Chef Akane

by 
James Epnett
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Author�s Notes: This story is the result of insomnia and should be taken
quite lightly. Any and all PRIVATE C&C welcomed (not only welcomed, but
NEEDED.) This story includes two characters of my own construct, Cloud and
Ku Manji who are both martial artist, but won�t take too much story time
(except, maybe, in little spam fics like this) I've edited the story abit,
added some things, etc, so I decided to repost. Please, let me know what
you think. 
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Insert standard disclaimer here.
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	The look of frustration on Cloud�s face was plain for all to see, even
though no one was there to witness it.  He looked into the empty ice box
and his heart sank. He *knew* he should have let Ku go to the market before
he left on his training mission. Ku had lived in Nerima briefly, but Cloud
had only recently moved in with his cousin. He had no idea where any of the
markets were, where he could get the best deals, or where he could find a
decent meal, other than Ukyo�s okanomiyaki restaurant.  

	*	*	*

	�I can handle it,� Cloud had said, noting the look of disbelief on his
cousin�s face.

	�If your sure,� Ku responded as he exited the house, �I will be gone for a
month, you know.�

	�Don�t worry about it, I�m a big boy,� said Cloud, a hint of anxiety in
his voice  at his cousin�s concern, �But you may want to leave some money.
I�m not good enough with Bonsai Trees, unlike you, to sell them.�

	�You could always go to the Cat Cafe,� said Ku,  his cousin�s sudden
discomfort apparent.

	�I think I will pass,� said Cloud, an image of Shampoo danced through his
head. He had been in Nerima a short time, and already disliked the young
amazon. 

	�Why not visit Ukyo�s?� The indication in Ku�s voice was unmistakable. 

	Cloud blushed slightly and turned from his cousin.

	�I�m sure that okonomiyaki is as good as Ranma claims,� Ku continued, 
aware of his cousin�s sudden color. �Or you could always stop by Ranma�s
house. I�m sure Kasumi wouldn�t mind cooking for one more.�

	�I may just do that,� Cloud turned back to Ku, glad for the change of
topic. Cloud�s feelings for Ukyo had been no secret to Ku, even if Ukyo
only had eyes for Ranma. He didn�t know why, but the first time he had
entered Ucchan�s with Ranma, he had felt a warmth from the young women, a
serene kindness that had been a longed for feeling on his part. It had been
completely platonic on her level, and that�s how Cloud intended to keep it
until she had excepted that Akane and Ranma would be together. He knew Ku
did not understand his infatuation with Ukyo, but didn�t care what his
cousin�s thoughts on the topic were anyway.

	�Cloud?� Ku�s voice awoke Cloud from his waking dream.

	�Huh?� Cloud managed, turning to his cousin.

	�Here. This should keep you well suited until I return.� Ku dug through
his pocket and pulled a great handful of yen out.

	�Yeah, this should do it.�

	*	*	*

	But it had not. Who knew that a fight with Kuno would have been so
expensive. Cloud looked around at all the repairs that had been made after
their encounter. Luckily, Kuno had brought his stick with him rather than a
real sword, and it had lasted almost no time against Cloud�s Chinese
Broadsword. No time at all was long enough, however. Kuno had done a fair
amount of damage before he had left, excepting the fact that Ku was no
where to be found. <What an idiot.> Cloud had thought. <The �Blue Blunder�
is gonna� mess with me once to often.> 

	Cloud could not believe how fast one acquired enemies in Nerima. Over half
the martial artist at Furenkian High had, and still were, hounding Ku and
he, constantly challenging them to fights, trying to test their strength.
It was a mad house. The only martial artists that hadn�t challenged Ku or
he were Ryoga Hibiki (who they met by accident one day at the Tendo Dojo),
Ranma, Akane, and Shampoo. It was interesting how much things changed from
one town to the next. He also could not believe how many people in Nerima
were cursed by the legendary Jusenkyo training ground, as he was. He
figured, though, that becoming a panther could be useful now and again, and
was never really bothered by the curse, unlike others he knew in Nerima.   
 

	He looked once more at the ice box, his stomach growling harshly. There
was only one thing for it. 

	Turning slowly, reluctantly, he exited the house and made his way to the
Tendo Dojo. 

	*	*	*

	Cloud looked at the front entrance to the house, the door opened wide. He
walked closer to it and looked in. �Hello,� he called, knocking on the door
frame. A sudden sour-sweet smell filled his nostrils. It was pleasant, but
another smell was overpowering the first. It smelled a little....
inauspicious.

	�Who is it?� A light voice called from the kitchen as Akane walked swiftly
into the hall. 

	�It�s Cloud,� he said, waiting for the young women to reach the door. �May
I come in?�

	�Sure, come on in.� Akane politely called, smiling as she neared the door.

	Cloud pulled his shoes from his feet and entered the house. 

	�What�s up, Cloud?� asked Akane, escorting Cloud into the family room.
	
	�Not much. I was finding it quite lonely at my home, to tell the truth.�
he said, sitting across from Akane at the coffee table. 

	�Would you like some tea?� Akane asked, still standing.

	�Yes please,� Cloud replied, his stomach growling.  Akane made for the
kitchen, and Cloud continued to talk, �Actually, I was wondering if you had
an extra spot at the dinner table tonight. With Ku out of town, I have
neither the funds or skill to cook for myself.� 

	�I�m sure we can fit you in,� Akane called. �Actually, we were just about
to have lunch.�

	�We?� asked Cloud, scanning the room with his forest green eyes for other
people. 

	�Ranma and I, that is.�

	�Where is Ranma?�

	�He�s in the dojo, training.� 

	�Where is everyone else?� Cloud asked, a deep sense of foreboding
overwhelming him.

	�Mr. Saotome, father, and Happosai are out *training*.� Akane�s last word
was acid. Cloud flinched unconsciously.

	�Nabiki had business to take care of, and Kasumi went to Dr. Tofu�s clinic
to barrow a few medical books.�

	�So that means....� Cloud froze, suddenly wishing he had stayed home.

	�That�s right,� Ranma was suddenly in the door that led to the garden out
back. �Akane is cooking.� His words were a low whisper. He stepped slowly
into the room, tip-toeing towards the stairs.    

	Cloud�s stomach sank, nausea washed over him. He did not want to be
disrespectful, but the memory of his last meal prepared by Akane and Dr.
Tofu�s stomach pump entered his mind. For an instant, he wondered why Ranma
walked all the way around the house to enter, rather than take the kitchen
door. The answer was all too clear as he watched Ranma edge towards the
stairs: he was trying to wiggle his way out of the death-trap called lunch.


	�I would not want to impose on you...� he did not finish, Akane was back
in the room with a tray that carried three glasses of tea and three bowls.
Ranma froze. 

	�Not at all,� said Akane, placing the tray on the table. Her eyes fell on
Ranma and narrowed to little slits. 

	Ranma stood in a very awkward position, a large, goofy grin plastered to
his face. �Akane!�  

	Cloud looked longingly into the bowl. It couldn�t be *that* bad. 

	<Oh god,> he thought suddenly, <She's been experimenting.> The sight in
the bowl was *not* a pretty one. It *looked* like scrambled eggs, but was
covered in a dark brown sauce with little green bumps on the top. Cloud�s
left eye twitched a few times as the sent from the bowl intruded his
nostrils.  

	Cloud�s face drained of color. He reached for the glass of tea Akane had
brought to him and drank as much of the hot liquid as he could. If he could
burn his taste buds severely enough, he might not need taste the
incongruous substance.

	�Where do you think *you�re* going?� 

Cloud looked up to see what was happening. 

	�I ain�t hungry right now, Akane...� Ranma froze, the look on Akane�s face
said it all, that and she suddenly had a *very* large mallet in her left
hand, tapping it impatiently into the palm of her right hand.

	�I knew I came in too soon...� Ranma whispered, taking at seat at the
table. Akane followed, sitting down in front of her space.

	�Akane,� Cloud started, Akane looking up at him. �I�m not trying to be
discourteous, but can I ask what this is?� 

	Akane smiled at her friend and explained. �It�s brown rice, silly. I�ve
been trying to adapt my own sauce based on one of Kasumi�s recipes.� She
smiled. �Try some.� 

	Ranma grimaced, whispering, �Oh man, it figures.� <I never could have
gotten away with that.> he thought, looking at the bowl in front of him.

	Cloud looked down at the bowl, still convinced that the contents were some
sort of strangely prepared egg. Reluctantly, he reached for his chopsticks,
as did Ranma. At about the same time, both caught a clump of the substance
and place it in their mouth.

	Cloud was the first to be observed, his face becoming paler still. He
chewed the rice slowly, despite the violent protests of his stomach. At
least his taste buds were still slightly numb. With all the strength he
could muster, he swallowed it. 

	Ranma had also become pale, his right eye began to involuntarily twitch.
<What *is* this stuff?> he thought, chewing it as best he could without
spitting it out. After a strained  moment, he swallowed the food, followed
by a swig of his tea. 

	Cloud and Ranma both looked at Akane, and regretted it. 

	Akane�s face was bright red as she looked at the contents in her bowl. She
sniffed at it, but refused to eat it. �Oh no,� she said, an annoyed look
crossing her face. �I think I used too much anchovy paste and tarter
sauce.� she whispered, as if trying not to let the two, quiescent, figures
across from her hear her words.

	Ranma and Cloud�s eyes were like saucers. Both calmly stood from the
table. After a quick glance at each other, both made a mad dash for the
bathroom, both trying to out run the other. 

	Akane watched in disbelief at the sight before her. Both men ran like
animals, trying to hold back the contents of their stomach. 

	Ranma bolted up the stairs, closely followed by Cloud. Ranma reached the
bathroom first, slamming the door shut and locking it. 

	Cloud, unable to think properly due to the disturbance in his stomach,
made for the closest window. He pulled it open and leaned out. 

	*	*	*

	After a few moments, Ranma exited the bathroom holding his stomach and
looking quite sick. 

	Cloud approached Ranma from the end of the hall, in much the same
condition.  

	As they made their way down the stairs and back to the family room,
Akane�s battle aura caught both men�s attention. They both looked up at her
slowly and realized that she held a super large mallet in her hand.

	�So,� she said in a low, somewhat menacing tone. �my cooking is that bad,
is it?�

	�Well,� Ranma started in a low voice. �Well, yes.�

	*	*	*
	
	The two human-shaped holes in the top of the Tendo house could be seen
from almost anywhere in the neighborhood. 

	Ranma and Cloud fell fast from  a low orbit flight - and right into the
koi pond behind the house.

	A large, black panther and a red hair girl both sat upright in the pond,
looking at the house. Akane glared at them from the door.

	�Baka,� she screamed, �Both of ya!!� She slammed the doors closed as hard
as she could. 
	
	�You know,� Ranma said looking at the newly shaped Cloud, seemingly
unconcerned that he was now a large panther. �I wish people would stop
writing fan stories about Akane�s cooking. I don�t think my stomach can
take much more.�

	Cloud could only grunt in reply.

The End            

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"You say that you'er in love, but if you really were 
you would get rid of anything that stands in your 
way...."
very wise words from a very wise man......
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