

Hey!  Martial Arts Blind Tailoring is a serious art!

Akane returned to the house without incident.  Unusual, perhaps,
but true.

Surely it's happened before now?

And the magnificient Tatewaki Kuno stormed off to do exactly
that.  Because he was a moron.

One of these days, his being a moron is going to come in handy....

Because Tsubasa wasn't actually a local.  He popped up from time
to time, to pursue Ukyo, but he didn't know all the intricate
dynamics of the complex tapestry that was Ranma.

Another nice turn of phrase!

For example, he wasn't quite aware that regarding Ranma's curse,
Kuno had something of a blind spot.

in much the same way that cave fish do.

She was in her usual yellow gi.  Ranma, who had become something
of a clothes horse

"Oh, great tragedy good sir!  You fall in spring of drowned clothes
horse!"

since she now had more than on style of outfit and

one style

was expected to wear them, was bouncing around in a red athletics
halter and black knee-length areobic shorts.  Kind of a feminine
version of her usual chinese garb.

And by feminine, we mean, "exposes more skin".

"Fight me for REAL, Ranma!" Akane panted as the redhead avoided
her attacks like some sort of kung-fu superball.

Or a paddle ball, perhaps?

"It's no good, sensei.  No matter how hard I try, I can't hit the ball
with the paddle."
"And so you begin to learn, small one.  You must become like the paddle
ball, always avoiding your enemy, the paddle..."

Akane staggered to the bathroom-- realising that she was going to
be sick in a moment-- and happier than she had ever been since the
insanity began.  Ranma had taken her seriously!  What bliss!

realizing.

And your sentence doesn't work.  The dashes indicate that you've
inserted a phrase or thought into the middle of an otherwise perfectly
readable sentence, but if you take out the inserted phrase, you have:

Akane staggered to the bathroom, and happier than she had had ever been
since the insanity began.

Now, of course, the last third of the sentence is not really part of the
main sentence, but an extension of the phrase in the middle, so if you
use commas instead of the dashes it will be clear to the reader.

Ranma stared at the normally overprotective Tendo patriarch as
though he had grown a second head.

Not grown... attached in ground-breaking surgery:

"Now," the doctor said, "I know it's going to take some getting used to,
but it was the only way to save your best friend, so...."

Out of the corner of his eye, Soun could see Genma.  His head, at any
rate.  It was a bit like having someone reading over your shoulder,
forever.

"I really appreciate this, Tendo-san," Genma said.  "Although, this is
going to make it difficult to chea... I mean, to play shogi, and it'll
get even more interesting when I get splashed with water...."

Akane took that moment to return a little green, but smiling
happily.

She returned a little green what?  Ceramic frog, perhaps?  And when did
she take it anyway?

Add a comma:  Akane took that moment to return, a little green, but
smiling.

"Yes, and considering your lifestyle with Ranma, I can only
decide that from this day forth ranma will be your Sensei.  You will

_R_anma

Indeed, did not even the vile Happosai refuse to molest her in her

innocence?

As I recall, it depends on who's writing the story.  Although the fic
I'm thinking of did not, technically, contain an innocent Kasumi.... ^_^

Genma was growfing over his bamboo-shoot okonomiyaki and
pretending to be a cute little panda.

Cute?  Sure.  Little?  Not even Azusa would believe it.

As Tsubasa leapt through a window, Kuno added, "And think not
that transforming thyself into a mail-box or a vending machine will
save you!  Your shapeshifting will NOT avail you this evening,
monster!"  He followed, snarling.

There was a LONG pause.

And then...

"Pass the sauce, would you, Akane?"

All in all, comparatively speaking, it was a quiet day.

####

End part five

Yaaaaaaay!