<Our brave heroes return to finish the job>
Shadow: Like we have a choice?
Guardian: They better have cleaned the theater, that�s all I can say.
Bard: Look on the bright side, it can�t get any worse!
<A dead silence ensues>
Bard: What? What�d I do?!
Rowan: You just had to say that, now we�re doomed.
Shadow: I feel a strong disturbance in the Force......
Guardian: Ixnay on the gratuitious promotion for Lucas.
<The four take their seats>
Tenchi: Mitsuki... I have to go...
Rowan: So do I! Bye!
<Others>: Oh no you don�t!!! You�re staying till the end just like the rest of us.
Rowan: Curses, foiled again!
Mitsuki: And do what?
Guardian: Get a vasectomy.
Shadow: Become a monk.
Bard: Have a big orgy.
<Insert scene of mindless violence here>
Shadow & Guardian: And say quiet this time!
Tenchi: My friends are worried about me at home.
Rowan: Yes, where would they be without their loveslave?
Shadow: Don�t you start!
Mitsuki: Oh. I'm sorry.
Bard: Sharing is caring, caring is sharing *POW**WHACK**WHAM*
Rowan: Who let him watch those old Transformers episodes?
Shadow & Guardian: Don�t look at us!
-=**=-
Rowan: We sacrifice our good taste upon this altar.
Tenchi makes it back to the Masaki household, but Mayuka runs him over
Guardian: And that was the end of Tenchi, the imprint on her minivan was another story.
Shadow: Stop stealing my lines!
trying to greet him at the door.
Mayuka: Daddydaddydaddydaddydaddy!! I'm so glad that daddy's back!!
Bard: Hmmm...I wonder if Mayuka missed her daddy.
<The Others groan>
Tenchi: Ouch... Mayuka!
Rowan:(Tenchi) Spine.....crushed in......bear hug.
Shadow: *Rip* And Tenchi never had to worry about having children ever again.
<Others>: AAAARGGHaaagghHHH!!! STOP THAT!!!
Mayuka: Did you bring me anything, daddydaddydaddydaddydaddy?!
Bard: (Tenchi) I sure did!
<Shadow whips out his MegaBat of Doom
and proceeds to use the Bard�s head as the ball>
*POUND*POUND*MAIM*DESTROY*
Guardian: Well done.
Tenchi: [Oh, that Mayuka is so cute.
Rowan: I do not like where this line of reasoning is going.
She keeps calling me "daddy" when she
knows good and well that I'm not technically her daddy,
<All>: Yes you are!!!
Rowan: She�s got half of your DNA!!! If that doesn�t
make her your daughter then what does??!
and she's a year younger than I am.]
Guardian: No she�s not! Mayuka isn�t even a year old yet!!!
Shadow: Erk....picking up....author continuity violation....
Mayuka: You didn't bring me anything?!
Guardian: I wouldn�t say that.
<Rowan casually produces his staff>
Rowan: Don�t you start.
That's okay! Daddy can give me something else!
Bard: Gurgle...*POW*....************
Rowan: You never learn.
>Right, daddydaddydaddydaddydaddy?!!
Shadow: (Tenchi) Wrong, MayukaMayukaMayukaMayukaMayuka!!!
^0^
Rowan: Evil!!!
<All>: KILL!!!
[SHWING!! AAAAAHH!! NOT AGAIN!! NOT WITH HER!!]
Rowan: DEFINITELY NOT WITH HER!!!
Shadow: It�s out of control!!!
Bard: NO!!! What happened to the fun Tenchi Lemon scenes???!!
Guardian: We are descending into a world where morals and tact no longer apply.
We have entered <Dramatic pause> The Bad Lemon Zone!
<Serious music plays>
Mayuka: Oh, what a big thing you got between your legs,
daddydaddydaddydaddydaddy!!
Shadow: (Mayuka) Now I can try out the new axe mommy gave me!
<Wood chopping sounds> Timber!
<Tree crashing>
<Others>: Ewww....*Shudder*
Tenchi: [The better to fuck your...] AAAARGH!! No, Mayuka! I can't...!
Rowan: We sure hope you can�t!
Guardian: Looks like Tenchi�s little head has
sucked out all of the brains from his big head.
Bard: Or vice versa, this a lemon after all.
Mayuka: (Spreads herself wide and changes her personality.)
Rowan: Uh oh....
Guardian: Not good.
Shadow: (Mayuka): I am 7 of 9. I will assimalate you. Resistance is futile.
Bard (to Shadow): I hate you.
C'mon, Tenchi. You want it. I want it. There's no escape.
Shadow: (Vader) It is your destiny.
<Others>: (Luke) NEVER!!!
Mayuka frees his mighty Johnson from it's cage yet again.
Bard: So the Evangelion�s real name is Johnson?
His animalistic urges take over once more
Guardian: Proving once and for all that pets shouldn�t
be allowed in the house.
Rowan: That....made absolutely no sense at all.
Guardian: Neither does this fic.
Rowan: Good point.
and pounds the living daylights
<All>: Bond beat you to it!
out of yet another victim's pussy.
Shadow: (Tenchi) Take that Luna! *Whip cracking*
<The others give Shadow a long look then slowly back away from him>
Mayuka howls outworldishly
Shadow: Right before she morphs into
a werewolf and bites your face off.
Rowan: That�s it, no more late night horror movies for you!
as she feels herself get banged and
filled and violated repeatedly for minutes on end...
{Our reviewers turn an interesting shade of green}
> [SPLURRRTT!!]
Bard: Ewww....we just washed them too.
> An uncontrollable shockwave hits Tenchi
Shadow: That�d be us trying to kill you for doing this.
as he downloads his seed into her.
Rowan: The true horror of sex on the Internet.
And he keeps on filling her;
he's unable to stop his torrent of semen
Guardian: There is a flashflood warning in effect for the Masaki valley.
Bard: In other news the the Navy has found its ships deserted. Where�d the crew go?
<Ryo-ohki throws a tomato, that was too horrible for a rimshot>
squirting from out of his manhood. It ends up
spilling from out of the lucious daughter/not-daughter's
pussy and onto the floor.
Mayuka's eyes are rolled far back into her head,
moaning until her lungs ran out of air.
Shadow: Mercifully putting Mayuka out of her misery.
Guardian: How about something to put us out of our misery!!
Suddenly she turns back to normal.
Rowan: So now she�s a little baby again?
Mayuka: That was the greatest, daddydaddydaddydaddydaddy!!
Let's do this again and again and again and again, forever
and ever and ever, daddydaddydaddydaddydaddy!!
<All>: Arrrggghhhh!!!!
Tenchi facevaults in total loss of energy.
<The reviewers facefault from the sheer lack of taste here>
-=**=-
Bard: (Frog) Bud
Guardian: (Frog #2) Wise
Rowan: (Lizard) er...
After a good dinner, Tenchi decides to hit the bed early.
Bard: How can you eat after that?!!
He knew it's going to be one of those days again:
The fighting, the explosions, the swift mood changes,
the havoc, the chaos, and ultimately, the fucking.
Shadow: Yes, Let�s not forget the fucking.
The horrible Horrible HORRIBLE.....
{Others}: We get the point already.
If the girls had their way with him, they'd clone him
and use the clones as anatomically-correct fuck-dolls!
This is terrible.
Rowan: No, this is illegal. If you were married to them then it would be terrible.
He wished he'd never freed the demon, Ryoko, from her prison.
Just then, a soft light appears in the middle of the room.
Rowan: In the name of the moon I will punish you!
Guardian: Prepare to be Judged.
Shadow: We come in peace. *Laser firing*
Bard: Thank you for calling the goddess hotline.
Tenchi gets up to see what it is, thinking it's probably
Ryoko or Washuu trying to get another fuck from him.
<All>: Yet he still goes to look anyway.
But then, it turns out to be the High Goddess of Jurai,
Tsunami, wearing the Juraian ceremonial robe and a
weak smile on her face.
Bard: And nothing else!!
Rowan: Where the heck do you get the strength to keep doing that?!
Tsunami: Well, Lord Tenchi. It seems that it was a busy day for you.
Tenchi: Well... heh. The only complaint is that it's taking it's toll on me.
{All}: THAT�S ALL YOU�RE COMPLAINING ABOUT???!!
I can't keep doing this forever, you know.
{All}: Never say you can�t do something, you�ll regret it every time.
Tsunami: But you have drunk the water
>from the tree of life, Tenchi Masaki.
You will be able to last for centuries.
There is no need for you to worry about that.
<All>: Where can we get some of this?
Tenchi: You've got to excuse me, Miss Tsunami.
All I want right now is to catch some Z's...
Tsunami: Then you will "catch your Z's."
{All}: Uh oh.......
And with that, the High Goddess
of Jurai flings off her robe to reveal...
Guardian: A battle bikini.
Shadow: Black leather and a cat of nine tails.
Rowan: That it was actually Urd who had
been messing with Tenchi�s head.
Bard:A sight mere mortals would kill to see.
A Juraian summer string bikini swimsuit!
Guardian: Holy....
Rowan: There�s not enough fabric for that.
[SHWING!!]
Shadow: (Umpire) And miss. You�re OUT!
Tenchi: Oh God, help me! HELP ME, PLEASE!!
Guardian: God wants nothing to do with this!
Tsunami: Help you? From what?
Rowan: (Tenchi): Help me escape from this Fic please!!!
Tenchi: It happens every time! You want me to do you, and
then I grab you and rape the crap outta you!
I can't do that anymore!
Bard: {Tenchi}: Yeah! The grabbing is too much trouble!
Tsunami: Well, what do you want to do?
{Our reviewers are currently beating the crap out of the Bard}
Tenchi: I wanna be gentler! I wanna be kinder!
I wanna give you the real sexual experience
a real man can give!
Shadow: I guess that automatically disqualifies you then.
Guardian: Oooh, That�s harsh.
Tsunami: TENCHI!! It has always been this way;
with animals and with humans.
Rowan: Maybe on planet Jurai, not here!!
The female wants to be mated, the male wants to mate.
Shadow: But that has nothing to do with this situation!
The female opens her gates and the male enters.
Fluid gets transfered. It is so simple.
(Comes over to Tenchi and places his hand onto her left breast.)
Tenchi, my lord. Be simple.
Guardian: Try simpleton instead.
> [SSHHWIIING!!!]
<All>: <Make the sound of someone being electrocuted>
Tenchi finally loses it
Shadow: (Tenchi looking in his pants) It�s GONE!!!
as he slams his mighty*2 Johnson
Rowan: Inflicts double damage to any magical being.
Bard: Don�t you start, one dark reviewer is enough.
into the Juraian Goddess. It ends up being more
than she can handle, but is too lost into the fusion
Guardian: They exploded?
of pain and pleasure to tell him to stop.
Tenchi's animalistic behavior pounds away
Bard: Bad behavior!! No soup for you!
at Tsunami's soft turquoise-haired palace as she releases a "tsunami"
{All}: BAD pun.
of primordial juices onto his shaft, balls, and legs.
He feels it coming, and he removes himself
>from her gates as he rolls her over and
prepares to unleash his furry
<All>: Not the furry! Anything but the furry!!!
all over her supreme goddess body.
[SSSSPPLLLUUURRRRTTTT!!!!!!]
{All}: {Oil driller}: It�s a gusher!!!
Tenchi's mighty*2 Johnson fires blast after blast
Shadow: Destroying all life as we know it.
of jizz all over Tsunami's face, hair, breast, chest, stomach...
Bard: You missed a spot.
{Needless mayhem ensues}
She grabs his Johnson and slurps the rest of his
stickiness from his member, which is still shooting
and running on automatic for a while.
Shadow: Gives stick shift a whole new meaning doesn�t he.
Rowan: Stop it.
-=**=-
Tenchi finally manages to get some sleep.
He doesn't want to think about sex anymore.
{All}: It�s about time!!!
Not tomorrow, not for the whole week, not for the whole month!
He dreams of a nice dream; a dream about meeting his mother.
Rowan: I�m beginning to see an evil pattern here.
She looks so nice when she was young.
Bard: Please don�t go there!!
She and his father were such a great couple
during that time. (It's no wonder why he turned into
the pervert we know and hardly care for today.)
Guardian: That�s sounds familar......
Bard: What? Why are you all looking at me for??!!
He's at a tree in the park, waiting for his mother to come by.
And there he is,
<All>: AAAUUUGGGHHHH!!! Achika has a Jusenkyo curse!!!
wearing that lovely Japanese school outfit
and her hair in a long ponytail.
Tenchi: Oh mom! I'm so glad I can see you again!
Achika: Tenchi, my son. I'm so proud of you.
You're growing up to be a healthy boy.
Rowan: This sounds eerily like Nodoka.
Tenchi: (Takes her into an embrace.)
Mom. My life is terrible now. I'm
being forced to have sex with all these alien girls.
Bard: And your problem is?
And they won't give me any rest what so ever.
Achika: Huh? And you don't like it?
Tenchi: Well, it's not that I don't like it...
{All}: Then what are you complaining about??!!
Achika: Do you hate them?
Tenchi: No, I don't. It's just that...
Rowan:(Tenchi) I�ve violated the laws of common decency.
Shadow: (Tenchi) I�ve turned into a raging sex-crazed idiot
with the powers of the Overfiend.
Guardian: (Tenchi) I WANT MORE!!!
Bard: Dear Gods! The Guardian�s lost his marbles!!!
Achika: It's just what?
Tenchi: It's just happening to me all at once.
I'm... turning into this animal which
I can't control...
Rowan: So put it to sleep!
Tenchi's mother releases him from her hold and frowns upon him.
Bard: (Achika) Tenchi dear, that�s most unmanly of you.
Achika: Tenchi... dear...
Where do you_THINK_ you got those traits from?
Rowan: Uh....his dad?
Tenchi: Uhh... My... Dad...?
Guardian: I really hate it when you do that Rowan.
Tenchi's dad, young Nobuyuki, is in his
room, butt-nekkid and totally
evaporated from having way too much sex.
Shadow: Instant hentai, just add water.
Guardian: We really didn�t need to see that you know.
Achika: WRONG!!
(She starts to bounce quite nervously,
causing her son to worry.)
Shadow: He�s not the only one that�s worried.
I died some years after I had you. Do you know why?
{All}: Gee....how about that fight you had with Kain?
Tenchi: No...? Why...?
Achika: Your father and I were planning to have another child.
Rowan: I don�t think the world�s ready for another Masaki.
But I wasn't as young as I thought I was back then. So...!
Tenchi: You died of a heart attack... during sex...??
Guardian: (Achika) Stop putting words in my mouth!
Achika: [GUUSSSHHHH] That's right!
And I'm STILL HORNY!!!
<All>: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Tenchi tried to run away at that point,
but Achika manages to catch him before he
even got the chance. She rips his pants off,
slides his.........
{There is a brief intermission while the reviewers
make a quick stop at the restroom to puke their guts out}
-=**=-
<Our much abused heroes return>
Shadow: This author read that MST by Peter Suzuki didn�t he?
Guardian: That or he�s someone like the person who wrote
the lemon �What�s wrong with Ranma�s life�.
Tenchi snaps out of his wet nightmare;
Rowan: (Tenchi) I�m Drowning!!!
only to find himself ejaculating into a
woman who's also in bed with him.
Bard: I�d make a hentai comment here
but I�ve got a bad feeling about this.......
He doesn't even want to know who's pussy
he's in right now.
Shadow: (Artemis) Argh! Flashbacks of the Evil one!!!
{All}: *Whack the Idiot*
Shadow: Owwwww........
Ryo-Ohki: Meow? <Tenchi?>
{All}: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
No, just forget about it.
{All}: OH, NOW YOU TELL US THAT!!!
Just forget about ever having a nice normal life as a
shinto priest. Right now he's just a sextoy...
Shadow: (Tenchi) Someone please kill me now.
THE END
(All): Halleluyah!!!
{The reviewers run out of the
room as fast as they can}
-Later
Guardian: Bard, if you ever let Happosai
choose a fic again we will have to hurt you.
Shadow: It�s my turn to pick next. Expect a dark one.
Rowan: Oh bloody hell, here we go again.
*$*$*$*$*$*
Disclaimer: The original story belongs to Shinji Ikari,
I just MSTed it. All who are owned by someone
else also belong to them too, I guess.
Treason doth never prosper; what's the reason?
For if it prosper: none dare call it treason.
-John Harrington
Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.
-Dorothy Parker
I am his Highness' dog at Kew;
Pray tell me, sir, whose dog are you?
-Alexander Pope
____________________________________________________________________
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