*** 

ParT 3

The setting sun has left the sky.
The light grows dim.
I thought I was a brave man.
My thin sleeves are wet with tears.

-Hitomaro

*** 

	From space, it looked like any other planet.

	It had oceans of thick clouds around it with patches of brown and 
blue peeking out here and there in tiny shafts, like a child wrapped in a 
blanket on a winter's day.  From orbit, no one would know what if any 
troubles might be occurring on the surface.  From orbit, one wouldn't be able 
to see the countless millions that could have lived there.

	Kagato and Hotaru appeared in the quiet void of space, hovering just 
above the planet's upper atmosphere.  Kagato, who now somewhat used to the 
child's tricks, was only slightly surprised at his new surroundings.  After 
finding his voice, and more importantly finding that his voice was somehow 
working in the vacuum of space, he spoke.  "So demon, what would you show me 
here?"

	Hotaru chuckled and answered the scientist while facing the giant 
planet beneath them.  "You're so closed off, Kagato.  You can't seem to see 
past your own beliefs of life and conquest.  Why?"

	Kagato snorted and faced the planet.  "Conquest is the key, the 
stepping stone to true obtainment."
	"And what is the cost of that obtainment?"
	"There is no cost, because true obtainment is beyond any price."
	"And just what is it that you would so desperately obtain?  It has to 
be something special, after all, you murdered your other self for 'giving up' 
in your eyes."
	"It's not your concern."
	"I don't see why it can't be.  After all, it was enough for you to 
torture poor little Ryoko for several thousand years, so whatever it is must 
be important."
	"I said it is not your concern!"
	"And let's not forget the millions you murdered in your insane holy 
crusade!  Thousands upon thousands were slain just so you could march on, a 
mad general leading an army that doesn't exist to a goal that only he could 
see!"
	"ENOUGH!"

	Kagato moved to strike Hotaru, but once again the child had vanished. 
 Her laughter however, was echoing about him.  After composing himself, 
Kagato turned his attention back to the planet below him.
	"You don't understand.  No one... could ever understand my quest."

	Kagato felt a shiver, and in an instant he found himself amidst a 
vast wasteland.  While somewhat thankful to be on solid ground, the 
scientist's attention was completely enthralled with his new surroundings.  
Empty charred shells of what were once buildings stood on splintered, rickety 
legs.  Where concrete and steel once loomed, now only dust and debris could 
be seen.  Even the dry, coarse air that whistled hoarsely through the cracks 
of the once great metropolis seemed stale and old, like the breath of someone 
on their deathbed.  

	The world Kagato was on was dead.

	Kagato began to walk down the deserted rubble that was once a street, 
wondering what surprise Hotaru had planned for him this time.  After 
wandering for several minutes, Kagato had yet to see any sign of life amidst 
the charred valley of destruction.  Then, a sound almost as faint as the 
whispering wind caught his ear.

	Kagato froze in mid step.  Straining his senses, he could just barely 
make out the sound.  After climbing over a pile of gray, dusty concrete ruins 
and crossing a small field of rubble, he came across the source of the sound.

	The child was small, no older than six or seven, and in desperate 
need of food.  Her frame shuddered each time she drew breath, and her 
dirt-covered face was marked with the telltale streak marks that tears often 
leave.  Her dress was filthy and torn, the pink in it being only a shadow of 
its once radiant pallor.  

	Kagato stood silently before the child until it finally noticed him.  
When she finally realized that she wasn't alone, she gave a frightened scream 
and backed into a corner.  Kagato could now see dirty and infected cuts 
lining her arms and legs, no doubt from the shards of broken glass and 
rusting steel that jutted at random amidst the man made wasteland they were 
now in.  As the child huddled in terror, Kagato slowly made his way to the 
tiny child.  After a quick visual examination, Kagato realized that the child 
only had a few short hours left until mal nutrition, disease and dehydration 
would claim her life.  Curious, Kagato dropped to one knee and looked the 
child in her wide, terrified eyes.  In his usually calm, icy voice, the 
scientist addressed his newfound companion.

	"What happened here, child?"

	The frightened girl wiped her nose and continued to cower.  Kagato 
remained calm and tried his best to suppress the urge to just get up and walk 
away.  After a bit of thought on the matter, he went down a mental list of 
interrogation tactics that seemed to work best on children, then tried the 
easiest one.

	He smiled.

	"Don't worry little one.  I'm not here to hurt you.  Now tell me, 
what happened here?"

	After a few moments consideration, the little girl did her best to 
stop shivering, then started bawling hysterically.  To the mad scientist's 
surprise, the child ran into his open and somewhat confused arms.  As the 
frail child sobbed in the mad doctor's arms, Kagato felt something stir 
inside of him.

	Pity.

	"The ship... It came from the sky and... my mommy and daddy tried to 
stop it... everyone tried but... it was all so fast!  Everyone ran and ran, 
but in the end... it... it... they couldn't stop it!"

	Kagato held the child for what seemed like an eternity.  After some 
time had passed the mad scientist caught himself petting the child's head.  
After a time, Kagato gently pushed the child back and dried her tear stained 
cheeks.

	"So there's no one left here?  You're alone?"

	"Of course she is, you fool!  This world is dead!"
	
	Upon hearing Hotaru's all too familiar voice, Kagato turned his back 
on the terrified child and looked around for his unwanted travel partner.

*** 

	"From orbit, it looks like nothing more than a giant, fluffy ball.  
On the surface however... Would you believe that this child is the last 
survivor of her race?  Pity..."

	I looked to a spot that had been vacant a moment earlier, and 
standing there, true to form, was Hotaru.  To my surprise the tiny demon was 
crying.

	"Why are you crying, demon."
	"I'm not."
	"Don't play games with me!  What do you mean, 'you're not'?"
	"A demon.  I'm not."
	"Then why are you crying?"

	"This world is dead, Kagato.  Billions of lives, each one special, 
each one unique, have all been silenced forever.  There were families here, 
millions of families, each one filled with love and light.  There was beauty 
here, too.  Great forests and rivers, lakes and crystal blue oceans that were 
filled with wondrous creatures.  This child here is the ultimate symbol of 
all the suffering and pain this world has felt.  And when she dies, this 
world will cease to exist."

	"So you weep for the death of this world?  But why?  Was this your 
home, or did it have some special meaning to you?  It's just a place, after 
all..."

	Hotaru had her back to me, but even so I could tell she was still 
crying.  Her tiny, hideously deceptive body shuddered with each sob.

	"I'm crying because this is ultimately all my fault."

	I paused.  Somewhere deep inside of me a voice was whispering, and as 
much as I didn't want to listen, I knew what it was saying.  I knew what the 
demon would say next.

	"Do you know why this is all my fault, Kagato?  Do you know why all 
these people, and countless others had to die?  Do you have any idea?"

	She turned, and the look on her face was one of pure hatred.  For 
some reason, I suddenly felt a pang, a light fluttering inside of me that I 
had not felt since...

	Since that boy...

	Fear.  That's what it was.  I was feeling fear.  This child was 
scaring me.  

	"It's because I was weak in life, my dear Kagato.  I was always 
sickly and frail, but I was also blessed with an extraordinary mind.  I was 
gifted with the blessings of reason and comprehension, much like my friend... 
a professor that both we knew...

	"I was dying, I had known this for quite some time.  I knew that 
there was nothing I could do to stop my body from deteriorating, so in a last 
act of defiance I did the only thing I could.  My friend had lost so much in 
life... seen so much pain...  I wanted to thank her for her years of 
friendship and devotion during my sickness, so when I left this world I left 
her with a gift.  A copy.  I cloned myself, Kagato.  I made a clone, a soul 
mate for my friend.  Unfortunately that soul mate felt so inadequate about 
his origins that he lashed out.  First he hurt my friend, then their daughter 
and eventually anything he could to quench his rage."

	As she spoke, the world around us once again started to melt away, 
but as it did, I could feel my traveling companion melting with it.  I 
listened, and as Hotaru spoke the venom in her voice was matched only by her 
remorse.

	"He did all this, and would you like to know why?  Would you my dear 
scientist?  He did it because he wanted to know what it was to be human.  I 
gave him the power of a God and all he could do with it was destroy every 
living thing in his path, just to know what it was to be real.  The saddest 
thing though, the real kicker you might say, is that the answer was right 
there in front of him the whole time.  He was just too separated from reality 
to realize it.  

	"If I could change the past, I would never have created that unholy 
beast in the first place, but I was all my friend had left, and I didn't want 
to leave her like her husband had so many years ago.  I'm kind of soft when 
it comes to people and their hopes, and that's why I brought you with me 
today, Kagato.  I wanted you to see first hand what your life is.  I wanted 
you to see first hand all the good your life has accomplished.  I gave you a 
vision of your world, what it is, what its wrought and what it could have 
been, and now... now it's your turn."

	By now, I was once again surrounded by blackness, but this time I 
felt as if there were to be no more flashes of light.  For the first time, I 
felt as if some thick, oily predator had truly engulfed the entire world.  I 
looked around frantically, my body breaking out in a cold sweat.  For the 
first time in my life, I was scared of what might happen next.  The fear of 
death, once only an illusion, was now strangling me.  I tried to scream for 
Hotaru, but I felt my own words cut short by the blackness that was pouring 
into my throat.

	I was dying.

	With the last of my sanity, I summoned every ounce of determination 
that still resided inside me and let loose with one last, primal scream.

*** 

pARt 4
"The closet is warm at the height of the storm,
Go outside go outside 'cause I'm hiding from you.
The bedroom is dark, but that's the easiest part,
Little monsters see better at night."
-Chloe

*** 

SYSTEM STATUS: OPERATIONAL.
SUBJECT STATUS: RECONSTRUCTING.
...
...
...
RECONSTRUCTION COMPLETE.
MODIFICATION RATIO: 70%
OPERATIONAL STATUS OF SUBJECT: 10%
SUBJECT LIFE SIGNS STABALIZED.
INITIATE REANIMATION.
...
...
...
REANIMATION COMPLETE.
TOTAL TIME ELAPSED: 30:7:22:16

	That was all the log could tell me.  When I awoke I found myself 
curled up on the cold, metallic floor of the med lab.  I was covered in a 
thick, blackish substance that had somehow made its way down my throat.  
After vomiting bile onto the steel floor for several minutes, I attempted to 
stand and get my bearings.  

	I was in my ship.  The Soja.  At least, it looked like the Soja.  
Everything seemed compact... smaller for some reason.  After regaining the 
use of my legs, I made my way over to the nearest council and read the log.

	"30 months..."

	On one hand, I was amazed at how much time the reconstruction had 
taken.  On the other, I marveled that after having been completely destroyed 
my machines had done so much in such a short amount of time.  A shiver ran 
through my body, reminding me that I was soaking wet and naked.  I mentally 
commanded my drones to bring me my robes.

	After a few minutes, I was still standing by myself, by now quite 
cold and miserable.  I tried to tell myself that the ship wasn't ready, that 
the automated systems weren't fully activated yet.  As I put my hand on the 
edge of the steel table beside me, I drew back reflexively.

	On my finger, a tiny sliver of red was forming.

	I was bleeding.  I had bled before.  When the boy had cut me with his 
sword was the first time in several thousand years anyone had even gotten 
close enough, but there were other times, mostly in practice when my skin 
would be breached.  

	This however was the first time I had ever felt it.

	As the situation finally started to come into focus I was forced to 
steady my trembling form on the table beside me.  Shakily I turned towards 
the computer and once again read the log for my reanimation.

MODIFICATION RATIO: 70%
OPERATIONAL STATUS OF SUBJECT: 10%

	In the unlikely event of my or the ships total destruction, the 
computers main frame was backed up and stored inside a tiny sphere located 
inside a makeshift life boat.  If the ship or I were ever terminated, the 
sphere would instigate a reconstruction via thousands upon millions of tiny 
nanites.  Unfortunately, in the event that some parts were eliminated 
completely, the computer was designed to improvise as best it could.

	For what may have been an eternity, the halls of my once mighty ship 
resounded with mad, hysterical laughter.

*** 

	So here I am.

	After regaining control of my sanity I found some clothes, just a 
white shirt and some pants, and headed to the bridge.  After punching in a 
destination I sat back in a make shift captain's chair and let my Soja fly.  

	Apparently my Soja did its best to fix me, but in the end it could 
only go so far.  It's kind of ironic really; for thousands of years I 
searched endlessly for a way to prove my superiority only now to be reborn as 
that which I thought I was conquering.  

	For years I searched for the end result of my existence, an ultimate 
goal.  For years, I was searching for something more.  After countless years 
of endless searching I finally realized that until my death I never really 
knew what I was searching for.

	My entire life has been just one big blind farce.  I'm not saying 
that I've given up, mind you.  To give up in life is my one unforgivable sin. 
 To quit is to die, and death is currently not on my list of priorities.  
I've been stripped of my powers, my longevity and in a sense my god hood, but 
in return I've been given something that no amount of power or destruction 
could ever yield.  

	Oh don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I've undergone some great, 
incredible change of morals.  You see, I realize now that before, my eyes 
were covered in scales.  Only now, now that I've seen my path in life I 
realize that I've simply been heading in the wrong direction.  

	I'm not saying my journey is over.  I'm simply saying my journey has 
just now begun.  I'm not going to atone for my sins, but something inside me 
has changed, and whether my vision was simply the result of my mental synapse 
being reconstructed or the actions of something beyond my control it really 
makes no difference.  All that matters is that for the first time, I think I 
see which way I'm supposed to go.

	And if I hurry, I won't have to travel that road alone.

	On a planet beyond the far reaches of space a little girl is going to 
die unless someone intervenes.

	It's not much, but it's a start.

*** 

Notes:

This fic was started a loooonnnng time ago, then forgotten for months.  
Recently I rediscovered it on my hard drive and started playing with it 
again.  This has been the sole focus of my work for the last three weeks.  
It's like a void that I needed to fill, and until that void was filled 
nothing else could get done in my world.  I don't really feel that this is 
done, but at least I got to the end, and that's a start.  Ahh well, next 
up... Devil chapter 3!

Kagato and Co belong to AiC and Pioneer

All C&C should go to BGlanders@aol.com