Valandar TheRed wrote:

Here is chapter one. I promised it would be here tonight, and here it is, just
befor 4:00 PM central time.Again, I'm going to add in the standard Author's
Notes for the series. Please send C&C, and I appreciate it, even if I don't
agree with some of it. For example, Lurker, your comment about 'Gos and Hikaru?
NO WAY' type holds no water. Need I say Woody Allen and Mia Farrow? Rick
O'Kasek and whatever her name was? There's a long history of geeks and babes
hooking up.

Oh yeah.  And look at how well Woody Allen and Mia Farrow's relationship
turned out.  And of course, we can't forget Billy Joel and Christy
Brinkley.  Or Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovette.  Or Earthworm Jim and
Princess Whatshername (though I have to admit Jim is the cutest ol'
giant worm in a supersuit I've ever seen)...  ;)

Sorry, but I'm going to have to side with Lurker on this one.  Creepy,
obsessive voodoo-spike stalker-boy Gos and sweet, enthusiastic "strength
of heart" Hikaru?  I'm afraid my usually flexible Willing Suspension of
Disbelief can't stretch *quite* that far -- at least not without a more
plausible explanation for how they got together.  Hikaru may be the
Champion of Stepped-on Puppies... but I don't think she'd date one. 
This is the kind of relationship that, to be really believable, you'd
have to show step-by-step how they got together.  But, for me at least,
it's not something you can just thrust on the reader and say, "Here,
accept this because I say so."

Other than that, the story has an interesting premise, and I'd like to
read more.
You might want to fix the formatting at the end, though, because it cut
off the end of the chapter.  Please fix it, because I would like to read
it.  :)

Ja ne,

Krista