Shade <rowan-phoenix@usa.net> wrote:
Not a Private Bet #1: Fiancee Wars
By Shade

Disclaimer: Yappa Yappa.....

No really,  I have to acknowledge:
 
Ken Arromdee            Donny Cheng             TJ Hamilton
Sean Hayden             Ronny Hedin             Gary Kleppe
Thomas Schmidt          David Tatum             Ethan Tsai

for writing �Heart's Desire�, sorry people but this is my response.
Why settle for just simple C&C when you can stir the pot a little?
All other copywrited material belongs to their respected holders.

*Warning* This is not a Private Bet. It�s worse.

*Warning* This is a Spoof Parody Alternate Critique.
                 (Depends on who you ask)
	      Does not necessarily reflect all of 
                  the author�s personal feelings.

*Warning* By the Laws of Chance 
                  this will most likely offend someone.
	      Flames will be drenched. Keep it civilized people.

*Warning* There are no more warnings after this. 
                  Proceed at your own risk.
~*~*~*~*~*~

Prologue: A Fanfic Menace

Our heroes were relaxing for a moment from 
the Private Bet and enjoying some well deserved
refreshments. There had been good entries, bad entries, 
and some entries that just made roll their eyes in disbelief.
People rooting for a Ranma blinded by his father�s stupidity,
others wagering on who would win the Masaki sweepstakes as 
Tenchi was thrown into Tomebiki, still others having a good laugh 
at the Saotome Family Reunion from Hell guest starring Ranma�s 
older sisters. All in all, it was rather exhausting, fun but exhausting.

Rowan and Shadow stuck to fruit juice, alcohol didn�t 
have much of an effect on them and they didn�t care 
for that aftertaste. The only time they drank was when 
they wanted to forget something, and even then only 
when they knew that the memory would be worse 
then the hangover.

The Guardian knew his limits 
and was still on his first glass of wine.
An evil laugh from behind him was an 
excellent reminder of the virtues of restraint.

The Bard was drunk as a skunk.

Under the influnce of booze some people become
gloomy, others violent and a few sentimental. 
Unfortunately this particular Half Elf didn�t fall 
under any of the above catergories, he was one of 
those rare drinkers who.....

�EEK!!!! YOU PERVERT!!!� 

*ATOMIC SMASH*

........get extremely �frisky� when plastered.
As hentai as he normally was sober when drunk 
he was so energetic that it required sustained 
small arms fire just to keep him away 
from the ladies present. 

�Who�s he chasing this time?�

Shadow looked up from his drink to check,
 his reply was as bored as his expression.
The guy had no dignity when it came to women.

�He�s going after the Muses again.�

�Figures.� Rowan sighed resignedly, the pointy eared 
idiot would have to go after both of his loves at once.
He couldn�t just chase after women, he had to chase 
after musically talented women. it was a wonder that 
the Bard had survived for as long as he had, some 
people just had all the luck.

�There are times that I�m glad we�re off that market.
 Now is one of them.�

�No argument here Rowan. I�ll take Urd�s potions over 
that insanity any day.� 

The duo watched the hijinks for a few minutes.

Bard chases girl.
Bard glomps girl.
Girl unleashes the dreaded 
�Offended Woman Rightous Beatdown�
technique (exclusive to the female OCC).

�.......I�m bored.�

�Ditto.� 

Rowan picked up the remote and started flipping 
through the various subdimensional channels.

*Click*
Hmmm.....Ranma engaged to Haruka, Rei, and Setsuna.
Seen it.

*Click*
Mihoshi gets a cabbit.
Ugh.....sugar overload.

*Click*
Akane messes up a wish and 
ends up being switched with A-ko at birth.
Well she did say that she didn�t wanted to be 
chased by �boys�. At least Ranma 
and A-kone were happy. Plus A-ka
having to eat C-ko�s lunches every day 
was just so...fitting.

*Click*
Ranma marrying Shampoo, gains a mindlink to 
Akane and dumps Ukyo. Mousse and Gosunkugi die, 
Kodachi becomes a goddess. All thanks to one of the
KOTTF interfering so Akane gets Ranma.

*Click*
Ah, Magical Troubleshooting Crossover Fighting
Federation ULTRA! The perfect mindless violent 
entertainment to pass those long hours without 
learning a single useful thing. Must remember to 
stop by in that dimension one of these days.........

Rowan�s thoughts came to a screeching halt.
Alarms began sounding in his head as his systems 
went to Red Alert. 

Shadow froze, his goblet halfway to his mouth.

*CLICK*
Ranma.......AND AKANE!!??
A KOTTF ruining the lives of Ukyo and Shampoo??!!!
KODACHI as a GODDESS???!!!
Sacrilege!!! 

Liquor and various assorted beverages spewed as 
the stunned audience performed a collective spit take 
the likes of which had never been seen before or since.

�OH MY GODDESS! They�re out of character!!!�
>From the looks of it they were going to need a 
forklift to pry the Guardian�s jaw off of the ground.

�You Bastards!!!� Cable was yet another 
one of those shady vices the Bard had 
picked up in his dimensional travels.

�That weasely.......SI!!!� Shadow spat it out like a curse.
 It was.

�This......must be stopped.� Rowan�s normally careless 
voice now had a vein of cold steel running through it.

Everyone wisely took a step back from him.
~~~~~~~~~
-Reality

Somewhere on the West Coast a young and 
dashing fanfic writer felt a shiver run down his spine.
Damn, looks like he was needed. So much for some 
quiet time to work on his homework. 

�I really hate it when I have to do this. I despise SI!!!�

The Divine Entity of the Eternal Balance *Bamphed* 
into the realm of Anime. They�d better have a 
REALLY good reason for summoning him 
like this. Especially since he was right in the middle of finishing 
part four of Private bet #10.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-Anime

�You didn�t.....�

�You�re calling...HIM??!!!�

*Bamph*

�All right. What do you want?!�

Shade was cranky.
Shade was so annoyed that 
Shade was starting to think in third person.

Shade smacked himself in the head to banish the 
SZSS (Shampoo Zen Stress Syndrome).

The crowd could only stare at this stranger who 
seemed to be holding the biggest *censored* Ballpoint 
Pen in the Multiverse. It was HUGE, whoever had 
made that old saying involving pens and blades 
had obviously been talking about this. 

Rowan pointed to the pool.

�We�ve got an illegal violation of continuity 
regulation 23B subclause 11 paragraph 5 regarding 
crossdimensional alignment.�

Shade grimaced. Otaku SI�s always left 
a bad taste in his mouth.

�So in other words someone�s screwed around 
with the characters personalities and basically
made a mess of things with help from my eternal 
opponents, the KOTTF.�

�Bingo.� 

�Hey!! I�m a member of the KOTTF!!�
A voice squeeked out from the back of the crowd.

*BLAM*

*HISSSS**THUNK*

�Arrrgggh.......�
A boggle with an �Akane is the only one� button
fell on its back. A steaming hole was burned through the 
middle of its forehead and a crossbow bolt embedded in its heart.

Shadow whistled innocently as he reholstered his sidearm.
The Guardian did his best to hide the fact that he had a 
large autocrossbow behind his back.

�Anyone else here an Akane fan?�

As one the entire gathering shook their head. 
Good riddance.

Shade sighed.

�Okay, I�ll help you. But no more killing and keep the insults 
to the enemy to a minimum. The last thing we need is 
for another Fiancee War to break out. That means you Shadow!�

�Oh pooh! Spoil all my fun why don�t you.�
~~~~~~~~~~
-A little later

They watched as Akane got to look into Ranma�s heart and soul.
Then they saw her still beat the crap out of him anyway.

�What a....� The Guardian was having trouble coming up 
with an adaquate discription for this black haired and equally 
black hearted.......

�Living waste of resources.� Shadow scowled as the 
Tendo bimbo made a painful farewell between Ukyo 
and Ranma even more heartbreaking.

�Yeah! Exactly!!� 

�Cute.� Violet eyes narrowed.

�And on that path, you and Akane will
marry and be in love- truly in love- 
for the rest of your relatively long lives. 

�Of course notice that he never said relative to what.
Compared to a fruitfly�s life span their brief and 
bitter marriage is long. Also notice that nothing is 
said about how well the married life would be, strong 
love doesn�t neccessarily mean a perfect relationship.�

��The Bitter End� proved that one. Not to mention the 
little details such as that if Ranma married Shampoo in the 
second timeline they�d all be better off, Akane would finally 
have to grow up and Ukyo would have her heart�s desire at last.�

Even the Bard was a tad bitter, this was so bad that 
he was getting sober!

�Well you can�t make an official direct change, that�s out 
of your current power level and I highly doubt that the 
situation is desperate enough to allow you to access
your full abilities.� 

�So we�ll just make an unofficial indirect change.�
Rowan smiled deviously, an unnerving experience 
to the others. 

�Now you�re thinking, I knew that giving you free will 
when I created you was worth it. Even though you all 
are rather annoying at times.�

�Heh, nothing you can do about it. We�re independent 
agents now, you have no direct control over us.�
Shadow loved to rub that in.

�The Cutey Senshi can be waiting for you 
at the altar you know. This pen isn�t just 
part of the job description..�
Shade�s smile was every bit as smug as Shadow�s had been.

The black clad figure paled.

�Not...not.....The Full Figured Warriors of Love and Just Desserts!!!�

He nodded.

�I�ll be good!� Dear Gods, if they got any 
more wives they were going to die!
~~~~~~~~~~~~

�All set?�

�Yep.�

�Then my work here is done. See ya.�

A yellow rose symbol burst into existance as 
Shade popped back to reality. A slight chuckle escaped him.

{Ah what a tangled web we weave......}
This was going to cause an uproar, just the 
thing to make life interesting again.......
~~~~~~~~~~

�By the Compact of Three I bind thee.......�

Rowan chanted in a steady voice.

�Within the Heart of Darkness Eternal......�

Shadow�s seductive rhythm flowed with the Power 
that was Black beyond Black.

�Springs forth the Healing Light Renewed......�

>From the Guardian a soft glow grew to 
become a steady brilliance of white fire.

�Touched by Chaos�s Possibilities......
Always Knowing yet never certain...... �

The Bard�s true innate power was 
shown here at last. Many things he might be, 
but everyone had to admit that the Bard definitely
knew his stuff here.

�.......Sundered into One.�

A spark of non-reality burst into existance 
between the four casters. One could not 
look directly at it without seeing 
things that hurt the eye with their 
impossibility. 

Whispers started to run through the audience, 
they�d never suspected that these four possessed 
such strong talents. All of them were very glad 
that they were not on any of the quartet�s bad side and  
pitied the one who had invoked their wrath.

Soon the spark�s glow died down to reveal a shimmering 
rainbow crystal.

�Care to do the honors Shadow?�

�With pleasure.�

Holding the shard like a baseball Shadow set himself 
and hurled their creation into the pool. The crystal
plunged through to strike at the heart of the target reality, 
splintering off a small piece of it. 

The crystal�s contained energies exploded into the splinter.

The Guardian grinned.

�Now the fun begins.�

(To be continued)

*$*$*$*

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
>From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

-Robert Frost

"a politician is an arse upon
which everyone has sat except a man"

-E.E. Cummings
 

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