On Tue, 4 May 1999, Grayson Towler wrote:

	Staff in hand, Cologne strode up the clinic steps.

Oops.  Time for a nit.  I know that you're trying to 
convey here that Cologne is progressing with 
authority and dignity, but I just can't picture her
"striding."  It's like a dachschund trying to stride.

Well, yes, but 'waddle' doesn't convey the desired effect. :)
 

desk, a low table, the skeleton dangling limply from a pole... 
nothing that wouldn't be found in any doctor's office in Japan. 
Neat, tidy, and utterly ordinary.

I still think there's something up with Betty.

Could be. :)

	"It's a quaint ethnic custom," Cologne replied evenly. 

snort!<

Hey, Spaniards let themselves be chased by angry bulls. :) (so do us
Nevadans) There are stranger customs. ;)

	"Our agreement covers Saotome Ranma," Tofu said, a 
slight smile playing across his features. "I am not to talk to, 
teach, or influence him in any way, aside from providing him 
with medical help upon request. Fine. I've abided by that, and 
will continue to. But our agreement says nothing at all about 
Tendo Akane."

I assume, however, that it does cover Shampoo. Sort
of a family thing with the Amazons.

Which makes me wonder if Tofu was up to anything in
particular during the brief period of time in which he had
Shampoo working as his assistant.  And Saotome Genma,
for that matter.

Could be. ;) And yes, it does cover Shampoo and the other Amazons.

	Cologne fixed him with an icy stare, mentally cursing. 
Much as she hated to admit it, the dybatuk was right; Akane 
was not covered by their agreement. As long as he did not 
actively use her to influence Ranma, she had no technical 
grounds for complaint.

Seems like Cologne's going off just a bit half-cocked for
someone of her wisdom and experience.  Perhaps there
should be some indication that she anticipated this 
confrontation would end like this, and that she was 
just feeling Tofu out here to see if she could discover
more about his motives and stuff.  I got the impression
that she was really coming in here expecting a showdown,
and that she was surprised when by Tofu's "You got nothin'
on me, copper!" tactic.

She was, actually. :) Cologne is falling prey to one of the common
pitfalls of intelligent people; not anticipating that other people can be
just as intelligent.

	"I will be watching you, Ono," she finally said. "And 
Akane. And Ranma. If you so much as teach him a new technique 
for tying his shoes, 

Nit alert!  Ranma typically doesn't wear shoelaces.  Boy, 
what a niggling point.  Maybe a technique for brushing
his teeth or something.

It's a turn of phrase.

	"In peace? She felt no physical pain, at least. I saw to 
that. But the hatred, ah, that did not leave until her spirit did." 
She could feel him watching as she stepped though the 
shattered doorframe. "You are a fine one to accuse me of using 
people, Joketsuzoku. I doubt I would ever manage to use Akane 
as cruelly as you did your own grandniece."

	Cologne descended the steps, and vanished from sight.

Oops.  Poor form, Cologne.  Falling for that old "We're
just opposite sides of the same coin" trick.  

Not so much falling for as being stung and angered by.

Actually, I liked it.  It establishes Cologne's limitations
early on in the story, so we that you have no intent
of rendering her omniscient or absurdly powerful.

Anope, not omnipotent... powerful, cunning, but limited.

	Well, not entirely. There were those rare moments with 
Ranma... but that's all they were, rare moment. And they caused 

"moments," I think.

Ack. My bad.

	"Well, you were gone all day, for one. And there's a bit of 
a bulge under your shirt, which I'm going to assume is a 
bandage or something similar. Did you win?"

"Actually, Nabiki, I'm packing heat.  Surprised?"

"I suppose the black trenchcoat should have tipped me off."

"And my industrial music and use of violent video games."

"And constant writing of violent fiction."

"Ayup. Just like the author."

	"Surprisingly intelligent of you," Nabiki commented dryly. 
"Did you shout 'Saotome Secret Technique!' as you beat a 
retreat?"

	Akane flushed slightly.

	Raising a eyebrow, Nabiki gave an amused chuckle. "You 
did, didn't you! You _have_ been learning from Ranma, after 
all."

Hey, at LEAST she didn't use the "Crouch of the Wild Tiger."

She's not that low. :)

	Akane shrugged. "He's brilliant, in some ways. In others..." 
She sighed. "I don't know. It's hard to tell what he does on 
purpose, and what he does because he's just a moron."

	"Well, you could always ask him."

I don't even think he knows.  

Besides, that would make kind of an amusing conversation
wouldn't it?

(Ranma has one of his strange moments).

Akane:  "Say Ranma, did you just do that because you're
brilliant, or because you're a moron?"

Ranma:  "That?  Um... because I'm a moron.  The thing
yesterday was brilliance."

Akane:  "Right.  Thanks for clearing that up."

Heh. :)

	Was she, in fact, a sort of vaguely female Ryouga to 
Ranma?

Now there's an interesting analysis.

Well, he does treat them pretty similar... actaully, he seems more willing
to be affectionate with Ryouga. :)

	She forcefully pushed the thought out of her mind. No 
point in getting depressed tonight.

Although if she's a female Ryouga, getting depressed might
really give her an edge in her next fight.  Oh well.

Not until she learns the Shishi Hokudan. :)

	Slowly, she moved into his lap, her legs straddling his. 
The kimono was now only a loose draping of cloth around her 
upper waist, and she eagerly pulled away Ranma's black pants. 
He lifted her slightly, positioning himself, and then she 
moaned with pleasure as he slid into her.

Ukyou must be well-read.  I'm assuming she doesn't 
have first-hand experience about that sort of thing.

(Ukyou flushes, whistles innocently, twiddles her thumnbs and casually
pushes the box of condoms out of sight)

Seriously, I'm sure Ukyou knows enough to have that sort of dream. Books,
anime, mechanical, um, tools...
 

	And then, a figure stepped into the room behind them.

Zen:  ">sob<  Don't mind me, guys.  I'm just >sniffle< I'm just
so happy for you!"

LOL!

	Ukyou screamed, terror and grief and horror suddenly 
shattering her bliss. She tried to turn, but Ranma's arms were 
still locked around her and he was still buried in her, thrusting 
spasmodically even as his bloody, ruined face stared blindly at 
her.

	Shrieking, blood cascading into her eyes, she tried to 
stand. The corpse seemed to stand with her, lifting her off the 
ground as it rose, and then they toppled backwards onto the 
carpet. Her head hit the floor hard, Ranma's split, bloody mouth 
coming down to kiss her as his lower body continued to 
convulse. Above him, through the crimson staining her vision, 
she could see a dark figure raising the axe.

Now THAT is an ugly scene.  Does that rate a lemon warning
or something?  Or a dark warning?  Or a "hope you're not planning
on eating supper anytime soon" warning?

Nope. :) C'mon, you folks should know what to expect by now; when I'm not
writing comedy, I don't pull punches. And really, the chapter as a whole
_isn't_ a lemon; it seems a bit odd to label it as such for one scene.

	"Thanks, Konatsu. I really appreciate it." Ukyou grabbed 
the mystery novel on her nightstand, flipped it open, and began 
to determinedly read. It was a cop story. The body in it had 
died from a gunshot to the chest, not an axe to the head.

She picks a strange book to read to calm down.

Nah. Mystery novels are what a lot of folks read to relax.

	Yes, before that she would kill Akane if necessary. She 
was only a tool to seize Ranma with, but she was a vital tool. 
Eliminate her, and...

	Cologne sighed. There were options to be explored before 
she considered such a step. The thought of murdering the girl, 
even for the best of reasons, made her soul shrink.

What's to prevent her from trying to warn Akane in some 
fashion?  Is that part of the agreement with Tofu?  Or does
she just think that Akane wouldn't trust her?  

That's interfering, which she promised she wouldn't do.

Using Tetsuko, otoh, isn't - Tetsuko is going after Akane for reasons of
her own, not because Cologne is asking her to.

	Ono had taken advantage of the arrival of Akane's rival, 
seizing upon the opportunity to snare her. The bits of power he 
gifted her with, while insignificant, would both set her under 
his control and protect her from the very person who had given 
him his reason to act.

	Unless, of course, someone were to do the same to 
Tetsuko.

Ah.  It would seem that another "quaint ethnic custom" of the
Amazons is to make plans which have the potential to 
backfire in the most spectacular fashion.

They do it all the time. :)

	"No one said it had to be easy," Akane replied, glancing 

Out of her tiny little mind.  She's learning really weird techniques
in a matter of hours here.  Even Ranma, the martial arts genius,
takes a few days or a week to master something new.  Doesn't
she remember Yoda saying that dark side is quicker, easier,
and more seductive?  Maybe something got lost in the
translation to Japanese.

Well, remember that Tofu is the one teaching it to her - he's probably one
of the three people she trusts the most in the world. If your parents told
you something was fine, and you knew they were an expert on the subject,
would you suspect them?

of less obvious purpose... she noticed that Betty, the skeleton, 
hung from a set of ropes by one wall. 

Betty again.  Hmmm....

Hmm?

	"Your vision changes a bit when you slip into that state," 
he said. "Most people will look a little featureless. People like 
myself, who know a good deal about such matters, will 
typically look... different." He chuckled, looking slightly 
amused. "What you saw was actually fairly tame. I wouldn't 
advise looking at, say, Cologne unless you want screaming 
nightmares for weeks."

I like how he can't resist the opportunity to take a jab at
Cologne.  Plus, he's planting the seeds of doubt in case
she does try to warn Akane.  

He's a cunning sort.

	"You're phasing slightly out of the real world, and into an 
analogue of it. You exist in both at once, but you're completely 
present in neither." Tofu adjusted his glasses, voice taking a 
lecturing tone. "Everyone, to some extent, exists in the 
analogue. That's one of the reasons why people have shadows. 
But it's very difficult to go beyond the normal balance of what 
world you exist in, and only a very few people ever actually 
learn to put themselves completely in one or the other."

	"So I'm partialy putting myself into some other world?" 
she asked, suddenly apprehensive. "Isn't that... I don't know, 
dangerous? Is there stuff over there that can hurt me?"

"That depends.  For instance, if you phase into another
fanfic, some really strange things can happen.  You might
want to steer clear of 'Ill Met by Starlight,' for example.
Although I can't promise that you're going to have it any
better THIS time around..."

Heh. :)

	She winced. "Is that even possible? I lost it just by 
moving my arm..."

	"The more you practice, the more natural it becomes," he 
replied. "Your... aura isn't used to phasing, and keeps trying to 
snap back into the state it's lived in all its life. The more you 
phase, the less resistance it'll put up as time goes by."

	"Okay. Makes sense." She supposed that it was just like a 
workout; the more you pushed yourself, the more you could do, 
over time. "Is there anything else I should know?"

	"It doesn't work very well in direct sunlight. In fact, it 
can even be somewhat painful. Artificial light or dim light will 
work fine, and complete darkness will make it almost too easy. 
You might have a hard time narrowing the focus enough." He 
looked at her speculatively. "Try again."

Boy, this chick is gullible.

See above. :) There's another reason that I'm not letting on at the moment
as well. :)

	"Oh." Breathing a slight sigh of relief, Akane tried to 
relax a bit. The technique certainly was powerful... but it was 
also more than a little unnerving. Unlike most techniques, she 
wasn't sure she wanted to practice this at all.

Nice that she shows a little bit of sense.  But it is 
perfectly believable that she wouldn't let herself
think hard enough about this to realize how spooky
it really is.

Selective viewing of the world. Akane's good at this. See IMBS for another
prime example. :)

	"perhaps you should have thought on that before teaching 
her something of that magnitude! i shall probably have to work 
with this mortal before our objectives are met. i wished to see 
how she performed the phasing."

Yeah, it DOES seem like an awfully advanced and powerful
technique.

Doesn't it? :)

	Ryouga laughed, and Ranma eventually joined in. He 
wasn't sure exactly when Ryouga had actually stopped trying to 
kill him... they were now more or less friends, although he 
doubted they would ever really get along. 

I don't know, this sounds a lot like the sort of "getting along"
that Ranma finds most comfortable.  Not unlike his relationship
with his father.

Pretty much, yup.

	Odd. Why wasn't she in the dojo? 

Well, she does pump iron in her room, we've seen.

Hmm... point. But that's more general conditioning than training.

	"Still feel that thing you were talking about?" Ranma 
inquired?

	Ryouga shook his head. "I must have been imagining 
things."

This is interesting that Ryouga has a stronger perception about
the wrongness here than Ranma does.  I'm curious to see where
that leads.

Ryouga is more familiar with dark energies and chi than Ranma is.

	"Akane just got you," Cologne said chidingly. "You've been 
stabbed in a vital organ. If you hurry, maybe you can get to a 
hospital before dying."

Akane is not known for stabbing people, except in "The Bitter
End," but I suppose Cologne is just trying to goad Tetsuko
into putting in more effort.

Pretty much.

	Blindfighting was something every Amazon learned. 
Extend your ki outward, use it to feel the room, to be aware of 
the ki of others. Make yourself a pond, alert to the slightest 
ripple.

	For a person with the necessary amount of internal 
energy, it wasn't difficult. The trick was in keeping it going 
during the heat of combat.

Seems like the sort of thing Tetsuko would be good at,
given all the pondering she does all the time.

Ayup. :)

	The thin girl nodded. Ukyou deftly spread the toppings 
with one hand, flipping the previous customer's order onto a 

Oops!  Here's a nit.  Generally, with okonomiyaki, you mix
the ingredients into the batter before you pour it, rather than
spreading them on like a pizza.

Whoops.

	A real sparkling conversationalist. "There many Ainu near 
where you live?" She'd heard that there was Ainu blood in the 
Kuonjis, though her father had discounted it as a vicious rumor.

Hmm.  Any significance to that, I wonder?

Not really. Although her dad does look very Ainu.

	"What are they like?"

	Anjin shrugged. "People."

"There's this one sort of weird chick with a big hawk,
though..."

Sorry.  Too many video games.

Missed the reference. Too few. ;)

	She giggled. Not that Tetsuko was likely to suddenly 
forgive Akane and seek her hand in marriage. Now there was an 
interesting image.

It would make things easier for Ukyou, though.  

Nah, not when you consider the incredible lack of enthusiasm Akane would
show for the idea. :)

"Date w'me."

"No! Even if I WERE a lesbian I wouldn't!"

	"If they give their word, they cannot break it... but they 
are cunning, and will try to twist the meaning while remaining 
true to the letter. They are playful, often in a malicious way, 
and love to exploit a person's weaknesses. They cannot bring 
themselves to harm a maker of music. And they are easily 

Akane is a respectable singer, anyway.

Or so doco would indicate.

- - - - 

Another enjoyable chapter.  Akane's off to rescue someone
now - she's getting more and more Ranma-like, but she
doesn't have the skills and the attitude that he does.  I'm
interested to see how long Ranma remains oblivious to all
that's going on, and whether Ryouga is really in as much
danger as Tofu indicates.  

All shall be revealed. ;)

So, looking forward to more.  And where did you get that
Alan Harnum writing speed?  People would pay good money
for that stuff...

Well, I'd kinda already written Cantos 1-3 before releasing Canto 1 to the
public. :)

Grayson Towler
grayson@rigroup.net

http://www.rigroup.com/~grayson/relentless