To anyone who cares: I know that I said I'd have Whispers of the Wicked
Past out before I did any more HTSG but I am really, really stuck on it
and not on this. So, sorry if you wanted that. I'm trying my best to
finish WotWP but it's taking much longer than I expected. ^_^;

HARD TO SAY GOODBYE
~By Kayu-chan~
k-chan@rocketmail.com
http://www.users.globalnet.co.uk/~stroma/hard.html

*Ranma 1/2 is copywrited to the ingenius of Rumiko Takahashi and company.
I own nothing on these characters or their "unusual" situations. Ranma 1/2
characters used without permission.*
~Be warned, this will be a sorrowful fic but as for a bitter ending?
You'll just have to wait to find out... ^_~
~I recommend reading the previous chapters before reading this one. It
will be pretty confusing otherwise and some of the characters will seem
OOC. Plus, I'm lousy at summarising concisely so  many chapters. Just
reply to this or the above addy for more info. Then again, you could
always check it out on my website.~
~I really, really, really don't mind comments/ criticisms/ praise
*chuckle* both public and private, short and long. If I did, I'd not only
be ungrateful but I wouldn't post to the FFML, either. What's the point if
you don't want honest replies? Flames, though, will face the wrath of my
all-powerful delete key.~
~Thanks to everyone who answered my questions a couple of weeks or so
back. They really helped.~
~This was finished and sent late at night, so *yawn* please take that into
account and I'll see y'all in the morning!~

Chapter 14: Little Girl

      "No! No...."
      'Click'
      "Girl... ground?!"
      "Sister!!"
      ".......Blood...."
      'Thump'
      "Thank y...."
      'Clack-click-clack-click'
      As the noise increased, her sleepy eyes opened up to find it. The
acidic light seemed to burn the surface of her eyes as she began to focus
them, slowly adjusting to the brightness. Her eyes traced for the source
but all she could see was white. She studied the sound but then heard it
fade away.
      "Nabiki? Are you awake?" a kind voice asked, cushioning her ears as
the blaze of light slapped her eyes.
      "Mmm?" her weary voice muttered, lips barely opening. Her head
crooked as it lay on what felt like someone's shoulder. She tried to lift
her head up to face whoever sat beside her but she didn't have the energy.
None at all. Something warm was wrapped around her, probably a blanket,
but she just didn't care. Nothing mattered at all to her and she felt so
empty, even all wrapped up. "What?"
      "It's your big sister. H-how are you feeling?" The voice reeked of
hesitancy and veiled regret. It sounded almost... sad. Whatever that was.
      "Tired," she mumbled back in a monotonous tone. "Can I have some
more sleep?"
      "O-of course, Nabiki-chan, of course," her sister replied, a little
tension from her voice missing as reluctant relief kidnapped it.
      "Night, Kasumi."
      "Good night. Peaceful dreams, little sister."
      As the schoolgirl drifted off to oblivion, an arm around her waist
pulled her closer to a warm body. With whispered words, a soft voice
punctuated her descent into darkness, "P-please let them be peaceful, oh
please...."


      "...Nabiki, oh, Nabiki, it's time to wake up," a quiet voice stirred
Nabiki from murky depths of slumber into foggy consciousness. Blurry
images formed on her eyes and she yawned as sleep slowly left her. Very
slowly.
      "What?" she mumbled through her tired lips, adjusting to the return
of that harsh light. The white was still opposite her but hidden partially
by a long-legged woman who looked suspiciously like an older Kasumi in a
nurse's uniform. "Kasumi?"
      "No, Nabiki," said that soft voice so close to her ear. "That's
Nurse Chigusa."
      "I knew that." The teenage girl, wrapped in a cloying blanket,
turned her head slightly to see on whose shoulders her head lay and
blinked. Kasumi. Of course. As sleep reluctantly walked further away from
her, Nabiki started to feel her mind be dusted of fuzziness by the strong
light. She studied her surroundings, seeing that Nurse Chigusa stood in
front of a white wall in a long hospital corridor, while she herself was
sitting down with her broken leg supported by a cushion. Where was she and
what was she doing here?
      "How are you feeling, sister?" Kasumi asked sympathetically, yet her
voice was dampened by a slight condolency. Nabiki glanced at her sister
again and saw a strained, tight expression on her tired face. Her eyebrows
were raised in a warm greeting but Nabiki could tell that they were
leaning into sadness. Weird.
      "Fine, I guess." Nabiki looked up at the nurse, who leaned slightly
towards her with that same sympathetic look on her face. "A little tired,
maybe. Why?"
      "Are you sure that's all, Miss Tendo?" the nurse gently questioned.
      "Um, yeah," Nabiki replied, feeling uncomfortable with this strange
atmosphere. Loosening the blanket around her, she grabbed the crutch lying
beside her and slipped a hand into it. "Can you help me up?" Cautiously
and carefully, Kasumi and Chigusa both helped her stand up. Stumbling a
bit, she started to move away from the two young women. Something about
those two just... unnerved Nabiki. She didn't know why, though.
      "Miss Tendo?" Nurse Chigusa called out and Nabiki turned around to
face her. "Are you up to answering questions?"
      "Questions? About what?"
      The nurse and Kasumi exchanged worried glances and Nabiki's
bemusement increased. What was she missing?
      "About...." The nurse gulped a breath as she treaded with measured
steps towards Nabiki. "About last night."
      "Last night?" Nabiki's voice croaked as she said those words,
memories on the tip of her mind, frightening memories.
      "Kuno," Kasumi uttered suddenly.
      "K-" Nabiki crumpled to the floor as sudden emotion slammed down on
her. The overwhelming shock of memories smacked and punched at her
relentlessly. Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no, oh, no, no, nonononononono....
      Barely aware of the fuss being made of her, she sank deeply into the
vivid memories and searing emotions strangling her all at once. Guilt,
failure, sorrow, shock, hate, grief, denial, despair, fear, vulnerability,
guilt and failure burned in her heart like fire on flesh. That name, that
word Kasumi dared to mention, scratched tears from out of her stinging
eyes. What was she supposed to do, to think, to feel, to get up for now?!
She opened her mouth to speak, to protest at these disabling feelings, but
nothing came out. After all, what was there left to say?
      As she and Nurse Chigusa gently lifted Nabiki from the floor, Kasumi
wondered what she should say to her sister. The nineteen-year-old examined
her younger sister's pale face and flinched at the sight of an almost
unrecognisable expression. Tears fled from Nabiki's red eyes, the eyes
themselves were blank and unresponsive as if she were almost looking
through Kasumi and the nurse. The vulnerability of Nabiki's drooping,
questioning face stung Kasumi as she wished she could say something to
alleviate it, to brighten it. As Kasumi helped Chigusa to support the
unresponsive teenager, she tried to picture the once proud schoolgirl who
always held her head up high in confidence. She just couldn't see where
that schoolgirl had gone....
      Chigusa directed them all in the direction of a small, enclosed room
where a few seats and a little table decorated its plain surroundings.
Promising to be back soon, Chigusa let Kasumi and Nabiki settle onto a
small sofa and left the room. Or at least that's what Kasumi thought the
nurse had promised, having barely been listening to anything as she stared
at her sister with concern.
      Pulling Nabiki close, she slowly breathed in and out as the peaceful
room became her haven. The hospital now seemed so far away, the walls
muffling the noise in the corridor. A small light cast shadows over the
room with a misty glow. Why couldn't she be as calm and comforting as the
room was?
      Turning her head slightly to look down at Nabiki, Kasumi noticed
with a heavy heart that the seventeen-year-old still had that eerie stare,
still lost in what she hoped wasn't an emotional turmoil but the
protecting arm of shock. That way, Nabiki wouldn't be in any pain....
      Reaching out a hand, Kasumi gently tucked back the stray hair in
Nabiki's face and stroked her sister's hair, trying to calm her own
nerves.
      "Everything's going to be all right," she whispered softly. "I'm
here."
      A minute later, a small moan pricked the silence.
      "Nabiki-chan?"
      Nabiki's eyes, no longer filled with tears, gazed at the floor as
she spoke, "Kasumi, can we go home now?" Her trembling voice, desperately
attempting to hold onto a steady tone, was as vulnerable as her face. Raw
and stripped bare of dignity and pretence, each word she said tightened
her older sister's chest with tension. This wasn't her Nabiki-chan, no,
not hers.
      "But, don't you have to-"
      "I don't care," Nabiki snapped back, her voice croaking as a knot of
tension put a stranglehold on her throat. And still she kept on staring at
the floor. "I don't want to answer police questions, don't want to stay in
this stupid hospital for another minute and I...." Pausing for a breath,
she continued in a quieter voice, "I, especially, don't want to know
whether Kuno is... is... or not. Until he walks up to me and says hello, I
don't want to know what happened to him."
      "But, Nurse Ch-"
      "Please," Nabiki interrupted Kasumi in a stronger but still wavering
tone. "I really can't take anymore... trouble. I just want to get away
from here and go to bed, my bed. If you don't want to help, I'll get up
and walk back home myself. I mean it, I'm _not_ staying here!"
      Examining her sister, Kasumi saw those dark eyes and trembling hands
showing just how thin Nabiki's show of strength really was. In fact, her
whole body seemed to shiver along with her hands and Kasumi was afraid
that her sister would break down any moment. She reached out and slipped a
hand around Nabiki's, trying to steady the haunted girl. Nabiki looked so
pale and tense, dark circles framing her downcast eyes. It was as though
one wrong word or action would break her like a fragile ornament. She
obviously had more invested in this situation than Kasumi had first
thought, for her to be this affected. This thought didn't comfort Kasumi
at all.
      "Well? You gonna help me, Sis?" Nabiki finally returned her stare
with an intensity only lessened by that awful emptiness in her eyes.
"Please, I need to go home now."
       Her sister was asking for her help and she had been through so much
this early morning, already.... What was the right thing to do? Stay here
and make her answer questions in so short a time after what had happened
or take her home and let her rest and hide from all the attention?
       Kasumi bit her lower lip and frowned, nodding her head despite
herself. "All right, I'll call for a taxi." The half-smile she received in
return was worth all the hassle the hospital would undoubtedly throw at
her.

* * * *

      A few hours later, as Nabiki watched Kasumi open the front door of
her house, she felt like a stranger going into someone else's house. It
was so long since she had last seen it, thought it felt much longer than
that. The Nabiki who'd left the house in a rush so many weeks ago would
never return. Deprived of her confidence, lacking her once ever-distant
conscience and unable to control her emotions as well as she once had
been, she would never be able to look on her old life the same way. With a
grim smile, she stepped forward and entered her past.
      She took off her shoes and coat very slowly, inwardly grimacing at
this show of weakness. The hospital had insisted that she at least have an
check-up on her leg since it had been healing quite rapidly. After finding
out that it was completely healed, they took it off and so, finally, her
leg could breathe again but not her mind. All she had wanted to do was
leave that place. Her leg still felt a little weak, but at least it had
healed... unlike some things....
      "Do you want anything to drink?" Kasumi asked, her smile the only
thing Nabiki could feel any warmth from or for.
      "No, I think I'll get a few more hours of sleep."
      "Shall I wake you up for breakfast time?"
      For a few seconds, Nabiki hesitated while on the point of saying
'yes' but she couldn't, she just couldn't. "No, thanks. Could you just
bring it up to my room?" As hard as she tried, she knew that shameful
brushes of red blushed on her cheeks. Reduced to hiding from her family
because she didn't know how long she could keep up a cool facade... what a
joke she'd become. She couldn't face them with red eyes and a
tear-streaked face. She didn't want to explain the tears to them, either.
      "Of course," Kasumi replied in a hushed voice, as if a louder voice
would break Nabiki. Oh no, was that how pathetic she really was? Would
everyone talk to her in whispers or glance with sympathy at her when she
wasn't looking, if they knew? Perhaps she should hide it away, let
everyone think the best of her and then she wouldn't have to suffer their
unwanted pity.
      "Can I go to my room, now?" she said to Kasumi in a fragile, quiet
voice and winced at her own loss of face. No wonder Kasumi treated her so
delicately. Just listen to that squeaky voice, a mockery of her old
confidence!
      Kasumi helped her up the stairs and into her room, another jarring
experience of recognition with no sense of belonging or security.
Breathing a relieved sigh after Kasumi left her, she looked around her
room and saw everything as she had left it, except a bit tidier. Drawing
back her curtains to look at the speckled view of Tokyo at night, she
looked down at the street opposite her window.  Deja-vu jerked her misty
attention back to life. This was the same window that... this had started
it all....
      With narrowed eyes, she fixated on that very spot in the street that
had caused her so much trouble, had pushed her even further away from her
old self. If only she hadn't taken a quick glance out of that window at
that particular moment, then she wouldn't be feeling as vulnerable as she
did now. If only he would walk past this street now so that she could know
he was alive.
      Choking back an unwanted sob, she let the curtain fall back down to
cover the street view. It fell, enveloping the room with a slight darkness
only lightened by a hazy cough of dull light seeping through the curtains.
Shadows brushed fuzzy outlines of shadows around Nabiki and she sat down
on her bed, with an unexplainable need to examine her hands in what little
light there was.
      "What the...?" she gasped. Slashes of a dark liquid painted the
palms of her hand, but she knew that her eyes deceived her. The blood on
her hands, it reminded her of....
      She shut her eyes as though to shut off her memories but that didn't
work. Opening them, she saw that the dark liquid was no longer there. Of
course it wasn't there. It would be stupid to think otherwise. She
breathed in and out to soothe her tense nerves and stretched her eyes wide
open to prevent any stray tears betraying her. It was too late to cry;
crying would do no-one any good. Not anymore. What was the point?
     After a few moments of deafening silence, Nabiki slumped back on her
bed and drew her head to a soft, rose-scented pillow. Thankful for
over-thoughtful sisters, a tiny smile rippled on her unsteady lips before
disappearing under her heavy breathing. Her heart felt like it was
constricting more and more with each moment.
      All sorts of emotions lay tangled inside of her and she closed her
eyes, hoping for sleep so that the knot of tension strangling her throat
would loosen. What was she to feel, to think, to want? Self-regret and
loneliness confused the need for calm and peace protesting inside her
mind. Breathing slowly and deeply, she tried to placate her anxious body
that was currently refusing to stop her heart from beating so loudly or
her hands from clenching into fists.
      Hours seemed to pass by, though she knew they were barely minutes.
Still, her mind insisted on reminding her about last night and threw
insults, doubts and 'what-if's' constantly into the fore. Denials could
barely fight back, blocking pain with weakening excuses that would have
shamed her had she already not been. She knew that this wasn't her, she
didn't feel like this, she was stronger, always had been, nothing could
hurt her, affect her... but it had and it would.
      "Is... this," she choked out, "how he felt?"

* * * *

      As the sun rose from slumber, so did Nerima. Sounds of training in a
house in one street woke the people like a cockerel on a farm - with daily
regularity, noise and the moans of those who felt like strangling the
cockerel or rather, the two martial artists shouting battle cries in the
back garden.
       For once, Kasumi was part of this group. Yawning and rubbing her
eyes as she set the table for breakfast, her anxiety had refused to let
her sleep. So, she had spent most of early morning reading an old book on
the history of Japanese lighthouses. Fascinating. Now, she had a headache
banging away like a frenetic drummer and every sound was a screeching
violin. Lovely. Now she understood the phrase "frayed nerves". Completely.
      She wasn't used to feeling so short-tempered and irritated, it
wasn't her, but....
      "Ha! Ha! Thought you'd got me, didn't ya, Pops?! I showed you!"
      'Splash.'
      "Don't underestimate your elders, boy!"
      But, this particular morning, if those two didn't quieten down
soon....
      "Good morning, Kasumi," someone said behind her. She circled around
to see who it was and groaned inwardly at the speaker. She didn't need
this, she really didn't. "Are you all right, Sis? You don't look well."
       "Oh, hello, Akane-chan," she replied, smiling with a tinge of
desperation. "Why, I'm fine. Just a little tired but I'll be fine." Kasumi
knew this was a lie, she knew her hair was a tangled mess, that her weary,
half-lidded eyes and slumped posture revealed the truth. But if she told
the truth, then Akane might ask why she was like that and...
      "Kasumi? When did Nabiki get back from the hospital?" Akane asked,
bright-eyed curiosity shown by the sparkle in her eyes. She'd been at a
party the night before and didn't know about the fuss involving Nabiki.
Kasumi didn't want to tell her, she couldn't. "I saw her going to the
bathroom."
      "I, um, went early for her," she answered in all truth, hating
having to lie to a sister who'd only just begun to trust her, again.
      "Why?"
      "Because I felt like it," Kasumi snapped back, impatience clear in
her weary tone. Immediately, she regretted it and frowned as her little
sister stared at her in shock. Oh no, what if Akane guessed that something
was wrong? And Akane was only asking, she didn't deserve Kasumi's anger.
"I'm sorry, I-I really didn't mean that."
      Akane continued to stare at her older sister, humming in
contemplation and unnerving Kasumi, who fingered the plate she held in her
hand and fixed a permanent smile on her tense face. Oh, if only Ranma
would finishing practising with Mr. Saotome and come in to distract his
fiancee. Why aren't they coming?
      "Something's wrong, isn't it, big sister?" she queried softly, her
features skewed with concern. "What happened with Nabiki?"
      "Why... why would you think something's wrong?"
      Akane's expression hardened for a moment and Kasumi knew that this
morning mocked all her hard work to convince her little sister that she
would never shut her out again. Because now she had.
      "When I said hello to her a few minutes ago in the corridor, she
didn't say anything back." Akane paused, her eyes flicked to Kasumi's and
then away again.  This happened several times before she spoke, her voice
quietening, "She wouldn't even look me in the eye. I don't know why she
did this, I want to." Her sharp gaze settled on Kasumi, again, whose weary
eyes were unable to defend her. "What's wrong with Nabiki? I need to
know."
      Kasumi blinked back invisible tears in preparation for real ones.
What she was about to do was to protect Nabiki, whose need to be left
alone, whose turmoiled emotions and vulnerability only compacted the
obvious shame she felt over it, and who Kasumi felt bound to protect from
the further questions that would follow. What she was about to do would
distance her other sister, who wrongly felt that she was shut out from her
family and needed to believe in her siblings so much more than before. But
as much as Kasumi wanted to tell Akane, she knew that Nabiki would suffer
from Akane's reactions, even if the middle sister were to proudly deny
that.
      "I can't," she whispered, her tense throat strangling her words. Yet
she held the stare with her sister, wanting to let her know how much of a
dilemma she was in and how she didn't ever want to hurt her baby sister.
      "You can't tell _me_?" Akane kept her voice steady as she spoke, not
wanting Kasumi to know how much the betrayal hurt. How could Kasumi do
that to her? She promised she wouldn't, she promised! This was about her
sister, Nabiki, something bad has obviously happened and all Akane wants
to do is help. Does Kasumi really think that she's not capable of helping?
Does she really think that little of her? "Why?"
        "I can't tell anyone," Kasumi croaked as her expression scrunched
up, showing lines that didn't exist before. It was still weird to see
Kasumi show such emotion but Akane ploughed on, raw anger torn from her
soul and wrapped around her perceptions.
        "Why?!"
        "Because...." Kasumi took in the emotions playing their fierce
tune across her sister's face.  The guilt came in force and, unused to it,
she trembled slightly as it crashed into her, throwing everything into
disarray. This ripped to shreds the little speech in her mind she'd
prepared for such a confrontation. "I-It's for Nabiki's best. When she's
ready, she'll explain it to you. But please don't confront her about it."
       "I wouldn't hurt her," Akane snapped. "I want to help!"
       Kasumi winced as the shout slapped her ears, pain screaming inside
her head. "I know," she murmured. "I know, but Nabiki needs to be left
alone. You _have_ to understand that."
       The bubbling of soup faintly penetrated the silence created in the
room, hanging its aroma on the tense atmosphere. The louder ticking of a
clock tried to disturb the uneasiness but only a sob bursting free from
Kasumi's mouth succeeded in puncturing Akane's anger. Deflated of passion,
she smiled sadly and instantly softened her features.
      "I'm sorry, Kasumi," she mumbled, cringing as another sob escaped
her sister. "I just wanted to know. I didn't mean to hurt you. Don't cry,
Sis, I'm sorry. Really." She wanted fewer things less, than to make her
sister sad. She didn't mean to shout, she didn't....
       "Only if you don't cry, either." Kasumi's eyes were still sad but
now she was smiling widely. "Promise?"
       Stepping forward, Akane tentatively wrapped her arms around Kasumi
in a hug. "Promise." Kasumi hugged back and silence captured them a few
moments of peace before the bubbling soup edged its way in, again.
      "I better go get breakfast now, okay?" Kasumi looked down at her
sister, who nodded in understanding and pulled away. The sounds of
sniffling caught their attention and they glanced at the open doorway to
see their father being handed tissues by Mr. Saotome, who was munching on
a packet of crisps. Without a word, Genma held up in his human hand a sign
that asked if breakfast was going to be served soon.
       A flying kettle hit his head and a voice suddenly grumbled, "Pop,
doncha think about anything but that stomach of yours? You shoulda got
outta the way before they saw you!"
      "Ranma?" Akane called out.
      "Uh oh," came the reply, causing both sisters to share a laugh.

* * * *

      "Lousy nightmares, not letting me sleep," Nabiki muttered, her voice
echoing around the empty bathroom. She needed to forget about the
disturbing images that the dreams had brought about, still vivid in her
head. She needed to get clean. What better idea than to combine both? She
was feeling a lot better than earlier this morning when she wasn't up to
anything. Man, what an emotional wreck she had been.
      Nabiki glanced at the bath and then the shower. One was cold and the
other, warm.  It had been ages since she'd had a shower and somehow, warm
water felt too easy, too comforting. It wasn't harsh or powerful enough.
Stepping out of her clothes, she walked to the shower.
      Twisting the knob to switch the shower on, she braced herself for
the cold that would follow. It splashed down on her with a hiss and she
gasped as the iciness coarsed through her skin, shivering her to the bone.
Drenched, she trembled involuntarily as the near-freezing water washed
away the dirt and the smell. Each drop smacking her bare flesh with a
brutal chill, flooding her pores and cleaning her skin completely. The
torrents of cool liquid streamed down her quicker than the shivers in her
spine caused by strands of wet hair that clung to the back of her neck.
      Even if her mind couldn't forget her sins, she would make sure no
trace would remain on her body. The sticky sweat gathered after hours of
searching for him... that bloodstain on her coat... his blood.... soaking
right through to her pale sweater....
       Taking a rough-sided sponge, she rubbed it again and again across
her arms, her chest, her legs and finally, her hands. How could she be so
stupid? How could she not have seen behind that fake contentment?
      She was angry.
      scrub
      Angry with her idiocy.
      scrub
      Angry with her pride.
      scrub
      Angry with her selfishness.
      scrub
      Angry with her lies.
      scrub
      Angry with her self-denial.
      scrub
      Angry with-
      "Aah!" she gasped, dropping the sponge as her hand flinched
violently away from it. Flicking back unwanted strands of hair from her
eyes, she examined her the palms of her hands and winced at what she saw.
Red, raw and sensitive to the touch, it seemed that her hands were angry
with her, too.
     "What have I done?" she growled to herself. "What the hell is wrong
with me?!"  With a sharp twist, she switched off the shower and grabbed
some warm towels, careful to dab gently against her skin. As she dried
herself, she noticed other red marks on her skin that hadn't been there
before. Well, she thought, that's what you get for not paying attention.
      She put a new set of clothes and glanced at her old pale sweater,
lying beside the laundry basket. She didn't own many clothes but this was
one thing she could call hers. One damned thing. Now, she'd have to get
rid of it. Picking it up, she scrunched it up into as tight a ball as she
could and left the bathroom. As she slammed the door behind her, still
angry, she met with a startled Akane in the corridor.
     "Is that... blood on your sweater?!" Akane asked in fearful confusion
as she caught a glance of the material.
      "No," Nabiki curtly replied before marching away, leaving Akane
staring after her.
      "Nabiki," she whispered to the empty corridor. "What happened to
you?"

End of chapter 14....