Sorry about my last 2 posts, i meant to type 14 - 15 and 16 - 17 
respectively. Anyway, here's a oneshot from Benji. Enjoy !
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
{How}, Ryoga thought to himself as he stared out into the blackness of
space. {Did my life get so pear shaped?} 
"Charlotte! Where's Azusa's widdle Charwotte?" Ryoga groaned to himself as the voice floated to
him through the doorway. He'd hide, but she knew all his hiding places
now. 
"Hibiki Prepare to die! OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!!!!" He buried his
head in his hands. Not her too.... she'd managed to find her way out
of the service ducts then. He sighed and resumed staring, literally,
into space. Boooooring. It was all the same, black with twinkly bits.
The view hadn't changed in six million years, it was hardly likely to
change now. All the excitement around here revolved around him, Azusa,
Kodachi and Ivi. Why did this sort of thing always happen to him?

=============================================
Preeeesenting, as a result of waaaaaaay to much television,
The one and only (well, it'd better be!!)
Raaaaanma Dwaaaaarf!!!!!
Byte 1 - Three's A Crowd.
I love the BBC! I impale myself at thy feet!
I dedicate this fanfic to my buds, Ilonka-chan and Kai-chan
although they don't know it. Yet.
=============================================

Cue big drumroll. Neon Applause sign flickers. Insert some sort of
disclaimer here as I bow, scrape and grovel before the almighty
Takahashi-megami and the wrath of BBC Manchester, love the trams.

Ryoga crashed through yet another wall in his quest for the Tendo Dojo
and the evil Ranma Saotome. He closed his eyes and screamed a patented
battlecry. Yes, it *is* patented, I sold really be putting l'il
symbols after it and paying the guy lots of money, but I don't so nya.
I implore you to 'bite me' as the phrase goes. 
"WHERE ON EARTH AM I NOW?!?!?!?!?!?!" As soon as the white suited officer had managed to
clear his ears of the ringing sound vibrating through his skull, he
stood firm and proud, glaring at the rubble in his office and trying
to control the quaking fear running though his limbs at the sight of a
guy that had just walked through a wall designed to survive nuclear
holocausts. He straightened the lapels of his shirt and sent his mind
to a warm, happy place.
 "This is the Jupiter Mining Corporation Recruitment Centre. And if you can't pay for that wall, here's a
recruitment sheet." Well, it wasn't like he could pay for the wall
himself, heavens no!
{Oh shit. Looks like Ranma and Akane will have to wait.} "Uh... could I borrow a pen?" Ryoga Hibiki, welcome to life on
Red Dwarf.

Life on the huge ship wasn't all that bad, actually. Whenever he got
lost, frequent vending machines would give him food and directions.
Scutter's would also escort him to his quarters, and Ivi, the ships
computer was always good company. He'd made a surprising amount of
friends, and had a ridiculously easy job that consisted of lugging
around heavy stuff. Yes, life was being surprisingly kind.
Unfortunately, Ryoga Hibiki was born under a very unlucky star. And
gods up above (or down below - who can tell in space?) were not
willing to let him happily carry out his life here.
Nah.
They sent along a few people to make things more interesting.

The first of the Annoying People To Be Avoided At All Possible Costs
was everybody�s favourite gymnast. Ryoga had been lugging around a
large heavy (though not for him) piece of machinery when he'd heard
*that* laugh. "Ohohohohohohohoho. Ryoga Hibiki. You are the boy who
would often fly from nowhere and attack my Ranma Darling, no?" His
blood ran cold. Liquid ice flowed through his veins. The warm interior
of the ship was suddenly transformed into the dark snow plains of
Antarctica and I'm going to go and have warm bath now because I'm
feeling decidedly chilly. OK, times up. Ryoga *carefully* placed the
machinery on the floor and turned to face her.
"Uh... Kodachi. How........ nice........ to see you.... AAH!" Kodachi giggled her nutty
little laugh as her ribbon sliced cleanly into the metal wall behind
him.
"I intend to pay you back for that, Hibiki." The ribbon narrowly
missed him again and she repeated her laugh. {If she ever died and
became top ranking dead stiff}, Ryoga thought to himself, {then Ivi's
gonna have to play that laugh on a loop.} The ribbon sliced past him
again and cut one of the supports in two. Good thing it was welded
into the wall. Kodachi narrowed her eyes. "Because of your continual
interference in my plans to rule Ranma Darlings heart, I have failed.
Now, my brother has sent me here for attempting to murder Akane Tendo,
and I shall never be free!" Ryoga didn't hear anything past "Murder
Akane Tendo." Instead, he and Kodachi exchanged a look of pure venom
and leapt for each other. 
"PREPARE TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!"

He should've run away then. Taken an escape pod and fled for Earth. He
and Kodachi had been heavily scolded by Captain Hollister for the
devastating and absolutely ludicrous amounts of damage they'd managed
to clock up and after that, she was out for his blood. After five days
of running for his life, he'd taken Ivi's advice and was currently
chugging beer and being disgustingly macho with a few mates. Then he'd
been very suddenly and without any warning, subjected to a second
Irritating Annoying And Disgustingly Cute Person To Avoid At All
Costs. "CHARLOTTE!!!!!!!!" Amazing the effect alcohol can have on the
brain. He hadn't even recognised the pet name, he'd been too busy
betting Peterson that he couldn't balance a roll of quarters on the
end of his nose, when female arms had encircled him from behind.
"Charlotte...." a frighteningly familiar voice sighed into his back.
He froze, his blood turning to ice etcetera, etcetera Lewis sniggered.
"Shay, Hibiki. Whosh yah gerlfriend?" he slurred, looking at the seven
Azusa's floating into his vision. Azusa grinned a grin that gave the
other guys tooth-rot just by looking at her. Ryoga remained frozen on
his bar stool. 
"I'm Azusa. I'll just take Charlotte away now, OK?"
That was enough to jolt Ryoga out of his freezer state and into
animation. (canned groan here.) He leapt off his bar stool and backed
away. 
"Charlotte?!! I'm not Charlotte! I don't even know who Charlotte
is! What *is* a Charlotte?!!" Azusa giggled and moved towards him and
Ryoga shrank away. Gods decided it was time for a little more fun.
"Ohohohohohohohohohohohoho!!!!!!!!!! So, you thought you could escape
me, Hibiki!" 
{Oh, please, not here, not now! This is so *embarrasing!*} Ryoga backed away a little further, until some
semi-lucky stars decided they'd tortured him enough and sent a
waitress to spill her drinks on him. Azusa immediately spotted her
Darling Charlotte and stuffed him down the front of her overalls where
he immediately passed out to happy hentai land with a mega smasher
nosebleed, dreaming happy little dreams I'll let the naughty people
out there envisionise. Kodachi got angry and wrapped her ribbon around
Azusa's arm. 
"Where have you hidden Hibiki, scum maiden?!" she hissed.
Azusa giggled. 
"Hibiki? What's a Hibiki? I don't recall ever seeing a
Hibiki. Your ribbon's cute....." She yanked the ribbon out of
Kodachi's grasp and ran down the corridor, screaming "Adrianne!
Adrianne!" leaving a long line of mangled men and women who had been
unable to escape from her trail of devastation.... no, that's what she
left in her wake.... um... never mind. I'll just leave Kodachi
standing with her mouth slightly open, staring after Azusa with glazed
eyes. Suddenly, those drinks began to look a lot more welcoming. She
sat down next to Lewis. 
"Do you suppose I could finish Hibiki's beer? He seems to have disappeared" 
"Shuere bay-bee...." Lewis looked around the bar. "Shay, where�d Ryoga go?" 
"Him? He's lost. He said to buy me a drink." Kodachi settled down.

Azusa carefully plucked the prone piglet from her cleavage, ignoring
the blood that was trickling, warm and wet.... hey, you hentais! I'm
going to stop, right there! She giggled cutely. "Well, that was
funny!" Her smile turned to a frown as the stench of alcohol hit her
nostrils. (WHAM! That's for making me smell cute fuzzy teddy fur!)
"But before we talk, I'd better get you cleaned up. And probably
turned back to normal too." She ran a bath and wondered if she should
take one too, before remembering that, cute piggie he may look like
now, he was still a guy. And she wanted to find out everything that
had happened since she'd been sent to Red Dwarf from the state prison
for stealing. Hey, Jaguars were just so *cute!* With happy thoughts of
Jaguar cars and Charlottes to make life easier, Azusa gently lowered
P-chan into the hot water. Hot water. See those words? Yuh spell 'em
H-O-T.

==========================

"Hey, dudes, what's happenin?"
Ryoga glanced at Ivi and grinned a little. "Just thinking. I should've
gone the second Azusa put me in that bath tub." Ivi's disembodied head
sniggered. 
"Did I ever tell you I got that on video?" 
"WHAT?!?!" Ryoga looked very shocked. "You never!" Ivi shrugged as well as a bodiless
head can shrug. 
"I could be mistaken, but there aren't many people on board that have been plunked into a bathtub by bubbly brunettes as
little black pigs that then jump out again as naked young men
screaming Ow Hot Ow Hot." He grinned. "Here. See for yourself." Ryoga
turned a peculiar crimson colour at the sight of the video. He'd never
actually realised what a good view Azusa had from where she'd been
sitting. 
"Destroy it!"
"What, and lose blackmail footage?" 
"Ivi, there's no-one around *to* blackmail me with." He frowned. "Speaking
of which, where have those two gone?" 
"They're fighting again over who gets to kill you and who gets to keep you" 
"Can't you get 'em with anaesthetic in the medibay again?" Those four days of undisturbed
peace.... just him, chocolate and oodles of space. He groaned. {I
*really* should've left....} Ivi shrugged. 
"What for? It's a giggle, innit?" 
"Yeah. A giggle." Ryoga sniggered. "I forgot that part. A
giggle. Azusa chasing me over all the millions of floors of this ship
and yelling that we should become the new Adam and Eve of the human
race and Kodachi out to kill me because the rest of the human race -
including Ranma - are dead and she reckons it's my fault." 
"Well, when you've been on your own for six million years, anything's a laugh."
Ryoga considered that line of logic while expertly ignoring the
screams of the two girls in battle. {Why did this have to happen to
me? Things were going well until then...} He sadly remembered the dead
people. There's was just about no hope whatsoever of any other human
beings being alive now, six million years into the future, which left
him as the last human man alive. Which meant if the human race was to
continue, he'd have to choose between Azusa or Kodachi. What a choice.
Bleaugggh.

==========================

"Kuno! How dare you attack *my* Charlotte?!!" the obnoxiously cute
ex-skater screamed, reaching for bazookoids. Ryoga growled a little.
No girl dared approach him now after Azusa had claimed herself as his
girlfriend because she'd seen him naked. And until another girl could
do better, Ryoga was hers. Normally, in the world of green-eyed
monster that females populate, that would immediately have dozens of
the most scantily leather-clad and seductive women in the space corps
hot on his tail. Unfortunately, nobody dared mess with Azusa. Fluffy
cute she is, but she's also a martial artist, don't forget. 
{Well, she and Kodachi can squabble all they want.} Ryoga picked up the
Nitroglycerine. {I have work to do.} Kodachi laughed insanely. 
"I dare because it's his fault I'm stuck in this prison!!" She reached for
another bazookoid lying oh so conveniently next to her. "PREPARE TO
DIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"For this kind of damage, I'm afraid you three will have to go into
stasis." Captain Hollister glared at the three slightly charred
martial artists over the top of Vol. 3 of 456 Damage Report For Area's
Destroyed By Martial Artists Playing With Firearms. 
Kodachi perked up. {By the time we are released, maybe I will be allowed back home!}
Azusa perked up. {By the time we're released, my sentence will be
over!}
Ryoga perked down. Is that a phrase? It is now. {By the time we
get out, I'll be years younger than Akane. She'll have married
another.} He sighed. {And all my pay gets stopped. Byeeeeee money.}
That had been one of the best things about working here - he had a job
he was good at, and he was getting paid good money because he was
actually there. Another thought struck him. {All my friends will be
older than me! I'll never fit in again!!!} He moped all the way to the
stasis booths (led by many, many skutters.) and scuffed his feet
against the floor. {Goodbye life. What there was of you to start
with.}

He stretched a little as he stepped outside the booth. He was slightly
put out to see that Lewis, Peterson, Lister and Chen weren't there to
welcome him out with mind-numbing alcohol to help set out the
situation. {They probably forgot. Oh well.} Come to think of it,
*no-one* was there. Wasn't there supposed to be the Captain and other
important people to de-brief him and tell him what a bad boy he'd been
for daring to hold the Nitro at that point at that time? Ivi, to tell
him in a way that would (hopefully) not break his heart, who Akane had
married? A skutter with a 'welcome back' banner? Ivi made his
appearance at that moment. 
"Hello Ryoga," he said in his deadpan way.
Ryoga frowned. "Where is everyone?" 
"They're dead." Ryoga blinked. He rubbed the side of his face and looked at Ivi in surprise. 
"Could you say that again? I don't think I heard correctly." Ivi shrugged. May as
well oblige the guy.
"Everybody's dead, Ryoga." OK, so it was still the same words. 
"Not everybody, no." Ryoga shook his head with a small
smile. It was a wind up. That was right. A big wind up.
"Well, not everybody, yeah." Ryoga grinned. "There's you, Kodachi and Azusa."
Ryoga facefaulted. Ivi continued. "They've been dead for years.
Radiation leak. Wiped out the entire crew. I had to keep you three in
stasis until the radiation reached a safe background level."
"How long?" Ryoga idly wandered around and took a chocolate bar from a
dispensing machine. He unwrapped it and took a bite. 
"Six million years." The chocolate went the wrong way.
"SIX MILLION YEARS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!" 
"It was a big leak!" Ivi frowned at him. Ryoga tried to think. It was too ..... stupid. {Well I can't think
with those two around, that's for sure.} He sighed. "Hey, Ivi, don't
let the other two out yet." 
"Too late Hibiki. Ohohohohohohohohohohohohohoho!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Remember, Ryoga Hibiki, things can *always* get worse, even when the
author is the type of girl who pins pictures of you to her ceiling and
scans every frame of manga you're in. Watch out. Beware. You never
know when Kodachi's there. With a ribbon in her hand and a ribbon in
her hair, once she gets you, she'll drag you to her lair. Sorry.
Poetic graspings just overcome me sometimes.

==========================

Three martial artists, the last three human beings alive in the
universe and being looked over by a computer with an IQ of seven
thousand, which is only the same as seven thousand cheerleaders.
What's gonna happen? Will Ryoga father the children of Kodachi and
Azusa? Would Kodachi let him live long enough to try? Would Ryoga
survive the blood loss long enough to try? Can you imagine the three
of them, curled up all cosy and watching a recording of their wild and
passionate nights together (filmed by Ivi of course!) and would I dare
write it? Who did the other Nerimans marry in the end? Will Ivi bring
back a hologramatic companion for the other three? Will they meet
Gelfs/ Simulants/ fevered beasts from the depths of their imagination
and travel through time/ space/ reality and backward dimensions the
Neriman way? Why am I asking these questions anyway?! And why *do* men
have nipples?!!!!!!!! 
I may answer those questions if I get replies/ MSTs/ four fianc�s/ death threats/ marriage offers/ role in major box
office films/ glass figurines of fruitbats named Kevin and many, many
pictures of Ryoga. Or I may just curl up and start on the next one
with a big box of chocolates and a big stack of manga (Just for
inspiration! Not to drool over, d'ya hear me?!!).
 Contact me at benji_delaski@mailcity.com and tell me how you 
a) Loved my fic
2) Hated my fic 
d) Want to grovel at my feet and feed me peeled grapes 
I) Want to hunt me down to the ends of the earth for even daring to do
such a thing to three such marvellous characters of Ranma 1/2.
z) All of the above. Umm.... (Big sweatdrop.) I think I shall start running
now. Yes, running's good. (Charges out of her house and screams....)
WHERE ON EARTH AM I NOW?!!!!!!! Ha! You should�ve seen that coming!

This piece of fictional work was brought to you from the fevered abyss
of Benji-chan's mind and served up in big meaty chunks dripping with
gravy. I am but a poor student, please don't sue because I have no
money and would have to eat my own legs to survive. No (er... not many
then.) skutters were harmed in this fic but many many people were
reduced to small piles of white albino mouse droppings that are their
component atoms. Chen, Peterson and the rest of Ryoga's drinking
buddies are *really* from Red Dwarf, as is Captain Hollister. Craig
Charles is great, Chris Barrie is greater. Everyone else (Excluding
the skutters and vending machines) is from Ranma 1/2 (Oh
Takahasi-sama! I worship you as the almighty! I would pay for naked
photographs of... the bandannaed one!) except for Ivi who I made up as
a brother for Holly. If you thought he really *was* from Ranma, SEND
ME EVIDENCE THAT YOU SAW IT THERE, DANG NAB IT!!! 
Love you all except for that big ugly fella in the back row. 
(Cue blinking applause light.) Benji-chan Delaski!! (Exits stage right, blowing kisses. PS, I
look like Ukyo. Blow kisses back.)
Member 30 of SSoAGMA, Deadly Everyday Object Weaponary Technique, Dragon Warrior Style
Mousse no miku; Generally dangerous English otaku
Member of the Chan club; Wos; Head Castrator of the Hotnit Feminisation Project; SOotCiP; Supporter of cliched pairs;
Keeper of the Moneybags for the Hotnit Fan Club; CotMHW - Launderer of the Robes of Death; SLAP;
4th Gen. EOE; Image Consultant For "That Guy"; #WASHU#;AKPReSS, Gen. Div.
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Coming soon to list near you.. the legendary 50 foot sig of Team Chan !