*                 *                 *                 *                 *                 *

        She stared at the pool of unmoving water, down into the eyes of her reflection. Those eyes had a disturbing, almost empty quality, or perhaps there was something else. Perhaps it was how the light danced behind that vacant gaze that seemed to insinuate that the person in the body was not alone in the least in their catatonic state of mind.

        Those blue eyes that occassionaly had a bright color dance across them... almost like rainbow fire, her eyes... blue, most of the time though. As blue as the beautiful sky. A somewhat sharp, angular slant to her facial structure, bones, jaw set in a way as to seem somewhat feline.. or almost smooth, as a serpent might be.

        The complexion in the reflection was one of smooth, pale ivory.. almost a ghostly ambience that seemed to hover just ever so slightly above the skin. Hard to notice unless you gazed long enough.

        She sat, in a kimono, at the foot of the pool, on a red silk pillow with a gold dragon embroidered upon it. A gift, from the Amazons. A gift to furnish the temple. Not that she noticed, then... not that she noticed anything but the voices in her head, arguing, debating, considering, insulting.

        The Kimono was a deep crimson, with green trimming and multicolored blossoms depicted across it�s surface, vines winding and decorating the sleeve cuffs and neckline. A midnight black sash was wrapped tightly around her feminine frame.

        The Pool was tiled all around, with a short lip at the edge, jutting several inches from the ground. The water was crystal clarity, yet the bottom could not be seen...

        "Kaoru," A soft female voice came, something that seemed to barely pierce the cloud of darkness that danced across Kaoru�s vacant eyes. Her gaze devoid of any humanity, of any.... intelligence. An Empty shell, only voices.

        "Kaoru.... My Child," The voice was smooth as silk, as sweet as honey, yet with a undercurrent that promised sharp steel as that of a katana�s edge. Such a caring, gentle voice, with such promise of wrath beneath the surface.

        Again, there was no response, just the voidless vacant stare of the young dragon child, staring at her reflection. Kaoru opened her mouth in a seemingly unknowing manner... her breath slowly ushering out from betwixt her silken lips.

        A shiver ran down Shimitsu-Ryuu�s spine, as her child breathed out, a wind seemed to stir from somewhere in the temple, ruffling her clothing and hair.

        The wind caressed Kaoru, seeming to tug and to tease at her crimson locks... moving the band of her braided green hair that hung over her shoulder. The green streak was inherited from her mother�s side... marking her as a Shimitsu.

        Shimitsu-Ryuu cautiously stepped closer to Kaoru, going to her knees beside her child, sitting in the same position and staring at her child�s reflection.

        A pretty girl Kaoru was not... her supernatural heritage, as well as the clothing did much to improve her looks beyond mere beauty. Yet there was this disturbing quality to her presence. It was like walking into a room full of mad people... you feel such infinite sadness and pity.

        It is said, in some places, this is because you can feel the broken souls... the fractured remnants of once happy and lively people. Yet, with Kaoru, it was worse. You could SEE it in her eyes, sometimes her eyes would refract light in such a way as to seem like broken glass... shattered.

        "20 years.. Mother....," The words were quick, quiet, ushered low and calm, no emotion or inflection at all.

        Shimitsu nodded, sighing sadly. For twenty years Kaoru had been hidden, when the villagers had come to speak with her, she had to lie to them. Her child�s fragile sanity had no place for change... it had to heal, it had to gain that strength back, lest she lose Kaoru forever.

        "20 years of pain.. suffering... loneliness," There was emotion thick in that last word. Almost tears. "So much longer, since Mihiru... sometimes it devours me and I cannot sleep, Mother," Yes, definitely near tears. Thick with sorrow.

        Mihiru... a man. *No, never, never JUST a man,* Shimitsu reminded herself with a firm and angry chiding. "Will you dwell, my child?? My darling Kaoru?"

        A shiver ran through Kaoru, and the whole room seemed to drop to a freezing temperature, ice forming on the surface of the water, "It was so cold, Mother..." Her breath was misty and hot, floating through the air. 

        "So cold... I couldn�t help it, they were the only thing I could have of me... the voices, they helped me... the cold.. and dark," the light suddenly seemed to vanish from the room... Kaoru and Shimitsu outlined in a gentle glowing nimbus.. Kaoru�s an icy blue.

        Shimitsu took her child�s hand, holding it tightly, "You are safe now, my darling.. my dear, sweet child. Safe, there is no more darkness, no more cold... we are home, we are here, in Shimitsu Temple," Her tone was urgent, yet at the same time patient. Forcefull, yet at the same time humble and accepting.

        Kaoru turned her eyes towards her Mother, as if seeing her for the first time.. two tears made twin trails down her cheeks, "The darkness is inside of me, Mother.. inside of me, it eats out your insides.. fills you up with cold and pain and loneliness..." her voice seemed to echo.

        Shimitsu held tightly to Kaoru�s hand, looking with painful love at her poor, broken child. She took Kaoru in her gentle arms, even as she felt the painful twisting and shifting of bone, the cracking and popping of joints as they realigned.

        A young man now sobbed in her arm, victim of a heritage that was grim and unyielding... a curse on his birth, at his birth, by his birth.

        "My son... my tortured.. lonely son... How I wish I could take your pain into me, take away your hurting, How I long to hold that laughing child in my arms again, and not have to fear stains of tears," Shimitsu rocked him gently back and forth, as a Mother would her babe.

        "Mother.. Mother, why, why did this have to happen to me??? Is it because of what I am? Why couldn�t the demon just kill me... the pain... it hurts...," Her child howled as another bout of crying began, bones and muscle once again shifting, popping, reshaping as Kaoru shook violently in her mother�s arms.

        A demon... one of the Lords of Darkness had done something to her child. Nothing similar to Jusenkyou, not in the least... this curse seemed locked in trigger to Kaoru�s soul.

        A soul of Chaos, ever changing, so was her son�s body to change back and forth, from female to male... the trigger was never sure, never fixed. It could be as simple as emotion, or as complex as specific roots that were rare and hard to come by... and never was there a full cure. At any time, any where a change could happen.

        *Jusenkyou.. would have been so much more merciful, dear Kami...* She blamed herself as Kaoru shuddered and finally stopped convulsing from pain, a weary, weakened look on Kaoru�s face.

        Shimitsu thought of it as her punishment, punishment for giving birth to Kaoru, to watch her child suffer for the rest of her life. Kaoru, by all rights, should have been killed on birth... other dragons with the same marks had been born throughout history, and all went insane. Kaoru was the 9th of these dragons, destined to go mad people said. 

        Dragons of Chaos, of disorder, of madness... they were well known in chinese folklore, destroying whole cities in fits of insanity and rage. They never seemed so powerful until that moment of insanity... then their full fury seemed to be unbridled in all it�s horrendous glory.

        Shimitsu looked down at her sobbing, pain wracked child. They never seemed to be a threat....

        "M..mother... please, take the pain away," Kaoru�s face was pale, a slight sheen of sweat on her forehead. She had stopped changing, but there was no telling when she would change next. Days, months, years.. or hours...

        Shimitsu took the slight girl in her arms, her child weighing almost nothing at all, as light as a feather to her. She carried the shaking child carefully to the next room, which was wall to wall shelves with various pots, jars, and glass vases full of plants, herbs, and other rare ingredients.

        People feared Kaoru, shied away from the Dragon child. They warded their houses against her, and didn�t like it when she was around.

        By all rights, her very Mother should have feared what she was.. instead, the Guardian Dragon loved her child. There was never a moment that went by that Shimitsu did not cherish and comfort Kaoru, not a moment where she did not do her utmost to make Kaoru feel normal, to feel like a normal child, not a freak of nature.

        She set Kaoru down on one of the pallets in the room, brushing some hair from the young Dragon�s face. She turned, and began searching for ingredients to a special healing salve, unsure if it would work this time or not.

        A few rare people had actually become friends with Kaoru.. most among the tribal Amazons that lived at the base of the mountain. Most of which had died since Kaoru was lost in the battle with Dhim Ta.

        *A thousand years of darkness and cold* Shimitsu stopped for a moment, holding one of the many jars. She looked at Kaoru, the shivering, fragile, scared creature that was her child. She felt the bitter pangs of regret, of sadness... that she could have kept this from happening, she was sure.

        Kaoru was strong.. unnaturally strong. She had always been strong. From childhood on, she had to be in order to survive. Some of it came from her father, *Vintarou... my love*

        Shimitsu shook the memory off, mixing the ingredients she had found. Vintarou... one of five priests of Kami that were dragon purebreds. *No use crying over spilled milk.. centuries past....*

        Her husband had been lost in a battle with the very same demon that took her child from her when Kaoru had gone after the vile creature to avenge her father.

        The demon had done something, and no healer she had ever met could figure out what the Demon had done to her child... on that first meeting, the meeting where Vintarou had died.

        She continued grinding the mixture together into a paste as she walked over to Kaoru, who was breathing in a controlled, disciplined manner, pushing the pain to the back of her mind as much as possible.

        "Mother.. it.. it is hard... I can handle it most of the time now, you know I can. I can... I am not mad, there are voices... they are there, please.. believe me..," Kaoru clutched a hand tightly to one of her Mother�s sleeves.

        Clutching with an almost wild fanaticism that some mad people go through, as if to find something real that could tell them that what they know is real, not just some half-faded dream from a hopeless mind.

        "I know, my lovely Kaoru, I know... I believe you, do not worry my darling one," She smiled, and for a brief moment she seemed her age. Very old, that.

        "Yes.. Yes, thank you..." Kaoru seemed to calm, although she was still shaking from pain. Unlike Jusenkyou, this change was not without torture.

        Shimitsu lifted the bowl of the noxious substance to Kaoru�s lips, "Drink this, dear... it may taste bad, but-"

        Kaoru nodded her head, taking the bowl and drinking as if she had spent weeks in the desert. Her face twisted in disgust at the initial taste, yet she drank it. *Discipline, Order, Control, Humility..* She recited to herself.

        Discipline to work through the pain, both emotional and physical, as well as spiritual. Discipline to know what must be done.

        Order to keep limits to yourself, to know your own limits as well as to know the limits of the world around you. Order to understand, Order to give patience to the Soul.

        Control, to fend off the madness. The madness that so many have told her she would succumb to.. the madness that told her she must in the end destroy. Always it beckoned, tempting...

        *HUMILITY...* Kaoru said loudly as the medicine began to make her muscles burn, her body relax.

        Humility to know. To know that even though she was born by right and blood into a race longer lived and more powerful than man.... that she was, fundamentally, human. Perhaps not by race, nor blood, but by the frailty of her soul.

        Shimitsu waited and watched patiently as her child finished the bowl, handing it back. She noted that her child�s breathing was still carefully being controlled. *Oh, Kaoru.. my baby...* She fought back her tears.

        She loved her child, loved her fiercely, strongly. *Kaoru.. my little Princess.. my darling Soldier of Misfortune..* She squeezed Kaoru�s hand gently, smiling down at her. A tear escaping, trailing down her cheek.

        Kaoru opened her eyes, relaxing her body. She looked at her mother, smiling weakly. "..thank.. thank you Mother. It is still sometimes hard, when I am alone in a room... I begin to wonder if-"

        "Shhh, no.. don�t wonder, please," Shimitsu smiled gently, clasping Kaoru�s hand in her own. "I love you, and I don�t want you to ever wonder if.. if this is all just a dream and you are still in that.. horrible place, My darling Kaoru," She reached out, gently touching Kaoru�s cheek in a soft caress.

        Kaoru smiled somewhat sadly. "I may have left there.. physically.. but a part of me remains there, for all time Mother," Kaoru sat up, her body looking worn, tired.. as if she hadn�t slept in days.

        "Please, Love, don�t exert yourself..." Shimitsu asked calmly, not expecting an affirmation for her request.... after all, it was Kaoru, not one of her Acolytes.

        Kaoru closed her eyes for a long moment, relaxing and just concentrating on breathing. Slowly, they opened again... and turned to gaze directly at Shimitsu�s green eyes. "Who was it, Mother??? You don�t usually interrupt my.. my.." Kaoru�s face twisted in a pained fashion, "My reflection."

        Shimitsu suddenly felt threatened.. somewhat self concious as she turned away from her child�s piercing gaze, "It was no-one. Nobody you should concern yourself with, you�re in no condition to-"

        "Mother," Kaoru�s tone was in no way stern, or hard... it was calm, pleading, the words soft and gentle, "I don�t care who it was, anyone who wants to see me..." She trailed off, frowning and looking inward, as if not liking what she was seeing.

        Shimitsu turned and looked back, watching Kaoru for a moment as she stayed silent. It took her a minute to realize that.. one of them were speaking to her child, a concept that caused a sad, sinking feeling deep inside of her.

        That blue gaze once more returned to Shimitsu, as if hearing her thoughts, "Mother, the people who come to see me are the only people that I can speak to outside of the temple.. I am.. I am trapped here, Mother, don�t you know that? Didn�t you know that when I left to journey??"

        "Yes, Kaoru. But I just want you to heal, to-" She stopped, her jaw moving but nothing coming out, tears threatening once more.

        Kaoru�s expression softened, "I need to go, Mom... I need to leave, staying here, no matter how much I love and cherish you, will not help me heal any more than I have. I need-" She paused, tears welling in her blue eyes as a thought brushed past her memories, "I need the touch of friends, the thrill of travel.. I want to start over fresh. My luck is bound to change, Mom."

        Shimitsu knew her child�s luck had never been the greatest.. that silent curse on her birth might be the cause, or she might have just been picked out of millions to be Kami�s kicking post... she didn�t know.

        "I want what�s best for you, Kaoru, I always have," Shimitsu walked closer, taking her daughter�s hands in her own and looking at her carefully, "Do you think this is best?? Leaving.. now?"

        Kaoru stared back at her mother, considering. All her life, her mother and she had been close.. yet since the curse had come along, somehow she had become closer to Shimitsu, closer to her as a woman and daughter.

        Letting go, that first time, had been torture... agony. Leaving the temple, her home, had been even worse. Yet through all of the hard times, the trials and tests, she had come to a comclusion.

        She would never give up her time outside the temple. Friends, companions, foes, comrades... they were all too precious to give up. Memories she would never EVER long to change, no matter how painfull.

        So she nodded. "The road... the world makes me whole. I need to find myself again... and.. I feel something stirring in the wind, something momentous. Something linked with.. with whoever came to visit me, Mother."

        Shimitsu stared back, something aching inside of her... the part that was a mother to her child, letting go was always hard. She felt that Kaoru still needed her, as a friend more than a mother, still, she nodded, through her tears, and began telling Kaoru of the visitor.

        "Her Name, my child... is Cologne, Matriarch of the Niie Chiezuu..."

                                                                        *                 *                 *                 *                 *                 *

        "You love her," The words were simple, a statement, a very true statement in any case. Three words, from someone who Hiroshi had expected a barrage of litanies from.

        Hiroshi leaned on the railing that overlooked the parking lot, crossing his arms as he cast a sideways glance at Kuno, "Uhm.. what do you mean, Kuno???" Hiroshi asked, wondering if his voice was level.

        The night air was very cool, snow drifting down around them, almost as if it were a dream. Hiroshi had wished, more than once that night, that it was.

        "Miramoto, I may be delusional, but I am in no manner, way, or form stupid. You love Ranma Saotome, the Saotome that you were dancing with, I as a warrior poet know love when I see it, and YOU are in LOVE," Kuno stood, arms folded across his chest, as he looked levelly at Hiroshi, there was no jesting, no joking in his tone of voice. Only firm assuredness.

        Hiroshi frowned, his eyes looking fully at Kuno. Was it so obvious to people??? If Kuno could tell..

        "Like I said, Miramoto-san.. I am a warrior poet, and have had a certain... enamored attitude towards the red-head in question, I doubt the others even cared enough to notice, so don�t worry yourself," Kuno seemed to have read him like a book, and didn�t seem to doubt his assumption in the least.

        Hiroshi let out a long, weary sigh, "Okay.. I do, I love her more every sunrise, Kuno.. but what does that matter??? We�re destinies apart, as far as I am concerned," Hiroshi looked away from Kuno, up at the sky, the swirling snowflakes dancing across his vision, some falling on his face to melt quickly from his body heat.

        "If you love her truly so much, then why have you not spoken with her??? Told her your feelings? Out of all mine peers in Furenkin High, I would never brand you a coward Miramoto Hiroshi," Kuno smoothed his outfit, locking his hands behind him.

        Hiroshi growled in frustration. ALWAYS the same questions. "Because I *CAN�T* Kuno!!! She is engaged to a lovely, bright, caring woman who has FINALLY come around in the relationship! I am a problem, something to be removed, something that.. That.. She just can�t afford to confront."

        "Yet you must confront her, and I am guessing that tonight you were planning on doing this?" Kuno stepped closer, ignoring the tense, unsure demeanor that Hiroshi was naturally exuding.

        Hiroshi�s emotions seemed to collapse in on themselves, and the hurt and pain welled up inside of him again, "God, Kuno... I love her so much, I should never have promised to tell.. the girl I love about it on the first snow. I just couldn�t.. I can�t let it go on forever, I would die," The pain was fresh, as if the wound was new instead of weeks old.

        Kuno nodded, almost to himself, as he turned, looking up at the sky. "So you are trapped in a web of your own making.. forced to tell a woman you care for deeply of your true amorous feelings for her.. feelings which may, in truth, destroy any chance of friendship that you might have had. A betrayal of trust... this is what you feel," Kuno spoke as if he knew, in some way, what Hiroshi felt.

        Hiroshi wiped tears from his eyes, "Y-Yes. If there were only some way to tell her and not lose her, but then I am going to lose her anyways... she is Honor bound to marry Akane, an arranged marriage.. but they both love eachother, YOU should understand better than most the price honor exacts."

        Kuno turned, his face sad and pained at the same time, as if he had been stabbed in the heart by his dearest friend, "Hiroshi," Kuno said in a calm, level tone, "I should know better than anyone else... that Honor�s price is sometimes too heavy to pay. Sanity, friends, respect... all these things I have lost in the name of Honor and Bravery. What Price Honor, Miramoto??? What Price Honor?"

        Hiroshi turned to look at Kuno in silent shock, he was unsure if those words were truly coming from the Kendoists mouth.

        "What price, Hiroshi, is Honor... is it worth losing all the things that are important?? Is it worth giving up all that which makes us whole and happy, our honor?? Sometimes... Sometimes honor is too much to pay," Kuno turned back, leaning on the railing.

        He looked tired, as if he had been fighting his whole life and hadn�t gained any ground... as if he had fought and lost what he was protecting, his humanity. "Yet some people are bound by honor, tied as surely as one would be if they were bound by cords of the strongest steel. Trapped in a guilded cage.... an iron box where nobody can hear them screaming, or crying," Kuno�s voice was solemn, and his eyes grew distant.

        "But then you become used to it, and you begin to like the box you have put yourself into, you begin to make pride and embellishment of how dubiously gifted you are to be trapped, wrapped, and packaged in honor. You forget what emotions are, forget there is anyone else but yourself.. you become what you truly have fought and feared.... your father, in my case," He smiled bitterly, looking over at Hiroshi.

        Hiroshi looked at Kuno. A totured soul, a soul that had suffered and known suffering intimately, "Why???" He asked... he couldn�t think of anything else to say, the words from Kuno so shocking. More shocking that it was Kuno who was speaking them.

        "My mother was a good woman," Kuno nodded, looking out across the parking lot at the city, "She was a GOOD woman, a wonderful, caring, proud woman," Kuno said it with vehement conviction, as if he was trying to convince Hiroshi of it.

        Getting no response he continued, "She was human, and frail.. she did not fear her emotions, her humanity. She did not fear showing them when they needed showing.... she taught me to live by honor, yet never to live by honor alone... honor alone can kill the soul as surely as lack of honor can, Hiroshi," Kuno nodded again... it half seemed as if he was talking to himself.

        "How.. how did you get to this point, K-... I mean, Tatewake?" He asked, leaning against the railing beside Kuno.

        "I was alone... I was thinking. You see, since Ranma has entered our lives, I have lost more and more respect and honor... so much so until I realized that my peers never loved the man I was, they loved my strength.. they feared it, they revelled in my pomposity... when I was proven a fool to them, I became nothing more than a loser to be shunned and loathed, you see..." he trailed off, looking at Hiroshi.

        Hiroshi smiled, "I understand, go on," for some reason, Hiroshi felt Kuno truly was different than the Kuno he knew.

        "You see, they only knew me as Kuno, Champion of Furenkin High, because that is all I showed them. I spoke of honor, because that is all I had when my Mother died. I locked my emotions away... that is dishonorable, far more than our.. our society lets us believe. It kills the soul, Hiroshi, as surely as any blade can. What we feel is far more important than what we have been taught to feel," Kuno grew silent, looking out at the city, yet giving the impression that he was looking deep within.

        "What... what does it have to do with Ranma, though?" Hiroshi asked, silently, calmly.

        Kuno smiled in sad reflection, "Tell her, Hiroshi... then you must leave her. You must... remove yourself from the situation. Let events decide themselves.... is honor more important than what she feels for you??? Choices are rarely made when they are pressed and forced so much that they crush a person�s soul... you must have freedom to choose, freedom to realize, to come to your own conclusion."

        They both sat quietly for a long moment, Kuno reflecting on his shameful actions for so many years, Hiroshi reflecting on the offchance that Ranma really could choose... if it was possible at all for her to choose him.

        Hiroshi reached into his inner jacket pocket, pulling out the yellowed parchment his sister had given him. He stared at it for a long time, wondering, thinking, and finally deciding.

        "Tatewake...," He asked quietly, with calm and patient precision. "Would you like to go on a... sabbatical for a while??"

        Kuno looked up at Hiroshi, nodding silently. "I believe, to speak in truth, that we both are in desperate need of a temporary leave of absence, for the mind and soul," It was a pragmatic answer, with none of the roundabout that Kuno was so well know for... yet Kuno had been speaking over the last several minutes somewhat normally.

        "But what of Ranma?" Kuno asked suddenly, causing Hiroshi to wince, feeling that old hurt welling up again.

        "...I... I can�t face her in the school, it will be tonight but.. but.. I can�t stand being so close to her and not being able to tell her anymore," Hiroshi looked down at his hands, once more wondering why there was no answer within them.

        Kuno sighed, nodding solemnly, "If you leave now.. she.. will be upset, to say the least,"

        "I.. I know, Kuno.. but.. I was doing so good until..." He wiped his eyes, tears threatening to burst from his eyes in a torrent, "Until you opened up the wound I was hiding from..."

        Kuno nodded solemnly. "Then I suggest you... and I, both leave. A single contest will not determine our lives, I am sure. On the other hand, if we are to leave, we both must prepare... I am sure that you meant tonight?"

        Hiroshi could only nod, looking back at the doors into the stadium.. wishing that he could dance one more time with her.

                                                                        *                 *                 *                 *                 *                 *

        Ranma fumed, pacing back and forth on the edge of the dance floor, How could he go off and LEAVE her like that??? A part of her thought it was very rational, since someone wanted to talk to him...

        The larger part was pouting, much like a child who�s had their favorite toy taken from them after misusing it. *Nonsense* Ranma told herself, *How can you misuse a person??? That�s silly.*

        Ranma growled, looking at the clock. Only 7 minutes remained in the contest break. 7 minutes, and no sign of Hiroshi anywhere. She had looked on the balcony, where Kuno and he had vanished after she had stormed off.

        *Dammit, �Roshi... you KNOW that tonight is important to me, it�s not like you to just... BLOW IT OFF....* Ranma frowned, sitting down with a thump on one of the resting benches.

        She looked around at all the people who were happily talking, each of them had a partner, a compliment, someone who they could laugh with, talk to, enjoy the evening with. *Dammit, Hiroshi, where are you?!* Ranma tapped her foot impatiently.

        Naturally, she told herself, it had nothing to do with the loneliness. Nothing at all, she told herself, feeling sure and positive. It just had to be about the contest, she was sure. It didn�t matter about how people were hugging and kissing, it didn�t matter that she somehow wished Hiroshi could hold her...

        That he could hold her like he had been holding her, like he had been holding her before kuno interrupted. The song was nice... that�s why she liked being so close to him, it was the song that reminded her of being relaxed she told herself.

        Yet, that little niggling part of her that she chose to ignore, that part in the back of her head murmured there was something more than just the contest, something more than just the song. She had been feeling something the whole night with Hiroshi, from the moment she saw him smile again her world seemed to brighten up.

        From the moment she set eyes on his lovely, soft brown gaze, she felt complete. She couldn�t explain it, she couldn�t understand it, so she ignored it... rationalized it away, made believe it was something else entirely.

        *Dammit.. where are you, Hiroshi???* Ranma asked, as the clock continued drawing closer to when the contest would resume.

        "Ranma???" Said a soft, yet strong female voice. Ranma looked up, and smiled in recognition of Yuka.

        "Hi!! Are you enjoying the night??" Ranma asked, somehow happy there was someone else to talk to.

        Yuka looked somewhat upset as she looked down at her feet, "Yeah, my date is being a perfect gentleman... not that I can say much more good about him," She spared a smile, her comment drawing a giggle from ranma.

        "Well, all guys can�t be perfect like me, ya�know," Ranma posed for a moment, looking not at all male.

        Yuka smiled softly, then sighed, "Ranma... uhm.. I hate to comeover here and upset you, because I like to think of... us... as friends since the sleepover. Somewhat good friends, I hope..?" She was unsure, and fidgeted slightly with the gloves that decorated her forearms. Velvet.

        Ranma smiled back, then noticed her serious demeanor, "Uhh, Sure Yuka-chan.. we�re friends, I suppose. I mean.. as much as a guy can be friends with a girl, right???" Ranma smiled brightly, trying to cheer Yuka up, not knowing what was bothering the girl.

        Yuka furrowed her brow, looking very serious, "Hiroshi hasn�t talked to you tonight, has he??? Has he said anything serious or anything???"

        Ranma blinked, then thought back over the night, "Naah, �Roshi hasn�t said anything... he�s just been great tonight, a real pal, ya know?"
Yuka sighed, rubbing her eyes a little in vexation, "Ranma.. Hiroshi, he-"

        "He what?" Ranma asked, suddenly very unsure, what could have happened??? Hiroshi wasn�t one to be late... could he have gotten hurt somehow? Fallen off the balcony?? She hadn�t thought of that, "Is.. is he okay??"

        Yuka blinked for a moment, then softened her expression, "He�s fine, last I saw him.. but.. Ranma, he�s left the dance... he looked pretty bummed when he did so, Too," She looked worried, unsure of how Ranma would react to the news.

        Ranma frowned, a heartbroken look in her eyes, "But.. he.. he said he would do the contest with me, he said he�d be my partner and help me try and win... Hiroshi doesn�t lie," She said, as if stating common knowledge to Yuka.

        Yuka sighed sadly, shaking her head. She knew how Hiroshi felt.. how Ranma felt, it was all too obvious after the sleepover, "Ranma, Hiroshi... well, You�re right, I�ve never known him to lie... but, he looked very upset and.. even hurt a little. I don�t know why he left, but I know that something must have happened," She sat down by Ranma, picking up the redhead�s hand.

        "But he wouldn�t! I know Hiroshi, my Hiroshi wouldn�t skip out on me like that, not when I need him, I KNOW he wouldn�t," Ranma sounded as if she was trying to convince Yuka that she hadn�t seen what she had seen, she sounded confused and more than a little hurt.

        "I know what I saw, Ranma-chan... Sayuri saw it too, do you think I would lie to you about something like that?" She squeezed Ranma�s hand gently, as if to reassure the redhead that she was there to talk to if Ranma needed to.

        "But... tonight was important to me.. to Akane too, how could he do that??? I don�t.. understand," Ranma shook her head, feeling stinging tears threaten, not understanding why.. it was only a contest, right???

        "Ranma... I can�t explain it, all I know is he looked pretty hurt and lonely when he left... maybe.. maybe he needs someone to talk to. I just hope he doesn�t do anything brash...," Yuka trailed off, unsure if she should have said that last thought.

        Ranma stiffened, looking fearful all of a sudden, "He wouldn�t do that, would he?? He wouldn�t, tell me he wouldn�t..." Ranma started to panic, was it something she had done?? Did she insult him somehow???

        Yuka shook her head quickly to dissuade Ranma�s panic, "No! No! I don�t think he would.. no, I know he wouldn�t.. but.. maybe you should go see if he�s okay, you know???"

        "But the contest-" Ranma heard the buzzer, cueing the contest to start again, the remaining pairs already gathered on the dance floor.

        Yuka sighed, "Without a partner, you can�t participate.. besides.. which is more important your..." Yuka paused a moment, then started again hoping that Ranma didn�t notice her error, "..Best friend, or a contest???"

        Ranma sighed as the dance began again, looking up at the Announcer as he announced the new rules for the final round, Then she stood, Yuka doing the same.

        "...I... I guess I have to go, Thanks Yuka," Ranma forced a smile, even though she felt very sad for some reason. *The contest, it�s gotta be. I hate losing.* She tried to convince herself.

        Yuka smiled, "You�re welcome Ranma..." She squeezed the redhead�s hand again, then let her go.

        Ranma picked her jacket up and walked towards the door.

        Akane stared after Ranma, wondering why she was leaving.

                                                                        *                 *                 *                 *                 *                 *

        She walked quietly down the street, her arms wrapped around her. The snow fell with a silent yet persistent strength, gathering on the ground.

        She shivered, exhaling a misty vapor as she looked around. The night was quiet. The darkness pushed back only by the dull glow of the city streetlamps, there were no dogs barking, no sirens blaring... not even a car passed by.

        All in all, a strange night at the edge of Tokyo. It made it seem a little unreal, a little unbelievable.. that silent darkness. It also made Ranma feel all the more alone, it reminded her of a dream she had... she couldn�t remember much, only that she was very very alone in a big dark place, and even Akane couldn�t hear her.

        She sighed, looking around at the empty streets, looking at the houses she passed. She figured families were eating dinner about now... *NORMAL families..* Ranma noted with a broken feeling inside. Her family had never been so normal... sure, the Tendo�s had dinner every night, but almost every night something weird would happen.

        She had never grown up with a mother.. never known what it was like growing up with one. All too soon, she was grown up.. forced to accept the world in a harsh new way. *Mom... I wish I could have spent more time with you.. known you better before.. before I became an adult.*

        Regretted time, regretted consequences... Ranma knew there was no going back on some things. Recently her mother had been trying... so very hard to bond with her. To find some connection with the child her Husband had taken away.

        *Pop...* Ranma stared at the sidewalk as she walked, realizing that her father hadn�t been very talkative or social with her lately... a man she had grown up with, a man who she knew and.. yes, and who she loved in some strange way.

        Everyone she knew seemed so far away all of a sudden... Akane so intent on beating her in some fashion, so intent on proving that she was an equal to Ranma. She had turned out to be a wonderful, caring, loving woman.. but sometimes she could be so single minded.

        *Not that you can blame her, Ranma, look at yourself.* Ranma hated remembering that she was no better than her fiancee.... no better at thinking things through, thinking carefully about what their relationship meant.

        *Why now???* She couldn�t understand.... had no idea why she had suddenly, as of a few months ago, began to understand the subtlety of how her relationship with Akane worked. Was it Hiroshi?? Surely one person... one person couldn�t be so influential on so many.

        Ranma looked up at another streetlight that she passed, noting that she was getting closer to Hiroshi�s house. *Hiroshi... a sweet, caring, compassionate friend... a person who�s been nothing but a help to me... someone I value, and trust, and who I hate seeing hurt... that.. woman, whoever she is.... how could she not love Hiroshi??*

        Ranma shook her head.. no use dwelling. She obviously didn�t know something about the relationship Hiroshi had with this woman, and wondering WHY it couldn�t work out didn�t help matters much.. only ended up making her feel even WORSE.

        The night was beautiful, she noted... the wind wasn�t too strong, and the snow seemed to make everything seem tranquil, as if the world was dreaming in some quiet slumber.

        Ranma reflected over the past several weeks.... not for the first time. She was more than surprised at how much had changed in such a short time... Mousse and Shampoo�s Marriage, Cologne�s disappearance, Nodoka�s discovery of her curse...

        For some reason, she missed the chaos.. the zaniness that seemed to invade her day to day life. She missed the adventure and excitement, knowing that anything could happen at any time. She missed having the constant adrenaline rush of wondering what could happen next.

        *Of course...* She mused, *I certainly DON�T miss being malleted. One plus for the changes... although not a big one.*

        Akane had calmed down a lot recently, most likely because of Hiroshi�s little talks with her. Ranma was never surprised at how well Hiroshi influenced people, he had a good heart, a good soul, and cared genuinely about everyone with no motive for himself.

        Ranma sighed, wondering why Hiroshi, her friend, her confidante, would leave without telling her where he was going, why he would leave in such an upset state... if Yuka was to be believed. Which Ranma figured she was.

        She worried about Hiroshi.. perhaps more than she should, but through some of the hardest times lately he had been there to guide her through, to be a protector... *Protector??? Do I really need protection??* She didn�t think so.. but.. somehow she felt safe around Hiroshi, when she was with him she didn�t feel as if events were likely to blow up in her face.

        She stopped at the driveway leading up to her friend�s house, noticing that it was dark inside except for a light in the living room. *That�s right... Memeko and Kaehmi should be asleep by now,* Ranma frowned, wondering if she should just go home instead.

        She steeled herself, *I have to know if Hiroshi is okay.. I HAVE to...* She began slowly walking down the driveway, worry edging itself into her soul.. what could have happened?? Was it the girl?? That must be it.. he must have told the girl, and the reaction was as bad as he had thought.

        *Oh god, poor Hiroshi...* She felt tears threaten, tears she pushed back.. now was NOT the time to cry. Hiroshi needed her, and she would be there for him to comfort him, to hold him...

        She would be strong for him because he was strong for her, all those times when she needed someone strong... someone who could help, and listen.

        She stopped at the door, looking at it carefully for a moment... a small niggling doubt surfaced. What if Hiroshi wanted to be alone?? What if he was upset that she had come??? What if he didn�t want to speak with her?
Something hurt severely inside her at the possibilities... she didn�t know why, but she wouldn�t be able to handle it... Hiroshi not wanting to speak with her. It would hurt worse than her whole body had after the fight with Saffron.

        She had to know.. she had to be sure he was allright... even if he was upset with her, she could tough it. She�d been through worse. *I just have to know.... to make sure. He�s my friend.* She said silently to herself, as if to convince herself that was why she was coming.

        She gently knocked on the door, then blinked as she noticed it slightly ajar. She pushed it slowly open, looking around the dark hallway with the faint glow from the living room. "Hello?? Hiroshi???" She asked, tentatively... her voice echoed in the empty house, no response forthcoming.

        She walked in, carefully closing the door behind her... she flipped on the hall light, and peaked into the living room. The lamp was on, but nobody was around... Hiroshi�s prom outfit was back on the hanger, and hanging on the knob of the closet door.

        She frowned, looking around. Obviously Hiroshi had come back, since his outfit was here... but where had he gone???

        *Maybe he�s in his room,* Ranma pondered, turning from the living room she began walking upstairs, wincing as one of the steps creaked, and hoping she hadn�t woken anyone up.

        She carefully peaked into Hiroshi�s room, seeing that some of the clothes were laying out, as well as several other things, looking as if Hiroshi had been sorting through various objects.

        Again, Hiroshi was strangely absent. A thought occurred to her. If the girl HAD gone and told him off.. he would be downstairs, in The Vault. The place where he was most relaxed, the place where he had been working that first day... that day months ago when Ranma had run from the school while having a nervous breakdown.

        Ranma slowly crept back down the stairs, being sure to avoid the squeek she had caused on her route up them. She walked slowly down the hallway, flipping on the light for the ladder, she looked down carefully, then quickly descended, having a slight bit of trouble since she was still in her Prom outfit.

        She walked slowly down the hallway, carefully avoiding the dripping water from above, and peaked inside the dimly lit carving room.

        For some reason, the air smelled of lilacs and incense. There was a tense feeling to the room as the lights flickered for a moment.

        He was sitting quietly at one of the covered statues, dressed in his casual working clothes that were heavily smudged with clay in various places.

        He hefted the small hammer in one hand, the chisel in his other, staring at them in forlorn sadness... silently asking them why they had cursed him with this love.

        "Hiroshi??" Ranma said, there was worry thick in her voice.. she was startled, but not ashamed that she would care so much for him. She drew closer, her shoes making a clicking noise on the the cement surface of the floor.

        Hiroshi shook his head silently, his eyes on the verge of tears, "You shouldn�t have come, Ranma... you shouldn�t have come here, not now, not tonight..." Hiroshi�s voice wavered... he wasn�t sure if he cared at that point. The time for hiding had come to an end.

        Ranma looked around self conciously, as if one of the stone and clay statues would press her on, give her courage... they all just stared vacantly. She furrowed her brow, stepping forward with more intent purpose in her stance, "I *Had* to come, Hiroshi.. you are my friend, my good and dear friend, and I couldn�t.. let you hurt alone. Not when you were there for me-"

        Hiroshi abruptly held up a hand, anger edging into his voice, "Stop it, Ranma.. please, just.. just stop being so.. so... caring for me, I am not someone you would want to care about, not.. at least... in the way that I want you to," He looked up at Ranma, who stared back with her blue sapphire gaze.

        There was confusion in those eyes, those beautiful crystal blue orbs.. confusion, and pain at the slight anger in his voice... when she spoke, she spoke as a hurt animal trying to understand why they had been hurt.

        "Hiroshi.. why wouldn�t I care? You�ve done nothing but try and make my life easier, better to live... you�ve done everything to make me happy that.. that�s important to me, Hiroshi," She didn�t understand what he meant.. she couldn�t just stop caring for him, that thought hurt even MORE than the others.

        Hiroshi set down the hammer and chisel, then rose slowly, putting a trembling hand on the statue in front of him. On the cover sheet for it, "God, Ranma, don�t you even know how much it hurts?? How much it aches to be so close to someone you love, but never be able to.. to kiss them, to hold them as a lover instead of a friend... don�t you KNOW how painful that is?!"

        Ranma stepped back for a moment in the anger, the vehemence, the torment in Hiroshi�s voice. "Hiroshi.. you are too good of a person to worry about that girl, whoever she is... so she blew you off tonight, don�t let our friendship die because of her!!" She stepped closer, her hand reaching out to touch Hiroshi, yet hesitating partway, as if she�d hit an invisible brick wall.

        Hiroshi stared down at the statue, "I haven�t told her tonight, Ranma.. not yet.... in the next few minutes, she will know," Hiroshi said solemnly, like a man who was talking about his own inevitable death.

        Ranma blinked, confused, "..what.. did you leave a message for her on the answering machine, Hi??? I thought you wanted to tell her in person?" She stepped a little closer, wanting to hold him, to cry on his shoulder and tell him that everything will be okay, that she was here.

        Her mind was reeling, trying to understand why Hiroshi would be so harsh and short with her, Hiroshi one of the people she cherished the most in the world, her closest and most wonderful friend.

        Hiroshi shook his head sadly, still staring at the statue beneath the cover sheet, "Ranma.. did you know the entire time you have known about this girl.. that there has been a statue in this room, countless times you were here.. and the statue under my hand, right now, is the girl that I so love.. that I so long to love. If only you had been more curious and snooped a bit...," Hiroshi sounded like he had been deeply hurt, as if his best friend had done something horrid and unforgivable to him.

        Ranma turned her look from Hiroshi to the statue he stood in front of... about the same height as her. *Why hadn�t I ever thought about that??? I am so stupid, asking him so many times again and again who she was, when I could have.. I could have just found out for myself.*

        "Hair as red as the crimson rose, and eyes that burn bright blue like a sapphires inner flame," Hiroshi slowly lifted the cover sheet, letting most of it slide off of it�s own volition.

        Ranma looked back at Hiroshi as he spoke.. "Hi..Hiroshi, what are you.. what are you talking about??" Her heart was pounding, she could hear it in her head. The smell of incense and lilacs seemed sharp, too sharp.. as if her senses were going into overload for some reason.

        "I shame myself with how much I love, how much have I loved and never been able to say... I shame myself as your friend because of the betrayal... that girl, the girl that owns me, heart, mind and soul... is you Ranma."

        Ranma shook her head, the world seemed to lose all color as Hiroshi turned and looked at her... time stopped, motion stopped, it was a picture from a black and white photo album. Ranma stood paralyzed, unable to move as she stared....

        Ranma�s eyes were locked on the statue, a perfect replica of her, smiling brightly, her eyes almost shining with life.

        *No..* Ranma said to herself. *This is another dream... like that silly one.. that.. that silly one where... where the darkness, and nobody could hear me.* She felt her heart thumping in her head, her breath held almost against her will as she slowly looked at Hiroshi, her movements felt as if she was in a tub of molasses.

        Hiroshi stared back sadly, his eyes looked so old, so worn down, so sad. "No..." She heard herself say, the world slowly seeming to move again, color flooding back into it.. TOO much color...

        "No.. no, Hiroshi, you can�t.. you.. you can�t love me, who is she?? Really???" Ranma asked, her voice cracking, her heart swelling larger yet also full of pain and hurt. Why was she hurting... 

        Hiroshi felt a tear trickle down his cheek, "All I see, all I feel, everything I daily do.. pales in comparison to what I feel, what I see when I am with you. You are the woman.... the person I love, Ranma Saotome."

        He wasn�t joking, Ranma looked at him with wide eyes. He wasn�t joking, there was no tone of joking in his voice at all, only sad and tired and old and so hurt.. so hurt that her own soul ached in agonizing pain. 

        She felt suddenly as if a freight train had collided harshly with her head as she came to the realization that she should have known all along, *Oh god.. oh god, I love him... no, I can�t love him....*

        She stepped back several times, losing her balance as her brain suddenly crashed open, her mind flooded with the emotions, the love, the agonizingly sweet and pure love she held for Hiroshi. *No.. I love him, no, I am a man I love him I am a man.... a MAN...*

        A man, a man couldn�t love another man. It wasn�t allowed, and certainly not for the man among men... not for Ranma Saotome of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts. Everything seemed to be spinning, twisting, expanding in her vision...

        She felt herself falling.. and falling.. and falling, or was the world falling down around her? She felt dizzy, and everything was so filled with color, with life, but only Hiroshi was grey, she�d sucked the life out of him, used him like a vampire uses their victims... she was falling..

        Hiroshi caught her, held her in his strong, stonecutting arms.... looking into her eyes with his gentle, sad, old gaze. "God, Ranma... every day.. every moment, every moment in between a moment... I have thought and breathed and sweated and dreamed you.... I have betrayed you..."
She shook her head, she was crying, she knew she was crying.. she couldn�t love Hiroshi, there was Akane... Akane she loved, she knew she loved... Akane, her fiancee. "No.. No.. don�t love me, Hiro.. don�t... Hiro-chan, please..."

        Hiroshi was crying too, she could feel his hot tears as he held her, his eyes looking into her own, everything blurry and out of focus. "All my life I�ve been looking, hoping, praying for someone like you... all my life, and now... now..." he trailed off... she realized she had put a hand on his cheek.

        "People hurt when I love them, Hiro-chan.. don�t love me, ever.... don�t. I can�t let you.. I love Akane... please..."

        Hiroshi drew her closer, his body sobbing, "You are so beautiful Ranma... not just the way you look, that brave, kind soul... the selfless, honorable warrior that is so fragile inside.. that needs someone to hold them, someone to help them through the tears,"
She couldn�t stop shaking, the world had to be falling apart, she knew it had to be, she COULDN�T LOVE HIROSHI... she couldn�t. It wasn�t allowed. *Man among men.. man among.. men... Hiroshi.. my Hiroshi..*

        She held Hiroshi tightly as if he was going to die in that very moment, she saw the pain in his eyes that telling her had caused, pain she wished she could take away.. pain which she would gladly take in his place. "Hiro-chan.. Hiro-chan.. I don�t want to lose you, please not this... anything but this Hiro-chan..." She pleaded, her voice broken as she was wracked with sobs.

        "I had to tell you, Ranma... I couldn�t hide anymore... how often have I wanted to... to tell you, to show you, and Ranma.. tonight, you looked so wonderful.. so calm, so at peace... tonight.. tonight I just.. wanted to.." She felt him moving closer still.

        "Every moment tonight will live forever in my memory... my love... my beautiful Ranma-chan.. I can never forget the moments... so many moments... that were perfect when I was with you," She felt his breath on her lips as he spoke, she felt the horrible longing, the yearning to be with him forever, to stop this hurting they both were feeling.

        Something warm brushed her lips, something stained with salted tears... she opened her mouth, pressing her own lips against Hiroshi�s... the whole world seemed to explode, or to implode, she wasn�t sure. Maybe it was melting away, or perhaps it was a flash that seemed to burn everything but them in it�s wake...

        It all seemed to shatter like glass and fall away, and she could hear his heartbeat.. or was it her own...

        Maybe it was both.

        She felt his lips on hers... a part of her told her she should be disgusted, a man kissing her was something to be loathed... to be repulsed by... to turn her stomach... but it was too beautiful, too perfect to loathe.. too addictive to hate... a kiss of love, not lust.

        There was a flash in her mind... several flashes, of Hiroshi when he was growing up... Hiroshi�s mind likewise mirrored several flashes from Ranma... snapshots of their life.

        *No..* A part of her soul suddenly murmured in Ranma�s mind. *NO!!!* It yelled.... that part that was the sole core of male Ranma Saotome, the part that objected to it�s very essence the embrace they had indulged in.

        "NO!!!" She yelled, pulling away from the embrace, away from Hiroshi, she didn�t know what had happened, but she jerked out of his arms, running.. running... she half remembered scrambling up the ladder as she kept running.

        She sobbed as she ran, tears flowing freely, only to freeze on her face as she ran outside, she kept running.. fast.. as fast as she could, running away, running from her heart, running so hard, yet somehow she felt she wasn�t getting anywhere. She still hurt.

        She didn�t know where she was running, only she had to get away, she had to somehow outrun the hurting and pain, she had to escape that look in Hiroshi�s eyes when he had told her. Running from feelings she had no right to feel, honor, obligation, promised to another. Her heart promised to another, it wasn�t allowed, no place for Hiroshi.

        She felt the aching pain tear through her, as if she had torn a part of her body away from herself violently and the wound was inside. She couldn�t think of words to explain the horrible sorrow that filled her at running away from Hiroshi.

        "NOOOOOOOO!!" She howled as she ran, through two bouts of sobbing. It was the voice of someone who�s soul had been torn from them, shredded, and burned.

        She fell onto the sidewalk, scraping her knee and tearing part of her dress.. she sobbed, her knee stinging from a mix of blood, snow, and dirt... she sobbed for a long minute, then threw back her head, and screamed in full and utter torment...

        "HIROOOOOOOOOOOOOSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!"

        And somewhere in China, Cologne heard the wail of a soul.. and knew.. the curse was beginning.