Here we go.
"Ranchan! I heard Akane tried to poison you this morning, so I
brought you some okonomiyaki!"
This part stinks of fan cliche. Akane doesn't try to poison Ranma, and
nobody else thinks so, either (well, I guess it's arguable that Ranma
might think so, but still...). It's just that they know how bad a cook
Akane was (calling it poison is taking it a bit far, don't you think?).
Then again, did Ukyo ever need an excuse to bring Ranma lunch?
(3) Sounds like brainwash, you say? Hmm... (innocently) I wasn't aware
there was mind-manipulating magic in Slayers... (shrugs) Doesn't really
matter, anyway. It's not brainwash, only a strongly biased opinion.
Or it could be very careful, subtle manipulation....
The only question is, what does Lina stand to gain from all this mess?
(5) That one goes out to those who thought my little note at the end of
my prologue was for nothing. (author does raspberry)
See next comment.
Ryoga was lost, and he didn't care. Well, he did care. He could
always find his way to the Unryu farm, if Akari still wanted him after
all that time.
By the time he got to know Akari Ryoga probably wouldn't be making
advances toward Akane like that (nor can he live with taking advantage
of Akane's feelings like that for long-- that is, after he's thought
about it). Then again, considering that was Ranma's POV, he might see it
as such.
1) IMO, Ryoga always getting lost is more than a bad sense of
direction. I believe that the entire Hibiki family is magically cursed,
for some reason, to randomly teleport somewhere on the planet at random
intervals, something they have no control over and usually aren't even
aware of it. To them, the transition of surroundings is perfectly
normal. Let this be a lesson to all you kids out there. Never anger the
powers that be.
That hardly explains why he manages to get to the right place at the
right time.
And Ryoga running all over the planet without knowing it is another
idea born of fan cliche, but I guess this is your story.
He entered his room by the window, always left open in case he was
coming back as a duck, and gathered his things. Weapons, mostly, which
he hid on his person at the usual places.
I hardly imagine Mousse running around with NO weapons. I realize this
was a way to get Cologne to know about the story, but bringing Mousse
back to get his 'body parts' seems... well, it doesn't make too much
sense to me.
"You defy me? That is not very wise. The penalties for defying a
matriarch are very severe." He still kept silent, though was
Not that this would be a first for Mousse. He's not afraid of the old
bag.
"We are going to investigate a rumor. Ranma may be alive." The
table under Shampoo's hands turned into a pile of wood. "What?!?"
"Close
the restaurant and prepare your things, Shampoo.
Oh, and she was all over Mousse because it was almost lunch.
We are not the only
ones after Ranma." The girl was a blur as she closed the main doors and
ran upstairs.
I have trouble believing that Cologne would ask Shampoo, or anyone, to
travel with her if she wanted to satisfy her own curiosity. She is
perfectly capable of doing it herself, and it's probably not a good idea
to get Shampoo's hopes up if the rumor proved false.
Also, I don't think that cage would hold Mousse very long; he's been
shown to be quite... resourceful, at making escapes.
"Very well, Cologne." Nodoka said before any of the girls started
objecting. "But there will be no fighting, no provocation and no
potions, magical or otherwise, from your part. Is that acceptable?"
So what prompted her to say this?
(That's beside the fact that such terms won't last a micron.)
supplement this fic with. I will consider extensive flames as written
permission to write and post your death in gruesome detail. I have a
very vivid imagination. You have been warned, and I do not make light
threats.
I don't take threats lightly, and neither should you.
There IS a rule in the FAQ that says you can't write about other
authors' gruesome deaths.
Next chapter will be about Ranma's new life and the search.
And prove Kuno's pet theory that Ranma really is a sorcerer (or, at
least, going to be one).
Already, I can imagine, instead of welcoming Ranma with open arms, ALL
of them would rather kill him-- permanently. Some people simply don't
like to be hoodwinked (Ukyo, Nodoka, Ryoga) or put through the pain
process (Akane, Kodachi). Some people might not care either way
(Shampoo).
I can't
give you a precise time for it, though. Ideally, two weeks. In reality,
no one knows.
Take your time. Only release it when you think it's ready, not when
you think everyone else wants to see it.
----------------------------------------------------------
"Dinobot has spoken. My rigid grill structure... what's next?"--Scott
McNeil, voice of Dinobot
"Unwilling though I was to follow my namesake's instructions, it has all
come down to this: the ultimate risk, for the ultimate prize! A Day of
Reckoning, for those who made us SLAVES!"-- Megatron
"Decepticons FOREVER!!" --Ravage, former Decepticon
"You've gotten tricker since last time. I LIKE THAT!!"--Rampage
"If you go to Z'ha'dum, you will die." --Kosh, Babylon 5
"Master! You mustn't! People are watching!!"--Cherry, Saber Marionette J
--Razorclaw X
Author: "Wheel of Fire" and "The World's Worst Ranma Fanfic!"
Awaiting public apology from FFML owner since 12/18/99
After all, no one can truly silence the voices of man.
______________________________________________________
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