At 11:20 PM 4/5/99 GMT, you wrote:

Alan Harnum <harnums@thekeep.org> wrote:

Commentary's welcomed, as always, and much appreciated.

Okay... let's start with how to spell "commentaries." :-)

Abbreviation for "commentary is".  ;p

    "<A valuable lesson here, child.  Hiding pain in the 
presence of one's enemy is generally prudent; in the presence of 
friends, it isn't always so clear-cut a decision.>"

    "<Yes, great-grandmother.>"

This dialog is being remembered, rather than spoken in the present? Not
really clear.

Not supposed to be, really, but I'll try to make it clearer than it is.

    The woman stepped forward and stooped to present Shampoo's
clothing.  It had obviously been washed, and the tears that the
battle of Watcher's Hill had left mended so perfectly that they 
were invisible.  "<I am Mengyua.  My husband, Shengxyan, guarded

If you're using Pinyin, this should be spelled Shengxian. (Means "sage,
man of virtue" according to my dictionary.)

Yup.  However, the names of the giants are spelled different than they
should be in correct Pinyin; this is done in the attempt to convey some of
their alien, otherwordly nature.

    Shengxyan leaned his hammer against the anvil.  "<Time flows
differently here.  Do not fear that you are too late.>"

Even though you are.... :)

Of course.  :)

    Their feet touched bottom, and they were forced to duck 
their heads under the water to leave what was now obviously a
tunnel almost entirely filled with water.  Soaked from head to
toe, Nabiki stood upright, hand in hand with Kasumi in a deep
pond.

They ducked under water and then came right back out? The action's a
little unclear here.

Will fix.

    "Don't be angry, Nabiki," Kasumi said as she joined her on
the bank and pulled her dress overhead to do the same as Nabiki.  
"We'll see Mother soon."

"We'll join her in the afterlife!"

No, no.  This isn't Kasumi the Axe-Murderess here.

    Nabiki stared numbly at the hair of the woman as she turned.
It was changing as she watched; green to gold, gold to black.  
Taking a hand each from Kasumi and Nabiki, the woman raised them
to her lips, kissed them each once.

    "Mother," Nabiki heard herself say.  
    

Nice.

Thanks.

    "<You don't understand,>" the Serpent growled.  "<None of
them do either.  I will see this world die; I will see it cracked
and broken, and every living thing that walks or flies or crawls
or swims perish, every city thrown done, all that lives or is 

"thrown done?" Is that a typo?

Yup.  Will fix.

    "<Our son, Lougui,>" Mengyua said.  Lougui raised his hand

(Checks dictionary... finds that it means "Objectionable practices.")

You and your dictionary, Gary.  :)

    "<Light shone on you, Maiden,>" Mengyua said.  She reached

Should that be shine?

Yes it should.  It was late.  I was tired.  -.- (I make this excuse a lot,
don't I?)

    And at last, again, after so long a time, after division and
parting, beyond the passage through darkness and light, under 
stone and under sky, beneath sun and stars, rivers join again, 
into a single river, into Oceanus, into the ocean river, flowing
down into the depths of the sea.

For those of you following the "short attention span" version of this
series, this is the point where Ranma finally gets some action. :-)

Lemon sidestory to be coming shortly.  :)

Overall, a nicely done chapter... as usual, the narrative is skillfully
done and carries a wealth of detail. Everything is startign to converge
for the finale, and I'm eager to see how it all plays out.

Cool.  It won't be much longer.  :)

Thanks for the commentary, Gary.

Ciao,
-Alan Harnum