At 06:36 pm 08/04/99 -0400, Mike Loader wrote:

Take this any way you will, folks.
------------------------------------

A long, long time ago
I can still remember how 
That anime used to make me smile. 

Hey, that's not fair!  I had the idea too, I just didn't get 
it finished until now! <sulk>  I started this ages ago, but 
of course, I get beaten to the punch before I finish....  

This filk is about Osamu Tezuka, if you've never heard of 
him, he's considered the originator of all anime.  And if 
you don't like the implied criticism of Disney, remember, 
this is *humour*. O_-


Astro Boy
=========
(sung to the tune of "American Pie" by Don McLean)


A long long time ago
I can still remember how those cartoons used to make me smile
And I knew if fansubs I was sent
I could cheaply watch, not rent
And knew I'd be happy for a while.

But the White Lion, named Kimba,
Was replaced by Timon and Pumba
Bad films out on video
Not one good idea in their studio

I remember just how much I cried
When Barefoot Gen's little sister died
Something touched me deep inside
After Tezuka died

     So bye, bye, Astro Boy,
     Sent away for some anime 
     But the fansubs ran dry
     Them Disney boys were plugging Mickey, oh why?
     Singing "This'll make anime die
     This'll make anime die!"

Did you read that great manga,
Do you have faith in Tezuka?
You don't 'cause Disney tells you so
Now do you believe in Yuri and Kei
And the power of the three-W A?
And can you teach me Japanese - real slow?

Well, I know that you sold out on us
'Cause I saw you watching "Pocahontas"
You have no taste at all,
I'd rather watch "The Hyperdolls"!

I was a lonely hentai up all night
Watching Dragon Pink and Dragon Knight
But I knew my joy was dead to rights
After Tezuka died

     I started singing
     Bye, bye, Astro Boy,
     Sent away for some anime 
     But the fansubs ran dry
     Them Disney boys were plugging Mickey, oh why?
     Singing "This'll make anime die
     This'll make anime die!"

Now for ten years we've seen how anime's grown
Gone from cult status to an industry all its own
But that's not how it used to be
Trebor funded AnimEigo, (who,
Became the model for Trish Ledoux)
The money, oh it came from Wizardry

Oh, and while Woodhead was looking down
AD Vision stole his dubbing crown
The marketplace was assailed
The hentais had prevailed!

Anime 18 and US Manga Corps,
(US Renditions was shown the door)
There came Viz Video and so many more
After Tezuka died

     We were singing
     Bye, bye, Astro Boy,
     Sent away for some anime 
     But the fansubs ran dry
     Them Disney boys were plugging Mickey, oh why?
     Singing "This'll make anime die
     This'll make anime die!"

Hey you, seiyuu, did you see The Slayers debut?
The TV episodes were all brand new
Software Sculptors dubbed the episodes really fast
But it was ADV's bid, alas
That won the rights when it came to pass
For the movie, Matt Greenfield chose the cast

Ranma, half-boy pervert, was airborne soon
While the tomboy thumped a marching tune
We wanted to see romance
Oh, but we never got the chance

As the hentais tried to cop a feel,
The tentacled beasts refused to yield,
Did you see the flesh revealed?
After Tezuka died

     We started singing
     Bye, bye, Astro Boy,
     Sent away for some anime 
     But the fansubs ran dry
     Them Disney boys were plugging Mickey, oh why?
     Singing "This'll make anime die
     This'll make anime die!"

And there we otaku were in one place
Watching Robotech, not "Lost In Space"
Even if the dialogue was butchered again
So come on, Minmei's singing, Makes-me-sick!
(Okay, Macross Plus isn't my first pick)
But money is Disney's only end

Oh, and as I watched them on the screen
The Disney films, they made me scream
Miyazaki was shot to hell
Couldn't break Walt Disney's spell!

And as the profits climbed into the night
Artisty sacrificed without a fight
I knew shareholders were laughing with delight
After Tezuka died

     They were singing
     Bye, bye, Astro Boy,
     Sent away for some anime 
     But the fansubs ran dry
     Them Disney boys were plugging Mickey, oh why?
     Singing "This'll make anime die
     This'll make anime die!"

I knew a girl who looked like Sailor Moon
And I asked her if she'd transform soon,
But she just rolled her eyes and turned away
I went down to the video store
That rented anime years before
But Disney was all they had to play

And in the streets the otaku screamed
The fanboys cried, the hentais dreamed
Not a word of Japanese was spoken
The anime business was broken

And the three people I admired so,
Takahashi, Sonoda, Hideaki Anno,
Are no longer seen on TV in Tokyo
After Tezuka died

     And they were singing
     Bye, bye, Astro Boy,
     Sent away for some anime 
     But the fansubs ran dry
     Them Disney boys were plugging Mickey, oh why?
     Singing "This'll make anime die
     This'll make anime die!"

     They were singing
     Bye, bye, Astro Boy,
     Sent away for some anime 
     But the fansubs ran dry
     Them Disney boys were plugging Mickey, oh why?
     Singing "This'll make anime die!"

"Gee, I wonder what all these nice men do when they're not working."   -
Rally Vincent
"Drink, smoke, watch TV, and gamble.  It's a tradition."   - Bean Bandit
     (from "Riding Bean")