Scenes From An Elevator:
An Idiotic Utena Spamfic

By: Dreiser


EPISODE FOUR: The Long Hard Fall.

SCENE: A nondescript broken elevator at Ohtori Academy where the 
shadows of Arisugawa Juri, Kaoru Miki, and Kiryuu Touga are seen 
inside of it. Miki is backed into the elevator wall as Touga approaches 
him. Juri watches while munching on a rice cake. The eerie jazz music 
still plays.

TOUGA: (Smiling.) Miki...
MIKI: (Pales.) Touga...
TOUGA: (Stops inches from Miki and poses.) Do you like how this 
outfit looks on me? I was thinking of altering our school uniforms 
again.
MIKI: (Laughs nervously.) I think it looks great! (Murmurs lowly.) 
Thank the Kami.
TOUGA: For what? We haven't done anything yet. (Miki pales again 
and Touga chuckles.) Ah well. Torturing you was fun Miki but I think 
I'm back in character now.
JURI: (Munching on a rice cake.) That's no fun.
TOUGA: For you maybe but I was quite sick of acting like a raving 
lunatic. (Sniffs and tosses his hair over his shoulder.) I for one think it's 
ridiculous to believe that I'd care so much about Saionji. Me obsess on 
him? Please.
MIKI: Yeah. It's more like you obsessing on yourself.
TOUGA: (In warning tones.) Miki...
MIKI: (Laughs weakly.) Sorry.
JURI: It's all well and good that you're back to normal Touga but that 
doesn't help us get out of this elevator. What are we going to do about 
that?
TOUGA: (Looks thoughtful.) I know of only one person who get us 
down from here...
JURI & MIKI: Utena?
TOUGA: (Blinks.) No. Akira the janitor. (He sighs.) Too bad he's on 
a leave of absence right now.

(A long pause as Juri and Miki sweatdrop while the eerie jazz music 
gets louder.)

SCENE: A random hallway in Ohtori Academy. Tenjou Utena is 
leaning on the edge of an open window watching Himemiya Anthy 
painting the roses green and orange. Chu Chu sits on the windowsill 
eating her Math book.

UTENA: (Murmurs.) I wonder if I should offer to paint the roses for 
her one of these days? She sure hates doing it.
CHU CHU: (Still eating her Math book.) Chu...
UTENA: (Stares at him and scowls.) Dammit Chu Chu! Eat that thing 
faster or I'll have to do my homework tonight.
CHU CHU: (Apologetically.) Chu...
UTENA: Yeah, yeah. Just hurry it up, huh?

(Chu Chu nods and starts to work on devouring Utena's Math book 
completely.)

UTENA: (Goes back to watching Anthy.) Y'know I've been engaged 
to her for awhile now and I still haven't been able to use my "powers" 
to pass my finals. What sort of crummy magic do they have in this 
show? I ought to leave for Magic Knight Rayearth. I don't think they 
have a crossdresser in their series yet.

(Suddenly Utena's name is called out in insanely kawaii tones and her 
eyes go wide in horror.)

UTENA: (Fearfully.) No... not HER!

(Shinohara Wakaba runs down the hallway to leap onto Utena's back 
in a haze of pixie sticks neurotic energy.)

WAKABA: (Happily.) Utena-sama!

(Wakaba's weight is too much for Utena and flailing wildly she goes 
flying over the edge of the windowsill to plummet to the ground below 
with Wakaba still clinging to her back.)

UTENA: (Screams in terror.) Not again!!!
WAKABA: (Happily.) Utena-sama!!

(A loud thump sounds as they hit the ground and Chu Chu stops eating 
Utena's Math book to look at their flattened figures then shrugs and 
goes back to devouring the book rapidly.)

SCENE: A nondescript broken elevator at Ohtori Academy where the 
shadows of Arisugawa Juri, Kaoru Miki, and Kiryuu Touga are seen 
inside of it. The eerie jazz music has finally stopped playing.

MIKI: (Looking around.) The music stopped.
TOUGA: (Sagely.) Something has happened.
JURI: I thought you said that the music only plays when a Student 
Council member does something evil.
TOUGA: No. I also said that it plays in times of crisis. Someone 
wearing the rose seal is suffering right now. That is what the music was 
trying to say to us.
MIKI: And here I thought it was just trying to give me a headache.

(Juri and Touga look at Miki disapprovingly and he gives a nervous 
laugh at their attention.)

SCENE: The ground outside the Rose Garden. Tenjou Utena is 
crushed under the form of Shinohara Wakaba. Several students walk 
by ignoring them completely.

UTENA: (Releases a low groan.) My back...
WAKABA: (Dazed.) Utena-sama...
UTENA: (Painfully.) Someone help me...

(Suddenly a dozen figures covered in red cloaks grab Utena then 
quickly gag and tie her up in elastic wrap before running away at top 
speeds. On her hands and knees Wakaba looks up at their 
disappearing figures.)

WAKABA: (Wails heartbroken.) Utena-sama!!

SCENE: Some wall in Ohtori Academy during an unusually timely and 
frequent sunset. The figures of Shadow Play Girls A-ko and B-ko are 
seen sitting down on the ground going through large bags of 
loot.	A-ko wears a hat with Mickey Mouse ears on it while B-ko 
sports a Goofy hat.

B-KO: (Holds a shirt to her chest.) You don't think I'm a sell out for 
ending the revolution at Disney just for a few hundred summod gifts 
and tons of money?
A-KO: (Jingles a pair of car keys.) Are you kidding? We got a BMW 
out of this. Wanna go for ride?
B-KO: You bet! (Pauses.) Don't we have to give the creepy speech 
about the moral of this week's episode?
A-KO: Oh yeah... (She pauses to think.)
B-KO: Well?
A-KO: I don't think there was a moral to this week's episode. Other 
than staying away from open windows and Wakaba.
B-KO: That works for me. Let's get going!

(The Shadow Play Girls run offscreen and the sound of a car starting is 
heard as the scene fades to black.)

To be continued...

All characters in this spamfiction are from Utena. This is a nonsensical 
out of character piece of tripe that I wrote when extremely bored. I 
shall continue to write this series when I'm extremely bored because 
sometimes I just don't feel like making the effort to write things in story 
format and sometimes I just feel like being silly. In other words don't 
take this stinky poo seriously. It's just for fun. And yes, this was 
partially inspired by DDFA's Waiting For Minako series.

Send comments to: Dreiser1@ix.netcom.com

Thrilling trailer line: What will happen next week?! Will Juri, Miki, and 
Touga still be trapped in the elevator?! When does Akira the janitor's 
leave of absence end?! Will Chu Chu get diarrhea from eating Utena's 
Math book?! And is Wakaba secretly an assassin out to kill Utena?! 
Stay tuned!