On 10 Apr 99, at 0:09, Keiichi Masaki wrote:
For The Love of Kiyone
Tenchi and Kiyone Masaki (did I hear a collective faint?
No, just a a collective groan.
Good!), as well as the rest of the
cast from Tenchi-Muyo!, are the property of Pioneer and AIC.
Author's note/rant: This is my response fic to Dr. Tran's
challenge on the FFML,
and to a similar one made at GenSao's this weekend.
Ten-Kiyo fics are my stock in trade
Yes, I've noticed. And IMO it's been the detriment of at least one
otherwise-decent fic you've done: "Flickering Images."
(no apologies whatsoever to the RFFC), and so, being the
High Priest of the Temple of the
Teal-tressed Goddess, it falls to me.
(Author ducks rocks and bricks thrown by various RFFC
members
bearing the words "traitor" and "heretic")
<chortle>
Look, you're free to pose as a martyr all you like, and to pretend that
the only reason someone would object to a "Kiyone gets Tenchi" fic would
be because they're cheering for one of the other girls. But if there are
any loyal members of the TTTG, it's *they* who should be throwing those
rocks at you -- and Kiyone would lobbing bricks as well, except that she'd
prefer to use her blaster. One of the main things that set Kiyone apart
was that she *wasn't* interested in The Boy. (It's the Mihoshi Effect, not
the Tenchi Effect, that dominates Kiyone's life).
As far as the technical aspects, the writing quality is pretty good, if
just a touch too flowery for my taste in a few spots. But if I want to see
Kiyone in her element, doing what she does best, doing what she *wants* to
do, I'll read "Academy Days" or "Partners Forever."
anyway, there was a
young man, who I met at the Academy." Kiyone paused to gauge
Tenchi's reaction, then
continued. "Akito and I were very close, as close as you and
I are in some ways. We had
even broached the subject of marriage.... and had almost
become engaged the night we made love."
She smiled softly. "He was a lot like you, you know. Very
sweet, kinda shy.... he had actually
bought the ring...."
Not sure what to say or feel, Tenchi asked, "Wh-what
happened?"
Kiyone sighed. "We were going to have dinner that night,
and.... I already
knew about the ring, knew what he was going to do, and knew
my answer....
but he was called away by Vice for a drug bust. He assured
me that it would be over quick
and kissed me good-bye. He never came home."
Now, if you hadn't killed Akito off, you could have written an (IMO) much
better story by developing him further and having him arrive on Earth,
then having his and Kiyone's romance pick up where it left off, etc. --
perhaps giving it more tension by having them been estranged for some
reason so that whatever it was that broke them up would have to be dealt
with first. And it would have had the added bonus of developing an
interesting male Tenchi Muyo character, who are unfortunately a bit of a
rarity, not to mention the possibility of Akito's interaction with Tenchi
(who could probably use another guy to hang out with sometimes), or with
Mihoshi (who would know him from the old days), or Ryoko (Akito will
likely wonder why Mihoshi & Kiyone haven't arrested her yet -- shades of
the Operative in "Tenchi Muyo: In Love"), or Nobuyuki ("Tenchi never
listens to my advice about women. Say, Akito, maybe you could help me talk
some sense into him..."). Writing *that* story would have allowed you to
wax enthusiastic about your favorite character (and I'm by no means
faulting you for your choice of devotion) to your heart's content, without
demeaning her by robbing her of one of the things that made her different.
And with that, I'm going back into lurk mode...
Hasheen!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Happosai (happosai@jps.net), devout member of the Ryoko Forever Fan Club,
#WASHU# lab assistant in training, and Silver Knight of the Knightly
Order of Mihoshi Enthusiasts.
Read Aikan Muyo at http://ucsu.colorado.edu/~andersor/fanfic/fanfic.html
Voted Best Tenchi Muyo Fanfic Spring'98, GenSao's TM! Fanfic Archive!