Wanted to post this for a while but didn't get the chance.  If you want
to post this to the FFML, go ahead, you're the boss...

Four kids, chosen at random to save the world from another race
plagued by bad music, spend their spare time reading other people's
stuff.  Go figure.

ROLL CALL!
KIYAKUMA MAKIKO: "And next up on the list..."
KUJIGOKU SHIN: "Hope this one's action packed!"
TAKESHI UKYOU: "Why do people always think I'm a girl?"
SAKAMOTO HANAKO: "At least you know I won't make that mistake..."

ROUGH BETA FORMAT
suggestions taken

MAKIKO: Well, that's what we're here for, I suppose...

WARNING: slight lime flavor

UKYOU: Mmm...lime...
*WHAP*
MAKIKO: Down, boy.

The Pursuit of Happiness Act 3
             Home
            Part 2
Good Cheer, Friends, Alcohol and
Other Causes of Utter Catastrophe

MAKIKO: Hey, it's an RpM production!
HANAKO: Yeah!  R!p!M!  R!p!M!  R!p!M!  R!p!M!  R!p!M!
SHIN: You two sure know how to make an author feel welcome.
MAKIKO: Yep.  You know, some people think that we're imitations of the
Muhoshin kids.
UKYOU: I'm glad I'm not a Muhoshin.  I wanna chance at Ryoko! [growls]
SHIN: That's enough out of you, pervert boy.
*Insert sounds of Ukyou getting clobbered*
HANAKO: Wai!  Violence!
MAKIKO: I don't KNOW these people...I don't KNOW these people...

-*-

Somewhere in Nerima, under the shade of a tree, two girls
were scheming.  Was this a reason to be afraid?

UKYOU: [muttering] When one of them happens to be your girlfriend, y--
*WHAP*
UKYOU: Itai...

Perhaps.

"You don't think Ryouga will overreact, do ya?" asked Ukyou.

"No, he can take a joke, I'm sure," replied Akane
confidently.  "Besides, Ranma and Ryouga have this coming to
them."

SHIN: [grinning devilishly] Ho, boy, do I smell something coming up.

Ukyou smirked.  "Heh, darn right they do.  I just wonder,
though..."

With a grin, Akane replied, "Ranma's ego is big enough to
survive this, I'm sure."

"Good point.  You think they'll change the way they act
after this?"

"Maybe.  But probably not."

Ukyou giggled.  "That'd be too much to ask for, I guess.
By the way, you got the clothes?"

"Got'em right here..."

UKYOU: Lingerie?
SHIN: What's that got to do with Ranma's ego?
UKYOU: Well, after getting a rise out of him, they could tease him
about his smal--
*WHAP*
HANAKO: That's enough, Ukyou-chan.

-*-

Much later...

-*-



Even though it hadn't been in existence for very long,
Ucchan's was considered an institution of the Nerima ward
and especially to the students of Furinkan High.  News of
its closing, even if temporary, was sad news indeed.
However, nobody was too concerned, since since Ucchan's
always seemed to re-open eventually.  Probably another wacky
adventure, most clients assumed.

MAKIKO: "Damn martial artists, with all their adventures.  They never
think about their customers..."

It should have been no surprise to Ukyou, then, that the
last day Ucchan's would be open would be a very crowded
affair.  The crowds were especially high since Akane had
spread the word that there'd be a party held here.

UKYOU: Hey, why wasn't I invited?
SHIN: They already had an Ukyou.

And, while there may have been other restaurants in town,
only two ever attracted the action and excitement of
Ucchan's and the Nekohanten.  The Amazonian cafe had since
been closed, and now Ucchan's was too.

HANAKO: Amazonian cafe?
SHIN: That's the Nekohanten, Hanako-chan.

This left the
population with a far less violent and entertaining range of
dinner options.  There was always the Martial Arts Tea
Ceremony Cafe, but it just wasn't the same.  Watching a
monkey and a waiter slug it out didn't quite have the same
visual impact.

SHIN: Tell me about it.
UKYOU: Yeah, a waiter spanking his monkey isn--
*WHACK*
SHIN: DON'T go there.
MAKIKO: This the same as MacDaimonji's?
HANAKO: I think that was just a gag, Kiku-chan.

Every table was filled, and the sound of voices chattering
of good times and bad buzzed in the air.  Ukyou couldn't
help but smile, seeing how much Ucchan's would be missed.

"Big crowd, huh?" asked Ryouga.

SHIN: RYOUGA!  DIEDIEDIEDIEDIE--
*WHAP*
MAKIKO: Enough Muhoshin imitations.

"Yeah, it is."  Ukyou sighed happily.  "Y'know, I never
realized how popular this place is."

"I'm wondering why some people are here," muttered Ryouga,
eyeing Tanya Noori warily as the girl sat quietly in a
corner, eating in peace.

Ukyou noticed the direction of his glance.  "Noori's here
because Konatsu wanted to bring her along," said Ukyou.

"Konatsu?"

MAKIKO: He's cute, in a bishoujo kinda way.
[long pause]
MAKIKO: WHAT?!??

"The ninja that dresses like a girl?"

"Konatsu?"

"He slept in your bed once, remember?"

Ryouga shuddered.

GUYS: [collective shudder]

"Ah, now you remember."

"Why's _he_ here?" asked Ryouga.

"I saw him earlier today and invited him."

"You _invited_ him."

MAKIKO: Works fine as a statement, but maybe you should make it a
full-fledged sentence?  Just a thought.

Ukyou cast a frown at Ryouga.  "Hey, he's not such a bad
guy.  Kinda sweet, in a cross-dressing, eerily feminine
kinda way."

MAKIKO: See?  I KNEW I wasn't the only person who thought like that.

-*-

<"Dunno woy oi botha,"> grumbled Tanya, idly stabbing at her
okonomiyaki.  She'd gone along with Konatsu, only because
the cross-dressing ninja had pleaded so pitifully.

And as she expected, Konatsu would have a good time, and she
would not.

The pseudo-female had just left the table, making his way to
the front 'stage' hastily errected for the purpose of some
karaoke singing.  As she walked by, the boys gave
wolf-whistles and cheered, while the girls looked a bit
envious.

Oh, the irony.

GUYS: [collective shudder]
GIRLS: [snicker]

Tanya snickered at that, imagining how they'd react if they
knew Konatsu wasn't a girl.

She felt a brief twinge of envy.  Konatu certainly did make
for an alarmingly beautiful girl, and certainly got more
looks from the men than Tanya did.

*sigh*

She took a moment to glare at Hibiki, the one she'd sworn
vengeance on.  Tanya didn't even have that to amuse herself
with anymore, since she technically had given an eye for an
eye.

That, somehow, didn't feel terribly satisfying either.

SHIN: I know how that feels.  Believe me.  You just want to continue
beating them into the ground until they feel like you want them to
feel even though you've done your job and you've made your point you
just don't want to do anything but...
MAKIKO: ... [edges away slightly]

It felt hollow, empty.

Blech.

Tanya scowled and resumed stabbing her okonomiyaki.

-*-

"You think he's cute?" asked Ryouga doubtfully, looking at
Konatsu as the ninja began his song on stage.

"Well, yeah, in a kinda bishounen way," said Ukyou
defensively.

MAKIKO: Actually, I think he's more bishoujo.  [Glares at others]
STOP it with those faces!

Nabiki suddenly appeared between them.  "Y'know, that's what
they said about you."  With a wink and a smirk, Nabiki
zoomed away to her table of friends, leaving Ukyou blushing
and Ryouga blinking.  They both stared at the middle Tendo
daughter as she left.

UKYOU: Mmm...two girl lemon scen--
*WHAP*
HANAKO: Dream on, Ukyou-chan.

"Hey," said Ryouga slowly.  "You and she... you aren't..."

*CLANG*

"Don't be stupid, moron.  Here, go bring these to Ranchan's
table."

-*-

Sayuri glared at a table across the room and then hissed
to Yuka, "oh jeez, it's THAT guy."

"That guy?  What guy?"  asked Yuka, eyeing the crowd.

"The guy with long bangs and glasses, over there, the one
with the guitar, heading out the door."

"What about him?"

"Sleazy little freak was hitting on me when I went to the
mall."

UKYOU: My personal role model.

"Him?" asked Yuka.  "He doesn't look so bad... what'd he
say?"

Sayuri cleared her throat, then in a deep voice, said, "hey
baby, I'll melt in your mouth, or your hands."

UKYOU: Don't worry, Hana-chan.  I'd NEVER use cheap pickup lines like
those on you.
HANAKO: That's sweet, Ukyou-chan.
UKYOU: I'd go for the more direct, "Hey, why don't we just go off
somewhere and f--"
*WHAP*
UKYOU: Hey!  I was just joking!
HANAKO: [Hmphs] I wonder why I even put up with you...

Yuka burst into laughter, joined by Sayuri.

"Jeez, that's so lame!" exclaimed Yuka.

"Isn't it?"

Both girls sighed, then looked with just a little envy down
the table at Ranma and Akane, who were at the moment sitting
side by side, happily, holding hands, and even shared a
drink, two straws in one glass.  To jaded eyes, it was a
sickening sight.  To the hopeless romantics in the crowd, it
was something to sigh over.

GIRLS: [sigh]
SHIN: Pass the insulin.
UKYOU: Check.

"Too bad the good ones are already taken, huh?" asked Yuka.

Sayuri nodded.  "Yeah, all that's left are leftovers."

GUYS: Mmm...leftovers...

"You callin' us leftovers?!" yelled Daisuke.

"Yeah, are you saying we're just leftovers?!" added Hiroshi.

The girls gazed over at the boys, appraising them like
grocery items.

"Hmmm," they both said in harmony.  "Leftovers."

UKYOU: I hope you don't consider ME a leftover, Hana-chan.
HANAKO: Nope, I just choose the bad apples.
UKYOU: Mm-hm...hey, waitaminute!

-*-

Ukyou blinked as she watched Ryouga shamble by.  "You look
a bit ill."

Ryouga jestured with thumb to the table where Ranma and
Akane were seated, emitting low grade Warm and Fuzzy
Feelings by doing the happy-and-cudling-young-couple-in-love
thing.

Ukyou frowned.  "Ugh."

Ryouga nodded.  "Yeah, I know."

SHIN: [injects insulin into arm] Here you go.
UKYOU: [takes needle and injects into his arm]
MAKIKO: Where'd you guys learn how to do that?
SHIN: [wiping off arm with alcohol pad] You really don't want to
know.  Let's leave it at, "Ha'kuno-sama has some weird stuff in his
cupboard."

It wasn't any sort of envy they were feeling, no leftover
ashes from the flames that once burned for their former
loves.  It was general disgust that the cynical tend to feel
whenever confronted with a scene of overpowering WAFF (Warm
and Fuzzy Feelings).

SHIN: Tell me about it.
*WHAP*
SHIN: Itai.

"Okay, not going near that table for a while," grumbled
Ukyou.  "Not till the saccharine levels go down, thank you
very much."

Nodding vigorously in agreement, Ryouga took a seat behind
the grill next to the okonomiyaki chef and, having nothing
better to do, watched Konatsu as she, er, he finished his
song.  The audience whistled and cheered.  A few flowers
were tossed.

"They don't know?" asked Ryouga.  "I mean, they don't know
he's not a..."

"Nope."

UKYOU: I guess they've never seen "The Crying Game."

"That's... kinda sick, isn't it?"

Ukyou shrugged.  "Hey, ignorance is bliss."

"Good point."

Eyeing the empty stage for a moment, Ukyou cast a sly gaze
at Ryouga, then nudged him.

"Hey," she said.

"What?"

"Get up there."

Ryouga looked at Ukyou blankly.  "Huh?"

"You heard me," said Ukyou, nudging at him again.  "Get up
there and sing."

"No way!"

"C'mon, don't be a wimp!" cheered Ukyou.

Ryouga shook his head vigoriously.  "No!  No way!
Absolutely not!"

"Pleeeease?"  Ukyou blinked with large, cute eyes and an
alarmingly cute pout.  "C'mon, just one song!"

"You first!"

Ukyou shook her head.  "I asked you first, so that means you
go first."

"Nuh-uh.  No.  Never.  Not gonna sing."

"Aw, you big baby, I-" she began to say, then paused.  "Uh
oh."

"Uh oh?"

"Yep.  Uh-oh."

"Why?"

"Look."

Ryouga looked.  Up on stage, Ranma was blushing slightly and
fiddling with the microphone.

GIRLS: [sigh]

"Oh," he said.  "Ranma's on stage."

Suddenly, Ryouga found himself grabbed by the collar and
shaken violently.

"You don't understand!" hissed Ukyou.  "HE is gonna SING!"

"Um, so?"

She narrowed her eyes.  "You've never heard him sing, have
you?"

"Not really, no."

With that said, she let him go and stomped off to the back
room.

"Hey, where are you going?"

"Need earplugs.  YOU stay and listen."

MAKIKO: Anything to say about this scene?
HANAKO: Not really.
SHIN: Too WAFFy.
UKYOU: Ditto.
MAKIKO: I think testosterone adds extra sugar to your systems.

-*-

"Um, is this thing on?"  *TAP*TAP*

The audience as a whole cheered and jeered in reply.

"Well, okay," said Ranma nervously.  "This one's, um,
dedicated to my fiancee, Akane."

The girls in the audience sighed, thinking it terribly
romantic.  The boys thought Ranma was terribly spineless for
it.

HANAKO: [pouts] Why don't you ever do that for me, Ukyou-chan?
UKYOU: [sweatdrops]

The audience in general awaited his song.  He was great at
everything else, so he was surely good at singing, right?

SHIN: Not unless it's Martial Arts Karaoke.
UKYOU: Ba-dum-bump!

-*-

"He started yet?" asked Ukyou, returning with earplugs in
hand.

Ryouga shook his head.  "Not yet."

"Okay."  With a solemn look, Ukyou firmly put the earplugs
in place, sat down, and sighed.

"It's that bad?" wondered Ryouga.

"Well, I'll admit it's been a long while since I've heard
him sing..."

"How long?"

"When we were kids."

Ryouga frowned.  "He still can't be that bad."

Ukyou was about to reply, but then saw movement on stage and
quickly shoved the earplugs in place.

HANAKO: Excellent timing in this section.

Just in time.

o/~ Look into my eyyyyyyes, you will seeee o/~

SHIN: My brain!  My brain is about to explode!
MAKIKO: AAAIIIIEEEEEEE!
HANAKO: MAKE IT STOP!  MAKE IT STOP!
UKYOU: I HATE ROBIN HOOOOOOD!

A chill fell through the audience.

Everyone stared in horror.

Except Akane, who seemed to be smiling happily and blushing.
Love made people blind.  It also made them deaf.

HANAKO: THAT'S A GOOOD OOOBSERVAATION!  NOW MAAAAKE HIIIMMM STOOOOOP!

o/~ What youuu mean tooo meeee o/~
o/~ Search your haaaart, search your soooooul o/~
o/~ and when you find me there you'll searrrrch no moore o/~

His singing voice was... rough.  It sounded as if there was
a small creature within his throat that chose to violently
tug a vocal chord every now and then.

His apparent tone-deafness wasn't helping either.

"Oh my God," mumbled Ryouga.

Safely protected by her earplygs, Ukyou looked on
stage with sadness and embarrassment.  "Still bad, huh?"

MAKIKO: That's "earplugs," not "earplygs."  Now...AAAAUUUGGGHHH!!!
TURN THE MIKE OFF!  TURRRRN IT OOOOFFFFFF!

Ryouga, hands over ears and with a pained expression on his
face, could only nod.

o/~ Don't tell meeee it's not worth tryinnnng foooor o/~
o/~ You can't tell meeeee it's not worth dying foooor o/~
o/~ You knooooow it's true, everything I doooo o/~
o/~ I do it foor youuu o/~

"So, how d'ya like him now?" Daisuke grumbled to Sayuri and
Yuka.

They both cast a mean glare right back at him.

Elsewhere in the audience, Kyoko Muhoshin buried her face in
her hands, terribly embarrassed.  Sitting by her, looking as
pained as the others in the audience, was her sister Ryoko.
Megane, as usual, was nowhere to be seen, having stepped
outside to do some miscellaneous chore.

"So this is your sensei?" asked Ryoko.

Kyoko merely shook her head in shame, her face still covered
by her hands.  Ryoko decided that now was a good time to
take a break in the washroom, along with many of the other
patrons, as Ranma continued his... song.

Things were getting ugly.

Steps would have to be taken.

However, no one had the courage to tell Ranma that his
singing was... unpleasant.

There was no solution in sight, except to wait for the song
to end, until one man stepped forward to save them all.

Hiroshi was The Man.

He had The Plan.

***SPLASH***

Too wrapped up in his song to stop, Ranma, now female,
contined.

And suddenly Ranma's singing was good.  Very good.
Surprisingly good.

MAKIKO: My head...it's stopped ringing...
SHIN: Wow...that's MUCH better.
UKYOU: Heyhey, wet shir--
*WHAP*
HANAKO: Enough out of you.  Anyway, I liked that "The Man and
The Plan" bit.
UKYOU: NOW do you see why I don't do that for you, Hana-chan?
HANAKO: I'm never going to a karaoke bar again.

People slowly returned from the restrooms, while others
finally removed their hands from their ears.

Kyoko finally removed her hands from her face and wonderered
where Ranma-sensei went off too.  It wasn't that she wanted
him back, though.  Ranko seemed to be doing just fine.

Seeing the others listen to Ranma with no ill effects, Ukyou
ventured to take her earplugs off.  She was impressed.

"Wow, makes a big difference," she said.  "That doesn't seem
right, though."

"What do you mean?" asked Ryouga.

"Suddenly he's not tone deaf and his voice doesn't violently
skid off-note.   Just because he's a girl right now?"  Ukyou
shook her head.  "I ain't buying it."

Ryouga shrugged.  "As long as he sounds better, who cares?"

Ukyou had to admit, that was a good point.

HANAKO: Doesn't Ukyou sing in DoCo though?
MAKIKO: I think that's Shampoo.
HANAKO: Oh.

-*-

Ranma stepped off the spotlight, greeted by much whistling
and cheering from everyone in general, flowers being thrown
at her from boys and girls as she grinned sheepishly and
returned to Akane's side.  A second later, she realized she
was still a she and left for the men's room to fix that
situation.

Meanwhile, another person took the stage, this time cheered
equally by boys and girls.

"Hihi everybody!"

"Kyoko-chan!" cheered everyone in the audience... except
Nabiki.

HANAKO: KYOKO!  WAI!
MAKIKO: I think we're going overboard with all these Muhoshin
impressions.

"There's something wrong, I'm telling you," she mumbled to
nobody in particular.  "She's popular with everyone and
perfect in everything she does.  It's ridiculous!  Whoever
heard of some stranger coming into here and just fitting in
as easily as she is?  It's all just too... too... freaky."

"Aw, c'mon, she's just a kid," said Sayuri.

"Hey, you're not jealous, are you?" asked Yuka.

Nabiki shot her a glare that was nearly fatal.  It was
apparent that she was the only one not entirely affected by
the ridiculous kawaii field (which is what Nabiki had taken
to calling the effect) which Kyoko seemed to be emitting.

SHIN: Nabiki?  Showing emotion?
MAKIKO: Haven't you noticed she's becoming more emotional throughout
the story?  Especially now with Kyoko around?
SHIN: Not really.
MAKIKO: Then you should read it again, Shin-kun.

The crowd began to clap along as the karaoke music began
building up.  Nabiki wasn't listening to the music, insted
eyeing the girl warily.

MAKIKO: That's "instead."  Comes from a shortening of "In the stead
(stead meaning 'place') of."
SHIN: Geek.
*WHAP*

"I bet she'll sing perfectly too," she mumbled, raising her
glass up slowly.

She was right.  But it still wasn't what she was expecting.

o/~ Macho macho maaaan!  I wanna be a macho maaaan! o/~
o/~ Macho macho maaaan!  I wanna be a macho maaaan! o/~
o/~ All right! o/~

HANAKO: THE VILLAGE PEOPLE!  WAAAIII!
OTHERS: M-C-A!  HAHAHAHAHAHA!
HANAKO: *pbbbt*

Nabiki nearly choked on her drink, coughing violently and
pounding her chest.  MACHO MAN?!  A twelve year old girl was
singing MACHO MAN and the crowd was CLAPPING?  And SINGING
ALONG?!

She really hoped Kyoko skipped _those_ lyrics.

o/~ BODY! Wanna feel my body! o/~
o/~ BODY! Gonna thrill my body! o/~

Oh no.  Nonono.

o/~ BODY! Don'cha stop my body! o/~
o/~ BODY! It's so hot my body! o/~

*WHAP*
UKYOU: I didn't say anything!
HANAKO: You would've, though, right?
UKYOU: What?  Kyoko's not even a teen yet!  I'm not a pedophile!
HANAKO: Oh...sorry.
UKYOU: Now if it were RYOKO singin--
*WHAP*
HANAKO: Never gonna learn to shut up, will you?

Nabiki's head landed on the table with a thud.  Didn't these
people realize how... how WRONG this was?!

"Wow!" yelled Daisuke.  "Who'd have thought an outdated
disco tune could sound so cool!"

"That's it!  Pardon me!  Need some fresh air!"

SHIN: [snicker]

-*-

More people had their turn at the microphone, more songs
were sung, and time flew by as the magic hour approached
when Ucchan's would close down.

Akane approached Ukyou, then left for the private quarters
of the restaurant with her.

Meanwhile, a certain bespectacled boy with longish hair and
a guitar made his way towards the punch bowl in a manner
that was highly unnoticeable, with the exception of one
girl...

"Megs!  Dammit, you're not doing that again, are you?!"

"Owowowow!  Hey, quit it!"

And with that, Megane Muhoshin's brief appearance in
Ucchan's came to an end, dragged out by his elder sister.

"I swear, I just can't trust you anywhere!"

"Quit it!"

Silently, something in the punchbowl began to mix.

UKYOU: MORE MEGS!  MORE MEGS!  MORE MEGS!  MORE MEGS!  MORE--
SHIN: Shaddap.

-*-

"Hey, where'd the girls go?" asked Ranma.

Ryouga shrugged.  "Dunno."

Suddenly, the lights in Ucchan's dimmed, and Ukyou's voice
cut in from unseen speakers.

// Ladies and gentlemen!  It's almost time for Ucchan's to
  close up, but before it does, me'n Akane wanted to treat
  you guys to a little show. //

The boys wolf-whistled and cheered happily while the girls
wondered what on earth the girls were up to.

Ranma and Ryouga were imagining very strange things.

UKYOU: [ducks]
HANAKO: Damn.  Missed.

"RANMA, PREPARE TO DIE!"

Ranma looked around, startled, as did everyone else.

Suddenly, on stage, two figures sprang in sight and into the
air, throwing a combination of punches and kicks at each
other before they landed.

One was in a familiar red chinese shirt and black pants.
The other wore a distinctive yellow bandanna and had a red
umbrella strapped to his back.

Ranma and Ryouga stared at the stage.  "What the heck?!"
they both yelled.

The audience was abuzz for a moment, then began snickering
and giggling as they realized what was going on.

"Get real, pig-boy!" boasted Ukyou, apparently taking the
role of Ranma, pigtail and all.  "Everyone knows I can't be
beat!"  Ukyou(Ranma) flashed a winning smile at the
audience.  "Ain't that right?"

The audience cheered loudly.

"Damn you, Ranma!" roared Akane(Ryouga).  "It's all your
fault and because of it I've seen hell!!!"

Ukyou(Ranma) blinked.  "What'd I do now?"

"I don't know, but IT'S YOUR FAULT!"

"Feh."  Ukyou(Ranma) stood arrogantly, a hand behind her
back.  "You can't beat me.  Nobody in the city can beat me.
Nobody in the WORLD can beat me!  I'm THE GREATEST MARTIAL
ARTIST THAT EVER LIVED!  WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Ranma(in-denial) frowned.  "Hey, am I that bad?  I am _not_
that bad."

"Yes you are," mumbled Ryouga(irritated).  "But I'm not like
that.  No way."

HANAKO(insistent): But of course you are!
SHIN(Ryo): HIBIKI!  DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE--
*WHAP*
MAKIKO(self-satisfied): [whistles]

"Why, with one attack, I'll defeat you!  And using my left
pinkie too!" boasted Ukyou(Ranma).

"Oh yeah?  What attack?" challanged Akane(Ryouga).

Ukyou(Ranma) held up his left fist in a mighty pose, then
made sure to stick a pinkie out.  "THE MIGHTY FLAMING EGO
BLAST!"

"The what?" asked Akane(Ryouga), unimpressed.

"The more powerful my ego, the more powerful the blast!"
explained Ukyou(Ranma).  "And I've got an ego the size of
Mount Fuji!  WAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"I do NOT have an oversized ego," muttered
Ranma(not-amused).

MAKIKO(grammar-girl): You might wanna keep your line breaks as
consistent as possible.  It'll look nicer in the long run.  For
instance, that last part (starting from "I do NOT..." could have
been put on one line and not gone past any line barriers you've
set.

"Oh yes you do," replied Ryouga(amused).

"Do not," said Ranma(insulted).

"Do too," said Hiroshi, Daisuke, Sayuri, Yuka, Nabiki,
and Ryouga (amused greatly).

Ranma pouted.

HANAKO(advisor): Maybe it would be better if you said something like
"Ranma(sullen) pouted."  Just a thought.
UKYOU(cynical): One of many.
HANAKO(annoyed): Not like you have too many, Ukyou-chan.
UKYOU(sullen): [pouts]

"Oh yeah?" said Akane(Ryouga) to Ukyou(Ranma).  "I'll just
hit you with a really heavy umbrella."

Ukyou(Ranma) blinked.  "That's it?  That's all?"

"It's a really heavy umbrella."

"Well, it _is_ heavy," Ryouga(not-getting-the-joke) said to
nobody in particular.

HANAKO(not-getting-the-joke): Huh?

"What about your ki blast?" asked Ukyou(Ranma).

"The ANGST BOMB?" wondered Akane(Ryouga).

"Yeah, that's it."

Akane(Ryouga) shrugged.  "Too depressing."

UKYOU(rim-shooter): Ba-dum-bump-CHING!

"Hey, what's that behind you?!" yelled Ukyou(Ranma),
pointing somewhere behind Akane(Ryouga).

"What?  Where?"  Akane(Ryouga) turned around suddenly,
looking into the distance.  And then she looked confused.
"Hey, where.... WHERE ON EARTH AM I NOW?!"

SHIN(amused): [snicker]

"Turn around, stupid," muttered Ukyou(Ranma).

"What the?!"  Akane(Ryouga) whirled around, then spotted
Ukyou(Ranma)>  "There you are!  How dare you sneak away from
me!"

MAKIKO(proofreader): That should be a period after (Ranma), not a
less-than bracket.

"I've been right here," said Ukyou(Ranma) flatly.

"You ready to fight?!"

"G'won, I ain't afraid of you."

"Meow."

"AAAAAAAGH!"

The audience roared with laughter.

"Hey, that ain't funny," said Ranma(ailurophobe).

MAKIKO(finishing-up-the-section): Well, how about this scene?
SHIN(still-laughing): I really, REALLY liked that last one.
HANAKO(Siskel-may-he-rest-in-peace): Well, I thought it was good for
the most part.  The only problem I had with it was that Ryouga wasn't
very overreactive.  Thumbs up.
UKYOU(Ebert): I think I agree with you for the most part, and I
thought the entire scene was hilarious.  Thumbs up.

-*-

All good things come to an end, and so it came to be that
the final hour of Ucchan's had arrived.  The crowd departed
with much cheer,

ALL: Yaaaay.

all taking a moment to thank Ukyou for the
memories, and she in turn thanked them.

SHIN: That's the news from Lake Wobegon!  Where the men are strong,
the women are good-looking, and the kids, above average.

And then it was empty.

Well, almost empty.

"So, that's that," said Akane.  She and Ranma were
straightening tables and chairs, while Ryouga slowly made
his way across the floor, sweeping as he went.

Ukyou observed it all behind the grill, where she found
herself once again, slowly polishing the metal surface in
endless circles.

The boys had been noticably quiet.

"Hey," said Akane, "are you two really upset about our
little act?"

It should be noted that the girls were still in the boys
clothes, bandanna firmly tied around Akane's head, and
Ukyou's pigtail still in place.  The boys weren't too happy
about that either.

SHIN: I KNOW I wanna make a comment about this.  I KNOW it.

"Upset?" asked Ranma.  "Gosh, why would we be upset?  Do you
know why we'd be upset, Ryouga?"

"Nope," replied Ryouga calmly.  "No reason."

Akane rolled her eyes.  "Look at these two, Ukyou.  They're
pouting."

Ukyou giggled.

"We are not pouting," pouted Ranma.

"Definitely not," agreed Ryouga.

"Oh, quit being big babies, you two," said Ukyou.  She was
currently eyeing a half-empty punchbowl and another bowl
filled with octopus balls, the sole survivors of a night's
worth of ravenous eating.

SHIN: The only reason being that Katsuragi Misato wasn't at the
party.

Well, couldn't let it go to waste, now could she?  After
all, if it wasn't eaten tonight, it never would be.

"Hey guys, help me finish this stuff off."

The four gathered around the grill, where filled glasses of
punch awaited them.  Ukyou raised her glass, and the others
followed suit.

"Guys, a toast," said Ukyou.  "To Ucchan's."

"Cheers!"

MAKIKO: Sante!
SHIN: Skol!
HANAKO: Bottoms up!
UKYOU: o/~ Please Mr. Frosty
           Please Mr. Frosty
           Don't snow me in! o/~

[pause]

SHIN: Looks like I'm not the ONLY one watching Blues Brothers 2000.

Their glasses -clink-ed together once, and as one they
downed their drink in one big gulp.

And then the room began to spin, and everything seemed so
_nice_, and _warm_, and everything was _just_fine_.

SHIN: Heheheh.  Sounds like there was acid in the drink, too.
UKYOU: Groovy, man.

Ukyou stared at her glass, wobbling slightly in her chair.
"Whoa, hello. Whadda drink.  I think someone spiked the
punch."

Akane frowned.  "So that's why it's warm in here.  Should
we..."

Ukyou knew what Akane was going to say.  They shouldn't keep
on drinking.

But what the heck?  It wasn't like any of them was driving,
right?  And she had to admit, she was curious...

"Oh, why not?" shrugged Ukyou.  "We can all stay here
overnight anyway, right?"

>From here, things got really fuzzy.

-*-

Akane and Ryouga and Ukyou and Ranma quickly finished off
the punch, then the girls sat back and laughed while the
guys battled for the remaining octopus balls.

SHIN: 2000 yen on Ranma.
MAKIKO: No point to that.  No one's betting against him.

It didn't seem that funny, thought Ukyou, and yet she
couldn't help but laugh anyway.

And then somene splashed cold water on somebody and there

MAKIKO: That's "someone."

was some sort of arguement, but Ukyou wasn't sure and was
feeling entirely too mellow to care anyway and time flew and
flew and everything seemed not quite clear but it wasn't
important anyway...

MAKIKO: That's "argument," I think.
HANAKO: You know what would be funny?  Maybe you should start writing
typos and stutters throughout the paragraph.
SHIN: [GLARES at Hanako]
HANAKO: [shrinking] itwasjustathought.

"'ey, guysss, I'm goinn ta sleep.  Y'cn stay'ere if ya wan."
She wobbled towards her room, then halted and grabbed
Ryouga's arm.  "C'mon, lostboy.  D'wan ya to endup inn
Hawaiwai."

Ryouga giggled.  "Tha's Hawaii, silly."

SHIN: Hey, who won the octopus-ball fight?
MAKIKO: See?  I tolja it didn't matter.

Ukyou paused again.  Ryouga was a girl at the moment.  And
giggling.  Weird.

UKYOU: I thought Ryouga was one of those depressed drunks...?
HANAKO: Not since he met Ukyou he wasn't.  But I thought Ukyou was
trying to keep Ryouga from getting drunk again?
UKYOU: She's drunk herself, don't forget.

"Y'wanna get hot wahta?"

"Wha'fr?" asked Ryouga, scratching her headband.

"Hnh.  Fine."

The two stumbled up the stairs, occasionally bumping into
the walls.  She seemed to be holding onto Ukyou's arm a bit
tighter than usual, and was giggling and tugging on Ukyou's
pigtail.

Finally, they reached Ryouga's room.

"Thar y'goo.  G'nite."

"Huh?"

"Seeyalater."

Before Ryouga could get lost again, Ukyou slammed the door
shut and stumbled onward to her own room.

Yep, punch was spiked.  Very spiked.  But everything was
fine.  Fine and dandy.  Nobody had to drive anyway.  And
hey, wasn't like high school kids getting drunk was a new
thing.

She was drunk.

Ukyou'd never been drunk before.  So far it wasn't too bad
of an experience.

As she collapsed on her bed, fatigue settling in on her, she
wondered if it was true about how terrible hangovers could
be.  Guess she'd find out in the morning.

For some reason that thought made her giggle.

She really should've taken off Ranma's shirt, but she was
too tired to do anything.  Sleep was the priority of the
moment.

Ukyou's door swung open.  A familiar bandanna-clad
boy-turned-girl sauntered into the room.

"Hey, wha'cha doin?" asked Ukyou.

Ryouga giggled.  "Joinin' you, silly."

Before she knew what was happening, Ryouga was sliding
between the sheets and next to her.

A feathery light kiss touched Ukyou's throat.

"H-hey, waitasec..."

And then another kiss, this one more agressive, moved up her
throat.

MAKIKO: That's "aggresive."
UKYOU: Boy, I'll say!
*WHAP* *WHAPWHAPWHAPWHAPWHAP*

"Ry-"

And then she found herself unable to speak.  Ryouga's lips
were in the way.  It was messy kiss, neither of them being
sober enough to do anything about it, but still a kiss
filled with passion and intensity.  Ukyou moaned as their
tongues casually glided around each other, their arms
winding around each other in a a sensual embrace.

The rest of the night was a hazy memory, a blur of something
warm and sweaty and with lots of deep breathing and a tangle
of arms and legs and lips and tongues...

UKYOU: Hey!  Why's the camera so blurry?  FOCUS!  FOCUS!
*WHAP*

-*-

Morning was bright.

Even though her eyelids were firmly shut, it was still too
bright.  Ukyou grabbed a pillow and put it over her head,
then draped her arms back down, over some awfully warm and
soft pillows.

Noise.

There was noise of some sort, repeating.  Sounded kinda like
a voice.

Ergh.

Headache.

Noise bad.

SHIN: Ahh, nothing like a good hangover to wake one up.

Ukyou groaned, reached around, and pulled the blanket over
herself, snuggling into that nice set of awfully warm and
soft pillows. A part of her mind noted that her shirt...
actually, Ranma's....  was unfastened halfway and hanging
partially open.

*WHAP*
HANAKO: Stop drooling, Ukyou-chan.

Not important, replied the part of her mind that didn't care
to do any high level brain functions.  Under blanket and
pillows.  Could be naked and it wouldn't matter.

Actually, noted that nagging part of her mind, she was
halfway to naked.  Her pants were gone, leaving her only in
her cotton briefs.

*WHAP*
HANAKO: I hope that puddle forming on the floor isn't what I think it
is, Ukyou-chan...

Eh, sleep like this all the time, reasoned the lazy half.
No worry, sleep now.

Right.

Zzz.....

.zzz*snort* "Hrm?"

That noise wouldn't go away.

In fact, it was getting clearer, and it certainly wasn't
helping her headache go away.

"...kane.... Akane.... oh man.... Akane...."  The noise
eventually faded away with the sound of footsteps going down
the stairs.

Akane, Akane, Akane.  Blech.  Sure, they were friends now,
but they were also rivals.  And if there was one thing she
wasn't in the mood to hear at the moment it was Akane,
Akane, Akane.

Must be stupid Ryouga yelling in his sleep again.

Idiot.

"Shaddup, Ryouga."

"Mmh?"

Odd.  The pillow just murmured.

Something to worry about later.  This hangover was just too
much.

No, there was something missing here.  Something important.
Something about last night.

YOTSUYA: Yes, it was quite important.
UKYOU: Videotape?
YOTSUYA: Not while your girlfriend's around.
HANAKO: Who're you?  Where'd you come from?
YOTSUYA: They call me Kosuke.
HANAKO: But your name's written out Jiro!
YOTSUYA: Doesn't matter.  I'll get you that tape later, Ukyou.
UKYOU: Er...okay, Yotsuya-san.
HANAKO: What videotape was he gonna give you?
UKYOU: [sweatdrop] Uh, "A Clockwork Orange."  Yeah, that's it.

-*-

Ranma walked downstairs in a daze.  The hangover was bad
enough, but this shock to the system was just ovewhelming.

He was reduced to nothing but a blank expression and an
image burned in his mind forever.

"S'whas buggin'you?" grumbled Ryouga, his head slumped
forward on the grill.  He was clearly another victim of
hangover symptoms.

GUYS & MAKIKO: GAH!
HANAKO: Did I miss something?  I thought Ryouga was upstairs?
[pause]
SHIN: [to Ukyou] She doesn't get it yet?
UKYOU: [to Shin] Let her figure it out.  The look on her face'll be
priceless.

All Ranma could manage was, "Akane... Akane...."

-*-

Akane woke up in Ranma's arms, feeling a bit ill from the
hangover, but also feeling a warm afterglow.  They'd never
gone far, just some kissing and cuddling, but after last
night...

HANAKO: But Ranma's groaning about Akane!
UKYOU: Come on, Hana-chan.  You're usually more deductive than this!
MAKIKO: The one thing bugging me is that "The More Things Change" and
the earlier acts of this fic imply that they HAVE done some...er...
stuff.
UKYOU: Not that he'd describe it.  I'm waiting for Kun-chan to do
something about it for him.
*WHAP*

Last night...

Actually, she couldn't remember much of last night, but the
important bit was that she was half-naked in Ranma's arms,
and it felt heavenly.

Except for one minor detail.

Ranma was, for some weird reason, a girl.

She'd rather have had Ranma as a boy, but.... oh well.

UKYOU: Experimen--
*WHAP*

Akane grinned.  Naughty boy, sleeping with his hand on her
bottom.

HANAKO: Dammit.  Shin, wipe the blood off of Ukyou's chin.  And can
SOMEONE tell me why he just sprouted such a massive nosebleed?
SHIN: I think you're being a L'IL bit naive for someone who's dating
Ukyou.
HANAKO: What's that supposed to mean?
SHIN: Never mind, I'll just let you figure it out yourself.

She gave the base of Ranma's neck a gentle, soft kiss, then
closed her eyes and snuggled next to her.

-*-

The pillow just gave Ukyou a kiss.

This was certainly something to worry about.

Suddenly, memories of last night flickered through her head
in rapid-fire bursts of images and sensations.

Bandanna.

Kissing.

Hands roaming.

Oh.  No.

Ukyou had a suspicion that those weren't two pillows she had
her hand between.

UKYOU: SOMEbody's been watching "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles"
again, haven't they?

Very slowly, she lifted the blanket and peered downward.

-*-

Bright light.

Light bad.

Akane squinted, then reached around and yanked the blanket
back over them.

Stupid Ranma.  Better give him a reason to stay put.

"G'mornin."  She slid upward and gave her fiancee a kiss on
the lips... and ever so slightly... opened her eyes.

Say, didn't Ranma have red hair when he was a girl?

-*-

Say, wondered Ukyou, didn't Ryouga have brown hair when he
was a girl?

HANAKO: Aa, Kami-sama!
SHIN: By George, she finally got it.
*clik* *FLASH* *whrrr*
UKYOU: [wicked grin] That's for posterity.

-*-

Say, wondered Ryouga, as he stood in the doorway in shock,
isn't that Akane and Ukyou in bed?

"Uah... ah... ohboy..."

Cue spray-of-blood-from-nose.

MAKIKO: [making mark in notebook] Check.

Start Ryouga-fainting-from-shock.

-whoosh-

MAKIKO: [making mark in notebook] Check.

Follow Ryouga as he falls down the stairs.

*THUMP*THUMP*THUmp*thump*thump*thump*

MAKIKO: [making mark in notebook] Check.

-*-

"A-A-Akane?!?!"

"U-Ukyou?!?!"

Both girls stared at each other.

If shock could induce sobriety, it would've done so now.

"AAAAIIIIIIIIIIEE!"

- end part 2 -

MAKIKO: Comments?
HANAKO: A couple of questions with consistency, but nothing too bad.
Also, I just want to throw in a couple questions about being in
character in some of these parts.  For instance, I think Ryouga would
probably make some kind of outburst during the girls' spoof scene.
Maybe you could factor that in somehow.  Maybe Ryouga will blame the
entire spoof on Ranma.  Who knows?  [pauses] Ukyou?
UKYOU: Camera was too blurry during the lime scene.  Specifics!  I
want speci--
*WHAP*
UKYOU: Itai.
SHIN: Not bad at all.  Really funny in some parts.
MAKIKO: And might I add a few typos here and there.  Other than that,
I found it really amusing.  Just like the rest of the series.

ALL: G'night, everybody!

[pause]

SHIN: That sounded REALLY corny, you know.

--
      b    $$P           |"And I'll feel better
      $$P  $$            |         in the morning,
     d$$eee$$eeeee$$e    | The pain will fade as
   ,d$P    $$            |           time goes by,
  dP"      $$            | What was taken, I won't
           $$            |    miss or I'll replace
eeeeeeeeeee$$eeeeeeee$$e | Nevermind me,
           $$            |          I'm all right."
       ,$$ $$ `b         |--"Nevermind Me,"
      ,$$  $$  `b.       |            The Bosstones
     d$P   $$   `$b.     |chu_bear@hotmail.com
  ,d$P     $$     `$$bee |ICQ: LoopyChew, 8413137
edP"       $$       `$$  |http://www.geocities.com/
         "7$P            | SunsetStrip/Studio/7508/