Subject: [FFML] Review: April 7
From: David Johnston
Date: 4/8/1999, 4:13 PM
To: ffml@fanfic.com

You know, I wrote another of these that you'll never see, because my 
clock changed right in the middle of it, and crashed my work.  

Subject: 
        [FFML][fic][SM/EVA] Sailormoon Impact Chapter 1 (complete) 
  Date: 
        Wed, 7 Apr 1999 21:05:52 +0800 
  From: 
        "Chad Yang" <chadjill@ms3.hinet.net>

Description:  Usagi Tsukino, bereft of all her friends and family, has 
Misato's job, is keeping her enormous power "secret",  but doesn't know 
that SEELE knows things even she doesn't know about herself.

Comments:  All this time hopping is jarring to me.  Some interesting 
ideas, but I wish the author would stop messing around and get linear.  

Subject: 
        [FFML] [Song-Fic] Nekkohanten Nerima 
  Date: 
        Wed, 7 Apr 1999 07:51:39 -0400 
  From: 
        "Bogue" <bogue@negia.net

Description:  "Hotel California" sort of reworked into a song about 
the Nekohanten

Comments:  The Nekohanten is not on a "dark desert highway", and it's 
"Mercedes Benz".

Subject: 
        [FFML] [Fanfic][Ranma][Sort of] The Replacement Ranmas - 2 
  Date: 
        Wed, 7 Apr 1999 21:40:32 +1200 
  From: 
        Angus MacSpon <macspon@ihug.co.nz>

Description:  As before it's a spoofy recasting of Ranma parts with 
anime character "actors".

Comments:  This is funny stuff.  I wouldn't mind hearing "I Am The 
Very Model Of A Model Modern Samurai" if someone chose to write it.  

Subject: 
         [FFML][Fanfic][Ranma] Crossed Wires (Chapter 2) 
    Date: 
         Tue, 06 Apr 1999 16:12:59 -0600 
    From: 
         Kent Hyam <rodney.hyam@sk.sympatico.ca>

Description:  Ranma is trying to solve his problems with Ryoga and 
Ukyo by befriending him, and encouraging a romance between them.  
However, his behavior is misinterpreted by Ukyo and Akane.  

Comments:  Brilliantly faithful concept.  In chapter one, the author 
slipped by having Akane hit Ranma before she saw or heard anything 
incriminating.  That was unfortunate given that this plot will 
afford her plenty of opportunities to lose it legitimately.
Apart from that everyone, including Akane, is wonderfully in character.  

However, the technical end is another matter.  None of the questions 
have question marks.  If you are going to write thoughts in the first 
person, then it would be better to use some kind of quote indicators.  
It would be even better in my opinion to just change all the first 
person thoughts to third person, changing "I just can't 
concentrate when..." to "She just couldn't concentrate when..." for 
example.  The author also needs to be more careful
with his use of commas.  Any digression, for example this one, needs 
two commas, not just one.  Avoid the temptation to comma splice.  

Subject: 
            [FFML] [Fanfic][AREA88] Angels of Blood and Fire: Mission 01 
       Date: 
            Tue, 06 Apr 1999 09:52:24 -0700 
       From: 
            Jamie and Bridget Wilde <wildeman@psn.net>

Description:  Hardware-heavy melodrama about indentured mercenary aviators.

Comments:  This guy really knows his stuff.  Last year someone pointed out
that nobody did fanfics for series like this one, but the reason why is 
obvious.  This degree of military knowledge is essential to do a decent 
job of it and few among us have it.  

Subject: 
        [FFML][FF][R1/2] Nabiki and Ranma � 
  Date: 
        Tue, 6 Apr 1999 07:27:38 EDT 
  From: 
        MalaspinaM@aol.com

Description:  The usual alternate reality intro.  This time Nabiki went 
along for the ride and got cursed.

Comments:  The curses in the original were pretty carefully chosen to
represent some aspect of the cursed character, whether it was Shampoo's
love of stalking and pouncing, Ranma's insecurity about his masculinity,
or Ryoga's feelings of helplessness and hunger for affection.  Nabiki's
curse, here, is a pretty unimaginative default choice.  She might as well
not have a curse at all, considering her ability to cleverly talk her way
out of problems.  Worse, her curse actually makes it easier for her to 
keep her hold on Ranma, preventing problems rather than causing them.  

Perhaps the author might give some consideration to a curse for Nabiki 
that would hit closer to home.  Spring of Fox?  Spring of Cat?  Spring 
of Woman Who Never Lied?

On the technical side of things, the author's use of commas is very poor.
Grammar problems lead to confusion, such as his inadvertant description
of Ranma as "outsized".  

Subject: 
        [FFML] fanfic(SM)GeneralinVegas(rough) 
  Date: 
        Mon, 05 Apr 1999 23:17:34 PDT 
  From: 
        "Travis Grant" <blueeagle6@HOTMAIL.COM>

Description:  Jadeite decides the way to avoid the senshi is to raid 
outside of Tokyo.  However, it turns out that his new target has at least
one Silver Millenium superhero of it's own.  

Comments:  Many people don't know that in the original manga, the Dark Kingdom
was operating on a world-wide scale already.  Given such a tiny snippet I won't
rush to judgement on the plot or characters.  However "wretched" is spelled with
a "w", and it's unlikely that armed robbers who hadn't actually killed anyone would
get a full 20 years.  American jails are crowded, you know.  Apart from that,
Beryl asks Jadeite why he hasn't eliminated the SS.  He answers by telling her how
much trouble he's having in avoiding them.  This doesn't make sense.  

Subject: 
        [FFML] [Fanfic][R1/2] Pastpresent - Heirlooms 
  Date: 
        Tue, 6 Apr 1999 15:00:28 +1000 (EST) 
  From: 
        Susan Doenime <wendigo@zerlargal.humbug.org.au>

Description:  The story of Ranma 1/2's parental units when they were teenagers.  

Comments:  Quite good.  An engaging story exploring largely undiscovered territory

Subject: 
        [FFML] [fanfic][revised] Dew On The Grass 
  Date: 
        Tue, 6 Apr 1999 10:36:36 +1200 
  From: 
        pluck@ihug.co.nz

Description:  Ranma spends a longer time in his headblow-induced female persona,
and Ryoga falls for her.  

Comments:  Lyrical and heartwarming, gently tragic.  One of the best WAFF fics
I've ever read.  

Subject: 
        [FFML] [Fanfic][Ranma][REVISED]A Stained Glass Mind [1/?] 
  Date: 
        Wed, 7 Apr 1999 06:49:42 -0700 
  From: 
        "Anand Rao" <anandr@mminternet.com>

Description:  Ranma is a multiple personality, but it isn't really a 
handicap since the personalities have an awesome array of abilities.

Comments:  Hip-hip-hurrah!  Anand Rao is going change the ending.  
I hated that original ending.  {Well I liked it.} <You shut up.>