On Sun, 4 Apr 1999, Rod M wrote:
"Yes, dear sister, I remember everything. I remember the
dozens of lives I've lead, the endless battles I oversaw,
led
Okay, so that was short on picking out details. :) Overall.. wow. Very
very nice, captivating.. my only question would be about if the setup is
given away too quickly. The first dream sequence does lay things out very
well, so that the ending is almost faintly anticlimax. Not *really*, with
the attack on Urd, but the fact that what's coming is somewhat evident
halfway through does take away from the actual climax some. I think you
need to work on the second dream part more to build, either by moving some
of the first into it to not give away as much early, or to put more
tension into it. The first dream was a *wonderful* scene.. the second
suffers by comparison and so makes the ending weaker than the lead-in.