Great Cthulhu, soruce of cosmic evil, is sitting upon his throne 
of pain in sunken R'lyeh and plotting to take over the universe.

Cthulhu:  Hmm... I need a cunning plan

Cthulhu snaps his mighty finger!

Cthulhu:  I know!  I will ressurect a mighty warrior and use nhim
as my servant to take over the universe!

Cthulhu is happy.  He's going to take over the universe, and 
crush humanity beneath his mighty eldritch heel.  He laughs 
evilly.  Suddenly, two Deep One srvants rush in.

Deep One One:  Master Cthuhlu!  We have found a suitable 
candidate!

Deep One Two:  He is inddeed a mighty warrior!

Cthulhu:  That was quick!

OPENING (The 'Dance of the Hours' from Ponchielli's opera 'La 
Gioconda'.)

     RANMA 1/2 2096

You might be wondering why Alan 'Waters Under Earth' Harnu, David 
'DnR' Tai, Mike 'Ill-Met by Starlight' Loader and Chris 'Ranma 2096' 
Willmore are writing a sequel to a story by Petes-kun.  Well, it's 
because we suck.  We've looked at the FFML responses and seen the 
error of our ways.  Our stories go uncommented on, while Pete and 
his colleagues rack up the C&C.  The time has come for us to learn 
from our betters, and so we proudly present a tribute to our 
masters.  Here is 'A Warrior Arises, Part 2: A Cthulhu Arises - The 
purple-helmeted Revenant of Love!'

You might be wondering why we list David 'DnR' Tai in the authors in the
paragraph above when he didn't write a word of this story.  It's because
he was too awed to follow in the footsteps of Petes-kun.  It's because he
couldn't bring himself to try to better himself.  It's because we don't
know how to use the backspace key.


***

Skeride is lying asleep in her bed., wearing only a skmipy
negligee.

Skeride:  Oooh... ratiko-san... lower...

Skeride's hand vbegins to creep down beneath the covers.

Skeride:  mmmy... yes, Ratiko...

Suddenly, an apparation of graat Cthulhu appears in Skeride's
bedroom.

Cthuhlu:  wake up, Skeride!

Skeride:  {looking up}  Ahh!

Cthuhlu:  I have an offer for you!  Ressurect the mighty warrior
Maverick using your mystic powers, and Ratiko will be yours!

Skeride:  Wow!  Promise?

Cthulhu:  Yes!  I swear on this Bible!

     Skeride thought for a few seconds. On the one hand, Great Cthulhu
was an icky source of pain, evil, insanity, death, carnage, flat tax,
cosmetic salespeople, head cheese, and funky bathroom odor. On the other
hand, he was promising her Ratiko, and the Bible gripped in one
gelatinous psuedopod looked pretty darn holy.

     Besides, maybe she could get some from Maverick.

     "Okie-doke," she said.

***

     Three hours later, Skeride was busily unearth the dead Mav.

     "Ick," she said, tossing out a tibia. "He's gone bad."

     Still, rotting corpses had never stopped Skeride before, and they
wouldn't know. Whipping out her Steamomatic Delux sewing machine, she
quickly set to work restoring the noble if slightly moldy warrior to his
top form.

     The results were somewhat mixed. Her torso was upside down, and
Mav's head was now attacked to his posterior whilst his legs fit handily
on the stumps of his shoulders. And a colony of mice was living in his
gastroinstestinal tract. But no matter. His heroic stature was
undiminished, and those parts of it that sagged somewhat soon straightened
themselves up.

Suddenly a pack of wild dogs attacked them.

Skeride: Maverick watchout!

Maverick: Shit! I'm already dead and now these dogs! So he shouts 'SUper
U'sa Lice Fat!' and this big yellow slimy beam shoots out of his hands and
hits the dogs. They yelp.  The leader says 'Curse you Maverick! You can't
get aay with is!' but they say it in dog language so he can't understand.

Skeride: Wow, Mav, you're tough.

Mav: Yeah, well, a friend of mine killed a god, and I have to compete with
that.  Let's go.

Skeride: Where?

Mav: To your house.  I need clothes.

Skeride blushed cause she only noticed now all his clothes had rotted.

Skeride: Oh yeah.  Oh! Oh!

Mav: What is it

Skeride: Great Cthulhu told me to give this to you!

The dogs meanwhile were eating up the thick yellow slime but they didn't
know it'd blow them up which was a good think, 'cause it hurt.

Skeride pulled a big purple helmet out of her bodysuit and gave it to
Maverick.

Maverick: What is it?

Skeride: The Purple Helmet.

Maverick: The Purple Helmet? Wow! Ithought it was lost!

Skeride: Great Cthulhu knows all.

Maverick: So what are we going to do tonight?

Skeride: Take over the world.

maverick:  Cool.  Wanna fuck first?

Skeride:  Okay.

Maverick and skeride ran off and got a hotel room.  On the way,
Maverick used his powers to rearrange himeself so his head wasn't
on his assany more.

In the hotel room, Mav tried on the Purple Helmet.

Maverick:  I can feel my mind... erk.... touching my brain... must...
resist...  ahhh...

Skeride:  Oh no!  MAAAAAAAAAAVERICK!  

Suddenly, an apparation of great Cthulhu apepars!

Cthulhu:  wahahahaha!  Now your are mine by the power of the Purple
Helmet of Throbbing Pssion!

Skeride:  Where's Ratiko?

Cthuhlu:  Hahaha!  Foolish mrotal!  CTHULHU-UBER CRUSHER BEAM!

Great Cthuhlu firs a giant beam of blue energy from his forehead 
at Skeride.

Skeride:  Ahh!  You lied to me, Great Cthuhlu! Andb you swore on
the Bible!

Maverik blocks the bam with his chest.  It bounces off and hits
Cthulhu in the head.

Cthuhlu:  Arrgghhh!  You will obey me!

Maverick:  Ahh... no... must not... commit... evil...

Cthulhu:  hahaha!  You will fight my battles for me!

Skeride:  You lied on the Bible!  You're going to hell!

Ctuhlu:  Maverick, your first task is to shut her up!

Maverick resists for a moent, thn goes limp.  With a mighty blow
of his fist, he knocks Skeride out.

Maverick:  ahh!  What have I done?  SENIIIIIIII!

And then the Bible bounced down and opened and it turned out it was
really the Necronomicon in a fake cover with some really interesting
pictures of naked owmen and goats.

Maverick: Wow. Goats look cute.  Oh no! It has to be the helmet!
STEEEEEEEEEEEELLA!  I mean, SKERIDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Cthulhu: Don't shout like that!  You have to be evil!

Maverick: Okay.  How can I be evil not-so-great one?

Cthulhu: Hey!

Maverick: You can take my body but you never have Maverick's soul!

Cthulhu: Yes I do.  (Chtulu reaches into Mav and pulls out his soul,
then whistles.)  Yog-Sogoth! Snack time!

This big ugly thing with tentacles reaches out of a pentagon and chomps
on the soul.  Chomp. Chomp.

'No!' says the wild dog leader in dog language as he rushes into the 
hotel.  'That soul is MINE!'

Mav: Super Tourniquette Slap Horse!  And this big neighing nurse sits
on the dog and squahes him flat. Yog Sogoth eats the dog's soul and barfs,
because it's nasty.  

Maverick: Oh wait! I know how I can be evil!

He forces one of the dogs on the unconscious Skeride.

Dog: Yip! Yip!

Mav: Hurray!

Dog:  Arf!  Arf!

Skeride:  Oooh... mmm... Ratiko-chan...

The dog jumps off and bites Mav on the ass.

"FUCKING SHIT!" says Mav, slicing the dog in half.  "GODDAMN
HELL!"

Cthulhu laughs.  "Now here are your orders!  You will go to the
secret government base in the Paciific, where they're developing
new weapons to destroy me.  You will blow everything up, and laugh
in an evil way!"

"FUCK YEAH@!" says Mav.  "No... wait... SKEEERRRRRRRRRRRIDEEEEE!"

"Get outta here, you fucking deadbeat!" says the hotel manager
rnunning in.  Yog-Sothoth eats his osul.  

"SUPER TELOPORT!"  

Mav disappears in a falsh of light.

Cthulhu turns to Yog-Sothoth.  "wanna go pick up some chicks?"


[Suddenly, a shot rings out!  The director is shot dead, and the Dread
Space Pirate Bailesu overruns the set taking control of this story!]

Bailesu:  There is no rest at the gate.  Akemi, start the cameras
rolling!

Akemi:  [the Maison-Otaku Akemi]  They're already rolling.  We're on film.

Bailesu:  ACK!  Everyone hide!  Resume filming!

;akdjf;dijq;fidjifj

[The Place:  NERV HQ--Mu.  The Time:  2025.  The Place...oh wait, I said
that.  We see Ikari Gendo standing on the command bridge, looking ominous.
He's good at that.  Ritsuko is trying to get his pants off, but he
casually backhands her, and she collapses.  He still looks ominous
though.]

Maya:  Sir, Maverick approaching!

Gendo:  OPEN FIRE!  ALL WEPONS!  DISPATCH WAR ROCKET AJAX TO BRING BACK
HIS BODYD!

Maya:  Do you mean the Evas sir?

Gendo:  Damn straight!

{The Tune from Shaft starts to play, with Maya and Ritsuko doing the
background vocals and Fuyuutsuki as the lead vocal}

[Cut to where Asuka, Shinji, and Rei are having an orgy.  No, it's a card
game.  No...they're asleep]

Misato:  [runs in]  Maverick is coming!

Asuka:  [leaps to her feet]  Finally, a real man!  I will fight by his
side since that bastard Kaji dumped me!

Misato:  No, you have to fight him.

Shinji:  [crumples up in a ball]  No...someone save me.  

Rei:  Maverick will die.

Misato:  To the BATCAVE!

Asuka:  What?

Misato:  Go get in your EVAs, you bunch of dysfunctional MANIACS!  You all
suck!  We should fire you and replace you with the Sailor Senshi!   At
least they look cute in a skirt!

Shinji:  You didn't say that when we were in bed last night.

Misato:  NOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHERS, YOU WORTHLESS LITTLE NGST RIDDEN
SLOOT!

Asuka:  Sloot?

Misto kisks them all intot he next scene ina  fit of anstg.

WERJEIsjfkjslkjdfk29340398

[WE see EVA01 scramble.  We see EVOA2 scramble.  We see eggs scramble.  We
see EVA007 scramble]

Misato:  See the purple headed thing?

Shinji:  I willnotrunawayfrombarneyiwaillnotruwkndnw!

Asuka:  I think Shinji's spring is winding down.

Rei:  die, Maverick, die.  

MAVER(ICK:  I AM THE PUIRP:LE-HATTED WARRIOR OF LOOVE!  I WILL DESTROY OU
ALL BECAUSE I AM THE MOST EVIL ONE THAT BE!!!!

Asuka:  It's Dr. Thinker!  AAAAA!!!!

Shinji:  I will not run away.  I will not run...ack!

[Maverick shoots right through Unit01, which explodes]

Asuka:  Oh, man, he killed Shinji!

[Unit00 closes to grapple with Maverick, who is greatly outclassed in
size]

Maverick:  No choice...must use...ADAMANTIUM CLAWS!  [sprouts 50 foot long
claws from his wrists, and carves his way through 00 to the Entry Plug.
He slashes it open, then DRINKS all the LCL]  Wow, that's better than
beer!

Rei:  you cannot hope to defeat me.

Maverick:  Now that your EVA is plum out of whacky juice, I ain't got to!
Bye now!  

Then maverick goes to 02 and seduces Asuka.  They make live while 'Requiem
for Methusalah' plays in the background.  Then...

Gendo:  FIRE THE WAVE MOTION GUN!

[NERV=MU splits open and a cannon the size of New York City pops out.  And
then Mavericks old girlfriend shows up!]

Sine: MAVERICK! You're ALIVE!

Maverick: No, I"m dead and I'm EVIL! HA HA!

Gendo: HA! HA! HA!

Maverick: HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!

Gendo: You win.  Your evil cackle is too much for me.

Gendo dies of shame.

Sine: WAIT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT GIRL?!?!?

Maverick: DOn't they teach you ANYTHING in high school anymore? It's -

Just then Sine fires the cannon herself.  It hits the EVA02 and fries
Asuka but Maverick is saved by his purple passion helmet.

Maverick: HA! HA! I am INVICIBLE!

Ranma, Akane, Kim, Skeride, Thanatos, Rei, Usai, Lina Inverse, Yoko, Golgo
13, Rick, Lisa and Minmei stand on the sidelines and cheer him on.  GO
MAVERICK! GO MAVERICK! GO MAVERICK!

Remaining EVAS: DIE, MAVERICK!

Mav: But I'm already dead!

But then the purple-helmeted revenant of lvoe thrusts his passionate head
into the giant biomechas.  He goes in and out of them like an eldtrich
piston and when he's done the cast of EVangelion is deader than at the end
of the series.

Then Chtulu appears with Yog Sothoth at his side.  They have lots of
chicks, but they're the clucking kind.

Chtulu: That was an evil thing to do!

Yog Sothoth: BRUUUUU! SOUL! I NEED SOUL!

He goes off to a local music club and devours a lot of the performers.

Sine: Maverick! You're supposed to be good, not evil!

Maverick picks up a passing wombat.

Maverick: Ipso Facto Fire Declaration! The wombat bursts into flame and
runs away. Burn baby burn!  I'm evil!

Cthulhu: He's evil!

Ranma, Akane, Kim, Skeride, Thanatos, Rei, Usai, Lina Inverse, Yoko, Golgo
13, Rick, Lisa and Minmei:  He's evil!

Charred corpse of Asuka come to life again: But he's the best in the sack!

Cthulhu: Isn't she supposed to be dead?

Asuka: I am, but I had to come back for more.  Maverick, you're the
greatest! Let us be zombie lovers forever!

Sine: The hussy!

Skeride appears again.

Skeride: He's mine!

Cthulhu: Not her again.  Darn her! Darn her to HECK!

Sine: Take ME, Mav! I'm fresh!

SKeride: Take me, Mav! I'm darned to HECK!

Cthulhu: You can't have him! Maverick is MINE!  I chose him to be MY lover
for eternity!

Maverick: What?!?  He is a little surprised.

Chtulhu: Yes! I want you, Maverick, and I will use my power over the
helmet
to make you give me what I need!

Charred Asuka: No waY! Stop that! Mavrick, fight him!

Maverick: AAAAARGH! PURPLE... HELMET... EATING... BRAIN!

Maverick struggles and tears his clothes off while dhe does it.  Cthlu and
Asuka start drooling.  Sine blushes.  Most of the people chering on the
sidelines nosebleed.

Sine: QUICK, MAVERICK! WHILE HE'S DISTRACTED! USE YOUR ULTIMATE ATACK!

Asuka: But it'll KILL HIM!

Sine: He's already dead! So are you!

Cthulhu: Your pulsating pectorals are the sexiest I've ever seen! Bond
with
me NOW! Give it to me, Maverick! I need you!

Maverick: NOOOOOOOOOOO!

He tars off his jockstrap.

Cthulhu: COME TO POPPA! 

Maverick: ULTIMATE FATLITY ETCHNIQUE!

Seni looked scared and sad as Maverick grew brighter.

Asuka is awed. She doesn't know hat's going on. Neither do most of the
writers at this point.

Asuka: What IS that thing. He's glowing. And getting... straighter.

Seni: Rick and him learned it at the technique master school. It uses your
own life-force to power the blast.

Asuka: Life-force?

Seni nods.

Asuka: But he's DEAD!

Seni: Oh, no!

Maverick: Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!

Maverick then became engulfed in a ball of ki that looked like a sunrise.
Three EVAS and Cthulhu were engulfed with him. As the blast grew to it�s
full potential.

Asuka: How can he have life energy if he's dead?

But then they see bow because bits of energy flow out of them towards the
bacll.

Seni: That's not life energy!

Charred Asuka zombie: That's LUST energy!

Chtuhlu: OOOOOOOOOOOOOH! ECTOPLASMIC ORGY!

Random EVA: MUUUUUU!

Mav: AAAAAAAAAAARGH!

Yog Sothoth: I ant in on it, too!

But then it was too much because not even Suermav could take that amount
of pleasure. Cthulhu, the EVAS and Maverick started to disintegrate into
nothing. The blast then collapsed revealing a barren hill devoid of life,
in the center was Maverick�s sword sticking out of Maverick's corpse still
intact.

Sine: No! No! No!

Skeride: YES! YES! YES! They're better when they'red dead.  Thank goodness
all the good parts are still working!

Sine: BUt he's DED! DEAD! DEAD!

Byrnt to bits Asuka corpse zombie: I'm first! I'm first!



__________________________________________________________________________
Christopher Willmore  http://www.geocities.com/Paris/Bistro/2653/index.htm    
"I shall manage.  I shall be happy.  I shall be beating Jocelyn." 
       - Iris Murdoch     | R2096: http://qlink.queensu.ca/~4cw6/2096a.htm