ROUGH BETA

             Rod M. & David Tai
                  present

          a sequel to Dire Fates...

                     -*-

             - The Faith Machine -

        A John Constantine: Hellblazer
                Oh My Goddess
                  crossover

                   Part 1
               When I Grow Up

                     -*-
     
Through glowing gloom, I see the flicker of treason
   dancing on the picture of what might have been
This minute will last a day, these days will last years
     and those years that take ten lifetimes
         will pass without a reason

        To be again, I could be again
        to be again, I could be again

- Siouxie & The Banshees, "I Could Be Again"

                     -*-

Once upon a time, he had a name.

He couldn't even remember that anymore.  In fact, he barely
looked human, sitting in the cold dark empty steel cell,
shaved bald and wearing tatters of rags. 

He had a name, but it was nearly gone from his mind.  Almost
everything was gone from his mind now, scrubbed away by the
men in white coats.

Every day they came, putting wires in him, cutting him open,
putting things inside him, pulling things out of him,
burning things on his skin.

The memories he had were a precious few.

Sunlight.

A grassy hill.

A girl's laugh.

It all seemed so fuzzy now, what little memories he had
left.  He hung on to them desperately, and prayed that the
men in white coats wouldn't take this last bit of himself
away.

Once upon a time, he had a name...

But he wasn't sure what it was.

                     -*-

Once upon a time there were three goddesses, three
Norse goddesses to be specific.  As with many of the
triumverate goddesses of the world, these three were
composed of a maiden, mother, and crone.  They weren't
exactly of the same mindset as the other triumverate deities
of the world, but when it's all boiled down to the basics,
maiden, mother, and crone were what they were.

The Norse worshiped, feared, and adored them, fueling
their power with faith.

Nothing lasts forever.

Time came and went, and with it the faith that had kept
those three goddesses in power.

Eventually, the three had to adapt to the new world, to find
their place in the grand scheme of things.  Through the
process known as Reconfiguration, the maiden, mother, and
crone became significantly younger.  the maiden was now a
child, the mother now a young maiden, and the crone... was
certainly not a crone any longer.

As a part of the reconfiguration, memories were lost
accordingly.  The child only knew of her past because the
other two talked of it every now and then.  The maiden had
hazy, spotty memories of the glories of times past.  The
young woman that was once the crone remembered everything.
This was her blessing and her curse.  She would remember all
of the glories of their golden days, as well as the horrors.

She would never forget, and she would always guard against
repeating the errors of times past.

                     -*-

"Urd?  Urd, are you okay?"

The eldest of the three blinked and shook her head, turning
her focus away from the falling leaves of the courtyard
trees.  "Huh?  What?" 

"You looked a bit odd for a moment," said a concerned
Belldandy. 

Urd gave a light smile.  "Just thinking of yesteryear,
that's all.  What'cha want?"

"I was wondering if you had any ideas what we could do for
Skuld's birthday."

"Skuld's... birthday?" asked Urd, clearly surprised.  "Is it
that time already?"

Belldandy nodded.  "She'll be turning 14 in a few weeks."

With a sigh and a grin, Urd shook her head.  "Ah, well, time
flies.  Soon we'll be the maiden, mother, and crone again."
She cast a mischievous eye at Belldandy, guessing that her
sister was blushing because of what being the 'mother'
implied.

"Wella, this'll have to be some party then, yes?" said Urd.
"C'mon, let's go shopping for gifts.  We can hash out the
details on the way."

                     -*-

Cases of demonic posession were always tricky.

No two  demons did it alike, and every exorcism had to be
adjusted on a moment's notice.

Thinking about it, John figured he really should've been
sick of it.  The royal fuckup at Newcastle nearly did it,
and the nasty business with the royals certainly didn't
help.

Then again, John could never help himself.  He was an
addict, doing it again and again, even if the body count
had piled up time and again.

Which brought him to this moment.

Tied to a four post bed was Bill Wendleton, a poor bastard
that just was in the wrong place at the wrong time one day
and ended up occasionally eating shit, slitting his wrists,
and painting satanic symbols on the walls with his blood.

Stupid git.

John wouldn't have been involved at all, really, if it
hadn't been for Bill's wife.  She and John used to run some
scams back in the day along with the lads from Liverpool.

He really didn't owe her, it was more a case of 'for old
times sakes'.

Which brought him to this particular moment, with good old
Bill tied up, spread-eagle, on the four post bed in their
room, screaming obscenities at John while farting brimstone
and rolling his eyes about nastily.

"FUUUUUUUUCKYOUMOTHERFUCKERWHENYOUDIETHEWORMSOFHELL
SHALLFEASTUPONYOURTESTICLESANDMAKEADENOFYOURASSHOLE"

John ignored it calmly, it was the usual demonic cursing and
spouting after all.  With chalk made of the bones of
specially prepared (in manners he would not say) animals, he
drew circles and sigils around the bed in which Bill was
tied, ignoring the fact that the lines smoked slightly as he
drew them.  That was fine, they were supposed to anyway.

For this particular exorcism, it was a matter of energy. 
Souls behaved a lot like electricity.  Find the right wiring
and the current will flow.  It was actually a lot more
complicated than that, but if you boiled the matter down to
the basics, this was the idea. 

With a satisfied grunt, John deemed all the significant
items in place.  Lines were drawn, candles were lit, all he
needed to do was the ritualistic bit and that would be that.

Throat was a bit parched, though... hrm.

He reached for the cup of tea, when suddenly he noticed a
the lines and sigils flaring up bright white.

"Oh shit!"

There was too much energy flowing in, and unless he got Bill
out of there-

Suddenly, a familiar figure sprang from John's tea cup,
smiling brightly.

"Hi John!"

"DAMMIT, SKULD!"

There was a tortured scream, a demon's roar, and suddenly
Bill exploded in a shower of ropy innards, torn flesh, and
so much red...

                     -*-

"Skuld, dinner's ready."

Belldandy knocked on the door, and gasped at what she saw.

Skuld was curled up on her bed, her clothing covered in
splotches of blood.  Her face was buried under a pillow, and
her entire body was trembling.

Belldandy gasped.  "Skuld!  What happened?  Are you okay?"
Gently, she knelt by Skuld's side and lifted the pillow away
from her face, revealing red eyes opened wide in trauma and
reddened with tears.  "Skuld!"

The youngest norn slowly looked up to her sister.
"Sister... I didn't mean to... I didn't mean to... I'm
sorry... I'm sorry..."

Suddenly she was in Belldandy's arms, sobbing on her
shoulder and weeping an endless flow of tears.

Standing in the doorway, Urd narrowed her eyes.  She knew of
only one person that could have left Skuld bloody and
shaken.

                     -*-

//CONSTANTINTE!//

John Constantine cringed.

The rest of the bar stared at the television screen,
cigarettes dropping out of mouths as jaws began to fall. 

Football was on the telly, with Arsenal holding on to a 2-1
lead.

Was.

And suddenly an irate platinum blond woman was on the screen
staring down at them angrily.  Most of them were baffled at
the sudden interruption and a few of them were beginning to
feel a bit violent about it.  Such was the nature of
football fans. 

John just let his head thud on the bar.  As if the day
hadn't been a pisser already, _she_ had to come roaring in
too.

"Oy!  John!  Whassa meaning a'this?!" snarled the barkeep, a
notably violent Arsenal fan.

"Okay, okay, I'm stepping outside!" yelled John to nobody in
particular.  "Just put the game back on!"

As John grumbled, cursed, and muttered while shuffling out
the door, the screen turned to static briefly and then the
game came back on.  Cheers went 'round the bar, except for
the patron that just left the door.

Said patron found himself grabbed angrily by the lapels of
his overcoat the moment the bar door closed behind him.

"What did you _DO_ to her?!"  Urd snarled.

"Hands off," snarled John defiantly, pulling his jacket out
from her hands. "I did _not_ do anything to her." 

"She's at home right now crying her eyes out, right after
she went to visit _you_," said Urd.  "Now what the Hell
happened?!"

John scowled, pulling out a pack of cigarettes from his
jacket.  "She didn't tell you?"

"No, she was too busy crying."

With a cigarette finally in place, John turned to her.  "A
man died today."

"And?"

"Skuld was the reason why."

Urd took a step back, stunned.  "No, she's not like that
anymore," she muttered. 

"What?"

"Nothing," said Urd hastily.  "Keep on talking."

And so John told her about Bill Wendleton, the fatal power
surge caused by Skuld's arrival, and what was left of Bill
Wendleton.  Urd's fiery anger wilted and John's began to
grow as he told her about Mrs. Wendleton, the kids, and how
they'd rushed into the room and stepped all over daddy's
remains.

"And the moral of this story," said John sarcastically, "is
that when Johnny asks you to check ahead before you visit,
there's a bloody good reason why."

                     -*-

Once upon a time, he was able to see.

The men in white ahd taken his eyes out.  Distractions, they
had called them.

Once upon a time, he would have screamed.

They had cut his vocal cords.  No need for them anymore,
they'd said.

Once upon a time, he would've run away.

But that was before they cut his arms and legs off.  Needed
to be stripped down to the bare essentials.

Once upon a time, he had many memories.

The men in white had scrubbed his mind.  Unneeded, those
memories were.  Besides, he had a more glorious thing to
keep in his mind than silly memories.

And now he was a clean thing, stripped down to the bare
essentials of a human being, without limbs, without eyes,
without voice, without mind.

He was an empty vessel, one of a hundred locked into
individual metal chambers within a dark room filled with
wires and steel.

They was empty, so very empty, and the only thing left in
their minds was a desperate need to know something, to
believe in something... 

And soon they would have it.

                     -*-

>From a control booth above the hairless, blind, silent
things that were once human beings, two figures looked upon
their work.

"Is it ready?"

"Almost.  We're going to run our first test next week."

"Be sure this doesn't run out of control like last time."

"Don't worry, sir.  We've good men in command this time, and
safety measures in place as well.  We won't have another
'Fear Machine' fiasco."

"Good." 

                     -*-

In her dream, Skuld was there again, in the bloody room, the
stench of blood and death filling her nostrils. 

Blood was everywhere, on the walls, on the ceilings,
dripping off of John's coat, rolling down her face. 

John was angry at her, so angry at her, and he was shouting
at her now. 

All your fault. 

Your fault.

Stupid little brat.

You never bloody listen, you stupid little girl.

You've got to learn to grow up

grow up

GROW UP

"I'M SORRY!" she cried, but still his harsh words struck
her, every shout a slap, bruising her heart.  "I'm sorry,
John!  I'm sorry!" she cried, and still he raged.

And suddenly she was in darkness.

"J-John?"

Silence.

She could hear nothing, not even the sound of her own voice.

>From somewhere far away, in the corner of her vision, she
saw a flicker of light.  Turning, she found herself
facing... a mirror?

It seemed like a mirror, but she could waves rippling across
its surface.  That wasn't the only thing wrong with it.  Her
reflection was all wrong.  All she could see was a
silhouette, but the shape was too tall, too shapely...

It was a grown-up.

Couldn't be Skuld, she was still a child.

Just a child.

With sadness and longing, Skuld reached out to the
silhouette, and the silhouette reached out to her.  Their
hands met on the icy surface of the water mirror, and Skuld
suddenly felt a sense of peace, of fulfillment...

She felt worshiped.

                     -*-

"Psst, John, o'er ere, ey?"

Constantine hesitated, looked around, then stepped into the
shadows of a dingy alleyway.  The stench of garbage, rotting
food, and piss nearly overwhelmed him.

"Jesus, what a shithole," he mumbled.

"S'my bloody 'ouse yer insultin," grumbled a homeless bum,
neck-deep in rumpled, soiled newspapers.

"So what's new, Shitpile?"

"Don't bloody call me that."

"Fine, fine.  Eugene.  Feel better?"

"An'don't forgettit, ungrateful bastard."

"Ungrateful?" asked John.  He bent down and blew smoke in
Eugene's face.  "Don't forget who owes who around here, eh?"

"Right, right," Eugene muttered.  "Bet you say that
t'everbody."

"'Cause everybody owes me," said John.  "Now c'mon, I'm
gonna puke on you if I have to stay here another damn
minute."

"Right, right, okay.  Johnny, there's somethin' nasty going
on, there is.  Men in black, an' such."

John sighed.  He'd heard this story enough times
already.  "Right, I'm leaving."

"They got Bill, John!  Got'em and dragged'em away!"

John hesitated.  "Bill?  The one that had the talent?"

"That Bill, yeah!  An'they been takin' away more of us e'ry
day, John.  Bad shite, mate."

John nodded.  "Right... seeya."

"Oi!  Waitabloodysec!"  Eugene grabbed the edge of John's
trenchcoat, leaving a dark stain of filth.

"Do NOT touch me!" yelled John.  He pulled the trenchcoat
out of Eugene's hands quickly with a snarl of disgust.
"What is it NOW?"

"Y'gotta protect me, John!" begged Eugene.  "Please!"

"Do I look like a bloody witness protection program to you?"
asked John.

"C'mon, John!  You knows people!"

John sighed.  "Eugene... y'know what I did when I had to get
outta town?"

"Wot?"

"Find a train, hitch a ride.  Go to it, old son."  John
patted him in the back, then strode away quickly.

"Th.. that's it?  You sonovabitch!  Get back 'ere!"

John ignored the raging yells, instead thinking of what
Eugene had said and what it might mean.  Homeless folk were
typically fodder for human experiments, so there was no
surprise there.  Now, the question was _who_ was doing it.
Lots of suspects there, yes.

There was avoiding it, he'd just have to check the usual
suspects and hope one of them didn't decide to kick the shit
out of him for doing so.

                     -*-

Something was bothering her.

Urd paced around the temple grounds, frustrated at the
feeling.  It was like an itch she couldn't scratch, this
feeling of something unknown in the air, so close to her but
forever out of reach.

Whatever it was, it couldn't be good.

Belldandy's voice drifted in from the house, interrupting
her train of thought.  'Urd! We're about to light the cake!'

'Be right there!' she yelled back.

Inside, a large gathering of friends was seated around the
table.  Keiichi's friends from the auto club, from college,
Skuld's childhood friends Guor, Rotha, and Idun were also in
attendance, apparently granted leave from heaven for this
occasion.

And at the center of it all, smiling brightly, was Skuld.

o/~ Happy birthday to you o/~
o/~ Happy birthday to you o/~
o/~ Happy birthday dear Sku-uld o/~
o/~ Happy birthday to you o/~

'Make a wish, Skuld!' cheered Belldandy.

The youngest Norn closed her eyes for a moment, then took a
deep breath and blew the candles out.  The crowd gave a
cheer, then the process of opening gifts began.

Urd shook her head and smiled

Another year older, eh?  And in relatively peaceful
co-existence as well.

She was glad.

There were times, long ago, in the days that Skuld would
never remember, days of bloodshed and hatred, of petty
rivalry and bitter vengence.

They were really sisters now, looking out for each other,
caring for each other, and Urd wouldn't have it any other
way.

                     -*-

The party wound down, as parties tend to do, and the temple
once again was peaceful and quiet.  Keiichi was in his room,
studying, while Belldandy tended to the house.  This was all
nice and normal, thought Urd, with one exception.

Skuld was alone, perched upon the roof, looking up at the
stars, a wistful and melancholy look on her face.

This... now this was usually Belldandy's domain.  The
motherly big sister thing, yessir.

But Belldandy wasn't around.

Hrm.

Heck, why not?

Gracefully, Urd leapt up to the roof, and quietly took a
seat next to Skuld.

'Hey, Skuld,' she said softly, putting an arm around
Skuld's shoulder. 'Why the sad face?'

The youngest Norn sighed and put her head on Urd's shoulder. 
'He didn't come.'

Urd blinked.  'He?'

'John.'

Urd's mood immediately soured.  'Oh.  _him_.'

Skuld missed the taint of disgust in Urd's voice and went
on.  'I guess... I guess he's still mad at me.'

'Skuld, look, you couldn't have known,' said Urd, embracing
her tenderly.  'Just... don't be so hard on yourself, okay?'

Skuld sniffled a tear back and nodded.  'I just wish...'

'Hm?'

'I just wish I was all grown up.'

'Hey, don't say that.  Being grown up isn't all it's cracked
up to be, take it from me.  Enjoy being young while you
can, 'cause you'll regret it if you don't.  Okay?'

Skuld looked at Urd doubtfully, then shrugged.  'Whatever.'

Urd sighed.  'Just... don't dwell on it too much.  Learn
from your mistakes, but don't get stuck in the past.  Okay?'

'Okay,' mumbled Skuld unenthusiastically.

'I'm gonna go to sleep,' said Urd.  'You should too. 
G'nite, kid.' She hesitated a moment, then gave Skuld a kiss
on the forehead and left. 

Skuld couldn't help but smile.  It was nice, being with Urd
that way.  They used to fight so much, but not anymore.

Maybe that was a sign she was growing up?

She hoped so.

                     -*-

"Got the feeling I'm forgetting something..."

"Wossat, John?"

"Nothing, never mind."

The rain poured down mercilessly on London, bringing her
traffic to a crawl.  Horns honked angrily as hundreds of
drivers felt their frustrations build.

Amongst the army of drivers was one Chas Chandler, and the
back seat of his cab, one John Constantine.

"Fuck," grumbled Chas.  "I hate gridlock."

John ignored him, as he tended to do when Chas ranted while
driving. His mind was elsewhere.  A few minutes down the
road was a set of government owned buildings, one of which
was rumored to be holding something odd.

Eyes on the street saw strange coffin-like metallic
cylinders being carried into the building, as well as shady
government agent types.

The stuff of conspiracies.

Something in the air shifted subtly, something an ordinary
person wouldn't notice.  There was a prickly feeling of
static in the air, making the hair on his arm stand on end.

Somebody was doing something.

And whatever it was, it was something with a lot of power.

He was too late.

                     -*-

In their minds, there was nothing.

Absolute emptiness.

A desolate zone of human souls, longing to be filled.

And slowly, something formed in their minds.  An idea, a
concept, a symbol, an image formed before them all.  Their
starved minds clung to her like maggots to a carcass. 
Swarming around the very idea of her, adoring her, loving
her.... 

Worshiping her.

She was beautiful and glorious, terrible and merciless.  She
was a goddess, their goddess.  In their minds, in their
hearts, in their souls, they held her name most sacred.

Their goddess.

Skuld.

                     -*-

In her dreams, Skuld did not rest easy.

She heard the voices again, and felt the tendrils of power
swirling all around her.  A legion of voices whispered her
name, a chorus cried for her attention, and once again she
found herself facing the mirror of water.

And within the mirror, she saw the vision of what she could
be.

Beautiful.

Strong.

Irresistible.

Grown up.

The voices were coaxing her, urging her, begging her to step
forth.  And as her hand touched the mirror's surface, she
felt that same sensation again, the incomparable feeling of
being worshiped.  This time, however, the feeling was
intensified a hundred fold, overwhelming her mind with waves
of ecstacy.

This was what she wanted, what she needed, what she wished
for as she blew out the candles.

To be grown up.

For John.

She rushed forth, and embraced the image in the mirror, and
it embraced her, and the two merged into one...

One goddess.

Skuld.

                     -*-

Urd's eyes flew up immediately, her senses on edge, as she
felt something _powerful_ nearby.

She sat up in her bed, focusing on the feel of it, trying to
identify what it was.

It couldn't be Mara, or any other servant of hell, really. 
The energy didn't have that feel to it.  Another goddess,
then?  It felt something like her own power signature,
yet...

"No... it can't be..."

Urd quickly got up and ran through the house in a panic.
She ran past Belldandy, who had just opened her own door,
probably sensing the same power.

Belldandy wouldn't recognize it, though.  She wouldn't
remember it.

Only Urd would.

She felt that power in the Heavens, so many hundreds of
years ago as storms raged and the gods clashed.

She felt that power hovering over bloodied battlefields, as
mortal slew mortal in savage combat. 

"Skuld!"

Urd threw her door open, then gasped.

A tall, womanly silhouette stood at the center of the room,
power radiating from her body, her back turned to Urd.

"Sister," said the woman.  Her voice was sultry, seductive, 
and confident.

"Skuld... what did you do?"

"Do?" asked Skuld.  "What did I do?"  She turned around, and
Urd's worst fears were confirmed.  "I found myself," she
answered.  "Oh, what I lost to the reconfiguration.  So many
endless days of joyous battle, so many endless nights of
death."

"You... you remember."

"Yes, dear sister, I remember everything.  I remember the
dozens of lives I've lead, the endless battles I oversaw,
and most of all, dear Urd, most of all, I remember..."

The sudden blast of energy caught her off guard, slamming
Urd through the temple walls, engulfing her in flames.
Skuld stepped through the newly made hole in the wall,
glaring at her fallen sister.

"... that I really hate you."

                     -*-

     Blood and blisters on my fingers
     Chaos rules when we're apart
     Watch my temper I go mental 
     I'll try to be gentle
     
     When I grow up I'll be stable                  
     When I grow up I'll turn the tables

           - Garbage, "When I Grow Up"

                     -*-
                 End Part 1
                     -*-