On Mon, 19 Apr 1999 17:19:02 -0400, "Andrew M. Petalik" <wolf@sbm.org>
wrote:

Here's a shortshort piece that, once again, popped up nearly
fully-formed in the back of my mind as I was drifting off to sleep.
See?  Keeping a pen and pad of paper next to your bed is a good thing.

Comments?  Please feel free to email. ^_^

NOTE! I've added the [LIME] tag due to the suggestive nature of your story.

Yes, shortly after posting it I realized I had forgotten to add that. ^_^;

WoLF  : And what's with this huge space right here before a few minutes
       in silence.

   A few minutes passed in silence.

Oh, just a visual pause in the text to go along with the story. ^_^

   "See?  Aren't you glad we had that little talk before your
wedding?"  An ear-to-ear grin matched the blush of the other.

Andrew: Heh... match-maker to the end.

Of course. ^_^

   "The next morning, I--"  She was interrupted again by another noise

>from her elder sister.  "Are you sure you are alright?"

   Clearing her throat, the woman spoke.  "No!  Er, yes, yes, I'm fine!
Please continue.   Don't mind me."

Andrew: I don't get this part. What noise did Urd make in the first place?

You deleted a bit of my text when you made your C&C.  Earlier on I'd
written:
  >    The younger sister blushed brightly.  "Oh... that.  Well... he was
  >about _so_ big."  She looked down at her hands as she made a gesture of
  >her own, only to look up again at the sudden strangling noise.
Urd just did the same thing again. ^_^;

   Looking down into her teacup, she continued.  "The next morning, I
tried one of the things you spoke of.  I know he enjoyed it a great
deal, and I thought it was rather interesting, except it did get rather
stuffy beneath the blanket--"

   The spray of tea across the room was interrupted by the young man
who had just slid open the door.  "Gee, thanks, Urd," he commented,
looking down at his damp feet.

Andrew: This paragraph is very confusing. The first time, I though it was
       Keichii spitting the tea. Only after reading it a couple of times
       did I see it was Urd.

Funny, I thought it was rather obvious...  but that's just my writing, I
guess. ^_^;

WoLF  : I would've thought it was Keichii too since I wouldn't expect Urd
       to be surprised by such activity.

Andrew: Then again, it is Belldandy we're talking about.

WoLF  : Let me clue you into a little secret. "It's always the quite ones
       you have to watch out for."

'quiet'

^_^;

Andrew: You know... I think you have a point.

WoLF  : <grins>

Exactly.  I mean, Urd may have given Belldandy the little talk... she
never really expected Belldandy to actually _do_ it. ^_^;

   "Keiichi!" exclaimed the younger of the two women, jumping to her
feet and running over and into her husband's arms.

WoLF  : There is a bit of a verb confusion here. You may want to split
       the sentence so it reads:

"Keichii!" exclaimed the younger of the two women. She jumped to her feet
and ran over to her husband and leapt into his waiting arms.

I don't see any confusion. @_@

WoLF  : Right here you should add that we hear Keichii and Belldandy's
       retreating voices.

   "What was with Urd, anyways?"

   "I'm not quite sure... we were just talking about..."

With the following line, that would be redundant...

   As the voices faded, the silver-haired goddess regained a bit of
self-control, and fanned herself lightly.

   "Now who would have thought that..."

WoLF  : I'm not entirely convinced that Urd would be THAT shocked...
       especially if she was the one to suggest the idea.

As I said, it's not like Urd really _expected_ Belldandy to do it. ^_^;

I liked the fic. Aside for a couple of distracting passages where I wasn't
sure who was talking, it was great. Thanks for the fun read.

As for the parts where the particular speaker is unidentified, that's just
part of my writing style.  I try to make it obvious by the setting and by
the tone of voice who is speaking.  Like, in the first part, before
Keiichi enters, there are only two people present, and it's pretty obvious
who is speaking.

My other stories (at http://nekomi.v-wave.com/belldandy/stories/ ) (all
shortshortfics, too) are the same way.  In the three-part 'Wishes and
Dreams', only one name is ever used in the entire series, and that in the
last line of the last part.  (Oh, and these are due for some editing.
It's been a several months, and looking back now, I can see where they can
be fixed up.)

Keep writing! Gambatte ne?

Thanks.  ^_^