"Wild twists" is right.  I didn't expect half of the plot twists in this
one.

One thing, though.  I'm not sure what your intent was in this story.  You
seemed to be building it up as a gut-wrenching, emotional roller-coaster
(your title, among other things).  I suspect that was deliberately
misleading on your part, since it's not.  It's a fun read, but didn't really
grip me by my emotions and squeeze them.

Well, despite some of the sadder moments, I always try to keep CMD as
light and humorous when I can. CMD could become very dark if I didn't try
to keep the humor in place when possible.

 If you really intended it to, the
Ranma/Sanko to Akane confrontation needs a lot more honing, plus you
probably have to cut the plot twists and jokes from that section of the
story.  If you really want that, it should be achievable; you have the raw
materials.  As it is, there was nothing here that would justify Akane's
calling it "the biggest mistake of my life" as she did in episode 14 (of
course, you've shown that the Matriarch Akane can be quite disingenuous in
her narration).

Well, all I can say is that this decision by Akane does lead to events
that Akane will feel great sorrow over and will shape her families life.
More on that in the next two chapters.

Anyway, details:

having them available for the wedding two weeks ago helped that much.

Weddings in Japan are fairly expensive affairs (usually).  Most fanfic
writers who deal in multiple failed weddings leave a lot more time
between than two weeks.  I don't think I'd change the time, though;
I think I'd suggest a side comment about this one being on the cheap.
Then again, that's kind of implicit anyway.

This one was arranged in a few hours. :) Akane and Ranko only let them
know that morning, so basically... it was get the people together, get
the minister... (attempt to) get married.

It's my child and I am not so dishonorable as my pop that I would
abandon my child!"

Grammar problem (then again, it's Ranma speaking).  "not dishonorable
like my pop"?  "not as dishonorable as my pop"?  I'm not sure why,
other than the joke, Ranma even brings his father up here.  (Genma
never abandoned Ranma, only Ukyou, who was not Genma's child.)

Well, as you said, it's Ranma speaking. And it's mostly Ranma goading his
father like he always does.

     "Shampoo... it's an English word for hair soap." I gulped,

and it's the Japanese word for hair soap (spelled [in Romaji] "shanpuu"), so
your joke doesn't really work.

James isn't a native born Japanese so he's not aware of this... and the
joke is meant to backfire on him. That's actually the joke, not the
Shampoo part.

General:  I'm just not sure the whole premise of the story really works for
me.  The rest of Akane's family is there, as are the Saotomes and Dr. Tofu,
and NOBODY counsels Akane against marrying just Ranko?  Nobody other than
Dr. Tofu knew that anybody was pregnant, so why does everybody else just
accept the need for a quick marriage?  It seems that Akane, on her own,
decided on the need for a quick wedding to Ranko alone, without explanation,
and EVERYBODY just went along with it.

I guess I could indicate that they tried to change her mind when she told
them that morning, but I'd rather not have another flashback to that
part, since the story might get a little long winded.

Unless she's paying for the wedding
herself, there's a credibility problem here.  And does it never occur to her
to change her mind, even during the ceremony?  Nobody suggests she marry all
three, and then "suspend" two of the three until the baby is born?  The
living arrangements are already those of a three-way marriage; what does
Akane expect to change?

Well, the Ranmas do sort of get along right now... but Akane assumes that
she'll have to spend so much time with Ranko that the other two will get
so jealous (and they probably would-their current 'sharing' of Akane's
time would be severely impacted by the time Akane and Ranko would have to
spend in childbirth classes, etc...) it would strain the marriage and
possibly cause problems with the baby. Part of that decision is due to
her inability to make the final decision to marry all three, so she's
unconsciously justifying the decision to marry just Ranko to avoid that.

I guess I can expand on the discussions between them to clarify these
points.

The additional hints that this is a horrendous mistake begin to be taken as
crying wolf, at this point.  You can only get away with such hints so many
times without having a wolf appear before your readers:  1)  stop believing
you, and 2) get annoyed that you continue to cry wolf.

Well, the next two chapters will reveal some long held secrets in CMD...
guaranteed.



-=-
Jim Lazar

E-Mail - mailto:jimlazar@earthlink.net
FanFiction - http://home.earthlink.net/~jimlazar/anime
-=-
   Ranko leaned in and kissed Ukyo again. Mostly she wanted to know if
the same feeling was there again. It was.
   At this moment, being the worse possible moment for them to do so,
Ranma and Akane came into the restaurant looking for Ranko. They found
her, but neither of them expected to find her like this.
   "What the hell are you doing with my fiancee!" Akane shouted.
-=-
Excerpt from Childhood of a Modern Dynasty Chapter 5