Cthulhu laughs. "Now here are your orders! You will go to the
secret government base in the Paciific, where they're developing
new weapons to destroy me. You will blow everything up, and laugh
in an evil way!"
[Erika]: Sounds good to me!
[Petes]: Are you still being OOC?
[Erika]: Kinda, sorta, yes.
[Petes]: Hmm... I kinda like it. ^_^
[Erika]: I'm not going to hit on you.
[Petes]: Dang.
"FUCK YEAH@!" says Mav. "No... wait... SKEEERRRRRRRRRRRIDEEEEE!"
[Petes]: The boy gets really dramatic, ne?
"Get outta here, you fucking deadbeat!" says the hotel manager
rnunning in. Yog-Sothoth eats his osul.
"SUPER TELOPORT!"
Mav disappears in a falsh of light.
Cthulhu turns to Yog-Sothoth. "wanna go pick up some chicks?"
[Petes]: Chicks love dog-things! ^_^
[Erika]: Not when it's eating your soul...
[Suddenly, a shot rings out! The director is shot dead, and the Dread
Space Pirate Bailesu overruns the set taking control of this story!]
Bailesu: There is no rest at the gate. Akemi, start the cameras
rolling!
Akemi: [the Maison-Otaku Akemi] They're already rolling. We're on film.
Bailesu: ACK! Everyone hide! Resume filming!
;akdjf;dijq;fidjifj
[The Place: NERV HQ--Mu. The Time: 2025. The Place...oh wait, I said
that.
[Petes]: That you did Mr Silly Narrator man! ^_^
We see Ikari Gendo standing on the command bridge, looking ominous.
He's good at that.
[Erika]: That and making french toast.
Ritsuko is trying to get his pants off, but he
casually backhands her, and she collapses.
[Petes]: What's with all the hentai stuff in this story anyways?!
He still looks ominous
though.]
[Petes]: Ah good. @_@
Maya: Sir, Maverick approaching!
Gendo: OPEN FIRE! ALL WEPONS! DISPATCH WAR ROCKET AJAX TO BRING BACK
HIS BODYD!
Maya: Do you mean the Evas sir?
[Petes]: No, he meant the tonka trucks! :p
Gendo: Damn straight!
{The Tune from Shaft starts to play, with Maya and Ritsuko doing the
background vocals and Fuyuutsuki as the lead vocal}
[Petes&Erika]: o_O;;
[Cut to where Asuka, Shinji, and Rei are having an orgy. No, it's a card
game. No...they're asleep]
[Petes]: Dammit! Make up yer mind!
[Erika]: *aside* please note that he's hoping for the orgy bit.
[Petes]: Not really...
Misato: [runs in] Maverick is coming!
[Petes]: *is about to snicker but is quickly silenced by Erika*
Asuka: [leaps to her feet] Finally, a real man! I will fight by his
side since that bastard Kaji dumped me!
Misato: No, you have to fight him.
Shinji: [crumples up in a ball] No...someone save me.
Rei: Maverick will die.
Misato: To the BATCAVE!
Asuka: What?
[Petes]: She said--
Misato: Go get in your EVAs, you bunch of dysfunctional MANIACS! You all
suck! We should fire you and replace you with the Sailor Senshi! At
least they look cute in a skirt!
[Petes]: I look cute in a skirt! Have you seen the RPML holloween special? ^_^
[Erika]: -_-;;
Shinji: You didn't say that when we were in bed last night.
Misato: NOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHERS, YOU WORTHLESS LITTLE NGST RIDDEN
SLOOT!
[Petes]: *grins* Angst?
[Erika]: The emotion, not the KMFDM album.
Asuka: Sloot?
Misto kisks them all intot he next scene ina fit of anstg.
WERJEIsjfkjslkjdfk29340398
[WE see EVA01 scramble. We see EVOA2 scramble. We see eggs scramble. We
see EVA007 scramble]
[Petes]: Eva-07? Isn't that one of the mass produced Evas?
[Erika]: I think they were doing a James Bond joke...
Misato: See the purple headed thing?
[Erika]: *Asuka* So you want me to suck that thing of Shinji's, over and over?
[Petes]: <Very OOC...>
Shinji: I willnotrunawayfrombarneyiwaillnotruwkndnw!
Asuka: I think Shinji's spring is winding down.
[Petes]: The sick feeling... the lack of a stomach for both sex and
violence... Of course!
[Erika]: What?
[Petes]: Shinji is a clockwork orange!
[Erika]: *facefault*
Rei: die, Maverick, die.
[Petes&Erika]: Acting!
MAVER(ICK: I AM THE PUIRP:LE-HATTED WARRIOR OF LOOVE! I WILL DESTROY OU
ALL BECAUSE I AM THE MOST EVIL ONE THAT BE!!!!
[Petes]: Not anymore evil than-- Um... Give me a sec' here...
Asuka: It's Dr. Thinker! AAAAA!!!!
Shinji: I will not run away. I will not run...ack!
[Erika]: He said it so much that he turned into Bill the Cat...
[Maverick shoots right through Unit01, which explodes]
Asuka: Oh, man, he killed Shinji!
[Erika] *Rei* You bastard.
[Unit00 closes to grapple with Maverick, who is greatly outclassed in
size]
Maverick: No choice...must use...ADAMANTIUM CLAWS! [sprouts 50 foot long
claws from his wrists, and carves his way through 00 to the Entry Plug.
He slashes it open, then DRINKS all the LCL] Wow, that's better than
beer!
[Petes]: LCL Lite! ^_^
Rei: you cannot hope to defeat me.
[Petes]: *Limp Bizkit* I'm tellin' ya baby, ya gotta have faith!
Maverick: Now that your EVA is plum out of whacky juice, I ain't got to!
Bye now!
Then maverick goes to 02 and seduces Asuka. They make live while 'Requiem
for Methusalah' plays in the background. Then...
Gendo: FIRE THE WAVE MOTION GUN!
[NERV=MU splits open and a cannon the size of New York City pops out. And
then Mavericks old girlfriend shows up!]
[Erika]: Ara...
[Petes]: Yep, nothing worse than being faced by "the ex".
Sine: MAVERICK! You're ALIVE!
Maverick: No, I"m dead and I'm EVIL! HA HA!
Gendo: HA! HA! HA!
Maverick: HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!
Gendo: You win. Your evil cackle is too much for me.
Gendo dies of shame.
[Petes]: And there was much rejoicing.
[Erika]: Yay.
Sine: WAIT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT GIRL?!?!?
[Petes]: *Mav'* She had something caught in her throat, honestly!
Maverick: DOn't they teach you ANYTHING in high school anymore? It's -
Just then Sine fires the cannon herself. It hits the EVA02 and fries
Asuka but Maverick is saved by his purple passion helmet.
Maverick: HA! HA! I am INVICIBLE!
[Petes]: *Boris Badenough* I AM INWICABLE!
Ranma, Akane, Kim, Skeride, Thanatos, Rei, Usai, Lina Inverse, Yoko, Golgo
13, Rick, Lisa and Minmei stand on the sidelines and cheer him on. GO
MAVERICK! GO MAVERICK! GO MAVERICK!
Remaining EVAS: DIE, MAVERICK!
Mav: But I'm already dead!
[Petes]: That you are. That you are...
But then the purple-helmeted revenant of lvoe thrusts his passionate head
into the giant biomechas. He goes in and out of them like an eldtrich
piston and when he's done the cast of EVangelion is deader than at the end
of the series.
[Petes]: *aside* For those of you that haven't had the joy of seeing EoE,
that's pretty damn dead.
Then Chtulu appears with Yog Sothoth at his side. They have lots of
chicks, but they're the clucking kind.
Chtulu: That was an evil thing to do!
Yog Sothoth: BRUUUUU! SOUL! I NEED SOUL!
He goes off to a local music club and devours a lot of the performers.
[Petes]: Including Hason, so there was more rejoicing.
[Erika]: Yay.
Sine: Maverick! You're supposed to be good, not evil!
[Petes]: Listing to Korn backwards while drinking a milkshake made out of
vigin's blood and hand of glory whould do that to ya...
Maverick picks up a passing wombat.
Maverick: Ipso Facto Fire Declaration! The wombat bursts into flame and
runs away. Burn baby burn! I'm evil!
Cthulhu: He's evil!
Ranma, Akane, Kim, Skeride, Thanatos, Rei, Usai, Lina Inverse, Yoko, Golgo
13, Rick, Lisa and Minmei: He's evil!
[Petes]: *aside* If you haven't caught on yet, the dear boy is EVIL.
[Erika]: *Mike Myers* Like the fluent of Devil.
Charred corpse of Asuka come to life again: But he's the best in the sack!
Cthulhu: Isn't she supposed to be dead?
Asuka: I am, but I had to come back for more. Maverick, you're the
greatest! Let us be zombie lovers forever!
Sine: The hussy!
[Erika]: Suddenly Sine has turned into Ukyou in the dubs...
Skeride appears again.
Skeride: He's mine!
[Erika]: I thought he was evil...
[Petes]: *groan*
Cthulhu: Not her again. Darn her! Darn her to HECK!
Sine: Take ME, Mav! I'm fresh!
[Petes]: Not like Nutkin, she's smellin' a little ripe... ^_-
SKeride: Take me, Mav! I'm darned to HECK!
Cthulhu: You can't have him! Maverick is MINE! I chose him to be MY lover
for eternity!
[Petes&Erika]: o_O... O_o... O_O...
Maverick: What?!? He is a little surprised.
Chtulhu: Yes! I want you, Maverick, and I will use my power over the
helmet
to make you give me what I need!
Charred Asuka: No waY! Stop that! Mavrick, fight him!
Maverick: AAAAARGH! PURPLE... HELMET... EATING... BRAIN!
[Erika]: Hopefully that'll be the only thing getting "eaten" in this spoof
fic...
Maverick struggles and tears his clothes off while dhe does it. Cthlu and
Asuka start drooling. Sine blushes. Most of the people chering on the
sidelines nosebleed.
Sine: QUICK, MAVERICK! WHILE HE'S DISTRACTED! USE YOUR ULTIMATE ATACK!
[Petes]: No! Kick him in the balls and run! Much better attack.
Asuka: But it'll KILL HIM!
Sine: He's already dead! So are you!
Cthulhu: Your pulsating pectorals are the sexiest I've ever seen! Bond
with
me NOW! Give it to me, Maverick! I need you!
[Petes]: The *beep* did he say? o_O;;
Maverick: NOOOOOOOOOOO!
He tars off his jockstrap.
Cthulhu: COME TO POPPA!
Maverick: ULTIMATE FATLITY ETCHNIQUE!
Seni looked scared and sad as Maverick grew brighter.
[Erika]: *narrator* Petes and Erika looked hopeful that this'll be over soon.
Asuka is awed. She doesn't know hat's going on. Neither do most of the
writers at this point.
[Petes]: Oh dear... The writers are flying blind! Run!
Asuka: What IS that thing. He's glowing. And getting... straighter.
Seni: Rick and him learned it at the technique master school. It uses your
own life-force to power the blast.
Asuka: Life-force?
Seni nods.
Asuka: But he's DEAD!
[Petes&Erika]: *facefault*
Seni: Oh, no!
Maverick: Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!
Maverick then became engulfed in a ball of ki that looked like a sunrise.
Three EVAS and Cthulhu were engulfed with him. As the blast grew to it's
full potential.
Asuka: How can he have life energy if he's dead?
[Petes]: Don't ask--
[Erika]: Don't tell, right?
[Petes]: Nope. Don't care. ^_^
But then they see bow because bits of energy flow out of them towards the
bacll.
Seni: That's not life energy!
Charred Asuka zombie: That's LUST energy!
Chtuhlu: OOOOOOOOOOOOOH! ECTOPLASMIC ORGY!
[Petes]: I'm getting the feeling that the writers don't "get any" that much...
Random EVA: MUUUUUU!
[Petes&Erika]: "Muuuuuu"? o_O
Mav: AAAAAAAAAAARGH!
Yog Sothoth: I ant in on it, too!
But then it was too much because not even Suermav could take that amount
of pleasure. Cthulhu, the EVAS and Maverick started to disintegrate into
nothing. The blast then collapsed revealing a barren hill devoid of life,
in the center was Maverick's sword sticking out of Maverick's corpse still
intact.
Sine: No! No! No!
[Erika]: Somebody please kick her, she's skipping.
Skeride: YES! YES! YES! They're better when they'red dead. Thank goodness
all the good parts are still working!
Sine: BUt he's DED! DEAD! DEAD!
[Petes]: D-E-D, dead!
Byrnt to bits Asuka corpse zombie: I'm first! I'm first!
[Petes]: To recap, we have gratuitus sex, beastality, and necropilia...
[Erika]: *shrugs* Meh.
*the film ends*
[Petes]: Well I gotta say one thing... That was really unexpected. I mean,
it's been a LONG time since the original concept of AWA was made. But none
the less, I found it funny. ^_^ Hey, it's not like I liked the original one
either, I constantly refer to it as my "bastard fic".
[Erika]: I just didn't get the gratuitus sex jokes though... I guess it's
needed in some spoof fics like this...
[Petes]: I give it... Ah screw it! I'm not gonna review anything. ^_^
[Erika]: Ditto. Lets go and get some pizza.
---Petes
ICQ: 24009357
Founder & Leader of the SCG, KTG & DotEG
And member of USURP, KTF, SSoAGMA, FoTGTSBRiC & #WASHU#
Almost a member of UGMA!!!
H_^ A concubine of ~Akane~ ^_H
http://members.spree.com/sip/petes88/rpml2025main.html
-----------------------
"Like, COME ON, that was the third friend of mine you've killed
this month! None of the kids want to come round here!"
"He'll be alright."
"You broke his SPINE!"
"They grow back."
"SPINES DO NOT GROW BACK!!"
-Sam