C&C is begged for, pats on the back will be accepted with NO
humility whatsoever, and flames will be returned threefold.

    Happy to oblige.

DRAMATIS PERSONAE:
Sylvie- Leader and back-up pilot. Determined.
Nam- Computer person. Level-headed.
Lou- Tinkerer. High strung.
Anri- Computer person. Innocent, sorta.
Meg- Pilot. Agressive.

    At some point, you would be better off mentioning that this is an
alternate-reality fic that branches off with episode 5. Anyone who's seen
that episode will pick up on that pretty quick, but it still couldn't hurt
to clarify it.

Armored Division Police:
Leon McNichol- Idealistic. A soft touch for hard cases.
Daley Wong- Feminine. A soft touch for idealistic inspectors.
Chief Todo- Stressed. A soft touch for nothing.

    Hahaha. Funny.

<<opening theme>>
    <<Warren Zevon, 'Quite Ugly One Morning', _Mr. Bad Example_>>

    The lyrics are certainly fitting, though I don't think too many readers
will be familiar with the songs involved. A little more variety would
increase the chances that a user could sing along with you.

The single forlorn survivor of the boomer group was simultaniously
bombed and ventilated mere moments later.

    That was a nicely done battle scene - clean but dense.

WHERE ARE THE LAB LOCATIONS?!'

    I'd choose another scheme for representing thoughts. {curly brackets},
maybe, or the [square kind].

Guard boomer 34897-CRS-23 was reading one of his favorite romance
novels when the alert went out and inturrupted him. Previous
experience left only one conclusion. <THIS IS GONNA HURT,> he
thought.
When the Knight Sabers sprinted up to his post, he had barely
begun his attack before he crashed to the ground, all control runs
severed. <TYPICAL.>

    Nice use of a recurring enemy grunt. I hope this means we get to see him
in other battles, not just those at the GPCC.

"This," Nene said, "is the BUC-69-LCX, generally called the
Reaper. It's eight feet tall and weighs about 1,300 pounds.
Strength,
speed and agility are all slightly higher that that of our suits,
and
its armor is significantly better. The forearms are composed of
solid
blocks of polymorphic metal, similar to that used in fusion
boomers.
They can take any of a number of forms, the most common of which
are
shown on the right and left arms of the unit in the schematic. It's

    hrm.....BGC vs. Terminator......

"Miss Madigan."
"Yes sir?"
"What of Project twenty five oh one?"
"The network will be in place in three months, and the primary
program blocks are already in place."
"I see. You may leave."
"Yes sir."

    2501? Wasn't that the Puppet Master from Ghost in the Shell? Or was that
2601?

 The other flipped a coin "Oh really?" and caught it. "On the other

hand" <flip> "it might be" <catch> "more expedient to cut some"
<flip> "other strings as well." <catch> "for example:  the ones
that make you dance!" he said in a voice laden with menace.
"The Tower and the A.D. Police will be investigating this" Flint
said, "but I know what those girls want, which gives _me_ the edge.
Even so, sheilding you is risky, Largo, and should I fall I will
not fall alone."
Largo laughed, and dropped the crumpled mass that had once been a
coin.

    If memory serves, and it often does not, this is more or less identical
to the original scene in ep. 5. You'll want to keep these kinds of scenes to
a minimum. Good alternate history fics often retool these scenes so that
they highlight the changes in your timeline.

For their part, the two girls were still bright eyed and bushy
tailed, delving deep into the mysteries of hardware software
interaction with a boundless enthusiasm and energy that had Sylvie,
(who, it must be said, was a bit under the weather herself)
completely baffled.

    It's good to see the personalities of the other sexaroids coming out -
though I don't think Nene's going to be as comfortable with them when she
finds out what they are...

The hotel room was small and shabby, located in a cheap building
in a bad part of town. It would have been small for two people,
with five it was positively stuffed.

    Nice touch.

    Some comments on the whole thing:

    Altogether, it's an interesting premise, though we have yet to see how
this reality differs, other than the fact that all the sexaroids survive.
This last scene indicates that things won't be going any smoother this time,
which I like. On the other hand, the flow of this story doesn't differ very
much from the original - for the first chapter, it's the new plot elements
that draw the reader in, and those are kind of thin here.

    You probably noticed the formatting problems as well. This wasn't
unreadable, but the variable-length lines and lack of indentation made it
hard to follow, in parts.

    Looking forward to more,

patrick mcclanahan