As I appear to be in a C&C mood... (Or maybe I'm just avoiding
finishing my own stuff)

Spoilers ahead.  Snippage throughout.

Good afternoon, FFML. For those of you awaiting Part 3
of "The Prank That Wasn't," I beg for your patience.

Okey dokey.  Lookin' forward to it.  I've been enjoying that story.
It's great to see a Ranma-act-as-a-girl fic that centers on comedy,
rather than Ranma actually getting in touch with his "femininity."

[...]

Many thanks and deep bows to Vince Seifert for his
expertise in networking, manga, character knowledge,
and writing in general - this would be a much poorer
work without him. [If you haven't read his "The Taming
of the Horse," you should be drawn and quartered. :)]

Allow me to second this praise.  He's certainly helped me out,
and I still can't get the image of Akane with a riding crop
out of my head.  8)

[...]

Disclaimers: Ranma 1/2 and the characters therein are
the property of Takahashi Rumiko, Shogagukan, and Kitty
(Japan), and Viz Video (USA). Aa! Megami-sama and the
characters therein are the property of Fujishima
Kosuke. No compensation has been or will be received

You don't need it, but since you mentioned Viz:
...and Studio Proteus and Dark Horse Comics (USA)
or
...and AnimEigo (USA)

[...]

A twittering in the bowels of the complex alerted the
huntress that she was closing in on her prey. She

Good opening sentence.

stealthily moved down an aisle lined on both sides with
innumerable computer memory banks. At the end of the
aisle a spiral staircase led down to a powerline
junction. As she reached the bottom of the staircase
she bumped her head on the thick overhead conduit.

Good  opening paragraph.  GRAB your readers!

[...]

as a favor to the Goddess of Luck. She resumed her
stalking, her face illuminated by the pulsing conduits
in a random sequence of blue, green, and red.

blue, green, and red light(s).

[...]

The huntress shook her head as she realized that this
was one of the areas of the complex that was overdue
for a millennial upgrade. It was dark, but the red

You're kind of overusing huntress as a description.  Maybe you
could treat is as a title, "Huntress".  In that case, capitalize
it.

double-ended patch cords connected the data lines from
one plane of existence to another. She shuddered to be
in the presence of such old technology.

Yikes, don't trip over those!

[...]

"What did I say you had to do for me for this?" An

This sounds awkward.

elegantly beautiful teenaged woman with warm dark brown
hair, cut to resemble a helmet, gave a wry grin as she
glanced at her companion.

I'm not going to believe she's "elegantly beautiful" on your
say-so.  Let's see a description that supports your claim.

[...]

"Hey! This was your idea! 'Something to pass the time,'
you said, Nabiki." The companion, another teenaged
woman, huffed and puffed in reflexive outrage. She was
also beautiful, but where the first was elegant, the
companion was exotic. Very large almond-shaped blue
eyes sat in a petite elfin face. Light olive skin was
set off stunningly by hair so red it gave new meaning
to the description. Both women had figures to die for.

Although this is a nice comparison between the two, I'm not sure
about this description of Ranma.  Don't "almond" eyes traditionally
connote Asian ancestry?  So, Nabs would have them, too.

And doesn't olive skin connote Mediterannean ancestry?  I'm sure
it means darker skin, which I don't really see on Girl-Type.

[...]

"Jeez, Ranma. You could take the fun out of a bowl of
ice cream."

"And you're cold enough to...  Oh, never mind.  Just stay
away from my ice cream!"

[...]

Nabiki turned back to her computer and waited while the
Internet log-on finished. The assorted chirps,
whistles, and blats of interfacing modems could be
heard emanating from the machine. Her ISP homepage came
up, and Nabiki highlighted the URL navigation bar and
began typing in the first of a series of numerical IP
addresses.

This sounds a little too technical.  The computer geeks already
know what you're talking about, and newbies won't get the TLAs.
Nix the "ISP" and "URL"; they're superfluous.

[...]

"198... 213... 220... 256... 277... 299... 313... GAH!
I'm not getting anywhere. TERMINAL!" A holographic
computer interface materialized in front of the
diminutive goddess. It looked similar to a laptop, but
it was translucent. *Password* blinked above an empty

Maybe, "it was composed entirely of light."  I'm thinking it's
like Washu's terminal, rather than the latest iLaptop offering
from Apple Computer. ;)

[...]

"What's a server, anyway?" Ranma asked while staring at
the ceiling.

Nabiki rolled her eyes. "Saotome, do you know anything
about the modern world?"

Ranma scowled as she cracked her spine across the back
of the chair. "Excuse ME for bein' on a ten-year
trainin' trip."

Heh.

[...]

Nabiki looked at the redhead as she continued to arch
her back and smirked. "By the way, Ranma. Nice tits."

Images of "Heart's Desire" returning...

[...]

"HAHAHA! You seemed to enjoy grabbin' me when I first
got here. 'Does this look like a boy to you, Daddy?'
Squeeze, squeeze." Nabiki quickly found her center, but
it took a little longer for the blush to recede and
Ranma noticed. "Well, well. Are you embarrassed? Or did
you really enjoy it?"

Enquiring minds want to know!

[...]

"What's a Yggdrasil?" Ranma asked.

After a moment, he added, "And how do you pronounce it?"  ;)

[...]

"'Limited' or 'Unlimited'?"

"'Unlimited', of course. Anything goes, you know."

I noticed you used the Japanese order of the names.  In the same vein,
it might be appropriate to put the more literal translation of Musabetsu
kakutou here.  Unrestricted Fighting, or Indiscrimnate Grappling.
(http://www.princeton.edu/~qpliu/ranma_what.html)

[...]

"Sis, it's just that I have my hands full doing
motorcycle drag racing for the club. I don't have the
time to take on funny cars. Do you understand?" Keiichi
pleaded.

Maybe it's a technical term, but I'd just say "motorcyle racing".

[...]

*Please indicate by clicking which of the detected
individuals is file subject.*

"Creepy," Ranma muttered.

"No shit," Nabiki said. She moved the cursor over to
her room, took her mental bearings, and placed the
cursor over the blinking point representing Ranma. She
looked at the redhead.

Still look like a gag site?  :j

[...]

*File creation complete. Stand by for reality update.*

"Uh... Nabiki? What does that mean?"

"And why are you backing away from me?"

[...]

"Tha-tha-that's not possible!" Skuld exclaimed. "We
have safeguards built into the Wish System to prevent
it! I know, I put 'em there!" She wrung her hands.

"Super Genius strikes again," Urd monotoned.

Heh.

[...]

The last thought through Saotome Nodoka's mind before
she fainted was, <That's not very... man... ly...>, and
Kasumi just swooned (it seemed the proper thing to do
at the moment). The women fell against each other and
slid to the floor in a heap.

Heh.  Again.

[...]

The Saotome patriarch, Genma, grabbed the phone away
and began to speak.

"National Enquirer?  Have I got a story for you!"

[...]

Growf, growf, garooowww, growf!" Soun's gushing tears
had triggered Genma's curse, and Panda-chan began
holding signs in front of the mouthpiece, occasionally
growfing for emphasis.

Typical. :)

[...]

At the other end of the line, Tofu Ono rhythmically
beat his head against the top of his desk. <Two GROWN
men. Oh, brother...> He hung up, grabbed his black bag,
and left for the Tendo's.

Tendos'



Looks good!  And that's a lot of praise from me; normally I hate
AMG/Ranma crossovers.  Also this story is certainly original, and
that's what we're all desperate for.  Looking forward to more.


Doug

----
Douglas MacDougall     Art and fiction available at my homepage:
dougmacd@thecia.net    http://www.thecia.net/~dougmacd/fanworks/