From: Hallstrom Consultants <hallcon@mindspring.com> Save Address
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To: ffml@fanfic.com, <mspubuse@midusa.net>,
<eoff@itsnet.com>,<big_scary_guy@HOTMAIL.COM>,
ashfae@sub-zero.mit.edu,andrew
norris <atn6581@silver.sdsmt.edu>
Subject: [FFML] [fanfic] [Ranma] Ranma and Akane: A Love Story,
Chapter 5,PartA1
Date: Mon, 05 Apr 1999 03:04:36 -0400
Waiigh.
Remember me?
I'm afraid I've not been around here long, so I can't say I
do. That said, I'm pleased to make your acquaintance.
Disclaimer: The playground is by Rumiko Takahashi, I'm only >swinging
on
the monkey bars. Remember to leave the grounds cleaner than >you
found
them and please don't feed the Troll.
So the poor monster is to starve, then? Not fair, that:-)
"The Haughs of Cromdale" is a Traditional Scottish Melody.
Song, do you mean? The melody's the air it's sung to, which
you haven't quoted (and a good thing, that--most mail readers play hob
with notation:-)
Also, from whom do you have it? Just because something's trad
doesn't mean there aren't different versions (quite the contrary, in
fact), nor that the artist doesn't have aught to do with it (the
notion of the passive "tradition bearer" went out forty years ago).
Judging by the text you've quoted I'm thinking you picked it up off
Andy M. Stewart, either off one of the albums he did with Ma/nus Lunny
("At It Again," was it?) or else his more recent live work with Gerry
O'Beirne.
This story is archived at
http://www.mindspring.com/~hallcon/R&A-ALS.htm
and at http://members.xoom.com/RandA_ALS/R&A-ALS.htm
Thanks kindly. I'll check the previous chapters out when I
get a chance. I'm looking forward to seeing it.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
--
Ranma and Akane: A Love Story
Chapter 5: The End of the Beginning
Part A: An Unexpected Party
----------------------------------------------------------------------
--
<snippage>
"It starts a couple millennia back and about a dozen universes ...
_that_ way. The land is called Alba and it has a number of
similarities to Tokugawa era Japan. For samurai say 'kailin-eir', for
katana say 'taiken'. I had heard a rumor that there was an Art
called Taiken-ulleth involving 'perfect swordsmanship', and that
there was a master left living in Alba. So I used the amulet to go
look about a year or so back, but I never found him.
Along the way I picked up a fair bit of kailinin lore, one bit of
which was the story of the 'most perfect sword', Isileth.
Is this from a fantasy novel or series? Perhaps you'd better
mark it as a crossover, or at least insert it into the notes. If not,
well, there's a little problem I have here. As I'm sure you're aware,
there is a place called Alba, and it's very much of this world. To my
ear, these names don't sound overmuch like any of the languages spoken
there. Of both Gaelic and Scots I speak related tongues, and I have
some passive knowledge of each. It doesn't sound like them. Norn or
the old British of Strathclyde I wouldn't expect to have these words
either. Could be Pictish, I suppose, if you hold to the old
"non-IndoEuropean" theory, but that I'd expect to be more reminiscent
of Basque.
From behind her as she danced her kata she heard Ranma begin >to
sing lowly and distractedly as she worked on the scabbard. And >as the
song continued, low and dark and couched in some dialect >of English
that she could barely even determine _was_ English, >her defocused
Sight began to gather sounds and images. Images >of blood.
Not a bad passage (Quite the contrary, in fact), but would
Akane even recognise Scots as related to a language of which she had
knowledge? The sound system's pretty different to the English she'd
learn in school, and combined with the vocabulary I'd wonder if she
could make out a full sentence, at least in the spoken or sung form.
And you'd best watch calling Scots a "dialect of English"--I
understand Akane might think it so, but there's many folk who would
take offense at the statement. "Dialect" is a _highly_ loaded term,
unfortunately.
<snippage>
I liked this scene with the kata. I'm not sure if I quite see
how the song fits, but it was still effectively written and neither
text was marred by the entwining.
Just one quibble:
(so fast) and she thrust right and past the target and her body
twisted back as her left hand pushed forward and her right drew
back and the back edge of the blade cut through the target's throat
in the strike Ranma had taught her earlier in the week ('This move
was designed for a two-edged blade,' she thought) and the fan of
blood arced out wide and scarlet as
I don't see quite what use this particular move would be
without a double-edged blade, or at least one with a false edge. What
sort of weapon did she learn it on?
Also, just out of curiosity, what's your background in
swordwork? I'm not really qualified to evaluate kenjutsu (some
book-learning, limited kendo training), but did I detect a hint of the
SCA in your description?
_millions_ of books and things, there's Mangas all over the place,
paintings on the walls, they're beautiful ... Kamis! Look at that
As I understand it (highly limited knowledge--examples in
linguistics texts, conversations with Japanese-speaking friends),
Japanese has no separate plural form; rather, number is indicated by
context. Therefore, it would be "manga" and "kami." Personally I've
always thought it much more aesthetically effective to use the
source-language form, rather than forcing a word into the straitjacket
of the English plural. That said, there's no hard-and-fast rule for
these things.
Quickly dressing, she picked Isileth from the stand on her
dresser and slipped her in her jacket. Passing silently out her door
I'm currently envisioning Isileth as having approximately the
size and heft of a bastard sword, judging by your earlier description
and the techniques Akane was using. How does one slip such a weapon
into one's jacket? (Please, if you know, tell me! I'd like to start
carrying my rapier and buckler in my coat:-)
My apologies if this point has been clarified elsewhere and I
have either not read the chapter in question or else have missed it
through my own sloth.
Well, all in all, I liked the fic. The Ranma-Akane
relationship, more openly affectionate than in the source material,
yet still tentative, especially with regards to its physical
expression, was nicely handled (and I say this who am to a great
degree an Ukyouite:-). I liked the slightly harder edge to this
world--the scars, the clearer roots in Bushido to replace the aimless
oneupmanship which so often pervades mainline Ranmaverse martial arts.
This Ranma isn't the battle-weary warrior with the thousand yard
stare whom we've seen in some fics, but she's definitely been through
too much to waste her time on childish rivalries. I find myself
liking her.
Your style I liked as well. I'm not usually a great fan of
the omniscient voice with frequent asides to the reader, at least not
in recent fiction (too much modernist brainwashing by my writing
teacher in college:-), but you've pulled it off quite well. I'm
looking forward to seeing more of this.
--Andrew
Andrew Carey -- ap_carey3@hotmail.com
"Mirie it is, while sumer ilast,
With fugheles song..."
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