Cruel and Unusual Punishment
M A Davis / Miko
plot:  Miko, Sky Rigdon, Jeffrey Cornish



        "You've been screwing around on Earth again, haven't you?"

        The trickster half-god Loki, lounging with three beautiful 
goddesses in his bedchambers, glanced up in irritation as the god 
Toltiir strolled in.  "What the hell do you want?" he growled.  "In 
case you can't see, I'm busy."

        "Don't swear," Toltiir shot back.  "You know He doesn't like 
it.  As for your plans for the evening... cancel them.  I'm here as 
an emissary from the Almighty Himself, so this takes 
precedence."

        Loki cursed again, then rolled over and sat up.  "Okay, 
girls," he said, "you heard the man.  We'll have to do this later.  
I'll call you."

        "_Much_ later," Toltiir added.

        "Yeah, whatever," the trickster said.  He began to dress, as 
the three goddesses gathered their things and left.  When they 
were gone and he was done, he sat on the edge of the bed and 
regarded the smirking god before him.

        "This had better be good," Loki said.

        "Oh, I assure you," Toltiir replied, "it is."  He took a seat in 
a nearby chair, still smirking.  "So, as I said when I arrived... 
you've been screwing around on Earth again, haven't you?"

        "For example?" Loki asked.

        "This 'Melissa' virus, for starters," Toltiir said.  "It's your 
handiwork, isn't it?"

        Loki sighed.

        "Look," he said, "I'll admit, it was my idea, but I didn't even 
program it.  All I did was help some stupid mortal put it 
together... what can I say?  Word 97 crashed on me one too many 
times, and I kind of got pissed off.  It happens." 

        Toltiir raised an eyebrow.  "Perhaps, Loki," he said, "but it's 
caused a lot of grief down on Earth, and now it's invaded the 
Yggdrasil system itself, you know."

        "That's not my fault.  People have been altering it left and 
right.  Can I help it if some mortal was clever enough to create a 
version that attacks heaven's own computer systems?"

        "I doubt anyone's going to buy that story," Toltiir said.  
"Especially Him.  He's been watching you, you know.  This is 
about more than just a stupid virus... this is about those get-rich-
quick e-mail scams, and the long-distance phone scams, and the 
mess in Kosovo, and your recent involvement in Amway... not to 
mention convincing that one religious leader that Tinky Winky 
was a gay character...."

        "Well?" Loki countered.  "Think about it!  He's got a 
triangle on his head... and his magic purse!"

        "Loki!"

        "Okay, okay," Loki said.  "It's just that humans are so 
gullible and so much fun to tease.  There's nothing in heaven 
that's half as entertaining as messing with a human mind."

        "The Almighty does not see things the same way," Toltiir 
said.  "He's decided to put a stop to it.  Now."

        "Yeah?  What's he going to do?  He's tried everything to 
keep me in line, hasn't he?  You know it's not going to work, so 
why even bother trying?"

        "Actually," Toltiir said, "he's been watching some of the 
earthling shows again...."

        "God, I hate it when he watches TV."

        "Don't take His name in vain; it'll only make things worse.  
Anyway, He thinks he's found a perfect punishment for you this 
time, and for once, I'm inclined to agree with him....


***


        Belldandy smiled and blinked in confusion.

        "So you're stuck on Earth too?  And the Almighty decided to 
make you our pet?"

        Loki nodded.  Urd, standing nearby, got that strange 
expression on her face that meant she was desperately trying to 
hold her laughter in.

        "But you're also supposed to transport us anywhere we want 
to go?" Belldandy continued.

        Loki nodded again.  It was just about the only meaningful 
response he could manage at the moment.

        "So," Belldandy said, "what are you supposed to be?  A 
cat?"

        Urd finally burst out laughing.  "Oh, Belldandy, don't you 
get it?  He's Ryo-Loki!"

        "Miyaa!" the half-god said, forlornly.


FINI