Shade wrote:

Rowan: You do realize that that's
actually the name of this series?

Terrible title.  

Bard: Let's see...this fic basically does nothing
really. We have Akane being portrayed as the
innocent victim of everything, wishes that had

That depends on which chapter.  In one chapter she
was portrayed as pretty monstrous.

the potential for a better story going wrong in
such a way to only suit the authors' personal biases.
Lots of character bashing of Shampoo and Ukyo, Ranma

Ukyo?  Who bashed Ukyo?  Ignored maybe.  

Hiroshi: But you've given us very
little to go on here. You've told us
very little about *why* you disliked this so much.

Rowan: They do realize that this is
       a Altiverse Fic, not a true C&C?

No.  It isn't.  You might be about to write
an "Altiverse Fic", but you haven't started
it yet.  

[Chapter 1: Akane Tendo]

[ See how Shampoo likes being a cat all the time,
or Ukyou being a real man.
Akane giggled, shaking her head.
She would never do that.  She wasn't
the vindictive sort; she didn't really
want to hurt anyone, just to
sort of get them out of the way.]

Rowan: We're getting mixed signals here.
Her thoughts are contradicting themselves,

They should.  When people are resisting 
temptation, they do.  

not mention that Akane IS vengeful and
spiteful too even in canon. Even placing

<Shrug>  So is everyone else.  Vengeful at
least.  Akane isn't remarkably spiteful.  

this after volume 38 isn't doing much to
get us to accept this kinder smarter
Akane pod person.

[ There was something wrong with changing
people's minds, though.  It was too
underhanded, too much like Shampoo's potions.]

Bard: Standard fanfic cliche, and Akane is not averse to
using underhanded methods herself from time to time.

Like?  About the only thing that comes to my mind is the
way Akane spies on Ranma when she thinks she might be 
about to lose him.  

As for fanfic cliches, I know of four occasions when 
Shampoo used some kind of mind alteration to get what she
wanted (counting one anime instance).  Two of them were
on Akane herself.  It's a fanfic cliche to have Shampoo
constantly using mind control, but like most fanfic cliches
it's a matter of taking something that happened occasionally
and having it happen all the time.  

I can see if you're showing us part of her hypocritical
side but putting it as the real her isn't cutting it.

Those are the thoughts passing through Akane's mind.  
There's no sign of an omniscient narrator.  

[She could make herself a great warrior, and finally
show Ranma what was what.  She could cook a great meal
and shove it in his face.  But no; she wanted
to do something huge, something significant, not
just to change a tiny corner of her life.]

Guardian: This is just wrong. Akane just
does not have this kind of insight. She WOULD make
an impulsive wish. Her emotions control her, not
the other way around.

I tend to agree.  The only major character who would
not make an impulsive wish is Cologne.

[Chapter 2: Ryoga Hibiki]

[Akane's toxic waste.]

Shadow: Okay. Even we use this cliche, but still....

Doesn't everyone who hates Akane?  

["Look," Ryoga said as he unclenched his fist.
"I can understand how you feel. Really. But Akane
and Akari aren't going to love you.
That's just how it is. Find someone else, for your own sake."]

Rowan: The mythical "noble" Ryoga. Frankly this is

I believe you are seeing something that is not there.
It isn't that noble to try to convince Tsubasa to stop
bugging Akane and Akari.  

just not happening short of extreme Divine Intervention.
By all rights Ryoga should have either
A) wished to be cured of his Jusenkyo curse
or B) Wished to be better then Ranma

What about waffling, unable to decide what it is he
most wants?  Isn't that in character?

[Chapter 3: Hikaru Gosunkugi]

[Asmodeus had arrived.]

Bard: For your information Asmodeus is a Devil not a demon.
There is a BIG difference between the two. Demons are evil
embodied in Chaos and Devils are Evil embodied in order.

Of course Ranma doesn't happen to be in Greyhawk.  

Also the appearence is just lame, having it just pop
in like that without a decent explantion does nothing
for the plot. Having another magic-user challanging Gosunkugi,
now that's more believable.

Having Gosunkugi over reach himself is still more believable.  

[....She lay a single red rose
on his grave and walked away.]

Guardian: Ugh....the stale melodrama is
as flat as day old rootbeer.
The battle reads like a grade school
tv action show. Also too much focus on Akane,
I find it hard to believe that Ranma didn't
do anything during or after the funeral.
It's just not him.

[Chapter 4: Mousse]

Shadow: Frankly, this chapter just sucked. Mousse is WAY
OOC here, the guardian angel bit was a copout. Mousse is
not a cold type of person, he tends to be more along the
lines of raging volcano, he has passion. The one here is
a corpse and that's BEFORE he dies.

The assumption is, I believe, that since Mousse's emotions
clouded his ability to perceive reality, he lost them.  
Thus, being OOC is not a consideration, since his personality
has been magically altered.  What is a consideration is that
Mousse is now a less interesting, less dimensional character.
The Guardian Angel concept was cribbed from quite a good spamfic,
but doesn't work as well here.  

["Hear me out Saotome.  This isn't just
any ordinary case of post-pubescent
infatuation with a canonized figure,"
Mousse said evenly. "Hunh?" Ranma intoned.
Mousse thought Ranma looked near pain as
he processed the previous statement.]

Rowan: Can we say Shampoo hater writing here? 

Stands to reason.  Anyone who is a Mousse partisan
has a good chance of disliking Shampoo.  

Also

note the appearence of cliche "Moron Jock" Ranma
at this point. The quality starts spiraling down
from this point on. Ranma is NOT this bad.

Isn't he?  Frankly a lot of people would react that
way to Mousse's needless verbosity, and Ranma's 
language skills are pretty unimpressive.

[Chapter 5: Shampoo]

Guardian: I'm sorry, but this is just unfair. If
nothing else this chapter alone demands
our twist to this tale. If you're going
to pick on Shampoo then we're going to pick on Akane.
Except that we're going to do a better job of it.

Bard: The Unclean plot device stinks, Cologne
DOES have morals. Using her as a villain goes against
just about everything that took place in the previous 20
or so volumes.

Cologne is not acting of her own free will.  She is under
the influence of two mind altering wishes.  Thus OOC considerations
are not a problem.  

[Chapter 6: Ranma Saotome
Sacrifices Must Be Made]

[Ranma sighed.
There was only one choice to make- he was just delaying
what he wanted.  "I choose to marry Akane- as much as
I've fought against it, she's the one I love... more
than life itself- more than my own comfort
or peace of mind.  Akane must be protected.
And if it takes losing Ukyou and hurting
others... well, sacrifices must be made."]

Shadow: Who are you and what have you done with the real Ranma?

I tend to agree.  Ranma is simply not this articulate, nor is
he that capable of making hard choices.  

 

[Five days later,
a certain device arrived from Herb's kingdom, on loan
(terms negotiated by Nabiki) to Akane Tendou for the
necessary amount of time.  The next day, Shampoo was
locked as a cat by the Musk Dynasty's form
locking bucket.  Shampoo was captured and locked away,
and not released back to Cologne until ALL the evidence
against Ranma's ancestors was destroyed, and Cologne
signed an agreement to leave Japan with Shampoo,
never to return.  Then, after getting Ranma a legal
divorce (thus ensuring that Shampoo's wish would remain
fulfilled in that she HAD been legally married to her,
which a simple annulment would not do) the cat was returned to
her.]

Rowan: Vindictive little author aren't we? Once again we see
universe being rewritten to please the KOTTF. Why not just
inject liquid nitrogen into Ranma's veins while you're at it?

It's been done.  I see a major problem with this chapter
irrespective of character issues.
That's a rather complicated set of events which has simply
been handwaved and synopsised.  What could Nabiki offer Herb
that he'd want?  Why can't Cologne just take Shampoo back by
cleverness and force, both of which she has in ample supply?  
Simply put, the actual story hasn't been told.

The author has chosen to use a rather ham-handed deus ex machina
to get what he wants when it was hardly necessary.  It could 
fairly easily have solved by a two step process.  "Shampoo realises
that she isn't having much fun and honour has been satisfied, so she
divorces Ranma.  Ranma uses his wish to destroy all knowledge and
evidence of his ancestry" ...or heck, gets Nabiki to do it.  If she can
get Herb to cough up a sacred relic, surely she can obscure Ranma's
family tree.

[Chapter 7: Nabiki Tendo]

 Akane suddenly screamed as Ranma turned the mindlink on, showing her
exactly how her food tasted.

["Baka!  You planned this!" shouted Akane.
 She hammered Ranma into the floor,
yelling "And don't you dare show me how
_this_ feels!" as her blow struck home.]

Bard: Now why did he want to marry her again? Here we
have him sacrifice everything for her and yet Akane
STILL treats him like dirt and takes his affection for granted.
Even Love has its limits.

That's what happens when you switch authors.  I think this one
is not so great an Akane fan, or just believes you can't solve
your problems through wishes and divine intervention, so they
always have to turn sour.  

[Akane understood that Ranma did have feelings from
long ago towards Ukyou, and that they weren't like
his feelings towards her. It really was completely
innocent.  She felt faintly disappointed at that,
since she had no reason to get jealous.  But no matter
what it is now, thought Akane, it could always become
something else in the future.]

Bard: See! There's love but no Happiness for Ranma!!
She STILL doesn't trust him!!!

It's just a fanfic.  It could have been written the other
way just as validly, but that wouldn't have been fair since
Shampoo's wish turned on her like a viper.  

Shadow: It's Akane the (word that starts with "B"
and rhymes with itch). It's moments like this that
made us create the Private Bet.

And that is why I have taken to deleting them unread.
Too much of an axe to grind.  Not enough priority
on making an entertaining story.  

Ukyou walked closer, and tugged at Ranma's sleeve.
But Ranma stayed in place."No, Ucchan, I can't come.
I love Akane and I can't disappoint her by coming
with *ow* you."]

Rowan: Can we say Bitter End? Any shred of sympathy for Akane
has died a quick and painful death. She deserves everything
that's coming to her.

Which Akane?  This one's very different from the one in the
previous chapter.  

Shadow: Skipping ahead a bit. While some exceptions can be made for
having so many authors writing this monster it still is badly
plotted out. Its more like primetime cable then Anime.

It's quite a typical round robin.  In fact I found it distinctly
reminiscent of the Tesla Agenda.  I've read round robins containing
some of the greatest authors in the business, and they still tend to
be catastrophes to read.  Ever read "The Floating Admiral"?