Need some work on your subject line, BTW.

	This isn't my first fic, but it's my first ranma fic, 
and my first, 
well.. fic tio the FFML.  C&C is appreciated (telling me that 
I'm a howling 
idiot pervert and child of the deepest depths of the abyss 
isn't) and I DO 
hope no-one hates it too much.  Here's hoping it goes through 
(DAMN my folks 
for choosing AOL. :P )

	<wince>  I feel for you, man.

	Oh, and it's after Nodoka finds out about Ranma's 
curse, but before 
Phoenix Mountain, 'Kay?

	<consults fHUGE timeline taking up entire wall>  Let's see... nope,
not there...  Ah hah!  Gotcha.  <sticks pushpin into place>  Ready!

	Kenjiko (Robert haynie)




	Girl Days

	A Ranma 1/2 fanfic by Robert Haynie

	(insert usual tired and practically universally memorised
	disclaimer here)


	Part One:  You Want Me To WHAT?!?


	Ranma Saotome scowled as she walked down the streets of Nerima.
	"Someday,"  she snarled, "I'm gonna find out HOW that
	ladle-lapping old coot always hit's me.  She NEVER misses.  It's
	like some wet version of the tomboy's hammer..."

	I'm not EVEN going to open up this can of worms again.  And since
I'm not, there's no way I could mention the fact that Akane rarely uses a
hammer or mallet.  And I could never mention the numerous times that she
didn't bother with a weapon -- be it mallet, table, or person -- and merely
pounded him with her fists, feet, or elbows.
	But I said I wasn't going to mention all of that, so I won't. ;)
	

	As she entered the courtyard of the Tendo Dojo, she failed to
	notice the person standing in the house's doorway.  
Ranma stopped
	just in time to keep from bumping to her--

	Mother.

	Holding a few packages that somehow instictively Ranma KNEW she
	wasn't going to like.

	This sentence is a bit awkward... maybe "... few packages that,
instinctively, Ranma KNEW she ..."

	Nodoka looked at her damp and -- at the moment -- female son and
	sighed.  "What was it today, dear?  A truck?  Someone watering
	thier lawn?  That ditch again?"

	their

	"Naw, the ladle lady.  Is there some water-based martial art I
	ain't heard of?  Because she NEVER misses, you know... well,
	almost never, I guess..."

	OLD LADY:  Oh, look, that nice young boy is here to help me practice
my Aqua-Fist again!

	"Actually, Ranma, I'm rather glad that you're in 
your... feminine
	state at the moment.  I've been thinking about how your curse
	affects your life, and I have a plan to make it less disruptive.
	Please follow me..."

####

	Akane Tendo stormed into the dojo in a state of high 
aggravation.
	This was nothing new for her, of course, but for once that anger
	wasn't directed towards Ranma.  Rather, it was directed at
	practically every OTHER male on the planet.

	Kuno had begun the party by once again protesting his 
love for her
	(and, of course, the Pig-Tailed Goddess) and suggesting that the
	THREE of them go on a romantic date.  Kuno became 
rather familiar
	with a high-flying sparrow due to that.

	Heh. :)

	Then Mousse had glomped her, screaming, "Shampoo, my love, come
	run away with me and... hey, Shampoo?  When did your chest
	shrink?"  (Mousse had just come from his last glomp with the
	aforementioned amazon and was still slightly concussed, else he
	probably wouldn't have said something THAT stupid.)  The Chinese
	Master of Hidden Weapons followed Kuno into avation history.

	<snicker>

	Then TSUBASA, of all people, had propositioned her.  Now, Akane
	couldn't know that this was part of a cunning, 
detailed, and-- of
	course-- hopeless plan to make Ukyo jealous, and that he had no
	real intent of any realtionship, but since he'd done it the same

	relationship

	way that he would have to Ukyo, he too gained an 

	How's that?

all-expense paid
	trip via Air Akane.

	<guffaw>  I like this stretch.  Sure, it's cliche, it's been done,
it's worn out... but it's still damn funny.

	Which suggests that in retrospect it was a BAD day for Gosunkugi
	to actually generate a bit of a spine and ask Akane out 
on a date.
	As he flew through the air, he murmured dreamily, "She TOUCHED
	me..."

	LMAO  <wipes tears from eyes>  Oh. My. God.  I haven't laughed this
hard in a while.  :)  And I think you nailed Gosunkugi's (ok, bad pun ;)
character with this, too.  That's probably exactly what he'd say.

	What she wanted right now was Ranma to say something-- 
ANYTHING--
	stupid-- so she could have a nice, satisfying, cathartic fight.

	What she GOT when she entered the house was the shock 
of her life.

####

	"You want me to do WHAT?"

	"Ranma," Nodoka sighed, "It's really the only thing I can think
	of.  I have no doubts about your manliness anymore-- but I'm
	seriously concerned about your femininity."

	Ranma stared at her mother as though she had finally gone
	completely insane.  Which, to be accurate, was pretty much the
	idea flowing through her mind.  "But... I'm a guy.  I 
ain't GOT no
	femininty!  Mom, this is crazier than even any of POP'S schemes!
	Well, with the exception of the Neko-ken, maybe... and those
	multiple fiancees... and Jusenkyo... All right, it's 
not crazier,
	but it's still crazy!"

	True... but who has ever said Nodoka was sane?  By all accounts,
she's as loony as Genma, if in a more calm, Kasumi-ish manner.  If you're
sticking to the standard fanfic cliche's, that is...
	In the anime, she was mostly oblivious, rather than cuckoo... I'm
not sure about the manga.

<SNIP>

	Ranma's mind was following a frightening path.  What bothered
	herself about her present form was that she DID feel slightly
	different when a girl... and was terrified that that might
	increase.... that she'd be wearing lacy dresses and 
flirting with
	boys and wanting to... to... THAT thought was so hideous that it
	immediately crawled into the deepest recesses of her 
mind and shot
	itself.  Repeatedly.

	Heh.  Before too much more of this goes on, Ranma's gonna be calling
HIMSELF a pervert. ;)

	"Ranma, are you afraid you will actually become a girl?"

	She jerked upright, in shock.  When had Mom become a tele, um,
	telly.... a mind reader?

	Nodoka sighed.  "I thought so.  I don't believe that's 
the case...
	but it's only natural that you'd feel somewhat different when
	female.  If it makes you any happier, there's one thing about my
	proposed plan that you may approve of."

	"Yeah?  And what the heck could THAT POSSIBLY be?"

	"Your father will hate it."

	<guffaw>  GOOD point!  Heh heh... I can hardly think of a better way
to motivate Ranma (other than kidnapping Akane :).

	Ranma had always had a problem saying no to her mother, 
even when
	she hadn't known she was really he.  And the prospect of
	irritating Pops while having the blessing of her mother was just
	WAY too good to give up...

	"By the way, Ranma, what IS a Neko-ken?"

	"Um... nothing, mom... nothing at all."

	Hate to be a downer here, but... no.  Nodoka was married to a
martial artist, and may well be one herself (subject still up for debate).
Even if she wasn't either of those, Neko-ken in Japanese means Cat-Fist
(unless I'm REALLY misremembering things).  Which would indicate even to a
layman that it's a form of fighting that has something to do with cats.
	Of course, that still wouldn't give her clue one about the training
required, since it took Genma and an ancient book to wake that particular
demon.  (No, that's not a reference to HoI, dammit! ;)

	####

	Which explains why Akane Tendo was staring at the 
totally bizzare
	sight of Ranma and his mother sharing a cup of tea.  Well, that
	wasn't the bizzare part.

	The bizzare part was that Ranma was in girl mode, and wearing a
	white skirt, blue blouse, stockings-- my GOD, she could 
tell fron
	the lines that she was even wearing a bra and panties-- and had
	changed her hair from the usual pigtail to a loose ponytail tied
	with a blue bow.  And as far as she could tell, earrings.

	Hmm...   Kinda makes you wonder about things, if Akane noticed all
that about Ranma's undergarments at first glance.

	"They pinch, Mom."

	Speaking of undergarments... which you weren't, but... ;)


<sniP>

	"WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE????" Screamed an 
totally confused
	Akane.

	screamed, only need one q-mark


	"WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON HERE?" screamed a totally confused Akane.

	Ranma looked up, with an unusual expression.  "Mom's 
helping me to
	understand my feminity with masculine determination."

	<blink blink>  My god, he can say multiple-syllable words!  ;)

	Akane facefaulted.

	Dreck.  IMO, you could do this better - say her jaw dropped in
shock, or she fell to the floor, or both, or whatever, but DON'T use
'facefaulted'.  Whatinhell is 'facefaulted'?  Is it an action?  Apparently
so, but I've yet to see it defined.  Sheesh.
	Sorry, ya pushed a button there. ;)

	"That's a very interesting way to put it, Ranma.  And I 
think for
	now the best way for you to look on it.  Well, I'm 
going to inform
	Genma of my intent.  He should be... intrigued."

	<snort>  That's putting it mildly.

<snip>

	Akane drew back.  She knew that look-- the same look that Ranma
	would have before a critical battle, or when determined to learn
	or develop a new technique.  And that meant that 
Kami-sama himself
	couldn't talk him out of it.  Her out of it.  Whatever.

	Glad to know that the Ranma cast still has as much of a problem with
the proper pronoun for Ranma as we do. ;)

	"Ok... if you promised your mother.  But why two whole months?"

	"Mom said it was something about biology.  I dunno what 
she means,
	but-- Akane, why are you LAUGHING like that?"

	ROTFLMAO and then some!  GOOD lead up -- god, the whole chapter
would be worth reading even if it stunk for this part alone!
	Good job!  <wipes tears - again>  Whew!

	end part one

<snip>

	"Last Night was HELL, Akane," Ranma groused.  "Sleeping 
in that...
	that..."

	"Negligee, Ranma.  And you looked so very very cute in it too,"
	teased Nabiki.

	Hmm... a question raises its ugly head here:  Is Ranma still
snoozing in the same room as Genma?  Somehow I think Nodoka would view that
as somewhat less than proper if Ranma is to remain a girl for two months.

<snip>

	"Hai, Ranma-chan," added Kasumi (totally missing the wince that
	the redhead gave when being called by the feminine 
suffix).  "And
	that's a very nice outfit today."

	Weeelll... I dunno.  He doesn't seem to mind being called Ranchan by
Ukyo, so why would he mind it from Kasumi?  And I don't think it's a
strictly feminine suffix, although I don't see it being used to address a
male all that often.  He'd probably wince, though, since it is a reminder of
the curse he has to live with for two months, but not because of the suffix
itself, IMO.

	"I'm just glad as HELL that we're on break.  I don't 
wanna wear a
	Furinkan uniform.  ANY uniform."  Ranma looked down at herself--
	wearing a blue sundress with yellow trim.  And socks with pink
	trim at the tops.  And a bracelet-- Nodoka had INSISTED on at
	least one piece of jewelry.  And she could FEEL the green bow
	holding her ponytail in place.

	Y'know, I just hope that Azusa doesn't see her... or that bow.  :)

<snip>

	"Yeah, well, I don't plan on making this a habit except for that
	maintainance thing.  And if I have to dress like a girl 
I wanna be
	MY kind of girl.  Not that I AM a Girl..."

	HIS kind of girl?  So he wants to be a strong, aggressive tomboy
who's into martial arts... Oh, wait a minute, he already is! ;)

	"I knew you'd be something of a tomboy, dear," Nodoka replied--
	and stared at the suddenly hysterical Akane.  THAT comment had
	broken all resolve.

	"Hah-hahaha!!! NOW who's the tomboy, Ranma?"  she 
guffawed at the
	suddenly reddening girl across from her.

	See?  Told'ya. ;)

	"I don't KNOW, AKANE-CHAN.  Maybe you can give me lessons!"

	"WHAT?"

	"And while I'm on that subject, I'll ALSO need lessons in how to
	be uncute!"

	"RANMA NO BA--"

	"Put that mallet down NOW, young lady," commanded Nodoka.  Akane
	blinked, and reluctantly-- very reluctantly-- complied.

	#include < MyPreviousRant.h >

	"At anyrate, Ranma, after breakfast we shall go shopping.  And

	
	any rate

<snip>

	"Ranma," put in Akane (who had insisted on coming along), "She
	means is most of your outfits are anything like that one you'll
	have boys all over you.  And I DO mean ALL over you.  As in
	crawling."

	Wups.  First sentence no work, kemosabe.  Try:

	"Ranma," put in Akane (who had insisted on coming along), "what she
means is ...

	You can also drop the parenthesis and insert a comma.  Although not
necessary, it'll disrupt the flow less.

<snip>

	The rest of the day was similar.  At the sportswear shop Ranma
	wanted sweats, Akane suggested various highly cute 
things (mostly
	to anoy Ranma), and Nodoka found compromises.  Ranma came away

	annoy

<snip>

	"Yes, madam.  Our new line of Fighting Skirts."

	Akane, Ranma, AND Nodoka stared at the clerk in disbelief.
	"Fighting Skirts?!" they replied in unision.

	This store is gonna make some BIG bucks once word of these gets
round...  Ranma and Co. are just the start...


<snip>

	Of course, it wasn't all shopping.

	"Pig-tailed Godddess!  Nay, pony-tailed now-- surely you have
	changed thy hair for my sake as a sign of your wresting free of
	the grip of the demon Saotome's vile spell!  Come, you and the
	lovely Akane Tendo may date--"

	KA-WHAM!!!

	"Ranma, was that really needful?" Asked Nodoka, as she 

	
	asked Nodoka


<snip>

	####

	"WO AI NI!  AIren-- why Airen wearing dress?  Why in girl type?"

	"Aw, geddoffame-- Akane, it's NOT what it LOOKS like-- 
Mom, HELP!"

	####

	Of course, now that that mental image has run it's course, the wierd
things start popping up... and BOY do they get wierd.
	Question:  Is Nodoka, since she considers Ranma both her son and her
daughter now, going to be as fanatic about womanhood as she was about
manhood?  I can just SEE this... A double wedding in Nerima:  Ranma and
Ranma-chan to wed <fiancee X> and <fiance X>.  Oh, this is SO wrong...

<snip>

	"Hmmph," muttered Akane.  "So THIS is where the bimbo shops."

	"Mom, I ain't wearing anything like Shampoo wears.  Even if it
	DOES look good on me.  Even if it makes me look just 
LIKE-- Hmm...
	maybe one, that one.  (Just in case I have to impersonate an
	amazon...)"

	*urk*
	Help.

	####

	"Hey, beautiful-- wanna go for a cup of tea or something?"

	"Gosh-- you'll have to ask Mom."

	"Aw, what does yer mom have to do with anyth--"

	SHING.  (That, incidentally, is the sound of a rapidly drawn
	katana.)

	
	Well, I guess that answers my question about your version of Nodoka.
If she knows how to use it, then she would DEFINITELY know that the Neko-ken
is a martial arts style. ;)
	Ok, so I'm nitpicky.  Shaddup.


<snip>

	Nodoka looked after her departing daughter-son, and smiled.
	Although she might not admit it, it was apparent to her that she
	was becoming a bit more comfortable with the clothing at least--
	if only because it wasn't forced on her as in the past, 
but of her
	own choice (Even is Nodoka HAD pressured her a bit).

	Um... just curious (I know, you hate that phrase by now ;), but are
these Nodoka's thoughts or the narrators?  'Cuz if they're Nodoka's, then
fine.  But if they're the narrators... <takes a deep breath>
	JUST WHAT DO YOU CONSIDER FORCING, YOU SCHMUCK!
	Sorry, couldn't resist. ;)

	It is a good question, though.


<snip>

	####

	End part two

Oy vey...

This... this is promising.  Oh, man, I haven't laughed this hard in a long
time.  You got me in trouble at work, you know!

;)

Please, please, PLEASE continue this.  I will continue to C&C every chance I
get, 'cuz this is some of the funniest stuff I've seen. ;)

Brian Payne
brianp@nhspokane.com
sofaspud@ior.com
http://www.ior.com/~sofaspud