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Once upon a time, there was a fanfic author.
He READ a lot more stories than he actually WROTE, though.
So, instead of geting a little work ethic, he got lazy and decided to
take the easy way out, and rag on others works instead.
So he recruited a couple of fictional charchters, snagged a movie
theatre, and grabbed some munchies.
And thus was born.......
LST1/2K: Lunatic Science Theatre 500.
Starring, in no particular order:
Mercutio: Sanity-free for three years running now!
Hikaru Gosunkugi: Don�t. Just....... don�t.
Maya Ibuki: DAMN, but she�s cute.
-Begin LST1/2K-
Mercutio: Hello, all! Welcome back the second in our continuing series
of MSTing on �Children of an Elder God.�
Hikaru: Once again, Maya will be filling in for the still-absent Mackie Stingray.
In fact, Maya has come aboard our team on a permanent basis now, as special
guest reviewer for all EVA fics.
Maya: <beams proudly> I�m honored to be here with you and Mercutio. I think.
Mercutio: Enough with the talk, let�s make wit the the �ficcin.
Asuka jumped in another puddle, splashing Shinji again. "Got
you!"
Mercutio: Damn, Asuka DOESN�T melt when you toss water on her. Maya,
it looks like I owe you lunch.
"HEY!" It was silly of him to be bothered; the rain was already
pouring down in sheets and he was drenched, but it annoyed him anyway.
Even worse than Asuka acting like this was a blessing from God was
the way Rei was simply walking along as if it wasn't there, unconcerned by
the storm. While Shinji kept shivering and feeling cold, she wasn't
bothered at all.
"Lighten up, Shinji. Rei likes the rain. Why don't you?"
Maya(Rei): �I do not not _like_ the rain. I _tolerate_ the rain. If the rain ever
offended me, I would make it go away.� <stares ominously at Asuka>
"It's cold and wet and miserable," he said. "And it never rains
like this. Not around here. It's weird weather."
"Well, unless it turns out the thunder is being made by Thor, I'm
gonna enjoy it," Asuka said.
Mercutio(Thor): <carefully lines up Mjollnir with Asuka�s head...>
"By who?" Shinji asked.
"Norse god of thunder and lightning," Rei said without looking at
him.
Maya(Rei): �He�s coming over to Ikari-shirei�s next weekend for the tarot
tournament. I�ll introduce you.�
Asuka spun about, somehow easily keeping up with Shinji and Rei.
"C'mon, Shinji. You know you like the rain. You're just faking."
"I do NOT!" Something's funny about this weather, Shinji thought.
And it wasn't funny haha. It was funny uh oh.
Hikaru: Okay, that line belongs in SMILE, not in COAEG.
~*~
John Biles & Rod M. Present
A Neon Genesis Evangelion Elseworlds
Children of an Elder God
Part 6
The Great White North
Hikaru: As opposed to the Great White EAST.
~*~
Colonel Christopher Robin
Mercutio: Along with Lieutenant Eeyore and Captain Piglet......
hunched over the modified radar screen,
wondering again exactly what the thing was tracking.
Hikaru: �We�ve got Tigger inbound on Vector 19, sir.�
Mercutio: �Relese the surface-to-stuffed animal missles.�
The NERV staff and their strange equipment made the US Army officer nervous,
but he had been ordered to cooperate with them. The base was now
'NERV--ALASKA' for the duration.
The pudgy blond tech next to him wore a lab coat over his sweater
and slacks.
Hikaru: Behold, Ritsuko�s long-lost brother.
His name was Philip Oscar Harris, and he spent more
time guzzling candy and soda than doing work, as far as Christopher Robin
could tell. He was eating honey graham crackers as he watched the screen.
"Hmm. The thing's heading this way. We'd best alert Tokyo-3."
Mercutio: �Good idea, sir. Then we�ll be without further use to them, and they
can hang us out to dry.�
"It is?" Christopher Robin stared at the screen. "How the hell
can you tell?" There were odd squiggles on the screen by the blinking
dot, but they didn't mean anything to him.
"Japanese equipment; didn't have time to configure it to English.
Those are Kanji. Hey, ROO!"
Maya: Pooh?
Roger David Walker, another tech, frowned. "My name is not ROO.
It's Roger." He headed for the phone anyway.
"Better than being called Burrito," Phillip said.
"Call me THAT again, and I'll tie you to the front gate," Roger
said, then got on the line.
Mercutio: And another beautiful day in the Hundred Aker Wood comes
to an end.
~*~
Misato ran onto the command bridge. "What's the latest from
Alaska?"
Mercutio(Hyuuga): �It�s still an icy wasteland, ma�am!!! We�ll tell you when
the situation changes!�
"The observation grid is down. We've lost the signal," one of
the techs said.
"Bloody hell," she growled. "Is POLARIS ready for launching?"
"Yes," Ritsuko said.
"We need it," Misato said. "We can't fight the Angel if we can't
find it. And we need a bomber strike. That should force the thing to heal
while we get forces to Canada."
Everyone scrambled to do her bidding.
Mercutio: Dance, puppets, dance!!!!!
~*~
"Okay, boys and girls," the teacher, a middle aged man who was
starting to go bald and grey at the same time, said. "Can anyone tell me
what sidreal motion is?"
Asuka looked around and snorted when no one else answered. "It's
the movement of the Earth's axis. Every 26,000 years, roughly, the
earth's axis of rotation changes in a full cycle. True North is not a
fixed direction, effectively."
Hikaru: Expostion, Merc?
Mercutio: Exposition, Gos.
"Very good, Asuka," he said.
"So compasses would point in a different direction halfway through that?"
"No, magnetic north changes on a different cycle," the teacher
said. "But TRUE north would change."
"But how would you notice?"
Hikaru: More to the point, why should we care?
"Observe the pole star, Polaris. It seems to stay in place
because the axis currently points towards it. But if you slept for
say...13,000 years, it would no longer seem to stay fixed in the sky."
Mercutio: In point of scientific fact, about 13,000 years from now the new
pole star will be Vega. Just thought you�d like to know.
Touji yawned. "I wish I'd slept for 13,000 years."
The intercom cut in, interrupting the discussion. "IKARI,
LANGELY, AYUKAWA, REPORT TO NERV IMMEDIATELY."
There was silence for a moment, then Hikari said, "Ayukawa?"
Hikaru: They gave Madoka an Eva? Dear God in heaven, what is Gendo
THINKING?
"Maybe there's a new pilot," Asuka said as she stood up.
"CORRECTION. HIKARI, LANGELY, AYANAMI, REPORT TO NERV
IMMEDIATELY."
Hikari blinked. "Me?"
Maya(Asuka): �Damn, more competition. Hikari, I�m going to have to become
hostile and arrogant towards you now. Nothing personal.�
Asuka shook her head. "Someone can't read."
"DAMMIT, THIS IS ILLEGIBLE. STUPID SECRETA...OOPS, THIS IS STILL
ON. ALL EVA PILOTS, REPORT TO NERV IMMEDIATELY."
"Let's go kick some ass!" Asuka shouted, running out the door.
Mercutio(imitating The Rock): �Do you smell what the kraut is cooking?�
Maya(Asuka): �I�m the most electrifying personality in Evangelion
entertainment!!�
~*~
Baybrook Air Force Base had never been attacked. In fact, it had
never even been in the slightest danger of being attacked, except perhaps
if World War III had actually broken out. It had been built to deal with
the contingency of the Russians sending planes over the North Pole to bomb
the pine trees of the Northwest Territories into submission. That most
certainly couldn't be allowed.
Hikaru: Of course. We have to protect Canada�s vital Strategic Moose Reserve.
It was usually understaffed, but its use for the strike
against...whatever exactly had been attacked...meant it had more people
than usual. The normal staff was pleased; they felt useful for once.
This was generally the place where people got dumped who annoyed someone.
Mercutio: It�s good to know that the fine U.S military tradition of ignoring the
deadwood continues.
The weather was bad for flying; a massive storm front had rumbled
in and was dumping vast quantities of snow. They were used to it; this
happened all the time here. This was a bad time for it; they needed to
keep planes in the air. The flight sent WITH nukes to
destroy...something...hadn't come back. Radio contact had gone dead. It
might have just been the EMP from dropping the nukes, but that hadn't
happened in past tests of N2 mines.
Mercutio: <sighs> THIS mistake again...... Maya, please enlighten the people.
Maya(Lecture Mode): The N2 Mine is NOT a nuclear device. It is almost
completely dissimilar. In fact, the term N2 actually stands for �Non-Nuclear.�
The N2�s are many things, but a nuclear weapon is not one of them.
Plus, there were entire trees flying around over the base; the
winds were horrendous, and they had to keep snowplowing debris off the
runways. It was the worst storm they'd ever seen.
Hikaru: Worse than the Great Chicken Cannon Misfire of �72?
~*~
"You're going to have to ride in the entry plugs all the way to
Canada," Misato said, pointing to a map of North America. "We won't have
the facilities to load you properly there.
Mercutio: Oh yes, because getting getting a winch, pulley and sling to handle
the entry plug is SOOOO hard to do.
Maya: Yes, and loading them from the plane directly into the plug NEVER
happened in the regular series. Especialy not in the Jet-Alone Episode.
Hikaru: In case you can�t tell, we�re being sarcastic.
Luckily, the special transport planes FINALLY arrived tomorrow, and we can
keep your batteries charged all the way there and drop you from the planes."
If the weather doesn't cause them to crash, stranding or killing you all, she
thought. Let's not think about that.
Maya(Misato): *Deny... repress..... deny... repress......*
Shinji was revulsed at the entire idea of spending hours in the
entry plug. "How long are we gonna be stuck in there?"
"Far too long, but it's the best we can do," Misato said. "Once
you reach Canada, we'll know exactly where we need to drop you. Possibly,
you may be going here," she pointed to a point in Alaska. "But our
target, the Angel of Winter, may have moved."
Hikaru: You know, why don�t they just call him by his real name? I mean,
cripes, even the Synopsis List gives his name as Ithaqua rather than
Shalgiel.
Mercutio: Yeah. I mean, it�s no big secret to anyone with even a modicum
of knowledge that this is one of the GOO, and seeing as how the Children
wouldn�t be able to readily tell the difference between an Elder God and
an Angel, why not dispense with the subterfuge?
"So he's causing this weather?" Asuka asked.
"We believe so," Misato said. "We've dubbed him Salgiel,
the Angel of Snow. We've launched a satellite that should be able to
track him, which will greatly simply this. In fact, it should get a lock
on him before you even get to Canada."
"Can the planes fly in this weather safely?" Asuka asked.
Hikaru: Like you have a choice either way.....
"Of course they can," Misato lied. "We would never send you up
in them if we weren't sure it would be safe." If we weren't so desperate
we'd try flinging you from a catapult if we had to...
~*~
"What are we supposed to DO for...how long is it gonna be?"
Shinji asked.
Maya(Ritsuko): �Don�t worry..... the Commander has arranged for �The
Best of Kenny G� to be transmitted into your plugs while you fly. That should
keep you entertained.�
Mercutio(Shinji): �It sounds more like a plot to pump us up us into insane
berserker rages before the battle.�
"Over twelve hours. I suggest you sleep," Ritsuko said.
"But I'm not tired!"
"Would you like me to sedate you?" Ritsuko asked.
Mercutio(Shinji): *Finally.... an excuse to take barbituates!!!!*
Shinji was about to say yes when he noticed Rei and Asuka were
both watching him. "No. I'll figure out something." They both subtly
relaxed, and Asuka nodded slightly.
"We can talk on our radios and plan how to hand this Angel his
head on a plate," Asuka said.
For half a day? Hmm. "Wait...how are we going to eat?"
"The LCL will sustain you. You won't need to eat. In fact, your
stomach won't even get empty." Ritsuko said soothingly. "It's actually
quite nutritious."
Maya(Ritsuko): �It�s chock full of vitamins and ministers.�
Shinji narrowed his eyes; he was dubious. Even if it was
nuitritious, it was incredibly foul, disgusting, and vile. He would
rather have spent the entire time in a puddle of vomit. "What, you put
vitamins in it? It's...It's disgusting!"
"We should buy some bullion and see if we can turn it into broth
next time," Asuka said, as she prepared to enter her plug. Shinji stared
at her as if she was insane. "That was a joke, you know!"
He blinked, then laughed, glancing over at Rei, who seemed to have
not even noticed and was busy entering her plug. Maybe she lost her sense
of humor in an accident.
Maya: Actually, we had it surgically removed. Gendo keeps it in a jar
under his bed, right next to the one with his heart.
~*~
In theory, the Karpov Military Base did not exist. The Russian
government denied its existence, and it was cunningly concealed so that it
could not easily be spied by satellites or flying planes. The monitoring
equipment looked like part of the landscape, a frozen Siberian wasteland.
Its computers used underground lines, as did its phones.
Hikaru: So THIS is where Boris Yeltsin�s body is being cryogenically
preserved.
When the N2 bomb went off at ground level next to the base, they
got all the heat they could ever want, and theoretical non-existance
turned into real non-existance.
~*~
An ordinary man would have been cowed by standing before the UN
Security Council, especially when they all were shouting and pounding on
the table with things and pointing fingers.
Gendo was no ordinary man.
Mercutio: In fact, the question of whether or not he even IS a man is still
up for debate.
He did not wait to be announced. "Gentlemen, everything is under
control. We have launched POLARIS, and our forces are on their way to
Canada. Salgiel WILL be stopped."
All: WE WILL BURY HIM!!!!
<much pounding on tables with shoes ensues>
~*~
"Is one of the Angels really going around nuking military bases?"
one of the pressmen shouted.
Maya grimaced as a sea of panicked reporters milled about below
the podium she was standing at and tried to shove microphones in her face.
This press conference was turning into a disaster; for once, the press
couldn't be guided, in large part due to fear.
I'm not trained for this, she thought.
Hikaru: Just out of curiosity Maya, what precisely ARE you trained for?
Maya: Basic bridge bunnie stuff. I look pretty, punch the consoles like I
know what I�m doing, and swivel around in my chair real fast shouting �Dame da!�
in an emergency.
Mercutio: You went to college for that?
"Everyone calm down. NERV has everything under control." Obviously they
hadn't read the script, or perhaps were too scared to really follow it, but she
would soothe them and get things back in order.
"Is it true that Commander Ikari is actually Elvis' love child?"
someone shouted.
Hikaru: This explains SO much.
Almost everything under control, she thought.
~*~
Magi reported. "POLARIS ACTIVATION SUCCESSFUL." Pause. "TARGET
SPOTTED CROSSING HUDSON BAY. CURRENT COURSE NOW BEING
PLOTTED ON WORLD MAP.�
A world map apeared on one viewscreen. It showed a curving line
that headed down into Ontario, then right through Toronto and into the
United States.
Mercutio: Damn. I was hoping for Quebec. Take out the French AND the
Canadians in one fell swoop.
Hikaru: Hey Merc, don�t YOU live just south of Toronto, in the States?
Mercutio: (sweatdrops) Wuh-oh. This ain�t good.
~*~
Parachuting the EVAs to the ground proved to not be the best of
ideas, but there was no way to land the planes in the middle of a forest,
and they had to stop Salgiel before it reached the most populated region
of Canada.
Mercutio: It�s already IN Ontario. That means it�s already arrived in the
most populated region of Canada.
Asuka did the best job. Unit02 leveled a large swathe through the
forest, but it was on its feet and ready to rumble within seconds. Shinji
crashed into a bunch of trees, cutting a larger swathe and ending up
having to dig himself out of a pile of new lumber. Rei had it worst;
Unit00's parachute malfunctioned and it ended up in a ravine. The three
quickly rendevoused, having been scattered in the process, but EVAs move
quickly, though more forest was levelled in the process.
Maya: Hey, we basically designed these things to be instruments of
Armaggedon. Environmental friendliness was NOT high on the list.
Shinji, in fact, was surprised by how quickly he was able to move
through the howling wind and snow as if it wasn't even there. The others
seemed to be having more trouble with it than he was, though again, he
couldn't think of why. He had never been one to look a gift horse in the
mouth, though.
"So what's the plan?" he asked.
Maya(Misato): �In technical terms? Keep hitting it until it stops moving.
How�s that for a plan?�
~*~
Unit00 stood stock still, quickly being covered by snow.
The wind grew stronger, and Unit00's sensors began to detect an
approaching AT-field. The snow blew off Unit00 in an instant when it
responded by forming one around itself. The first that could be seen of
the Angel of Snow was its eyes, which glowed redly. Behind them was a
shadow of a humanoid figure, fuzzy along the edges.
There was silence except for the wind as they stared at one
another. She should signal the others. But his vision compelled her,
staring into her. Somehow, he could see through Unit00's eyes to her as
she saw through its eyes to him. He was carrying something in each hand,
a cylinder of some kind, gripped as if he planned to use it the way some
thugs might grip a roll of quarters before a fight.
Mercutio: Santa�s back, and this time, it�s PERSONAL.
They stared, and then he softened. The glow of his eyes dimmed
slightly, and she no longer felt the full force of his gaze. Though his
long-limbed figure could be seen but dimly through the howling snow, the
whiteness that sought to consume the universe, it was clear that he had
relaxed. He started to circle around Unit00 to the left, relaxing.
Hikaru: Damn, but this guy is stupid.
Volition returned to her. "Target acquired," she said, then
prepared to move to block his advanced.
Asuka was faster than expected; Unit02 emerged out of the wall of
white faster than Rei had expected, progressive knife held high. The
Angel didn't even look, simply pointing with a closed fist. The ground
erupted in a pillar of white snow, a huge flurry that reversed the course
of the blizzard and fell up, rising around Unit02. In two seconds, it was
flung up and out of sight.
Maya(Asuka): �Auntie Em!!! Auntie Em!!!�
A quick check revealed that Unit02 still existed; it was simply
being carried upwards by an impossibly powerful updraft. The pillar of
air was sucking in all the air around it, and Unit00 staggered towards it.
"Shinji, attack now!" Misato ordered.
He did so, emerging out of the snow with the wind at his back.
His progressive knife bit deep into the Angel's right shoulder, and the
updraft suddenly ceased. Pivoting on one foot, Salgiel drove his fist
into Unit01's chest, breaking the skin and spraying reddish black gunk
onto the dark furred arm of the Angel.
When the arm came out, Unit01 toppled backwards and fell into a
sitting position, instinctively clutching its gut. Rei could hear Shinji
screaming over the comlink. She cut off his channel reluctantly;
hopefully, he would not say anything important.
Hikaru: Does Shinji EVER say anything important?
Maya: Beats me. I never actually get any conversations with him in the
whole smeggin� series.
Narrowing her eyes and doing a quick calculation, she hurled her
unit at him, bodyblocking him. He staggered back just as far as she had
hoped. A second later, Unit02 fell on him, knocking him into the ground.
Asuka gave a shout of triumph over the comlink and pulled out her
progressive knife.
Rei clicked the comline to Shinji back on. "Get up."
He did so, looking angry rather than frightened now, then tried to
draw the progressive knife which was still stuck in Salgiel's back. He
prepared to charge the Angel.
~*~
The comline from Tokyo-3 to Toronto clicked on again. Maya said,
"Bad news. Salgiel just stuck an N2 mine inside Unit01's chest."
Misato stared at her. "WHAT?"
"He's got another one too, if POLARIS is reading things
correctly," Ritsuko said. "We're trying to get the remote detonation
codes from the Canadians."
Mercutio: I can�t BELIEVE the U.N trusted the Canadians with N2 mines.
"Crap."
~*~
Without the element of surprise, 01 wasn't doing much better than
00 had, although at least its head wasn't being pounded into the ground.
Just as the Angel got unit01 into a firm lock, much to everyone's
surprise, it suddenly slipped upward out of the grip, popping up into the
air like a greased watermelon. Its landing was undignifed, but it did get
away.
"Nice move, Shinji," Asuka said.
"Uh...thanks. Can someone get this..." He gulped. "Nuke out of
my chest?"
Maya(as Maya): �For the last time, it is NOT a nuke.�
Unit00 moved to cover them while 02 knelt and cut it out, which
wasn't easy with one of its legs broken. Covering them was easy, though;
Salgiel turned and ran south into the all-encompassing grey-white fog of
snow. "What the hell do I do with this thing now?"
Misato passed on a just recieved message. "It's active. You've
got ten seconds. Put it on the ground and all three of you activate your
AT-fields!"
~*~
Safely esconsed in Toronto, Misato watched the visual feed from
POLARIS and a weather satellite, showing a huge pillar of light erupting
up through the clouds, burning them away in one spot for just a second
before they closed in again. Radio contact with the Children revealed
nothing; they might be alive or dead, though probably alive; the blast
wouldn't have gone so high if they hadn't succeeded.
"We've got good news and bad," Ritsuko said. "We can remote
detonate the other nuke. But now, he's headed into the more populated
zones of Ontario and he's speeding up. We've only got twenty or thirty
minutes before he reaches Toronto. Maybe five before he hits a fair sized
town."
More good news and bad came in. Three small images appeared on
the communications screen: Rei, Asuka, and Shinji. "We did it," Asuka
said. "But now Shinji's got a nasty gash in his chest, and I've got a
broken leg."
Misato checked the timers and frowned. They were down to thirty
seconds of power from the backpacks when they should have had another five
minutes at least. The amount of power it took to contain the blast must
have drained them faster. While the Units had some power left, they'd
never catch Salgiel while Unit02's leg was broken. "Rig up a splint for
the leg if you can. I'll get back to you in just a minute."
It was time for some hard thinking.
Maya(Misato): �Somebody fetch me some sake!�
Mercutio: �This is Canada, ma�am!! All we have is this here Molson Golden!!!�
~*~
> "SHITGODDAMMOTHERFUCKINGBLOODYHELLASSHOLESHITEATING
COCKSUCKING... AAAAAAAAAA!!!!!" Misato screamed and pulled her hair, then > turned the com channel back on. "I feel much better now. Detonate the bomb now."
Mercutio(Fuyutsuuki): �Are you sure you wouldn�t like to curse a bit more first?�
~*~
On the map, there was a flash of light, and then the dot demarking
the Angel began to cut northwest, moving away from Toronto. "Goddamit!
He's not even immobile!" Misato cursed.
"But he isn't going to destroy Toronto either," Fuyuutuski
pointed out.
Mercutio: Oh, like Toronto would be SUCH a huge loss.�
"MAGI estimates he will reach the area where he was first
spotted in about twelve to fifteen hours, which should give us time to
pick up the EVAs as the snow retreats, fit them with new backpacks and
move them to intercept him again."
"Let's hope you're right," Misato said. "YOU get to tell the
Canadian government why we blew up one of their cities."
Mercutio: Someday..... someday soon....... BWAHAHAHA!!!!!
He sighed. "Better North Bay than Toronto."
"Better no town at all."
~*~
The EVAs had been reequipped with fresh backpacks and they'd
rigged up a crude cast for the leg of Asuka's EVA. Now, the EVA were in
the holds of three planes on their way to northern Canada.
Maya: Hey, can we have them stop and level Edmonton on the way?
Hikaru: Why Edmonton?
Maya: There�s a certain person there who once wrote that Sempai was a
�worthless excuse for a human being.� Now he must DIE!!!!! NOBODY
CALLS RiTSUKO-SAMA THAT!!!!!! YOU SHALL PERISH IN THE HOLY
CLEANSING FIRES OF MY WRATH, DAVIES!!!!!!!!!!!! A-HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Mercutio: *Mental note..... don�t cross Maya.*
The three of them, Misato, and Fuyuutsuki were having a conference call.
"I think we shouldn't send in Asuka with a crippled EVA."
"I am NOT crippled!" Asuka shouted.
Mercutio: Yet.
"She has to go," Fuyuutsuki said. "It will likely take all three
of them to defeat him."
~*~
There's nothing like a good hearty run through the woods against
hundred mile an hour winds through thick pine forest during a howling
blizzard to get the blood pumping. While Asuka did her best to keep up,
she was steadily falling behind, barely even able to see them. The Angel
had dropped out of sight somehow, though the feed from POLARIS indicated
he hadn't somehow teleported away.
Hikaru: Although that WOULD be a pretty cool-ass power.
They soon learned the reason why; the ground dipped very sharply
downward ahead of them into a deep valley with a frozen stream running
through it. The snow was lighter here for no clear reason, so they could
see further. What they saw were eight bombers scattered through the
valley, mangled but mostly intact, half-buried in snow. The Angel was
kneeling by one of them, peeling it open.
"What the hell?" Shinji said. "He looks like he's decided to
have a snack or something."
Mercutio(Shinji): �And only OUR giant monstrosities get to messily devour their
enemies!!!:
Asuka reached the top of the ridge. "He just pulled open the BOMB
BAY! He's getting more freaking N2 mines!"
Hikaru: Not just N2 mines..... FREAKING N2 mines.
~*~
Upon being informed of this, Fuyuutsuki tried to decide on the
best course of action. His choices were stripped from him in an instant
when Gendo said, "Remote detonate them all."
No one had seen Gendo return, and several people started, whacking
buttons and knobs that shouldn't have been whacked.
Mercutio: Three levels down, the automated sprinkler systems sprang into
action.
"All of them? What about the EVAs?"
Hikaru(Gendo): �What ABOUT the EVAs?
"Give them twenty seconds to run, then go flat and cover
themselves with their AT-fields."
"They'll have to use up a lot of their power..."
"If he detonates a few of those while they fight him, they will
likely die.
Mercutio: Oh, like you care.
~*~
MAGI analyzed more data and spat it out. Ritsuko frowned. "He
isn't dead, but he seems to have been scattered by the blast. At the
current rate of his energy starting to flow back together, we
estimate...10 hours. The storm should die down as Salgiel has to pull
himself together, so hopefully we can get power packs to the pilots in
time."
Misato nodded. "Pilots, power down to where you're only running
life support and get some sleep. Keep one person on watch while the
other's rest, so we can easily get ahold of you."
"Right. Rei, you go first," Asuka said. "Shinji, you're second,
and I'll take the third watch. Maybe my EVA will heal a little by then."
"Sounds good to me," Shinji said.
"I will wake you in three hours, Shinji," Rei said.
~*~
When Rei woke Shinji, it seemed like it had been only three
seconds, but his EVA's internal clock spoke otherwise: 4: 30 PM MST,
May 15, 2015 A.D.
Mercutio: MST? Mystery Science Theatre Time?
His body clock couldn't decide if he should be awake,
asleep, or dead. "I hope you sleep better than I did, Rei."
"I will try." The image of her on the viewscreen clicked out, and
he stared at it. Had she made a joke? Or was she serious? Or maybe she
meant something else.
Hikaru: Like possibly psyching herself up for an intense out-of-body
experience?
He shook his head and stared around the devastated landscape. He
could barely see anything at all, although the snow, which was black with
dust, was falling more gently now. A gentle wind blew towards the vast
crater to the north of them, sending tiny flurries of snow blowing along
the ground. The forest was flat as a pancake around them, most of the
trees reduced to a fine black ash.
Hikaru: o// O Canada....... o//
He looked up at the sky, and to his surprise, he could see a tiny
hole in the clouds. A few stars twinkled through the hole, and he smiled.
It was good to see the stars. One of them was very bright, and he
realized in a few seconds that it was Polaris. Several more stars arced
away from it, part of the Big Dipper. Or was it the Little Dipper?
Mercutio: One, Polaris isn�t that bright, and two, he seems to know an
awful lot about astronomy for someone who just learned Polaris existed
yesterday in class.
He stared at the star. It would still be there, shining down its
light on the Earth whether he won or lost. In fact, it might have blown
up already, but they wouldn't know for hundreds of years, maybe thousands.
Perhaps someone orbited it and looked up at the sky and saw the Sun at his
North Pole and wondered when his battle would end.
Hikaru: �God of our fathers, known of old,
Lord of our far-flung battle line,
Beneath whose awful hand we hold
Dominion over palm and pine-�
Shinji felt his eyelids drooping, but he fought to keep them open.
The light of Polaris helped; he feared he would fall asleep if he looked
away. Maybe someone's looking at our star and wondering if anyone lives
here, he thought. Then again, maybe that was where the Angels came from?
Who could tell? Any star might be where the masters of the Angels dwelt,
building more monsters to unleash in their desire to conquer the Earth.
The stars didn't feel quite so friendly anymore, but he couldn't
look away. He tried, but he couldn't quite turn his head. They had
caught him, held him somehow, singing to one another with a song he
couldn't quite hear, only feel the vibrations in his bones. Something was
out there, singing, coming closer, singing the stars into place for the
coming of the...the...It was calling the Angels forth. Whatever it was.
And now the song had caught him, or perhaps the star. Perhaps it was the
star that was singing, or maybe it had merely lured him into the trap.
When his eyes slammed down, he thought for a moment that he had
escaped, but he could still hear the song, the celestial song of impending
doom.
Mercutio(Azathoth): �Dammit, Nyarlathotep, have you been playing with my
stereo again?�
Then sleep took him.
~*~
He checked his clock when he woke up, aghast at falling asleep on
watch. 9: 30 PM MST, May 15, 27915 AD. He blinked, rubbed his eyes, and
looked again. The time was the same. Looking around, he couldn't see 00
or 02 anywhere, and his radio only picked up static. The forest had grown
back around him, though the trees were laden with snow, and the ground was
coated with ice. It looked sickly, some of the trees twisted into
disturbingly suggestive shapes, all of them with streaks of gray where no
gray should be. Pinkish-green fungus grew on some of the trees, and one
of them...kept moving when he wasn't looking at it.
Mercutio: There�s something you should know about most of the rest of this,
folks.... Rod and John didn�t see fit to leave much oppurtunity for humor.
Maya: Not that we blame them. It would take a sick mind to find humor in what
comes next.
Hikaru: So, instead of wasting your time and ours with pathetic atempts at levity,
we�ve decided to break out a whole bunch of old books and stuff, and basically
just �nifty quote� the hell out of the dream sequence. There�ll be some humor, but
not much; it�s mainly intellectual stuff. Think of us as a Greek Chorus, but wordier
and with more attitude.
Mercutio: If this sort of thing turns you off, just skip to the Gendo/Kouzou scene
at the end, which has a bunch of cool in-jokes and one-liners and stuff.
~*~
It was night, and the sky was only partly shrouded with clouds.
The stars all seemed to be in the right places...no, some of them had
moved while others had not, obeying no logic obvious to him. One of them,
however, had not moved at all: Polaris, the pole star.
Hikaru: �Of whose true-fixed and resting quality, there is no fellow in the
firmament.�
Maybe I'm dreaming, he thought as he looked around. There was a
reddish glow to the north, towards the crater. It was the glow of fire,
he realized, and decided to go take a look. There might be people, and if
it was a forest fire, he could easily outrun it. He checked his power
supply: the infinity sign was showing. That hardly seemed possible, but
it beat waiting here to die.
Mercutio: �That is not dead which can eternal lie, and with strange eons
even death may die.�
He reached the lip of the crater soon enough. There was a
strangely shaped ridge in the middle of the crater floor, roughly an oval
with four smaller ridges running off from it at various angles, two ridges
running northwest and north east from its northern end, one running east
from the south end, and one running southwest. A frost laden shaft,
carven with runes he could not read from this distance, rose from a point
in the middle of the northern end of it, and just south of the shaft,
there was an altar of crudely cut stone.
Hikaru: �A savage place! as holy and enchanted
As e�er the waning moon was haunted
By women wailing for her demon lover!�
There were people around the altar, and fires. Dozens of people,
maybe hundreds, milled about, dressed in loose furs and dark cloaks. He
zoomed in with his vision to take a closer look, and saw a woman who
appeared to be the high priestess.
Maya: �As terrible as her terminations, there were no living near her; she would
infect to the north star�.
She was a thuggish blonde with a
protruding forehead and bulging eyes, hunched over slightly, wrapped in
warm furs likely taken from some unfortunate moose, with huge furry clawed
gloves that looked like hollowed out bear hands. Her skin had a bit of a
greenish tint to it, and she stared unblinkingly at the victim on the
altar.
Mercutio: �To the legion of the lost ones, to the cohort of the damned!!!!!�
Soon, Shinji could see the victim. A red haired female teenager
was bound on the altar in an a strange pose. She lay face down with her
arms spread to form a Y shape, each running northward at a forty five
degree angle from the direction her head pointed. Her left leg was
arranged similarly, pointing southwest from her torso, but her right leg
stuck straight east, which had to be painful, even if she was very limber.
Her entire body was wrapped tightly in a red cloth with black runes and
lines drawn upon it.
Maya: �Rounds� with rhyme her every rune,
Whether she work in land or sea,
Or hide underground in her alchemy.�
A man stood near the high priestess holding a spear; he was
dressed in black furs and wore a mask of cleverly carved wood that
depicted some sort of snarling bestial face with eyes dyed red, possibly
through the use of berries. Everyone but the priestess kept their
distance from him as he capered about and howled pointlessly.
Mercutio: �The urge to kill, like the urge to beget,
Is blind and sinister. It�s craving is set
Today on the flesh of a hare. tommorrow it can
Howl the same way for the flesh of a man.�
A blue-haired female acolyte handed something to the high
priestess. It was a long wooden cylinder carved to resemble the pillar
that rose at an angle from the ridge, although it was not covered with
dirt and grime and snow and ice, unlike the pillar. There was latin
script lettering on it, and Shinji suddenly realized what it was supposed
to resemble. It was a wooden small scale duplicate of an entry plug.
The world had seemed almost frozen in time, but now, everything
began to move. There were several prisoners nearby, clad just like their
captors, but being held in place by large, strong, ugly men with an odd
sigil tatooed on their cheeks; it looked sort of like a 'bio-hazard' sign,
but more organic, as if the lines were horns taken from some animal and
turned into tattooes.
Hikaru: �No man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of
the beast�
It was the prisoners who caught his eye. Most of them were
passive and sullen: a sandy-haired teenage boy who was squinting
constantly, a taller, somewhat handsome black haired teen boy, a
half-naked brown haired teenaged girl. A tall woman with long flowing
black hair was howling and trying to break loose.
Mercutio: �Who are these coming to the sacrifice? To what green altar, O
mysterious priest?�
She wore a strange sigil
made from fishbones on a copper chain around her neck, somewhat like a
star with an eye in the middle. He had seen it before, seen her before,
seen...Misato. Some of the others bore some resemblance to people he
knew, but she...the only difference was that the real Misato probably
wouldn't have worn sewn together furs and her necklace wasn't made out of
fishbones in real life.
What the hell had happened? Was this something the Angel had
somehow set up? Just a deranged dream? A vision of the future?
Hikaru: �Imagining in excited reverie,
Thst the future years had come,
Dancing to a frenzied drum.�
It couldn't be...Even if he had somehow travelled through time, how the hell
would Misato gotten 26,000 years into the future? It couldn't be. Just a
dream; I must have fallen asleep on watch, he thought. It had to be a
dream.
Mercutio(Shinji): �For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come?�
The high priestess held the 'entry plug' high over the girl bound
on the altar, then lead the masses in some kind of shout. Shinji watched,
dumbfounded by the sheer bizarreness of the dream. As the woman moved
around to hold the 'plug' over the girl on the altar, the acolyte parted
the cloth, revealing the victim's buttocks.
Horror gripped Shinji, as he realized what came next. While no
one had ever given him 'the talk', he wasn't completely clueless. If he
could have remembered he was commanding something capable of killing them
all without even really noticing it, he would have done something, but all
he could think about was the horror to come. Time slowed down again as
the priestess raised the shaft high. The closer it came to the girl, the
slower everything moved.
Hikaru: �Time slow�d/ creep�d like serpentine stream....�
It was a simple thing which snapped Shinji out of his funk. The
mask-clad man's mask began to slide down his face, and he pushed it back
into place with a gesture that was clearly instinctive. It was a gesture
Shinji had seen before, his father's gesture. Could it be?
Mercutio: o// Father of mine...... tell me where have you been.... o//
He began to move, not quite knowing why, but knowing he had to do
something, anything. Everyone turned and stared at him, and the high
priestess froze in place, slowly turning to look as well. Unit01 lumbered
down the steep slope, picking up speed, howling a great shout that echoed
across the crater.
The Misato-like woman suddenly broke loose from her captor,
grabbed the spear of a second one and thrust it through his throat, then
took his belt knife as he fell and drove it through the eye of the man who
had been holding her. A riot broke out by the altar now, and the red
haired victim began to stir.
Maya: �Do not go gently into that good night......�
He ran, faster and faster, not thinking about questions like how
he was going to actually stop when he got to the altar or what exactly he
was going to do when he got there. Instinct drove him on; he had to stop
what was happening.
Maya: �.... rage, rage against the dying of the light!!!!�
Then two things happened at once. The trees began to move,
lashing out with their branches at prisoners who sought to escape, bark
cracking open to form parodies of a human face. One of the prisoners was
half-swallowed by a tree, which then bit him in half.
Mercutio: �Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.�
The second was worse, at least for Shinji. The beast-masked man
turned to face him and lifted the spear. He leaned back, and threw it,
stepping forward as he did so. The spear flew; it shouldn't have been
able to do anything to Unit01. Except that it grew as it flew, doubling
in size every second, then it struck Unit01 through the heart with the
force of a battleship main gun.
Maya: �His scepter shows the force of temporal power, the attribute to awe
and majesty.�
Unit01 toppled and unbelievable agony ripped through Shinji, who
clutched his chest, unable to stand the pain. His head throbbed as if
bombs were going off inside it, and his chest felt a spreading fire. For
at least a minute, he saw nothing, his eyes clenched shut, his body
writhing mindlessly inside the LCL.
When his eyes opened, Unit01 was pinned to the ground, its limbs
splayed about helplessly.
Maya: �I returned, and saw that under the sun the race is not to the swift,
nor the battle to the strong.�
He could just barely raise its head, and see
the altar was now stained with blood, mangled corpses surrounding it,
piled on each other in a parody of copulation. 'Misato' was on the altar
now, bound face up unlike the first victim, her body streaked with paint,
or more likely, blood, her necklace a shattered pile of bone fragments by
the base of the altar. Her body was covered in a grotesque parody of
decency, with everything covered except for her face, breasts, and nether
regions.
Mercutio: �Who shalle protecte thine vitrue, goode women?�
The priestess was more hunched over now, and seemed to be limping;
the blue-haired acolyte and the beast-masked man were holding her up. She
seemed hesitant, or perhaps was simply shivering from the cold; it was
snowing gently despite the cloudless, moonless sky. Only the stars and
the fires lit this gathering.
Hikaru: �And the shadows danced upon the hillside/Under the great star-lit
heavens....�
Shinji struggled feebly, trying to get his EVA to move its arms so
he could pull out the spear, but they wouldn't move; he was powerless.
Tears ran down his face, swiftly mixing with the LCL and dissolving away.
"No...no..."
"Wake up." Rei said.
Mercutio: �Look, who comes here! a grave unto a soul.�
Shinji started, looking over and seeing her sitting next to him,
wearing her plug suit and looking faintly irritated. "Rei...what are you
doing here?"
"Waking you up," was her reply. She turned and stared at the
sacrifice in process. "It is not real."
Maya: Real Unreality.
"I don't know how!"
"Open your eyes."
He looked over at the altar. The mob was chanting now, waving
their arms and swaying as if they all shared one mind. The trees swayed
as well, and a wind was starting to blow. Above them, shimmering lights
were forming, great waves of polychromatic energy washing back and forth
like the aurora borealis. "They've got Misato...she's going to die!"
"Misato is in Toronto." Rei's voice became a little harsher.
"Open your eyes."
Mercutio: �Your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing
good and evil.�
Unit01's left arm suddenly moved in a convulsive jerk, grasping
the spear. Then paralysis settled in again, but Shinji could feel it
building power to pull the spear out. "Just...a...little...longer."
"If you stay, you will die. Or lose your mind. Open your eyes."
The arm jerked and the spear pulled halfway out. Slowly, the arm
began to pull it the rest of the way out. The lights were building,
coalescing into a vast amorphous shape made of light and darkness over the
crater, hundreds of feet across.
Maya: o// Blinded by the light... o//
"I've almost got it out..." he spat out. "I can still..."
Rei's face darkened further, urgency creeping into her voice.
"Even with an EVA, you will not succeed. You will die. Wake up."
"Even if it's a dream...I can't let her die." Not like the others
died. "How...if it was a dream, why would I dream this? I don't WANT
this to be real!"
"Sometimes people are made to dream the dream of others." She
stared at him intensely. "This is a trap. Wake up."
"A trap? By who?"
The light was darkening and becoming flesh, and fur, and scales,
forming tentacles and limbs and lips and eyes and teeth and legs, and
mouths and breasts, a great cloud of flesh hovering over the crater,
blocking out the light of the stars, lit only by the reddish glow of the
fires below.
Hikaru: �Mercy of heaven, what is that shape behind the parting smoke?�
Rei moved so that Shinji could not see it. "Do not look up," she
hissed. Her own back was to the viewscreen now. "Her blessing would
destroy you."
Mercutio: She?
Hikaru: <whipping out Encyclopedia Cthulhiana> Female deities..... female
deities...... Ah. That�d be Shub-Niggurath, then.
"What...what is that?"
"Beyond human power to touch or comprehend." Her hands brushed his
eyes. "Wake up."
He felt a jolt through his body, almost as bad as when the spear
had struck him, but pleasant rather than agonizing. When it passed, the
pain that racked him had gone. Everything else had gone as well. Asuka
was on the viewscreen, screaming at him, and Misato, also now on the
screen, didn't look too pleased. Rei was gone, although a few seconds
later, a tiny window showing her head and shoulders appeared. "Shinji,
WAKE UUUUUPPPP!!!" Asuka shouted.
Mercutio: �And there was a firmament again, and a wind, and a glare of purple
light in the eyes of the falling dreamer.�
Shinji blinked. "It..." He made Unit01 look around. Everything
was back to normal. The timer read 9: 30 PM MST, May 15, 2015 AD. He'd
slept a good five hours. "I'm sorry," he mumbled.
"The new backpacks will be dropped in a few minutes," Misato
said. "Then it will be time for the hunt to start again."
Mercutio: �The games a�foot!�
He looked over at Rei, who looked back at him. "Did you..."
Asuka said, "It's about time. I'm starting to wrinkle."
Misato laughed. "The least of your worries, I think."
~*~
Mercutio: Battle sequence snipped. You know they win, we know they win,
�nuff said. The funniest thing we could come up with was a comparison between
Unit-00 and Nightgaunts.....
Hikaru: But that fell apart once we remembered that Nightgaunts didn�t have faces.
So we decided to cop out instead.
Maya: Although you�ll be relieved to know we�re going back to using our own
materiel now, instead of taking quotes from other writers.
~*~
Shinji wiped his brow. Something had to be wrong with the
airconditioning at the Geofront. He had been sweating ever since he came
back to Japan, but the temperature normally never changed down inside
NERV's base. "Can someone turn up the airconditioning?"
Mercutio(Shinji): �I need to begin cryogenically prolonging my life.�
Asuka, who was standing next to him in another one of the monitor
tubes nodded. All three pilots were naked and being tested again. She
could feel a tiny bead of sweat making its way down her forehead. "Does
it usually get this hot in Japan in May?"
"Hmm," Ritsuko said, checking a monitor. "Is the heat bothering
you, Rei?"
"I am sweating," she replied.
Hikaru: Is she EVER. <drool>
Mercutio: <drool>
Maya: <drool> I mean, uh..... knock it off, you perverts!!!!
Maya frowned. "That's strange. No one else is, and your body
temperatures all read normal."
"Well, something is WRONG!" Shinji shouted in a fit of pique,
then blinked at himself. Why'd I shout? "Uh...sorry about that."
Mercutio: Wow, Shinji�s amazing growth of spine continues.
"Yeah, like Shinji said," Asuka pitched in. "Whatever your
machines say, we all feel hot."
"It's 20 degrees centigrade. You should feel fine," Maya said.
"We'd better do a blood test."
Maya(Ritsuko): *Any excuse to stick needles in them.*
~*~
Gendo's gaze lingered briefly on a talk show where one of the
guests was shouting and trying to beat the host to death with a
rune-carved walking cane. "I have seen it! The Storm is only the
beginning. After winter summer, and after summer comes winter! The stars
have turned and now humanity will be purged from Earth! The Lord of the
Air sends forth his hand to smite the Earth! And it's all your fault!
But now I understand! YOU ARE THE CRAWLING CHAOS! If I kill you,
humanity will be saved!"
Mercutio: Why does the chaos always have to crawl? Why not the Walking
Chaos, or the Flying Chaos, or the Meandering Slowly Chaos.....
Gendo laughed. "If he WAS the Crawling Chaos, bashing his head in
would simply cause more trouble than it would be worth. And I suspect he
wouldn't be running a talk show, anyway."
Hikaru: On the contrary; what BETTER way to spread Chaos?
"Well, we did suspect Springer briefly, but..." Fuyuutuski
laughed.
Mercutio: Pfft. I wouldn�t worry about him anyway. Nyarlathotep is pretty easy
to dodge if you play him right and get Nodens on your side; hell, Randolph Carter
managed to outwit the loser, and compared to Gendo, Carter wasn�t all that
smart.
"Hmm. I wonder if the fellow has studied D'erlette's Elemental theory."
"Possibly. If so, he's working from bad information. D'erlette
misinterpreted the references to the Lords of the Elements in the texts he
studied," Gendo said, idly scratching his ear and watching the maniac
swat away the security guards.
"It did seem rather strange to list someone imprisoned underwater
as a water elemental," Fuyuutsuki said. "Or the Haunter in the Dark as
an earth elemental when so many of its forms fly or swim."
Hikaru: The Haunter in the Dark has swimming forms? I understood that he
was primarily a spacegoing critter.
"Part of the problem is that he used the wrong elemental theory,"
Gendo said. "Four elements instead of five. It's quite clear from the
Ponape Scriptures that it should be five."
"But which five?"
Gendo blinked. "Air, Earth, Fire, Metal, and Plants or Wood, of
course."
Mercutio: What about water?
"The Pnakotic Manuscripts use the four Western Elements and Spirit
as their five."
Gendo frowned. "Why didn't you mention this before?"
Hikaru(Fuyutsuki): �Because then our readers wouldn�t have heard.�
"I did. We've had this argument before, you know. Still, the
real question is whether we understood the references better than him as
to WHAT the Lords of the Elements are. If he is right, then we're running
down the road to perdition."
Mercutio: Oh, and we�re supposed believe that ISN�T what you want?
"I think we've seen enough proof to know we're right. The only
question is which set of elements and whether or not they will all survive
as they must."
Fuyuutsuki laughed and settled back in his chair. "Prophecies
always come true. They will survive. The only question is whether it
will be fulfilled in the way we hope, or the way we fear."
Mercutio: Excuse me, but could you please be a litle more vague and
misleading? I think some people out there might actually be getting
something form all of this.
"And whether we survive to see the day we have long awaited."
That was his deepest fear; he was not part of the prophecy, there was no
guarantee of his survival. Yet, if he died before the crucial moment, all
his labors would have been for naught. "We must find the Fourth Child."
"We will," Fuyuutsuki said, rising from his chair. "That much we
know is fated."
"We hope."
"Hope is often all we have in this world."
Hikaru(Gendo)�Which is why I�ve dedicated my life to crushing all of it.�
"And as often, a delusion."
Fuyuutsuki paused in the doorway. "'Vanity of vanities, all is
vanity. There is nothing good under the sun.'
Mercutio: I do wish they woldn�t misquote Ecclesiastes like that.
Hikaru: And what�s a mainstream religious reference doing in a
Lovecraftian story anyway?
"If they realize what we're up to and actually take us
seriously..."
"If someone is stung by a bee and dies, do you assume the bees are
plotting in their hive against you? So it is with them. They will not
really pay attention until it is too late. Especially since they often
squabble among themselves, which may well be why humanity has survived
this long at all. They will think that one of the others is using us as a
tool."
Hikaru: So basically, humanity is like some kind of cosmic crescent wrench?
"Half-truths make the deadliest lies," Fuyuutsuki said.
"Exactly."
-END-
Mercutio: Post-fic analysis, gang?
Hikaru: I liked it. The battle scenes, while making our MSTing difficult,
kicked ass. And they were amazingly well done, considering the fact that
one of the writers has repeatedly avowed that he hates fight scenes, and
the other really doesn�t havemuch of a rep for earth-shaking battles.
Maya: There wasn�t very much in the way of character development, though.
And since this is one of the very few stories that give actual significant scenes
to me, Makoto, and Shigeru, I was looking forward to some.
Mercutio: I believe that was their intent. John and Rod appear to be working
on kind of an alternating format; one part is plot driven, next part is character
driven, and so on. Which means that the next part should feature some nice interactivity stuff, and maybe the two love triangles (Shinji/Rei/Asuka and Misato/Makoto/Kaji) that have been presented will get some attention.
Maya: Don�t forget the me/Sempai/Gendo triangle. That has potential too. Not
so much from the romance angle, although I WOULD like that, but because
from all appearences sempai�s gotten herself in some deep s*&@, and I�m
the kind of person who would try to save her from herself.
Hikaru: I guess we�ll just have to wait and see.
-End LST1/2K-
Reviewer�s Notes: IT�S DONE!!!!! Thank God, it�s DONE.
This thing took a week of back-breaking effort on my part. Not only was the
style and presentation set up to make traditional fic MSTing dificult, but the
way I decided to go for the dream sequence required me to get literally a
couple dozen books together and go hunting through them for quotes
that would fit. Special thanks go to Prof Lanning, my English Teacher, for
lending me his Keats.
It�s worth it though. This series rocks, and is one of the very few Eva stories
out there that is both decent AND looks like it has a decent chance of actually
being finished, rather than petering of into nothing like most of them seem to do.
I enjoyed MSTing this immensly.
Explanations: The Canada-bashing.
Nothing personal on my part, it�s just SO easy, and Canada is a convenient
target. I actually have a deep respect for the Canadians and their country; it�s
just that they�re all out to get us, so I feel compelled to respond like this.
The Davies-bashing:
Once again, it�s easy, and he�s a convenient target. I suggest you try it,
it�s fun. ^_^
The quotes:
I refuse to source them all, it would take me another two hours of effort that I
don�t feel like putting forth. Either look them up yourself (none are all THAT
obscure) or if you really NEED to know, ask me.
That�s all. Go home.
-Mercutio
�A plague �a both your houses!�