The last scene. This is the good bit. Really.

---

   3 o'clock. Actually nearer 3:15. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow
morning, let me tell you.

   Well, I started, I may as well finish. It just occurred to me I haven't
even started telling you what I wanted to tell you about what Anthy did
tonight. You must be getting really bored. Don't worry, I'll get there. I'd
better, or I know I won't sleep at all--much less be able to face Anthy in
the morning.

   So I hang around, and we watch some more TV, and Wakaba bores me silly
with pictures of robots and exoskeletons and God knows what else, 'til Biiko
comes home around 9:30. So I tell her I'm sorry, which I wa, and she says
it's okay, which I could tell from her face it wasn't really, but I don't
think she was scared of me so much any more, so that was something anyway.

   So then I try to leave, but Wakaba won't let me because there's some
other robot that I've just GOT to see, and I don't manage to escape until
10:00 when visiting hours end and the dorm lady comes upstairs to throw me
out. I've never been that glad to see a dorm lady in my life. I guess Biiko
had had to liten to Wakaba's spiel about her dad before, because when she
saw the pictures he just kind of rolled her eyes and had a "oh God, not
again" look on her face. "Girl's got to have her secrets" my butt.

   Still. It did seem like Wakaba was even bouncier and full of sugar
afterwards than usual. It wasn't like she just went back into Wakaba mode
after what happened earlier. Nobody's that shallow. Maybe she thought she
had to make up for earlier? I don't know.

   So I thank Wakaba for the food and I promise to have lunch with her
tomorrow, just the two of us without Anthy (yes, she made me promise that)
and I get out of there.

   Did I mention how muggy it was today? It should have thundered and rained
really. It didn't though, which sucked, because then maybe the humidity
would have gone down a bit. It was so hot even in the morning that I didn't
bother wearing a shirt underneath my jacket, just my black tanktop. Of
course that just meant I had to keep it really tightly buttoned all day,
because if the teachers don't like my uniform, God knows what they'd do if
they saw I'd nothing on underneath, so I was just as hot as I would have
been, probably more.

   After school, though, nobody really cared. Here's the odd thing though.
Of course it wasn't as hot by 10:00 as it had been just after school when I
was going to Wakaba's, but it was only after I'd left that I felt
comfortable taking my jacket off (I tied it around my waist so I wouldn't
have to carry it). At Wakaba's I left it on the whole time. Not that there
was any point taking it off, I guess--like I said, all I had underneath was
the tanktop, and with the air conditioning going I probably would have been
freezing. But that wasn't why I didn't take it off. It may sound crazy to
you, but the idea of taking it off in Wakaba's room made me really
uncomfortable for some reason. It sounds crazy to me, too. I mean, it's not
like I never changed in the locker room right in front of her, right?

   So I take the jacket off, and I walk along. I didn't see anyone on the
way back, which suited me just fine, because I wasn't sure what I'd do if I
ran into Toga. Or Micky even worse. I'd probably have given him a heart
attack. (At least he'd have died happy, right? God, I'm disgusting...)

   I was thinking about that, and laughing to myself about it a bit, I
guess, and I pass by the courtyard and suddenly I start thinking, Oh God,
what if I ran into Julie again? And I suddenly wasn't laughing any more. I
started thinking about what Wakaba had said again.

   It scared me a little. No. Make that a lot.

   I'm not really like Julie, am I? I thought. Or Saionji? Dear God, please
tell me I'm not an obsessive maniac like Saionji. That Anthy's really just
an ordinary girl and not some sort of higher being and Saionji's crazy
because he's just like that and not her. That I'm not going crazy and Anthy
and me aren't like Julie and I just haven't figured it out yet.

   Suddenly the courtyard seemed even more like an oven than it already was.
I had to get home. I picked up the pace, and I started saying to myself,
from the courtyard all the way to the gate of the East Dorm, "It's not true,
it's not true, it's not true, it's not true, it's not true..." Like a chant.

   "It's not true, it's not true, it's not true, it's not--"

   But right in front of the gate I stopped, because when I looked up to the
balcony I swear I saw the Rose  Goddess out on the second floor balcony
"dressed as Eve" (or Aphrodite or Venus, depending on where you have your
favorite Mediterranean villa, your Highness) and enjoying the summer evening.

   Yeah, I know. That sounded real corny, huh? But she hadn't put her
glasses on or her hair up or anything, so of course I knew it had to be
Anthy, but it didn't look or _feel_ like the Anthy I knew at all.

   And no, your Highness, I would follow you into hell, but I am _not_ going
to tell you what he looked like naked. I've told you what she looks like
with clothes on. You'll just have to use your imagination. (Nyah!) You
probably wouldn't be that far off from the truth anyway.

   (It's funny. I've been addressing my diary entries to my prince since I
can't remember--since I started it I think--and it's only very recently that
it hit me that princes are actually _men_ and stuff. I never really thought
that when the princess marries the prince and they end up with fourteen
children they had to come from somewhere. Hm. Do princes go saving
princesses because they just don't like the dating scene? I don't know. I do
a lot of the princesses get kidnapped by dragons and they get their dressees
torn and stuff. Your Highness, no way are you going to tell me you don't
know what a naked chick looks like by now!)

   Besides, if I did tell you, it wouldn't help you see what was wrong in
any case. It wasn't the fact that she _was_ nude that really affected me. I
mean, I'd seen that before. During the curry incident it wasn't like I
wasn't going to take a bath, and I don't think Anthy would have appreciated
it if I hadn't. I could have handled it if it was just that, or if I'd just
seen a photo of her, say, but it wasn't. She was looking out at the
courtyard--I don't think she'd seen me yet, or if she had she didn't let
on--with this expression on her face, really regal, like the face of one of
those Roman statues of gods I'd seen in my textbook, a really faraway look
in her eyes. 

   But it wasn't just that--there was this sense of raw _power_ I was
getting from her that I'd never felt before, like she was higher than me--of
course she actually was, I was on the ground and she was on the second
floor--but like a really a higher being and not a person like me. I was
looking at her and I couldn't pull myself away. I felt--I don't know--like I
should be praying or I should throw myself at her feet or--

   I managed to shake myself, and for just a second I was able to look at
her again and just see plain Anthy standing on the balcony, and it's just
long enough for me to be able to say to myself, "Oh crap, what's she doing
now? What if some guy sees her, or even a teacher?" So I go in the gate and
go in and go up the stairs, bitching myself out for letting myself get all
worked up like that.

   And I go into the living-rrom upstairs, which the balcony is attached to,
but I can't see her at first, becuase there are ornamental curtains over the
door. So I open the door and I'm going, "Anthy! What the hell do you think
you're--"

   I stopped dead.

   She was beautiful.

   I don't mean she was beautiful in a super-model kind of way, like Julie.
I couldn't see too much of her now anyway; the way I came in her back was
towards me, like she hadn't noticed me open the door, though she must have,
what with me yelling like that. She was..._terrifying_, like a thunderstorm
(oh _man_ I wish it would rain!), or a star or...something like that. I know
it sounds corny, I wish I could describe it better myself, but that's what
she seemed like to me. What I'd felt downstairs, the power she radiated, at
this close range seemed amplified by a factor of ten.

   I was frozen in my tracks. I was so terrified I literally could not move.
I think I know what a deer feels like when it's caught in headlights. I was
never this afarid just to go near _anyone, never mind her. My imagination
was really working in overdrive now; I was thinking of something crazy I'd
heard in the myth unit. Something about the Ark of the Covenant being so
holy that anybody who touched it would die...

   "Chu?"

   Chuchu was there on the table, eating a cracker. Anthy wasn't looking at
me, at least not yet, but Chuchu did, and he gives me this look, like "So,
were you saying something, or are you just going to stare all night?" Like
he was doing the looking for her, like they had a telepathic link or
something or he had cameras inside his eyes that were beaming me right to Anthy.

   Heh. You know, Anthy stays she understands him when he talks. She's tuned
into him _way_ too much. Maybe _he's_ the space alien and Anthy's the human
host.

   "Um...aren't you cold?" I said at last.

   Said. More like croaked. My throat was dry as a bone. It didn't help that
I was sweating so much.

   Anthy still didn't look at me yet. I couldn't see her lips move. "It is
very warm tonight, miss Utena."

   I tried again. "I thought you were going out..."

   "I did. I returned."

   "Yeah...I can see that..."

   "What I set out to do I had to return here to finish."

   I wasn't thinking straight enough to try to figure out what that meant.

   "You mind telling me why you've got no clothes on?" As normally as I could.

   "When I returned I decided to take a bath before I went to bed. It was
very humid today. You must have noticed, miss Utena."

   I cleared my head long enough to notice her hair _was_ a little wet. But
maybe that was just perspiration.

   "Um...aren't you afraid people'll _see_ you or anything?"

   "This is a rather isolated part of campus, miss Utena, especially at this
hour. Everybody has gone home. You are the only person who has passed by
here since I returned. It never occurred to me that it would disturb anybody."

   "Well, it's bothering me!" 

   I wanted to scold her, and it was supposed to be a yell, but it didn't
come out like that; it sounded more like a screech in my ears.

   "Oh?" she replied, and then she turned her head towards me at last.

   Deep green eyes. Like I imagined the Mediterranean, or the Aegean. There
I go again, I studied for that test too hard for my own good. Oh help me!

   The reason I thought of that was--it wasn't quite what Wakaba said, it
didn't seem unconcerned or anything, but it seemed so _detached_, like I'd
been Chuchu or someone freaking out about her being naked. That's not all,
though. There was a--I don't know--timeless look in her eyes. Like she'd
seen this before, she'd seen it all before, like she might have seen the
beginning of the world with those eyes...

   I guess she figured she really had freaked me out, because she turned and
went over to the table and got her bathrobe. It was draped over one of the
chairs, it was funny how I hadn't noticed it before. And she puts it on and
goes right back to the railing like nothing had happened.

   Chuchu went back to his cracker.

   "Come."

   She suddenly said just that one word. Really gently, but firmly, like she
really would call Chuchu.

   And I could move again. No, that's not right. More like I just moved,
whether I wanted to or not, over to the railing right beside Anthy on her
left. Like she was controlling my body.

   Well, that probably wasn't it. Maybe I was just too scared stiff to do
anything else.

   We stood there for a few minutes in silence, just watching the night.

   "Miss Utena?"

   "Yeah?"

   "I sometimes think I disturb you a great deal. Am I a bother?"

   I didn't look at her yet, I didn't think I could handle it. I just wished
I'd the nerve or the ability to run away screaming like I wanted to do.

   "Uh, no...no, Anthy, it's just...you got to stop doing things
like...look, you just don't walk out in public butt-naked like that..."

   "Miss Utena...does it please you that I am here?"

   I didn't understand for a second.

   "Please me? Why wouldn't it please me? I mean, we're friends and stuff,
right? Just because I shouted just now doesn't mean..."

   Then I made the mistake of standing up straight and turning towards her
and looking straight at her again.

   And then I understood.

   It was really naive of me, I guess. The Rose Bride is supposed to do
anything her master wants her to do, and after Saionji cornered me in the
supply room during the curry thing I should have known that before I showed
up he and Anthy did more than exchange diaries.

   She stood up straight too, and then she looked at me again with those
eyes. Now she looked like--like she was expecting something.

   In spite of everything I thought I was blushing. I thought, oh God, this
can't be how Julie feels when she--

   "Miss Utena," she said, in this faraway tone I'd never heard before, "I
am your Bride."

   She moved her hand up towards my bare arm, very very slowly. And somehow
I knew that if she managed to actually touch me that'd be the end for me.
Your Highness, why do princes save princesses? Is it so they can ravish them
instead of the dragons?

   Those eyes. There was nothing I wanted more in the world at that moment
than to drown in those sea-green eyes. I'd have done anything. Slit my own
throat, sacrificed my first-born son, torn out Wakaba's heart from her chest
at sunrise...

   She smelt like roses.

   "Do you know what that means?"

   I did.

   "No!"

   I must have stumbled back and tripped over one of the chairs, because the
next thing I knew I was at the other end of the balcony, gripping onto the
railing for dear life, gasping for air like I was drowning, and my heart
pounding like it was going to explode. I felt sick.

   I tried to open my eyes. She'd let her hand fall, and now she had a blank
look on her face, like she didn't know what I'd do next. I screwed them
shut. I was shaking like a leaf.

   I waited what seemed like a year for my heart to stop. It didn't.

   "I'm sorry, Miss Utena."

   I screamed, "Don't come near me! DON'T TOUCH ME!"

   "Miss Utena?"

   I thought I'd regret it, but I tried opening my eyes again. "I said
DON'T...huh?"

   She had put on her glasses (Where'd she get them? Were they on the
table?) and that childlike smile of hers. And she was Anthy again.

   She was offering a hand to help me up. Chuchu had jumped off the table
and he was looking at me all concerned like.

   "Chu?"

   "Are you all right, Miss Utena?"

   I was living in fear of a heart attack, I felt like I was drowning, my
nerves were shot to hell, I thought I was going to throw up Wakaba's sushi,
and some _thing_ that might or might not have been Anthy Himemiya almost
succeeded in seducing me. All things considered, I was pretty damn far from
all right.

   "Yeah, I think. Or I will be in a minute."

   I took the hand. I didn't die, so I figured that was a good sign.
Besides, I needed the help getting up. My legs were like jelly.

   She wasn't the least bit terrifying looking any more. I don't think I'd
been ever more glad to see that smile.

   "Is there something I can do?" she asked. It was like she had no idea
what was wrong. "Do you want some tea?"

   And I'm like, "No, no...just let me get my breath back, I'll be fine
soon..." and I grab a chair and sit down and slump all over the table like
I'd run a thousand miles.

   "If you say so, miss Utena." Anthy picked up my jacket--I guess it
slipped off when I fell--and put it on my shoulders. "Some air will do you
good," she said, in a really motherly tone. It did feel a little cooler, so
I actually was kind of glad to have the jacket back on.

   "Anthy?"

   "Yes?"

   "What happened just now?"

   She didn't answer. She looked like she wanted to say, but like maybe she
was afraid to.

   "On second thoughts, don't answer that. I don't think I want to know."

   "If you say so, miss Utena."

   And she just stood looking at me for a moment.

   "Anthy?"

   "Yes?"

   What did I say just then?

   "Look. I don't know what you did with Saionji. Fact of the matter is, I
don't much care. But Anthy--I'm not Saionji. I don't want to be like
Saionji. I'm afraid of being like him. At all. I mean...what sort of prince
rescues princess just to ravish them? If he does that what's the point of
rescuing them at all?"

   Yeah, I actually said that. I guess Anthy thought it sounded dumb too,
because she just looked at me, kind of puzzled like.

   "Point is...what you did just now...please, for the love of God, don't
_ever_ do that again."

   "Forgive me, miss Utena." She did look a little ashamed. "I'll be more
modest in future." She took her glasses off again. "If it's all right, miss
Utena, I'll be going to bed now. Or did you want me to stay?"

   "No, no...it's okay...go to bed, I'll be there soon." (For all the good
it did!)

   "All right." She smiled again, and she beckoned towards Chuchu, who'd
hopped back on the table and was munching on another cracker. "Chuchu, time
for bed."

   I suddenly remembered.

   "You never told me."

   "What?"

   "Anthy, where do you come from?"

   Again she seemed lost for words, like before. Her face fell.

   "If you feel uncomfortable don't answer." I had to laugh. "Just don't say
you're the Moon Princess, I don't think I could handle it..."

   "She and I are very much alike."

   My heart had still been pounding like it would burst. Now it just plain
stopped. I don't know which felt worse. I shot up in my chair.

   "That's what I used to think to myself," Anthy went on. She wasn't
looking at me, any more; she was looking at the moon through the clouds,
looking really sad for some reason. I immediately regretted sitting up so
fast, because I felt so woozy as a result that I couldn't help but slump
back down again.

   "Kaguya-hime was courted by all the fair princes of the land, whether she
would be courted or no, who thought her the fairest when she was naught but
the most unworthy of her tribe, cast out to do her penance on earth. They
resorted to all sorts of tricks, fair and foul, to win her hand, but in the
end none could truly win her heart."

   She suddenly looked at me and smiled.

   "I don't think that any more. That was very silly of me, wasn't
it--comparing myself to somebody out of a fairy tale. Don't you think, miss
Utena?"

   I didn't quite know how to respond to that. Was she criticizing me, do
you think?

   "I'd better go to bed" She clapped her hands. "Come on, Chuchu." She
headed for the door. "Good night, miss Utena. Don't stay up too late."

   "I won't, Mom..." But I had to giggle. And she disappears through the door.

   But Chuchu didn't follow her, not just yet. He waited tob finish his cracker.

   And then I swear he looked me in the eye and gave me a thumbs-up.

   "Chu!"

   "Chuchu, bed!" called Anthy, a little crossly too. And he hops down and
follows her inside.

   And I'm thinking, was that some sort of test?

---

   4 o'clock. I'd better go to bed _now_.

   If it was a test, and Chuchu did that, I guess I passed. But a test of
what? Of whether she could trust me not to use her like Saionji did? Of
whether I really was the pure and noble prince I'd like to be? Heck--the one
that'll lead the Revolution (whatever _that_ is)?

   I don't know. Do you suppose I'll ever know?

   Your Highness, do you know?

   Will you tell me when we meet again?

I am, Sir,
Your obedient servant,
Utena Tenjo.
  
---
Paul Corrigan
corrig11@pilot.msu.edu
Who can now hold his head high at ACen...






























OMAKEOMAKEOMAKEOMAKEOMAKEOMAKEOMAKEOMAKEOMAKEOMAKEOMAKEOMAKEOMAKEOMAKEOMAKEO
MAKEOMAKEOMAKEOMAKEOMAKEOMAKE

Scene: The next morning at Ohtori Academy. Utena and Anthy are on their way
to school, Anthy with Chuchu on her shoulder, smiling blankly as usual,
Utena looking like the walking dead. It's pouring rain. Anthy has an
umbrella with the Ohtori rose crest on it; Utena just suffers.

Utena: (under her breath) _Now_ it rains...
Anthy: Rain makes things beautiful, miss Utena.
Utena: Oh yeah? Is that why I don't get the umbrella?
Voice: (squealing) Utena my love!

(Wakaba--oh right, like it'd be anybody else--bowls Utena over. Utena falls
face first onto the rather muddy path, with Wakaba on her back.)

Utena: You're paying for the dry cleaning.
Wakaba: That's okay. We're still having lunch, right?

(Enter Toga, looking suave as usual. Utena pulls herself up; Wakaba slips
off her and lands on her cute butt.)

Wakaba: Ouchie!
Toga: Greetings and salutations, Miss Tenjo!
Utena: G'mrnin.
Toga: May I say you look more beautiful every day...
Utena: (clearly irritated) Look, Toga, just so you know I didn't get a wink
of sleep last night and I'm in a _mean_ mood so I really don't have time for
you this morning. Can I go to class now?
Toga: You didn't? I'm sorry.

(He moves to whisper in her ear.)

Toga: (stage whisper) Anthy didn't keep you up all night, did she?

*WHAM*POW*BOOT*

(Toga goes into LEM, pinkies extended Takahashi-style.)

Anthy: (watching him fly off) My! That's impressive, miss Utena!
Wakaba: (With not a bity of sympathy in her expression) Now that he had
coming...