The Girl I Once Knew
By: McKinley Morganfield

    I smiled and tried to look pretty for the camera.  The photographer was
one of those art-school rejects who could never make it in the galleries,
and now views commercial photography as their medium of expression.  I
wouldn�t mind, only this particular artiste extraordinare seems to think it�
s necessary to take hundreds of identical photographs before he has
theperfect one.  For the last three hours I�ve been in a yellow swimsuit
with yellow snorkeling gear, acting excited for the camera as I hold a can
of Vita One, the new sports drink with twelve essential vitamins and
minerals, to my face.  The photographer pauses the shoot, his camera out of
film.

    �Ranma!� he yelled, �As the spokesmodel for Vita One, you�ve got to be
more than happy, more than just smiling all the time!  You have to possess a
certain mystique, something special!�

    I listened to what he was saying, even if I didn�t fully understand
where was coming from.  �What do you mean?  What should I be doing?�  An
intern splashed me with water, to keep me looking like I came straight out
of the ocean.  Another brushed the sand off my legs.

    �Do something out of the ordinary,� he insisted.  We re-started the
shoot.  I bugged my eyes out at the camera.  I slinked my shoulders
playfully.  I even assumed a few karate poses.  The photographer wasn�t
taking pictures.  �No no no,� he insisted.  Smiling the whole time, I was
trying to think of something he might find interesting.  It was frustrating.
I suspected, by this point, that nothing would make him happy.

    Suddenly, around the corner, a woman approached the set of the shoot.  I
saw her out of the corner of my eye, and I suddenly gave her a double-take.
My mouth opened in a state of shock.  I couldn�t believe she had returned.
I hadn�t seen her in nearly ten years...

    �Perfect!� yelled the photographer, snapping picture after picture.  I
snapped back to my senses and looked at the photographer, blankly.  He had
stopped taking pictures.  �There�s no way we�re going to beat that.  Ranma,
great shoot.  Let�s call it a day.�  I only briefly thanked him before
running off to meet the woman.

    �Akane?� I asked.  I knew who it was, but didn�t know what to think
about it.  I smiled, out of surprise as much as anything else.

    �Ranma, it�s been a long time.� she replied, evenly.  Looking at her, I
wondered if she had always looked that good.  I quickly decided she hadn�t �
if she had, I never could have left Nerima.  She looked athletic and
healthy, and her body looked sexy.  And the clothes she was wearing were
classy, made her look smart and professional.

    �You look good,� I couldn�t help but state.  She smiled, unfazed.

    �And you look female,� she quipped.  I knew I was supposed to be
embarrassed.

    �I�m their new spokesmodel.  It pays the bills.�  I said it as casually
as possible.  I suddenly realized I didn�t want to talk to her.

    She followed me into the changing room, where I dried myself, and
quickly changed into a sun dress.  I started to walk away.  Akane followed.

    �Your parents always kept tabs on you,� she said, �and talked about you
every day.�

    �Really?  Funny they never called,� I answered, bitterly.

    �They were too proud for that,� she answered.  I thought about that, and
how I was too proud to call them, too.  I didn�t feel guilty.  She
continued.  �Actually, they�re why I came here to see you.�

    �What?� I asked.

    �They died recently.  In a car accident.  Your father had been
drinking...�

    �That�s horrible,� I said.  And it was, too, but somehow it felt remote,
like I had heard about their death on a news broadcast.  I removed my
parents from my life years ago, and hearing about their death meant little
to me.

    �They left the dojo to Nabiki�s Martial Art School, but most of their
will is directed towards you.�

    �What�s it say?�  I asked.  I stopped walking.

    �I don�t know, only father and our lawyer read it.  But I guess will
asks you to accept it in the Anything-Goes dojo.  I came here to extend an
invitation, for you to come and hear the reading of the will.�

    �Why didn�t you just look me up, give me a call?�

    �I didn�t think you would come.�

**

    The dojo looked like an ideal version of what I remembered.  I was
immediately struck by how clean everything was, how pristine, making the
dojo almost look like a museum piece from the 16th century,  The walls  of
the dojo were no longer a patchwork of boards over holes, but looked strong
and permanent.  Outside, a freshly painted sign read �Nabiki Tendo �
Anything Goes Martial Arts.�  I walked inside the dojo.  Nabiki was leading
a group of students through a kata.  I was surprised how advanced the kata
was for how young the students were.  Nabiki noticed me, but didn�t turn to
me until finishing the kata.

    �Class, class,� she yelled.  She was introducing me.  I stood there,
embarrassed.  �This is Ranma Saotome, the greatest Anything Goes Martial
Artist in the World.  She was once going to be the sensei of the dojo,
instead of me.  Now,� she paused, and mugged holding a can while looking to
the side, �she�s the Vita One spokesmodel.�  Nabiki smiled, but the children
looked genuinely impressed.  Vita One was making my  snorkel photos the
center of a huge new ad campaign, and they had probably seen the ads all
across town.

    Then without a warning, Nabiki punched at my face.  As a reflex, I
blocked the punch with my forearm, and countered with a left.  She blocked
it, but I managed to spring off her blocking arm and flipped myself over
her.  Still surprised, I jabbed her like a boxer, than kicked a roundhouse
at her chest.  She fell to the ground, rolled out of it, and smiled.  The
class applauded.  �You won�t learn those moves until much later,� she said.
�For now, I want you to repeat that last kata ten times.�

    When she was done addressing the class, she walked over to me and gave
me a hug.  �My god, I didn�t think I would see you again.  How�ve you been
keeping yourself?�

    �It was rough for a while, but things are really starting to look up.
I�m settled in Tokyo again, and I�ve moved in with Ukyou...�  I paused, not
wanting to get into the subject.  �So to tell the truth, I�m a little
surprised to see you running the dojo.  I always thought it would be Akane.�
Nabiki laughed.

    �I thought so too, it just worked out this way.  I was running the
operations, and I was getting into the exercise, and it fell into my hands.�
Nabiki looked at the door. �My class is almost done.  I�m sure the rest of
the family is waiting outside, ready to read the will.  They�re pretty
apprehensive about it.�

    �Not half so much as I am,� I replied, trying to make light of things.
Truth be told, I just wanted to get over with the mess.  Nabiki seemed
genuinely nice, but this was a part of my life I wanted to keep closed.

    �It might not be so fun, Ranma.  I was a space cadet back then, and
didn�t get involved in the whole ruckus.  And I love owning this dojo.  But
believe me, the rest of the family never got over your leaving.�  She had to
leave, bowing with the students to close the practice.  As soon as they
exited the building the rest of the family entered.  Soun, Nabiki, Kasumi,
and Akane.  For not having seen them in almost ten years, they didn�t look
much different.  Soun walked in first, his hair gray.  He bowed his head
slightly to me, and kneeled down in the corner of the dojo, next to a
shrine.  Kasumi followed him.  She had put on weight, and was clearly trying
to ignore my presence, even looked angry that she had to be in the same room
as me.  Akane walked in casually, but without seeming to notice me.  She was
as attractive as before.  Nabiki saw me look at her and smiled.  I looked
back at Soun, who was taking out the will.  He started reading it in a flat
voice.

    �The last will and testimony of Genma and Nodoka Saotome:  We, as loving
parents, wanted only the best for our son.  To this end we dedicated our
lives to making him the best martial artist he could be.  Instead, at the
age of seventeen, he chose to ignore his filial obligation, and ran off to a
foreign country, abandoning his fiancee.  We feel nothing but shame that...�

**

    I was walking the way back to Ukyou and my place, for the exercise.  The
old family sword was hanging in my hand, the only heirloom or valuable left
me in the will.  Akane was walking alongside me.  I didn�t like that.

    �You had it rough in there,� she offered.

    �After the first few pages of insults I stopped listening.�

    Akane paused.  �You know, if you hadn�t been the one to run away, it
would have been me.�

    I didn�t  look at her.  �Don�t kid yourself.  You would have gone
through with the marriage.  You told me you loved me every time I got
knocked out.�

    �Believe that if you want.  But there was no way I was going to marry
you.�

    �Well, whatever, it doesn�t matter now.�  I could tell she was trying to
push my buttons, and I didn�t want to play the game.

    �You were too much of a freak.  All you did was fight people and turn
into a woman.�

    That was fighting dirty.  �What the hell do you think I was running away
from!  My family was making me a freak, some kung-fu fantasy!�  My voice was
calming.  I hated to lose my temper.  I continued, calmly.  �And it wasn�t
me.  I didn�t want that to be me.  I had to run away.  I�d like to think I�m
more normal now.�

    �Then why are you going around as a woman all the time?�

    If I wasn�t watching myself, I would have gotten angry.  Instead, I took
Akane by the hand, and led her to the onsen that was just ahead of us.  I
tossed the lady more than enough money to cover hot baths for Akane and I.
Taking the towel, I tore my clothes off, put them in the locker, and quickly
washed myself off with cold water.  I turned to look at Akane, who was
hurrying to catch up with me, even as she protested.

    �You don�t have to turn into a man now, to prove something to me...� she
said.  Even so, she followed me into the bath room, where a few mid-day
bathers and tourists were relaxing.  With wide eyes she watched as I entered
the pool of hot water.

    Nothing happened.

    �You�re...you�re stuck?� she asked.  She got into the bath next to me.
�What happened?�  I looked down at the water.

    �A few years ago, I noticed that my water heater wasn�t enough.  That I
wouldn�t transform without the water near boiling.  I would almost scald
myself, and even then, after a while, it took a few seconds for anything to
happen.�

    �So you can�t transform at all anymore?�

    �It depends.  Right now, there�s no way I could.  But then there�s some
days I can change back just fine, like I used to.  Or almost like I used to.
It doesn�t take much to change me back, only a few drops.  Or maybe I�m a
couple feet from a glass of water, and I transform.  Sometimes just thinking
about water is enough to change me back.�

    �What are you doing about it?� she asked.

    �I don�t know.�  I paused.  �Learning to live with it, I guess.�  I
looked over at her, and her nakedness suddenly hit me.  I flinched, and she
noticed me.  She smiled, but pretended as if she hadn�t caught it.  We
talked small talk for the remainder of the bath, catching up on each other�s
lives, and I was startled by how changed she was.  I was perfectly prepared
to hate her and never talk to her again, but her personality, while it  hadn
�t quite mellowed, but had made itself smoother and more likeable.  She
could still latch on to something, though, and show the passion I had
remembered from so long ago.  It was a pleasure talking to her.  As we
departed from the onsen, I found myself still talking to her.

    �We have to meet up with each other, later,� she finally said.  She had
to leave, now, to make an appointment.

    �Akane, I�m living with Ukyou...�  She smiled.

    �Just to have coffee or something.  Maybe we can meet at her restaurant.
And Ranma?�

    �Yeah?�

    �I was lying, by the way.  I never would have run away from you, back
then.�  She leaned forward and, taking me by surprise, gave me a light kiss
on the lips.  She laughed.  �I didn�t want to go my whole life without
kissing you once,� she said.  �I�ll call you some time next week.�  She ran
away, almost giddy.

**

    The problem with my fights with Ukyou is that we could never hide
anything from each other, could never hurt each other, and we both know it.
It quickly turns into us listing the same complaints we�ve complained
before.

    �You shouldn�t meeting up with her again, Ranma,� she said, looking at
me behind her glasses and her chef�s hat.  �She�s obviously after you.
Besides, I don�t need to remind you how hard you�ve worked to put that part
of your life past you.  I really don�t understand why you even want to meet
her again.�

    �You�re jealous because she kissed me.�

    �Yeah, I am jealous.  Wouldn�t you be?  We�ve been living together for
five years now.  We�re something exclusive.�

    �Yeah, and this exclusiveness is locking me in to getting nothing half
the time,� I complained.  In reality, I was stuck female nine days out of
ten.

    �I�m not a lesbian, Ranma.  I�m not getting married to a woman.  I�m not
kissing a woman, neither, no more than you would kiss a man.  You know I
love you, but it�s weird enough that...�  It was stupid.  I was glad that
the phone rang, interrupting our argument.

    �Hello?� I asked.

    �Ranma, meet me by Hachikou�s statue as soon as possible.  It�s about
your curse.�  I didn�t have to ask who it was, I recognized Akane�s voice.
She continued.

    �I think I�ve found a cure.�

**

    I saw Akane by the statue, ignoring some guy who was hitting on her.
With her looks, and the way she was dressed, I would�ve been surprised if
she wasn�t being hit on.  She walked up when she saw me.

    �Ranma, I�m so glad you came.�

    �Of course I�m going to come, you give me a message like that.�  I was
genuinely enthusiastic, and was grinning like an idiot.  She smiled, too.

    �Yes, I�m certain this will help you.  It has to do with your father�s
will.�

    �You mean what I heard last weekend?�

    �No.  There was more to it than that.  Something that was private, for
my father and Nabiki.�

    �They told you about it?� I asked.

    �It was lying in my father�s room, and I was curious, so...� she paused.

    �What did it say?�

    �Your father had a cure.�

    �He did?� I asked.  I was startled.  I hadn�t heard anything like that
before.

    �I guess so.  Enough for one person, but he never used it.  From the
will, I got the idea Shampoo must have sent it to you.  She didn�t know you
were gone, though, and had it sent to my training hall.�

    �So what happened to the cure?� I asked.

    �I don�t know.  Nabiki has it.�  Akane paused.  We were next to a
vending machine, and she put in the money for a can.  She took out the can,
and put in enough money for a second one, which she gave to me.  It was Vita
One.  The picture of me snorkeling, in the swimsuit, was on each can.

    �So you�re lucky you got in with Vita One.  This stuff is really good,
it�s going to get popular.�

    �I don�t know,� I said.  �I�m not one for sport drinks.  I�d rather have
water than something sweet.�

    �You�ve never had it, and you�re the spokesmodel?�  she asked,
kiddingly.  �Try it, you�ll be surprised.�

    I opened the can and took a gulp.  It was more refreshing than you�d
think possible, something like when you�ve been out exercising and you get
that really cold glass of water that suits you just right.  There was an
aftertaste, too, the faint flavor of berries and wheat.

    �That�s really good.�  I said, genuinely impressed.  �I mean, I�m not
one for sports drinks, but I could drink this.  This is really good.�

    �And it has twelve essential vitamins and minerals,� she added,
teasingly.

    �Yeah, I even feel a bit of a kick, a bit of energy.�  I had finished
the can.  I almost felt like getting another.

    �So you�re glad to be their spokemodel?� she asked.

    �A job�s a job, and I don�t care much about the product I�m endorsing,�
I said.  I was telling the truth, but what she said did explain some things.
The company was talking about an exclusive modeling deal, and another photo
shoot was set for just next week.  I could see why they were pushing their
advertisements so hard.  This stuff was going to be bigger than Coke.  Akane
interrupted my thoughts.

    �It�s going to have to stop when you get the cure.  They don�t want a
guy in that yellow swimsuit.�

    I didn�t miss a beat.  �That doesn�t mean anything to me, if I can get
this curse off.�

    �You�ll have to talk to Nabiki to get it,� she said, returning to the
subject.

    �Huh?�

    �Nabiki�s in charge of the dojo, and the dojo was willed the cure.�

    �Can you get it for me?�

    �You know I can�t.  It would be too suspicious...after all, I�m not the
one who needs the cure.  You�ll have to get it from her yourself.�

    �That should be no problem.  She seems to like me fine.�

    Akane paused.   �I don�t think it�s that easy.  It�s part of the dojo
now.  And you aren�t.�

    �You mean I might have to convince her, or something?�

    �Maybe.  And you might have to take it from her.�

    I looked at Akane, suspiciously.  �And why are you telling me this?  To
take something from your own sister, from your own family?�

    Akane turned her head, slowly, to look at me.  She was so beautiful.
�Because I wouldn�t want to get married to a woman,� she said.  I realized
what she meant, but before I could say anything, she was kissing me.  I was
kissing her back.

**

    I lay in bed, thinking about what had happened with Akane.  It hadn�t
gone any farther.  It could have.  Sometimes when you�re talking to a woman,
that you know you can get on her if you talk smooth, do the right things,
and don�t act stupid, and that�s how I had felt with Akane.  But we were
barely hooking up before I realized I didn�t want to betray what I had with
Ukyou.  She was lying in bed next to me.  I was in my male form.  We like to
spend some private time together when I�m not stuck female.  One of her
employees was downstairs, tending to the restaurant.

    �Ukyou?�

    �What?�

    �It�s about Akane.�

    �What about her?� she asked.

    I paused.  I didn�t want to keep secrets from her, and I hadn�t ever
lied to her before, but I couldn�t say it.

    �Oh, nothing,� I said, giving her a slight squeeze.  She smiled.  I felt
guilty.  I knew she would get mad if I told her everything, but nothing
tragic.  She would get really mad, though, if I didn�t agree to stop seeing
her again.  And I hated to admit it, but I wouldn�t want to agree.

    �Well,� I continued, �I don�t know if it�s silly or not, but she tells
me my father had a cure to my curse.  That he never used it, but willed it
on to the dojo, and I could get it from Nabiki.�

    �And you believed her?� asked Ukyou.  She paused.  I knew she hated to
sound so negative.  �We�ve looked so many other places, Ranma, and none of
them have worked.  I think Akane is just using this as some kind of ploy.
She admits she never got over you.�

    �Then why this ploy?  Akane doesn�t say that she�s got the cure.  I�m
talking to Nabiki, and Akane doesn�t get along with her so hot anymore.�

    Ukyou shook her head.  �It�s your call, but you�ve spent so long running
away from your past.  I don�t understand why you�re so eager to get involved
with the Tendos again, for the slightest rumor of a cure."

    I turned to Ukyou and looked at her in the eyes.  �You know how much the
cure would mean to me.  You know how much you mean to me, Ukyou.�  I rolled
on top of her, kissing her the whole time.

**

    Nabiki was alone in the dojo, training.  I looked.  She was pretty good.
Maybe not as good at Anything-Goes as I had once been, but certainly a lot
better than I was now.

    �You must practice all the time,� I encouraged.

    �Yeah,� she said.  �Every waking moment I�m either teaching the students
or practicing.�

    I laughed.  �You used to be so into business.�

    She laughed back.  �I still do some of that.  I�ve got the dojo running
an 80% annual profit margin.  You still practicing, Ranma?�

    �Me?  Not really.  Not Anything-Goes, anyway.  Boxing, some.  For the
workout.�

    �Boxing?� she asked, suspiciously.

    �Yeah, like Mike Tyson or something.�

    �They don�t do kicks, or move around.  They just stand there and throw
punches.  It�s a handicap, like if you tied one of your arms behind your
back.�

    I smiled.  �That�s what I used to think.  But you ought to try it
sometime.�

    �Maybe,� she said.  �If you like it so much.  Anyway, what brings you
here?�

    �Nothing much...� I paused.  I didn�t want to mention Akane, and had
already though a little about what I was going to say.  �It�s about
something Shampoo told me,  right before I left.  She told me there was a
cure for the curse, and she might send it over here.�

    �She said that?� asked Nabiki, looking over at the corner of the room.
In reality Shampoo just ran away without saying anything, but Nabiki had no
way of knowing that.

    �Yeah, that�s what she told me.  Now I know you would have given me any
cure, or I would have heard of it somehow.�  She nodded, and looked in the
corner of the room.  �But I was wondering if she sent anything?  Did she
ever come by again?  Did she ever at least send word about whether or not
the cure worked?�

    Nabiki looked nervous.  �I don�t know anything about that.  We would
have told you if there was anything.�

    �I just wanted to make sure.  You know, we weren�t getting along so
well, me and the family, and if it was just something like �never mind� I
figured the family wouldn�t tell me anything.  But I�d like to hear it now.�

    �Well...� she paused, and looked in the corner.  �Not that I know of.  I
can ask father...�

    I hated to do it, but I knocked Nabiki upside the head.  No harder than
I had to, just enough to make sure she went out fast.  She slumped to the
floor, and I went to have a look at the corner she kept staring at.

    It looked the same as anywhere else in the dojo.  I tapped the walls a
few times, listening for a strange sound, as if I knew what I was doing.
Nothing.  Frustrated, I punched a hole through a board, breaking off a
piece.  Forcing my finger through the whole, I pulled at the board, opening
the frame behind.  I only did this to a few boards before I came to what I
figured was the pay dirt: a crystal, black, that seemed to luminance a faint
turquoise.  I put it in my pocket and ran off.


**

    The shop was empty, except for Ukyou and I.  We were waiting for Akane.
She said she�d tell us how the crystal worked.  It hadn�t come with an
instruction sheet, and of course I couldn�t ask Nabiki. New-Agers seem to
make necklaces out of crystal, but we tried that, and it didn�t seem to do
anything.  Ukyou had heard of grinding the crystal into some kind of powder,
then eating it, but we weren�t about to crush it.  We had tried everything
you can think of, but what are you supposed to do with a crystal?

    Ukyou was eyeing it over.  �It looks like some elaborate kid of jewelry
or something,� she said, unremarkably.  �When do you figure Akane�s going to
be here, anyway?�  We had already been waiting more than an hour; Akane hadn
�t really been definite in her plans.  Of course, Akane entered the room
precisely at that moment.

    �Nabiki seems upset, Ranma,� said Akane, casually, not even greeting me.
�She�s not saying anything about it, of course, but I can tell.�

    �I hate to do that.  I hope she wasn�t hurt.�

    �No.  At least she didn�t seem too upset.�  Akane walked my direction.
She was holding her hands behind her back, resting on her belt.

    �So can you tell me what to do with this crystal?� I asked.  �How is it
supposed to help me?�

    �Let me see it, I�ll show you,� said Akane.  I motioned for Ukyou to
give her the jewelry.  Ukyou didn�t move.

    �Just tell us.  You don�t need to hold on to it,� said Ukyou.  Her eyes
were narrowed, and she didn�t look happy to be seeing Akane.

    �I need to show you,� repeated Akane.  �It�s not so simple.�

    Ukyou wasn�t going for it.  I was surprised at Ukyou, but not nearly as
surprised as with what happened next.  From behind her belt, Akane pulled
out a gun.  It was the first gun I had ever seen, and it was pointed at
Ukyou!

    �Give me the crystal,� she said, in a flat tone of voice.

    �Why are you doing this?� I asked Akane.  I didn�t know what else to
say.

    She walked back to open the door a crack.  A small pig walked in.  I
recognized him immediately.  Ryouga.

**

    I was mad as hell, there was nothing I could do about it, and I only had
myself to blame.  How could I have been so stupid, to trust Akane through
all of this?  I almost wish Ukyou had nagged me, reminded me that she had
always told me Akane was up to no good.  At least I could yell at her to be
quiet.  Instead, I�m sore as hell, no one to take it out on, and I have to
be smiling for some photo shoot.

    �Smile, Ranma.  Big smile.�  The photographer was yelling directions at
me.  �You�re playing badminton, having a good time.  You�re not mad about
this.�  I tried smiling, but it was obviously fake.  I lost it, and snarled
at the camera.

    �I don�t see a good reason to keep shooting badminton,� said the
photographer.  �Make a costume change...you said you did boxing?�

    I nodded, and changed into some blue spandex thing I couldn�t imagine
boxing in.  I put on the red gloves and went through a routine.

    �Look angry!  Look angry!� the artiste yelled.  I didn�t need much
encouragement.  I repeated jab after jab, started following them with a
cross, then with a hook.  I knew it was more then they needed for the
combos, but I started pulling out my bigger hits, five and seven hit combos.
Nothing cute; there was a lot of force behind my punches.  If there had been
anybody in the way they wouldn�t be standing.

    �Yes!  Yes!� the photographer screamed.  He was only a few feet away,
and was taking close ups of my face as I sweated away, swinging at the air.
He pulled back to take a few more pictures.  I repeated the performance with
aikido, karate, baseball, football, and even a few joke shots of sumo, and
by the end of the day it hadn�t been just a great photo shoot, but a hell of
a workout.  I even felt a little better about things.  I was thirsty, so on
the way downstairs, I bought myself a Vita One.  For a sports drink, it was
really good.

**

    The next day, Ukyou wasn�t quite as rambunctious as she usually is when
I�m not stuck female.  �Ranma, I can�t,� she said, sadly.

    �Why not?� I asked.  �Is it because of yesterday, Akane breaking in?
Ukyou, I won�t let that happen again.�

    �No, it�s not that...� Ukyou paused.  �OK, maybe it is.  Ranma, the
curse just gets worse and worse for you.  First you were getting stuck
sometimes, and that wasn�t so bad, but now you�re getting stuck almost all
the time.  And I don�t think there�s going to be a cure.�

    �I�m not stuck now!� I protested.  I could see where this was going.

    �I�m not content having a boyfriend for a day every other week, and the
rest of the time living with the Vita One spokesmodel!� she yelled,
surprising me.  �I just turned twenty seven, Ranma, and I want something
more serious than a live-in friend!�

    �What am I supposed to do, though?� I complained.

    �Don�t ask me that!  I know, I know there�s nothing you can do.  I wish
there was.  Which is why I�ve been hanging around this long.�

    �You make it sound like an act of mercy,� I yelled.  �Like you�re
feeling sorry for me!�

    �I do!  I feel sorry the whole curse ever happened, that you ever got
caught up in it!  I feel sorry that we can�t be together!  But I have to
live with a man, and you have to, I don�t know, find  a lesbian or
something!�  She stopped.  She was crying, and embraced me.  I didn�t know
what to do.  The door slammed open.

    �Curse you, Ranma Saotome!�  said a familiar voice.  I looked over and
saw Ryouga staring at me.  He must have used the cure, and was in his human
form.  �It�s bad enough that you hit Akane�s sister.  Now making Ukyou cry?
You�re still the scum amongst men I�ve always reviled.  Now, give me your
sword!�

    �Wha?� I asked.  I didn�t know what he meant when he mentioned the
sword.  I only then remembered that my parent�s will had left me a sword.
It was supposedly the family sword back from when our family was still
samurai, although I don�t remember ever having seen it before.  I hadn�t
gotten around to deciding whether to sell it or throw it away, yet, but even
so, I certainly wasn�t giving it to Ryouga without a fight.

    �Take the sword if you think you can get it,� I answered.

    I have to be thankful of two things.  The first is that I was male when
Ryouga walked into the apartment.  Ryouga is strong.  From his first kick,
from his first punch, I could tell he was better than when I had last fought
him, so long ago.  I needed every ounce of strength in me just to stand a
chance.

    The second thing I had to be thankful for is that I was no longer doing
Anything-Goes.  Anything-Goes Martial Arts has its place, and back when I
spent the whole day practicing, I could beat Ryouga without trying too hard.
But now, the complexities of the patterns would have been too much for me.
Anything Goes, like most Martial Arts, is centered on your kick.  Of course
to kick you need your legs, and your legs are also needed to balance.  So to
avoid this conflict, a whole series of jumps, turns, twists, and
counter-moves is necessary, and bog down the martial art almost to a game.
My favorite example is capoiera, which flat out admits all the moves are
pointless, and the martial art isn�t much more than an exotic form of dance.

    Nobody would confuse boxing with a game.  The beauty is in the
simplicity: your feet are for balance, and your hands are for hitting.  Why
waste time and energy jumping around, when a single combination can knock a
guy out for the count?  Instead of practicing your double back flip, you can
work on your hand speed.  The punch gets there before even the best trained
Martial Artist can block it.

    At least that�s true with most fighters.  At one time it would have been
true with Ryouga.  But the guy had gotten good, had trained himself into a
kind of a machine, and I knew it was going to take a little more work.  A
little.

    �Prepare to die!� he kept on yelling.  Trying to intimidate me, I guess,
but there�s no figuring Ryouga.  He jumped forward and hit me with a pair of
quick kicks to the chest.  I took them, paused a step, and returned with a
quick jab.  It knocked him back.  He lunged back at me with a punch, which I
saw coming a mile a way and sidestepped, at the last second crouching down
to return a hard right to his kidneys.

    When most people fight, it�s impossible to tell who�s going to win.
Whoever has the most heart into it, maybe, or whoever ate right the night
before.  When you get more experienced, though, nothing comes as a surprise.
The best fighter will beat the second best fighter every time.  It�s more a
matter of patterns, of strategies, seeing how one fighter�s rhythm stacks up
against the other.  And I liked the rhythm this fight was taking.  I was
moving, all right, all across the floor.  But Ryouga was literally bouncing
off the walls.  He was just wasting energy as I stood there, waiting for him
to come to me.  I�d sidestep, block, sometimes even take the punch, and
return with a hit that I knew was hurting him.

    He couldn�t take the abuse much longer, and I could feel it.  There�s an
instant, in fighting, when you know it�s time to stop getting in the body
hits you need to slow them down.  It�s time to finish things off, to go in
for the kill.  Ryouga was tired, and when he came next to me, I didn�t wait
for him to throw the first punch.  I threw in a quick left jab, just to get
him off guard, then followed it up with my right hook, a powerful punch. I
intentionally let my right shoulder throw forward.  Usually in boxing your
left is kept forward for the quick, if less powerful, jab.  But I wanted to
follow up my right with a left cross, and I needed my left shoulder back if
I was going to get any real speed.  I nailed him with it, and I could tell
Ryouga was something less than conscious.  I gave myself an extra second,
pulled back, and let fly the hardest uppercut I�ve ever thrown in my life.
Ryouga was lifted from the ground, flew across the room, and landed in the
kitchen, breaking a table with him.  Water spilled on him, and he turned
back into a pig.  I looked at him, curiously.

    �You mean he�s not cured?� I wondered, aloud.

    �Don�t act so surprised,� said a voice that needed no identifying.
Akane.  She continued.  �You know he didn�t have the sword.�  I looked at
her.  She was holding the gun, from before, only this time it was pointed at
me.  �Now, tell me where the sword is.�

    �In my bedroom,� I said, without hesitating.  I looked at Akane.  �Why
are you doing this?� I asked.

    �Because the whole time you�ve been complaining about being stuck as a
woman, he�s been stuck too � only as a pig.�  She paused, and went on.  �We
wanted to get married, before he started getting stuck.  Today�s his first
day he could transform since last month!�

    I gulped.  I not only hated to have her yelling while pointing a gun at
me, but if Ryouga was getting stuck, too...maybe there really was no help.
I walked over to the bedroom, keeping my arms by my side.  I wanted to make
clear to Akane that I wasn�t doing anything sneaky.

    �It�s under the bed,� I answered.

    �Under the bed?� she asked, curiously.  �The key to your cure, and you
keep it under the bed?�  I didn�t know what she was talking about.

    �Yeah, well I figured, who would look there?�  I placed the sword on the
bed and walked away.  Keeping the gun pointed at me, she picked up the
sword.  Unsheathing it, she briefly admired the inlays, and then located a
notch with her finger.  She placed the gem in the notch, and walked over to
Ryouga, looking groggily at the proceedings.

    �With this gem in place,� she explained, dramatically, �Ryouga�s life as
a pig is killed, and his life as a human re-begins!�  Ryouga stood there,
motionless, and Akane jabbed the sword down on his small belly, and made
ripping mtions to the sides. Nothing happened.  Eventually, a trail of blood
was noticeable.  Akane dropped the sword and ran from the building, crying.

**

    So what can I say?  Since then, I�ve never seen any of the Tendos again,
have never even heard about them, and I can't say I�m sorry.  I told Ukyou
everything that happened with Akane, but she couldn�t have been too mad,
because we still got married just a few months later.  A small wedding, but
a big honeymoon, just about the way I like it.

    I never could figure out what Akane was thinking when she stabbed
Ryouga.  I knew it wasn�t intentional.  Ukyou figured, and it sounded good
to me, that it had been part of the will, part of what I didn�t read, some
claim that the crystal and the sword together would kill the cursed self,
make you your real self forever.  My parents had made the bogus claim, made
the whole plot, in the hopes that I would take the will at its word and
commit seppuku.  I don�t think I would have ever fallen for a plot like
that, but I could see somebody goingg for it if they were desperate enough.
And Akane was in love � that crazy plot of my parents was the only hope she
could grab onto, that her love wouldn�t spend the rest of his life stuck as
a pig.

    As for me, things aren�t so bad.  Getting married isn�t all that much
different than living with a person for five years, but it formalizes
things, makes things a little more stable.  That doesn�t mean I don�t get
some intense joy, every day, when I see Ukyou after she�s been away.  Maybe
we were made for each other.  My modeling career is taking off without my
doing anything.  I signed a contract to be an exclusive spokesmodel, and
consequently I�m being paid to stop doing photo shoots � something I�m happy
with.

    I guess this whole story revolved around finding a cure, and it�s funny.
Just a week or so after the whole mess, I walked into the kitchen one night.
The lights in our bedroom was on and it was hard to tell, but it almost
seemed like the little crystal was glowing at me.  I looked at it, and right
next to the crystal was a can of Vita One.  I drank it, without thinking.
The next day, I wasn�t stuck as a woman.  I took a can the next night, too,
and I woke up in the morning still a man.  I just smiled and bought as many
cases of Vita One as I could fit into the pantry.  It wasn�t a full cure,
and I still have to avoid swimming pools and cold showers, but it�s made my
life and my marriage possible.  And for a sports drink, it tastes really
good.

**

    I haven�t written a fanfic in a long time, and I hope this one turned
out OK.  Thank you for reading!  It was an attempt to imitate old pulp
fictions, and for the first section or two was vaguely imitative of Charles
William�s _Flight to Nowhere_.  There was a NY Times article last Tuesday
about the joys of writing cheesy pulp fiction, and it sounded fun...

    If you liked the story, or have any thoughts, I would really appreciate
a reply.  Thank you,

McKinley