First off, I have to say this:

I'M SORRY I SKIPPED THE FIRST POST OF THIS FIC!!!   I WON'T DO IT AGAIN, I
SWEAR!

;)

I saw the subject line, and for some reason my mind said 'Not' and I went on
my merry little way... <hangs head>  It won't happen again, you can be sure.
;)

I read this reply, and said 'Hmm... that sounds interesting.' and went and
took a look.

And fell flat on my face in surprise at the quality of writing, the
suspenseful plot (although, IMO, the prologue was a tad too cliche), and the
air of mystery surrounding the happenings.  Is nice, kind Dr. Tofu an evil
monster or just someone with an important agenda of their own?  Or both?
How about Cologne?

<sigh>

You do realize that if you don't continue this there will be a lot of us
that will have to hunt you down and beat you with puppies until you do,
don't you? ;)

While I -could- quibble at some things (most notably the Ranma/Ryouga
relationship), all in all this is an excellent piece and my quibbles are a
result of my personal views about the characters, not blatant divergences
from established traits.  And to be honest, since this seems to be an
alternate universe sort of fic, canon really has no say about the matter
anyhow. ;)

[Mike Loader]

On Tue, 4 May 1999, Grayson Towler wrote:

	Staff in hand, Cologne strode up the clinic steps.

Oops.  Time for a nit.  I know that you're trying to 
convey here that Cologne is progressing with 
authority and dignity, but I just can't picture her
"striding."  It's like a dachschund trying to stride.

Well, yes, but 'waddle' doesn't convey the desired effect. :)

How about glide? ;)

	"It's a quaint ethnic custom," Cologne replied evenly. 

snort!<

Hey, Spaniards let themselves be chased by angry bulls. :) (so do us
Nevadans) There are stranger customs. ;)

Yes there are.  You should meet my family.

Then again, maybe not.  If you came up with this, you're disturbed enough as
it is. ;)

	Was she, in fact, a sort of vaguely female Ryouga to 
Ranma?

Now there's an interesting analysis.

Well, he does treat them pretty similar... actaully, he seems 
more willing
to be affectionate with Ryouga. :)

Now THAT is just disturbing.  Probably more so to Ranma, assuming someone
was to bring it to his attention... ;)

	She forcefully pushed the thought out of her mind. No 
point in getting depressed tonight.

Although if she's a female Ryouga, getting depressed might
really give her an edge in her next fight.  Oh well.

Not until she learns the Shishi Hokudan. :)

With HER mood swings?!?!?  Are you NUTS?  Or merely suicidal?

	Slowly, she moved into his lap, her legs straddling his. 
The kimono was now only a loose draping of cloth around her 
upper waist, and she eagerly pulled away Ranma's black pants. 
He lifted her slightly, positioning himself, and then she 
moaned with pleasure as he slid into her.

Ukyou must be well-read.  I'm assuming she doesn't 
have first-hand experience about that sort of thing.

(Ukyou flushes, whistles innocently, twiddles her thumnbs and casually
pushes the box of condoms out of sight)

Seriously, I'm sure Ukyou knows enough to have that sort of 
dream. Books,
anime, mechanical, um, tools...

I'm not even gonna TOUCH that one...

	Ukyou screamed, terror and grief and horror suddenly 
shattering her bliss. She tried to turn, but Ranma's arms were 
still locked around her and he was still buried in her, thrusting 
spasmodically even as his bloody, ruined face stared blindly at 
her.

	Shrieking, blood cascading into her eyes, she tried to 
stand. The corpse seemed to stand with her, lifting her off the 
ground as it rose, and then they toppled backwards onto the 
carpet. Her head hit the floor hard, Ranma's split, bloody mouth 
coming down to kiss her as his lower body continued to 
convulse. Above him, through the crimson staining her vision, 
she could see a dark figure raising the axe.

Now THAT is an ugly scene.  Does that rate a lemon warning
or something?  Or a dark warning?  Or a "hope you're not planning
on eating supper anytime soon" warning?

Nope. :) C'mon, you folks should know what to expect by now; 
when I'm not
writing comedy, I don't pull punches. And really, the chapter 
as a whole
_isn't_ a lemon; it seems a bit odd to label it as such for one scene.

I don't think it deserves either [Lemon] or [Dark].  It *might* deserve a
[Lime] tag, but even that may be stretching things.  C'mon - almost all of
us probably see worse things on TV every day (assuming y'all watch TV... :)

And, of course, this IS an anime-based mailing list (mostly).  With few
exceptions, this is milder than most, at least overall.

Besides, I always preferred Ranma treated seriously, if it's done right.
The canon situations are funny and all, but let's face it - it can only go
so far.

	"Thanks, Konatsu. I really appreciate it." Ukyou grabbed 
the mystery novel on her nightstand, flipped it open, and began 
to determinedly read. It was a cop story. The body in it had 
died from a gunshot to the chest, not an axe to the head.

She picks a strange book to read to calm down.

Nah. Mystery novels are what a lot of folks read to relax.

<blink>  Really?

Hmm... I must be wierder than I thought...

	"perhaps you should have thought on that before teaching 
her something of that magnitude! i shall probably have to work 
with this mortal before our objectives are met. i wished to see 
how she performed the phasing."

Yeah, it DOES seem like an awfully advanced and powerful
technique.

Doesn't it? :)

Why do I get the feeling that 'seem' is the key word here? ;)

 
 

	Odd. Why wasn't she in the dojo? 

Well, she does pump iron in her room, we've seen.

Hmm... point. But that's more general conditioning than training.

Maybe so, but considering that she was reluctant to tell Nabiki about the
lesser of the 'gifts' from Tofu so far, well...  In the dojo, Ranma,
Shampoo, Ryouga, the wandering martial artist from next weeks episode, and
all their cousins dogs could be watching her practice.  If she's in her
room, the only person who might be likely to be watching her would be
Gosunkugi... :)

So, looking forward to more.  And where did you get that
Alan Harnum writing speed?  People would pay good money
for that stuff...

Well, I'd kinda already written Cantos 1-3 before releasing 
Canto 1 to the
public. :)

Grayson Towler
grayson@rigroup.net

http://www.rigroup.com/~grayson/relentless

I am looking forward to more as well.  I found myself wondering about
something, though - where is Happosai during all of this?  He may not be as
powerful as Cologne (something about which I'm not sure - I think he's even,
just easily distracted ;), but he should be powerful enough to sense the
sort of goings-on that you've been hinting at.  Why isn't he causing trouble
himself yet?

Not that I WANT him to cause trouble, necessarily... looks like you've
managed to stir up enough of that already. ;)  But you've explained Mousse's
absence; why not Happy's?

Good work on this.  Please continue!

Brian Payne
brianp@nhspokane.com
sofaspud@ior.com
http://www.ior.com/~sofaspud