Douglas MacDougall <dougmacd@thecia.net> wrote:

PLEASE C&C.

Quoth Gary Kleppe, this message is "extraneous".  :j

Now, now... I've only complained about this kind of things when they
were cluttering up the *subject header.*

In my own experience, not receiving C&C seems to mean that the fic
is okay, with nothing bad enough to comment on, but nothing really
exceptional, either.

Well, in general, yes... but there's enough different stuff going on in
this, I can't imagine anyone not having a strong opinion of some kind on
*some* of it. :)

Ken Arromdee	Donny Cheng	TJ Hamilton
Sean Hayden	Ronny Hedin	Gary Kleppe
Thomas Schmidt	David Tatum	Ethan Tsai

I'm assuming TJ Hamilton is a guy.

Hey, so are we! ^_~

'Kami of the True Fiancee # 116- Desix.' Desix had been crossed out,
and in its place was the word 'Desaix.' The apparition gestured to a
path in the woods Ranma hadn't seen before. "Okay, the first step is to
find something you can make a wish with...

Let me guess who wrote this part...

Tough one, innit? Since we know who the author is, I'll let him field
the comments on the chapter.

Ranma held the medallion and concentrated. He had memorized the words
Nabiki had written, and so now was the time to say them. "I wish I
could communicate to Akane all my thoughts, all my feeling, and all my
emotions, whenever I want to or need to."

feelings?

Oops! Me editor. Me should've spotted that.

[...]

Akane was sitting in Ucchan's, eating an Okonomiyaki.

Okonomiyaki does not need to be capitalized.

And that.

Chapter 7: Nabiki Tendo
Unforseen Consequences

Unforeseen

And this.

Strange, thought Nabiki.  The biggest unselfish wish I'd want to make,
Akane already made.  So what do I want?  I can get money _without_
wishing, and I'm not going to need a wish to get in a good university;
I just have to study hard.  Besides, those may be too selfish for the
wish-granter.

Did Akane ever tell Nabiki about her wish?

Apparantly she did -- or else Nabby figured it out. I don't suppose it
would be hard to put two and two together, given the circumstances.

At the Tendo Dojo, Mrs. Tendo and Mrs. Saotome sat at the living room
table drinking tea, each looking to the other's mate as they played
shogi on the outside walk, the doors to the garden wide open.

New author, so I'll comment again.  You're using Ukyou, so use Tendou.

Okay. I didn't worry too much about this, since we're not consistent
from chapter to chapter anyhow.

You know, this problem with Mrs. Tendo's memory sounds rather ominous,
but it's never really addressed again.

I think it was mentioned in part 2 that she didn't remember where she'd
been for the past ten years.

Not a 'yes', not a 'no'; Ranma said, "Ore, omae ga suki, Akane."

For *my* wish, I'd like to know what the heck he just said.  The only
word I understood was suki.  It's the best part of sukiyaki, right?  ;)

Got me. I'll have to ask the writer of this part.

And for a non smart-ass comment, I did find the questions and answers
to be pretty much what I'd expect from the two.  Nothing out of
character.  Although, with the mind link, why are they even bothering
to ask?

Well, presumably they're hesitant to do a full jump into each other's
minds.

Okonomiyaki Ucchan had no friends in Tokyo.

Except all her raving fanboys.  ;)

They don't count. ^_^ And they're not in Tokyo.

And you know, Kasumi, they really shouldn't be doing that until
they're married.  [nods]

True, she did object to Ranma sneaking into Akane's room, didn't she....

"That's okay," he said softly. "I carry my own usually. . ." he said,
stroking his umbrella on the trail pack. "Never had a reason to think

Stroking his umbrella?  Is that some sort of sexual euphemism?  8|

Huh huh huhu huh

[...]

Ryouga was about to do something he'd never thought he'd do. "Well,
you're only wearing a Gi top, and not very tightly."

Caps, again.

D'oh. Will fix.

"NO!" Ukyou yelled. "You live in southeast bumble- you moron! You're
almost in the next prefecture!"

Was "bumble" supposed to be a placeholder while you looked up the
name of a nearby district?  'Cause it sure don't sound Japanese...

I think it's like saying that he lives in East Bumf---. A euphemism
meaning someplace out in hickville. (I guess.)

[...]

"You might want to button up the jacket to the top," he said, looking
anywhere but at her.

What's there to see, with the breast bindings?

Hey, she doesn't always wear those....

Ukyo's face was expressionless as she watched the Tendo and Saotome

Hmm.  The latest author doesn't use the letter u to denote long vowels.
I don't, either, but to keep spelling consistent throughout this story,
perhaps he should?  Ukyou.  Tendou.

Nah, as the editor, if I was gonna change it I'd put 'em all the other
way.

[...]

There doesn't seem to be too much to this chapter besides "correcting"
what happened to Shampoo, and setting up the harem thing.  Unfortunately,
I don't buy into Nodoka thinking that Ranma should have lots of
mistresses.  Was such a thing ever suggested in the anime or manga?

Not as such. She did think that Ranma's apparent peeping on Akane was
manly, but it's a biiiiiig stretch to conclude that she wants Ranma to
have a harem.

"And that Nabiki! Her wish made her the final interpreter of all the
other wishes. She must have *known* how things would turn out! Did she
*really* think I wanted to be one of Ranma's harem girls?"

And yet another author "corrects" a previous author's writing...

Yep. It's pretty inevitable, given the nature of the project. Most of us
have strong feelings about the characters, and what one of us thinks is
fitting can offend another's sensibilities.

And she remembered the wish she had made. *I wish I had someone nice
like Ran-chan for my friend.*

This was just too beautiful.  Sure, it was cruel and heartless, too,
but them's the breaks.  >:)

Heh. Cruel and heartless *can* be beautiful. :)

"No. His wish was that he had a name that was truly appropriate for
him. Then he vanished, and these appeared in his place. Strange,
really."

Heh.  How appropriate.  Never saw Taro's appeal, anyway.

Blade and Alan Harnum'll be by to explain it to you later.... :-)

"If he's from Ranma's subconsious, then how do you explain him
appearing to me too, huh?  Or how Mousse knew about him?  Didn't
think of that one, didja?!?  You're not the real Cologne at all,
are you!  Look at that cheap wrinkly mask!"

"Watch it, sonny boy!" <BONK>

The explanation is simple. The various characters were pulled from the
subconscious minds of the various people -- but given solid substance by
the power of the locket.

How on earth did Kodachi know that Nabiki was the one currently granting
wishes?

Ukyo mentioned it when she was listening.

the night before she made the wish. She must have done it then.
Probably used some sort of chemical to drug me." Nabiki hoped she'd get
the chance to pay Kodachi back for what she did, with interest.

Does Kodachi have access to such chemicals?  I've only seen her use
paralysis and sleeping powders, both of which appear to be commercially
available in Nerima.

I mean, Ranma tried to drug Kuno's food on their date with the wishing
sword.  Ryoga successfully drugged Ranma when near the end of the koi
fishing rod incident.  Kasumi used the paralysis powder on her family
and guest.  Sure, she was possessed by an oni at the time, but she got
the stuff from somewhere, right?

Good point... but if all that stuff is easily available, who's to say
that other chemicals aren't either?

Now, I *like* Kodachi, but how much interesting conflict can there
really be if Kodachi can fiddle with people and reality with just a
whim?  It's the supercharacter syndrome.

Well, we'll see. Read the finale, and judge for yourself. 

Well, that's about it.  Like I said, the story is okay, neither bad nor
exceptional.  It had good parts and bad parts.  Also, there appears to
be some consistency problems brought about by the different authors.
It's not jarring, but it is visible, and without looking too hard.

I think the authors would have done better to make the parts more
episodic.  The best episode, IMO, with Akane, stands almost completely
alone.  The other parts are strung together.  In the worst case, the
author who *started* to make Ukyo's wish seems to have dropped the
ball in the next author's lap.

Yeah, that's the weakness of the Round Robin method, I think. Next
project we do will have one person firmly in editorial control, so that
at least the mistakes will be consistent. :)

This leads to "corrections" and retcons by later authors.

One other comment I have.  Apparently anyone who saw Happosai's demon
gets to make a wish.  Do we ever find out who this list of people is?

It was Des who said that, so it's not necessarily accurate. You can just
list the people who did make a wish, of which there's one more to come.

Well, that's it.  Let's see how it all ends.

Once again, thanks a lot for the C&C.


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html