PaRt 1

"I've been to heaven and hell, and I still don't know if there's a God or a 
Devil."
								-Jhonen 
Vasquez	

*** 

BGlanders presents...

Something More

*** 
"Where am I?"

	All things considered it wasn't that bad of a question to be asking. 

	I was surrounded by a void, a blackness that seemed to almost have 
structure.  It felt... cold.  Disorientating.  It was not a sensation that I 
find agreeable.  I had been doing something... something important when 
something happened... and then...

Where am I

	I remembered a fight.  A fight with a boy.  I remember how confident 
I felt, how completely wonderful life was about to become for me.  Finally I 
would have the answer to the question.  Finally I would have the Tsunami 
unit.  Finally I would be able to see.

Where am I

	I remembered fighting with my child.  She was so strong, so quick, so 
desperate and without cause.  She was losing, and I was winning for all time. 
 Finally I had achieved my goal; the Ship of the Beginning was mine.  Finally 
I had reached the end result of five thousand years worth of isolation, 
hatred, fear and desperate yearning.  Finally, I would see that which I had 
sinned so many eons for.

Where am I

	Then the boy came.  He was... magnificent.  This was not the same boy 
who had challenged me on the planet earth, oh no.  This was something else, 
something that I could not begin to describe.  This was perfection in an 
imperfect being, planted there by one with no ties to rationality, for this 
boys powers exceeded rational understanding.  We fought each other for merely 
seconds, yet at the time I felt as if years were passing.  His power... the 
power of...  of something more.  That's the best way that I can word it.  He 
was something more than myself.  Something more than I could understand.

	And in the end, he defeated me.

Where am I

	I died.  I'm quite sure of that fact.  However if I was truly dead, 
did that mean that this was Hell?  

Where

	Or maybe there really was nothing after death.

Am

	Either way, I remember thinking that it would be nice to know just 
what exactly is going on.

I?

	"Where am I?"

	"You're here, of course."

 *** 

	A moment before, it had been a swirling void.  Now the man called 
Kagato found himself standing in the most beautiful garden he had ever seen.  
All around him, the scientist saw petals touched with colors so soft and 
bright that they seemed to illuminate the grove he was standing in.  The 
grass felt soft underneath his feet and the sweet smelling air of the flowers 
was in abundance.

	Kagato was now quite sure he was in Hell.

	"What is this place?  How did I get here?"  Kagato waited for the 
voice to answer him, but all he was met with was silence.  In the distance, 
the soft babbling of a clear stream running between two grassy hills broke 
the silence.  The scientist stood as still as a statue, trying to absorb 
everything as best he could.

	"Like I said, you're here.  Where else would you be?"

	Kagato spun around to face the speaker.  Where nothing had been a 
moment before a little girl now stood.  She was small, about four feet high 
and her face...  Kagato shuddered as he stared into the girl's pasty white 
face.  There was something about it, something hauntingly familiar... The Way 
her golden eyes gleamed with intelligence, the color of her hair...  Kagato 
felt a stone settle in his stomach and a lump form in his throat.  A cold 
sweat broke across his brow.

	"You.  I know you.  You're... you're her, aren't you?

	The girl smiled and took a step towards Kagato, who took two steps 
back in pure terror.  

	"Yes, I'm her.  My name's Hotaru.  I'm very happy to meet you, 
Kagato."

	The child giggled as Kagato slowly tried to take hold of his senses.  
After doing his best to calm his nerves, he took a deep breath and spoke 
slowly to the smiling child before him.

	"You're dead.  I know this for a fact.  So if I'm speaking with you, 
does that mean that I'm...?"

	The child shrugged and giggled again at the scientist.  

	"I wouldn't know about that, but I'm pretty sure this means you're 
dead.  I can't think of any other reason that you'd be here unless that was 
the case.  It is strange though..."

	Kagato once again looked at his surroundings.  By the creek a 
beautiful patch of purple flowers were in full bloom.  Several bees were 
attending them.  Kagato turned to face the child again, then froze in place.  
The girl had vanished.

	"Interesting.  Am I to assume that this is some kind of game then?"

	Suddenly the air around the mad scientist was filled with childish 
laughter.  Kagato looked to the sky, as that seemed to be where the laughter 
was coming from.  As the sound continued, several birds grew tired of 
listening and flew away from their tree sanctuaries.  The laughter, which at 
this point was starting to hurt Kagato's ears, suddenly stopped.  It was 
replaced by the same childish voice as before, but this time it seemed to 
emanate from the very garden itself.

	"You will come with me, Kagato.  You will come as I take you on a 
tour.  I think you'll enjoy what I have to show you, my friend."

	Kagato snarled as the garden around him started to melt away into 
nothingness.  Where green grass, beautiful flowers and cool streams had been 
a moment before, now only a white, endless void remained.  In a fit of anger, 
the scientist started to scream.

	"First you will tell me what is going on here!  I demand to know 
where I am and how it is that you're here!  Tell me!"

	At that moment, the world exploded with color.

*** 

	The entire world around me seemed to explode with a radiance that was 
almost blinding.  I shielded my eyes and braced for whatever attack might 
have been coming.  Hotaru... that wasn't her real name.  She was playing with 
me, trying to twist my perception of reality.  This was all some cosmic game 
to her, and I was the pawn.

	When I opened my eyes, I was taken aback with what I was presented 
with.  I was standing in what appeared to be the throne room of the Jurain 
royal palace.  All round me stood the trees of the Sight, the holy trees that 
allowed the emperor of Jurai to see into the immediate future.  Actually they 
served as a Sword of Damocles, striking down any that were unfit to take the 
royal throne, or so the legends had said.

	At the foot of the throne room stood a man who was cast in shadow.  
He was garbed in the robes of a Jurain noble, but his face was hidden by the 
shadows of the trees.  He stood at the top of a great staircase while I 
looked up to him from the base.  For a moment I believed him to be the cause 
of my dilemma and outstretched my hand, ready to call my sword to me.  Then 
the man at the top of the stairs spoke, and my blood froze in my veins.

	He had my voice.

	"I was the Emperor of Jurai once."

	I stood in stunned silence as the figure slowly descended the 
staircase.  The trees around him turned brown as he passed then became green 
as he continued down the great staircase.  Behind the man stood what looked 
like a boy, but a light that was too bright for me to see through silhouetted 
him.  I could only make out his shape.  As the man came closer to me, he 
continued to speak.

	"I was the ruler of the entire galaxy.  I had the power of God at my 
command.  I was God, for the briefest of moments, but do you know what I did 
to achieve that power?  I had killed, pillaged and destroyed countless worlds 
to strengthen myself.  For decades, I traveled from planet to planet alone 
and filled with hate.  I sought the power, the ultimate power that most men 
only dream of, and for a brief instant, I felt myself finally become 
something more than I was."

	The man came closer, and as he did I was finally able to see his 
face.  His hair was a different shade, and here and there I saw several 
differences, but in the end there was no doubt.

	The man who was speaking was I.	

	"Then the boy came.  The grandson of my best friend and most hated 
enemy.  I though that he was nothing.  I thought that I was the one, and that 
he was little more than an obstacle to remove from my path.  Then we fought, 
and as we did I started to see something inside the boy that I had never 
known.  I started to realize that this boy, this half-breed from a remote, 
backwater world, was defeating me.  I tried to ignore it, to tell myself that 
it wasn't true and that I really was the one, the one who had achieved the 
ultimate level of power in life.  Then the trees... the trees themselves came 
alive and spoke."

	The man, my double, gestured behind him.  The trees lining the royal 
stairway suddenly illuminated, and in them I caught a glimpse of what 
appeared to be the planet earth.  The leaves from the trees turned different 
shades of brown and gold, and one by one they slowly started to gently fall 
to the ground.

	"In an instant the trees told us both everything and nothing all at 
once.  They had chosen their master, and their master was the boy.  At that 
moment I knew that everything I had hunted for, that everything I had 
searched desperately for and had slain thousands to achieve, had been taken 
from me.  At that moment, I realized the lesson the trees had given me."

	The man, my double, put his hand on my shoulder.  The moment he did I 
felt a shudder of disgust run through my body.  Why was this thing telling me 
all this?  Why was he speaking of his weakness so openly?  I felt a great 
hatred growing inside me for this thing, this less than human copy that stood 
before me...

This copy.

	"It was beautiful, my friend.  I saw the true power of Jurai for the 
first time, and that power opened my eyes.  I suddenly realized that the true 
power wasn't something to be hoarded and obtained, but rather something to 
have bestowed.  I was weak in that I couldn't accept my station in life and 
that I wanted more than what had been granted me.  In the end, my lust for 
power became my downfall."

	I felt a growl forming in my throat as the thing before me continued 
to talk about self-fulfillment and the rediscovery of its feelings.  I felt 
myself becoming sick from the words this copy of me was speaking.

	"So what you are saying is this; you discovered how pathetically weak 
you were and you took pleasure in this knowledge?"

	The thing nodded, a smile on its hideously familiar face.  "My 
friend, it was not the knowledge that I was weak, but the knowledge that my 
purpose in life had been fulfilled.  Most people go through life never 
knowing why they're in this mortal coil, but I... I found my purpose."

	"That being?"

	The false me, the other me,

	The lesser me

	Smiled at me with a look on his face that sickened me.  He looked so 
peaceful, so grotesquely content in his defeat that it was all I could do to 
keep from retching.  Then his voice, calm with defeat, only added to my 
feelings of nausea.  "I was simply meant to be a part of something more, 
that's all.  When I tried to control it, I merely scratched the surface.  You 
see my friend, to control that which is out of our reach is to try to hold 
the sun in your hands.  You'll only end up getting burned if you try."

	I stood and stared until I could stomach it no longer.  Without a 
word I formed my energy sword in my hand and brought it across the thing's 
neck.

	The blade hadn't cut all the way through, but the thing before me 
crumpled to the floor.  I spit on the corpse out of disgust, then looked to 
the throne at the top of the stairs.  It was then that I heard Hotaru's voice 
echoing though the throne room.

	"There it is, Kagato.  There's the throne of Jurai.  It's all yours, 
so why don't you take it?  After all, if this Kagato was able to take it, why 
couldn't you?"

	I felt my rage build as I answered the impudent child.

	"Very well then, I will take the throne for my own.  If this thing, 
this... copy could sit upon it, then I should more than easily be able to 
claim it for my own!"

	As I started to run up the staircase, I noticed that the stairs 
themselves seemed to be multiplying.  Soon I realized that no matter how fast 
of how far I was to run, the throne was always at the same distance from me.  
The laughter of that devil child filled my ears as I stopped to gasp for 
breath.  For some inexplicable reason, I was horrendously out of breath.  

	"You fool, you didn't kill a copy.  That man at the base of the 
stairs was you, but a you from another place and time.  Besides, unlike you, 
he was real.  Unlike you, he was born to his name and power.  If he couldn't 
hold the power of Jurai, then what makes you believe that you would have a 
chance?"

	I watched as the throne room suddenly dissolved into nothingness as 
the garden had done before.  Once again I was left floating in an empty void. 
 As I floated I made a silent promise to myself that whoever was behind this 
would pay with their lives once I had freed myself from this hellish game.

*** 

	Kagato floated for what could have been either an eternity or mere 
seconds, in the end it didn't matter.  The scientist quickly decided that 
time had no real meaning in this infernal place.  Then, once again the voice 
of the child Hotaru reverberated from all around the mad scientist.

	"The level of your evil must truly be bottomless.  How could you be 
so inhuman as to kill another man in cold blood, especially when that man was 
yourself?  Then again I guess that to ask of anything not inhuman from you 
would be asking too much, all things considering..."

	"My actions were completely justified, child.  He was weak, and not 
worthy of the name he carried.  I have never tolerated weakness or frailty in 
myself or those that would serve me.  To tolerate frailty is to invite 
failure and disappointment unto ones self."

	"Is that why you killed him?  Because he was admitting his failure?"

	Kagato nodded and scrunched his brow slightly in frustration at the 
memory of his doppelganger.  He had killed his double because that false 
Kagato, that thing had broken the golden rule.  To admit one's frailty is to 
admit defeat.  One who exposes their frailty is one who asks for death.
	
	"You don't get it yet, do you?  I figured as much.  You know for 
someone as smart as you claim to be you seem to be awfully dense at the 
moment.  Maybe it's the Xerox effect taking hold.  You know, the old law 
stating that a copy is never a sharp as the original..."

	Kagato clenched his fists and screamed into the void, his usually 
calm exterior shattered.

	"How dare you say that to me!  I am not a copy, do you hear me?  I am 
myself; something defined by my will, not by someone's desires!  I AM NOT A 
COPY!"

	Hotaru's laughter was the only answer he received.  Then, without 
warning he found himself somewhere tangible.  He was lying on a pile of warm 
straw in a cold metal room that was eerily familiar to him.  As he tried to 
get up from his new makeshift bed, he realized two things; the first being 
that he was naked and covered in bruises.  

	The second realization being that he was now female.  

	Before the scientist could comprehend what he was seeing, a metal 
door in front of him slid open, and in it, the scientist was once again faced 
with what appeared to be himself.

*** 

pArT 2

"The passions that drive us should be ones we respect and admire.  To feel 
contempt for one's own motivations is a vulgar thing.
Too often, it seems, I've succumbed to less than admirable compulsions driven 
by this furiously reprehensible machine of mine.
So many things inside that I can do without- desires and longings and what 
not.
So extraneous.
By the time I write in this book again, I hope to be as cold as the moon that 
lights this page."
-Jhonen Vasquez

*** 

	I remember coming to on a soft pile of straw in a dark, metallic 
room.  Instantly I knew this to be another game, but I decided to play along 
and see where this illusion was going.  As I tried to get up, I realized that 
this time the illusion had affected my body as well as my surroundings, as I 
was now female.

	This was getting most annoying.

	Before I could bring myself to my feet, a metal door before me slid 
open revealing... myself.  It was another me, but this time it was exact, not 
vague like the last one.  This time, the I standing before me was truly a 
physical copy of myself.

	He, my double, advanced on me before I could even open my mouth.  His 
grip was like an iron clamp on my shoulders, and his breath stank of 
chemicals.  I tried to summon my energy sword, but to my horror I discovered, 
then remembered, that Ryoko's energy well was cut off when I had her confined 
to her cell.  

	I was helpless, a prisoner to myself.  I tried desperately to fight 
my way out of his grip, but in the end he just squeezed tighter.  I felt my 
shoulders bruising from his tightening grip, then I flew backwards as he 
struck me across the face.  Suddenly I realized that I had been in this exact 
situation before.  The only difference was that last time; I had been on the 
giving end of the punishment.

	"What is the first lesson?"  I heard his voice, 

My voice

	Echo like thunder in my ears.  For some reason I felt my entire body 
shiver uncontrollably.  Then my mouth opened and started to answer, but to my 
horror it was not of my own volition.

  	"That your word is the law, and that nothing is greater than you."

	I felt my, or rather Ryoko's body, shivering so violently I thought 
she was going to soil herself out of pure fear.  I realized at that point 
that I was wrong in my first assumption; this was not my body reformed.  I 
was now inside the body of my daughter, and was now reduced to nothing more 
than a passenger inside of her mind.  

	"And who am I?"

	His voice

My voice

	Was so cold, so strong and powerful yet empty in our ears.  It was 
like listening to some great, hating machine that knew it was greater than 
those that had created it.  It was at this point that I realized something 
that chilled me to the bone.  This was my own true version of perfection; 
cold, uncaring order, unclouded by emotion.  The sheer use of power and the 
power of one's presence were the tools of leadership, and here I was, the 
embodiment of those principles to the utmost extreme.

	So why did I suddenly feel so afraid?

	"You're Daddy."

	Daddy.  That was the name I had made my daughter call me from the 
first.  It was how she was to know me, to see me in her life.  I was her 
father, her daddy.  I was to be the center of her universe, and there was to 
be nothing else that would ever be seen as being higher than myself.  I 
remember to what lengths I had forced this principle upon her.  In order to 
make her fully appreciate my hold on her, I decided to take command of every 
aspect of her life.  

	She was to have nothing sacred, nothing hidden.  I was to be the 
first and last, the whole of her existence.  To do this...  To do this I 
forced myself upon every aspect of her being.

	"Come, my little Ryoko.  Come to Daddy and we'll start today's 
lesson."

	I saw my hand hesitantly reach out for his, then felt his tighten and 
crush mine.  While Ryoko flinched from the pain, I let out a surprised cry.  
It was then that I realized the final aspect of this new arrangement.

	Just as I could discern her, she could discern me.

Who's there?
'I am.'
Who are you?
'No one to concern yourself with.'
Who are you?
'I told you, I am no one to concern yourself with!'
Did Daddy send you?

	I froze.  The fear in those words, the sheer terror in her voice made 
me hold my tongue.  At that moment she was not a woman or even a child.  At 
that moment she sounded like a frightened animal.  To hurt animals is 
something that is beneath me.  I hurt those that can defend themselves 
against it.  I hurt my daughter to teach her to stand up to hurt, to ignore 
it and finally to dismiss it all together.  To hurt this however, would be to 
accomplish nothing.

'No.  Daddy didn't send me.'

	I felt her relax slightly, then she tensed again as I, our attacker, 
pinned us to the straw mat.  I knew what was coming next; the proof of my 
mastery.  The establishment of my power.  I knew the purpose of this act, but 
for the first time ever, I suddenly found myself disgusted by it.

	When it was over and my other had left the room, I found my host body 
crying uncontrollably in the corner.  Strange, I hadn't remembered her ever 
crying once when I had been with her, not in over two thousand years.  This 
was a side of my daughter that I had rarely viewed- one that I had sneered at 
in disgust.  This was what I had always believed to be weakness.  This is 
what I always saw as something fixable in her.

*** 

	Ryoko remained huddled in the corner of her cell for several hours 
after her 'Daddy' had decided to pay her a visit.  After crying for countless 
minutes, she managed to calm her nerves and tried to forget what had 
happened.  Meanwhile, I was becoming most annoyed.

'Why are you crying?'
What?  Who's there?  Who are you?
'I asked you a question; why are you crying?'
Who are you?  Please, tell me your name... Are you... are you one of Daddy's 
creatures?
'I...'
'Did Daddy send you?'

	Even though I had already been asked this once, I paused at this 
question for the second time.  The words Ryoko spoke in her head made me give 
an involuntary shudder.  A creature.  A thing, a creation of limited 
intelligence with a limited set of instructions.  She thought I was nothing 
more than yet another means of torture concocted by my other self.

'No, I am not one of your Daddy's creatures.'
Then who are you?
'I am no one.  Just an observer.'

	It was true.  After all, I had been reduced to nothing more than a 
mental passenger in her head.  

Oh.  My name's Ryoko.  What's your name?
'You still haven't answered me; why were you crying?'
Oh... because... when Daddy does that to me... It makes me feel bad.
'What do you mean 'feel bad'?  You're a machine, a weapon devised and created 
to be beyond emotions.  How can you 'feel' bad?'
I'm not a machine; I'm Ryoko.
'And what is Ryoko?'
I don't know.
'What do you mean 'you don't know'?  You just said you were one, so what is 
it?'
Ryoko is who I am, except when Daddy is punishing me.  That's when I hide 
far, far away where he can't touch me.
'What do you mean you hide?  You were right there with him, the entire time.'
That wasn't me.
'Then who was it?'
...
'Who was it, child?'
That was Zero.
'Who is Zero?'
She's the one who Daddy's hurting.  Zero gets hurt so I don't have to.  I 
don't like to be hurt.

	A multiple personality.  After several millennia of constant study I 
was shocked that I hadn't picked up on it before.  It made perfect sense, 
when beings were exposed to a traumatic event, the often times came up with 
drastic mental defenses to deal with the problem.  
	
	The child was still crying slightly, but her initial trembling had 
subsided.  The best thing for her was sleep, to try and rest up for the next 
visit from my doppelganger.  Being nothing more than a mental passenger I was 
limited as to how to make this blubbering child cease her tears and go to 
sleep.  Then a sound like a soft whistle came to me, and I realized that 
Ryoko had fallen asleep from sheer exhaustion.  
	
	"The poor thing just can't seem to keep up with you.  In fact, from 
the looks of it you were going pretty hard there for awhile.  Some 
frustration you're not telling me about, Kagato?"

	That voice.  It was as grinding as sand between glass.  I turned 
around to face the child demon, only to find her standing beside a curled up 
sleeping Ryoko.  I was free of my child's mind.  The demon thing Hotaru 
chuckled at me again, for what felt like the thousandth time.

	"Be silent, demon.  Either continue this game or leave me be but be 
silent."

	The child-thing laughed again, this time it seemed to mock me with 
its tone.  I summoned my sword once again and charged the creature, screaming 
for it to be silent.  I brought my blade down as hard as I could, only to be 
met with a force field.  The child snickered as the world around us once 
again melted away into nothingness.

	"You still don't understand, do you?  You still can't see the lesson 
here.  Very well, I think one more trip might be in order..."

	Before I could ask her what she meant, the world once again exploded 
with color.