Scenes From An Elevator:
An Idiotic Utena Spamfic

By: Dreiser


EPISODE SIX: Pink Elephants On Parade.

SCENE: A nondescript broken elevator at Ohtori Academy where the 
shadows of Arisugawa Juri, Kaoru Miki, and Kiryuu Touga are seen 
sitting inside of it. All three are leaning against the same far wall of the 
elevator and are drinking a rather large amount of sake.

MIKI: (Waves his bottle of sake around. Sobs.) I can't live without 
my stopwatch! Without it I have no sense of time! And without time 
the world would be in chaos!
TOUGA: (Drinks from his bottle of sake.) Now, now, Miki. Time isn't 
everything. Besides your habit of timing everything with that stopwatch 
is quite annoying.
MIKI: (Hiccups.) It is?
TOUGA: (Nods solemnly.) It is.
MIKI: (Looks to Juri.) Do you think so too?
JURI: (Nods solemnly also.) Yup. (Makes a face after she drinks her 
sake.) Why are we drinking this crap? It tastes awful. (She pulls out a 
bottle of red wine.) If we're going to drink we should at least drink 
something refined.
TOUGA: Is that red wine?
JURI: (Twisting out the cork.) Yes, what of it?

(Miki and Touga lock their gazes.)

MIKI & TOUGA: We're not French, we're Japanese.
JURI: (Erupts as the cork flies out of the wine bottle.) I know that!! 
(Calms down and mutters.) Why does everyone assume that I'm 
unaware of my own ethnic heritage?
TOUGA: (Drinks his sake.) Well you do act rather French at times 
Juri-san. You must realize that.
MIKI: (Nods and takes a swig of sake.) Yeah! You wear see through 
gowns and have a snotty way of addressing people is most definitely in 
the characterization of the French.
TOUGA: (Considers this.) That's a good point Miki... (He looks at 
Juri suspiciously.) Are you hiding things from us Juri-san? Are you 
secretly of French descent?
JURI: (Erupts.) I told you I'm not French! I'm Japanese!!
MIKI: (Whispers lowly.) Hair trigger temper. Very French.
TOUGA: (Nods solemnly.) Yes... and her hair color. Since when is 
tangerine a color common for the Japanese?
MIKI: Another good point.
JURI: (Erupts and waves her wine bottle around.) Idiots! Your hair 
colors are red and blue! You call those common colors for the 
Japanese?! (She narrows her eyes and leans forward to hiss.) If I'm 
French with my hair color then what do you two think you are?

(Miki and Touga exchange nervous glances.)

MIKI: (Begins.) Well there's nothing wrong with having tangerine 
hair...
TOUGA: (Continues.) Or drinking red wine...
MIKI:  (Finishes.) It doesn't make you any less Japanese.
JURI: (Smugly.) That's what I thought.
TOUGA: And besides, what's wrong with being French anyway? I 
quite enjoy acting superior to everyone!

(A long pause of silence as Juri and Miki sweatdrop.)

SCENE: The East Hall dorms. Himemiya Anthy is out on the balcony 
looking up into the starry night sky. The scene is very romantic and 
remains this way until she suddenly lets loose a monstrous sneeze.

ANTHY: (Wipes her nose with a Kleenex.) Gob frammit wherez 
Utena-sama with muh drugs already? Itz been hours. I bet shez out wif 
Wakaba agin... the little back breaker.

(Anthy is about to say something more when suddenly the sound of a 
loud stampede drowns her out. The zombie students along with 
Nanami's cronies come into view while they rush down the street 
shouting ecstatically.)

KEIKO: Free at last! Thank the Kami we're free at last!
ZOMBIE STUDENT #13: No more worshipping Touga!
AIKO: No more buying Saran Wrap!
ZOMBIE STUDENT #0: But best of all...
YUUKO: No more Miss Nanami!!

(The crowd bursts into loud cheers as they continue to rush down the 
street. Anthy watches their departure and blinks.)

ANTHY: That wuz weird...

(A slight breeze kicks up and Anthy turns around only to gasp at what 
she sees. Tenjou Utena is collapsed in the middle of the room loosely 
covered in torn Saran Wrap. Utena looks traumatized and Anthy 
rushes to her side to kneel beside her.)

ANTHY: (Pulls Utena's head into her lap.) Utena-sama!
UTENA: (Groggily opens her eyes.) Anthy...?
ANTHY: Utena-sama! (Shakes her slightly.) Stay wif muh! You gotta 
tell me if ya bought muh drugs!
UTENA: (Groans.) Red cloaks...
ANTHY: (Shakes her harder.) Did ya buy muh drugs?!
UTENA: (Whispers.) It was another Kiryuu...
ANTHY: (Irate.) Screw the Kiryuu's! Did ya buy muh drugs?! I can' 
stand havin' this stuffy nobe! (Utena passes out and on seeing this 
Anthy shoves her head off her lap.) Frammit! Wut sorta prince is she?! 
Can' even buy muh drugs. (She rises to her feet and calls out 
imperiously.) Chu Chu! I wantcha to go get muh drugs! Utena-sama's 
incompetent!
CHU CHU: (Looks up from eating Utena's panties.) Chu?

SCENE: Some wall in Ohtori Academy during an unusually
timely and frequent sunset. The figures of Shadow Play Girls
A-ko and B-ko are seen talking to the recently escaped zombie 
students and Nanami's cronies.

A-KO: I always thought she was kinky. Besides that whole big 
brother complex of course.
B-KO: Of course! But Saran Wrap?
KEIKO: (Confides.) She likes to tie people up with it.
YUUKO: (Nods furiously.) Yeah! She just loves it!
A-KO: Maybe the moral of this episode should be to stay away from 
Nanami and Saran Wrap?
B-KO: Works for me... and it seems to apply here.
YUUKO: (Sighs heavily.) You have no idea.
ZOMBIE STUDENT #69: I wonder if Nanami has ever been tied up 
with Saran Wrap herself?

(Everyone turns to stare at Zombie Student #69 and the shout of 
revenge is heard as the scene fades to black.)

To be continued...

All characters in this spamfiction are from Utena. This is a nonsensical 
out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when extremely bored. I 
shall continue to write this series when I'm extremely bored because 
sometimes I just don't feel like making the effort to write things in story 
format and sometimes I just feel like being silly. In other words don't 
take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun. And yes, this was 
partially inspired by DDFA's Waiting For Minako series.

Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com

Thrilling trailer line: What will happen next week?! Will Juri, Miki, and 
Touga still be trapped in the elevator?! Are all three of them really 
French?! Can Utena recover from her injuries?! Why did someone 
shout out revenge?! And what was the author on when she used such 
a crude humorous device as the number 69?! No! It wasn't pot!