Ranma and Nabiki � now with prereader is getting a revision before I start 
chapter 2. It shouldn't be long before I send it out. (I hope.)

Tis a good idea. Keeping readers waiting is a bad idea. I should know, I'm
an author with fans after his head. They want the ideas in it.

 >	After he finished reading he cried more thinking to himself, *What 
 >has Saotome done to my little girl now!*
 
 This is very funny... expect that I don't think Soun sees Genma as the
 trouble-maker he is. He doesn't usually say anything about it.

	Ah, but to think, is not to say. Or, um, something equally 
philosophical.

Soun does know his best friend fairly well... but it has been ten years.

I'll leave it to you. Personally, I would leave it. It's funny and not 
impossible. Worst thing that could happen is that Gary Kleppe comes after you
for OOCness. ^_~

 >"There is no way I'm going home for the first time in ten years like this
 you 
 >stupid, fat, old man!" screamed the boy.
 
 I wonder if a girl can get cursed with the form of a different looking 

girl?
	I would think so..I mean didn't..ahhh..Kiima(not sure is this is 
spelled right OR the right character but bear with me) get cursed to look 
like Akane?

I think (and I'm not sure... so I'm hoping someone will correct me) that
that character was a male.

to throw attacks and raise defenses at the same time. Still it only took 
a minute for the much-outsized girl to kick the panda's ass.

 WoLF: much-outsized? Ranma isn't THAT endowed except in the movies.

0_0 ::blink, blink:: I was referring to how much the panda weighs and 
how tall it is.

Oops! I guess you'd better rephrase that sentence then.

Wouldn't want people to think that you have a fixation for Ranma's 
breasts, would we. ^_~

 WoLF: <raises an eyebrow> I don't agree with this. Ranma is not better

than

       his father. Not at the beginning of the series at least. I don't

know

       where you got this idea... unless there is a reason that has not

been

       explained yet.

	Noted, and not believed. That I missed that not that it's wrong.

I assume that an explanation is forthcoming then?

Better yet, if Ranma is better, you should leave out such an assertion 
here until the time comes that it is explained why Ranma is better. 
Otherwise, people will be fire balling you for this too.

 WoLF: Hunh? This makes no sense unless Akane is expecting:

	::Winces:: Yeah, again I can't believe I let that slip by in editing. 

You should beat the editor.

Oh! You're the editor. Hmmm... maybe something less drastic then.

(At least what I call editing. I'm sure it's not the best in the world.)

       a) a curse, which she doesn't have any knowledge about yet.
       b) Nabiki to turn les... which is DC's current affliction. ^_~

	Maybe I'm just real tired but...DC?

Oops! That needs to be explained. On the Fanfiction IRC channel (FFIRC), 
Donny Cheng (alias: DC) is writing a series called Lesbian 1/2.

It's using artificial lemons (meaning, it's all innuendo... nothing happens), 
but still leaves that lemony taste in your mouth.

 WoLF: Why on earth would Ranma remain female? The others turned back.

	Oops..Noted.

Andrew: I can see it being something like: the found water, all got turned 
back, but Ranma was unlucky enough to get splashed a block away from the 
Tendous. That being the case, you might want him(her) to be damp when 
he (she) arrives.

conscious had shot at least one glare at Genma, who by the end was 
sweating bullets. Everyone turned his or her attention from Ranma to 
Soun as he moaned.

 
 WoLF: Cool. Free munitions

	: )

Thinking about this scene, I'm not sure how embarrassed Genma would be 
about this. But even if he were, most of the family doesn't know Genma 
yet... I think that giving dirty looks to an almost complete stranger is... 
doubtful. 

Not impossible though. I wonder what other people on the list think.

It is funny though... but I don't think it fits at this time.

 >	"Sorry about that, Mr. Tendo," said Ranma looking sheepish, "I swear 
 >I can explain why I was a girl."
 >
 >	Soun fainted again.
 
 Andrew: Bwahahahahahahaha! That was worth it.

	And in the revision ..It'll even be explained!

Cool! This scene must be there.

         why is she so savvy?

	I take that as a basic personality trait of Nabiki. Though being with 
Genma will make her more honorable. WHAT?!?! You say? She sees him and 
decides she _really_ doesn't want to be like him. I personally interpret

this 

as why Ranma is so honorable.

Also, Nabiki did have a bit of her childhood with her natural (normal?) 
parents. But if she's 17, that means she left at the age of 7. Not sure 
how much that would've affected her growth.

All in all, Nabiki is a smart girl. I suspect that she would've gotten 
something from the people she met during her travels.

This, of course, is pure conjecture. You could also go with the idea that 
she's as sheltered as Ranma and act accordingly. 

Author's perogative. ^_^

I don't really have a big problem with how she's portrayed here though.

WoLF  : Ok... Genma's a bit wiser too. Looks like having Nabiki around has
       made him a lot more cunning. Might make for a more interesting (if
       dangerous) character.
Andrew: I'm looking forward to seeing more of him.

	Woohoo!

My point here is that Genma is often portrayed as a very stupid person, which 
he is not. In general, he is quite clever at covering his tracks... unless 
something comes out to actively bite him (Like Ukyou). 

He is very self-centered though. That makes him do questionable things... but 
he's usually smart enough to get away with it.

Considering that he was trained by Happousai, the master of Immorality, I'm 
quite sure that Genma learned something. You may want to play up that aspect 
of his personality.

 >How could _his_ off spring be so cowardly as to fall backwards at the 

sight 

                  offspring

	Whoops..Thought that was only one word when talking about the band.

Heh... you may also want to rebuild that sentence. The connection between
cowardly and falling backwards doesn't make sense.

He could be disappointed that his son be so clumsy after everything he's been 
through in the name of his son's training that he was moved to tears... or 
something like that.

 Romance-wise, I'm curious to know how you intend to play out Ranma and
 Nabiki's feelings for each other. I don't think you can leave Ranma the
 social dummy with Nabiki as a partner. She would have helped him for
 sure... if only to spare herself embarrassment.

Ranma and Nabiki's feelings will be more played up in the revision. 
And also he'll still be Ranma even with Nabiki's influence, just not as much.

No need to overplay them either though. After ten years of being together, 
they would have a strong bond that allows them to have absolute confidence 
in each other. The words are no longer necessary. On top of that, I don't know
how much Nabiki is for showing affection (publicly). I can imagine that Genma 
has been beating the concept of manliness into Ranma, so he probably wouldn't 
do anything publicly either. Often, a meaningful look will be more than
enough.

In private though... it's fair game. If you start squeezing lemons into this 
fic, give fair warning. ^_^


Final note:
A scene where Nabiki come to Ranma's rescue (in some way) would be really 
different. I'm a strong advocate for original ideas.

I can see him take a hit, and Nabiki catches him before he hits: the ground, 
the koi pond, whatever. Could make for a cute scene, if inadvertently.

	Ok, thanks for the C&C it shall be very useful. 

Anytime.

See ya

  ___________
 / Here lies:\  Save the Whales -> Harpoon a Honda
|   Andrew    | 
|             | The light at the end of the tunnel may be an 
|   I think   | oncoming dragon.
| he's hungry | 
|             | What UNIVERSE is this, please?