From: Alan Harnum [mailto:harnums@thekeep.org]
Eidolons

     Ranma Saotome knew nothing of the basalt spires of 
Dylath-Leen; he had no knowledge of the crystalline air-boats of 
the city of Yerthardt that plied the skies above the pearly 

Nice style.  Pure Lovecraft?  (I've read very little of Lovecraft's
work myself.)

explained here; the details of that alone have filled volumes.  

Heh.

town, and both had, though they would not have admitted it, an
enjoyable time.

I think, after your earlier style, a Ranma and Akane more open to
each other seems a bit more appropriate.  Just matches your style
better somehow.

     Upon spotting Akane, he grew affectionate and leapt upon 
her.  

After the initial occurence at school, is Akane ever again upset
when this happens?  I can't remember any such occurrences.  She
usually explicitly beckons nekoken-Ranma to her lap.

     "Ya gotta help me out, Cologne."
     

I liked this abrupt transition in style.  It fits.  It's also nice
seeing someone keep Ranma IC in that, under these circumstances,
he _would_ go straight to Cologne.

     "No, it isn't," Cologne refuted.  "A weak husband is a shame
for a Joketsuzoku.  The Neko-ken, on the other hand, is an exotic
and powerful technique when used correctly."

Shouldn't a single member of the Joketsuzoku be a Joketsu ?  The
final kanji does mean "tribe".
	Reserving judgement on "ulterior-motivated Cologne"; at least
she's not "evil Cologne".

     "And think before you speak, for once."
     
     The knife blade cut slightly into the orange flesh of the
carrot.  Ranma gulped, and, for once, thought before he spoke.

Liked this bit.  Nice characterization.

     "Who do you want to rid yourself of the Neko-ken for?"
     
     A dozen answers sprang to mind that he could give, all of
them false.  Cologne's gaze was flat and hard as ice, heavy with
the weight of years.  He was not, he realized, a good enough liar
to fool her in this.  "Akane," he said in a whisper.  "I gotta 
get rid of this thing for Akane."

VERY good.

     Cologne let out a weary sigh, and managed to look both 
disappointed and pleased at once.  "Very well.  I'll help you."

Excellent work on Cologne.

seconds, and then began to juggle a half-dozen uncut carrots.  

Heh.  Another really excellent bit of characterization.

     Her smile was thin and humourless.  "The strings you tie
yourself are more binding than any I might."

Okay, "wise Cologne".  _Very_ good.

     Cologne pointed.  "Go out the side door.  Shampoo will be
waiting in the dining room."

Heh.

room, and as Ranma happened to have looked inside the open door
on the off chance that something was wrong with his 
supposedly-sleeping fiancee, the end result was a sound thrashing 
due to Akane's presumption that Ranma had some nefarious end in 
mind - 'walking around the house in the middle of the night and
peeking into my room like some sort of weirdo pervert' were her 
words, more or less.

Again, this seems like mild Akane-bashing.  IC for early in the
series, but if this is set after v38, I'd have thought Akane
would wait to see his intention, and bash him only _after_ he'd
made it clear that "no way would I sneak into the room of a
tomboy like YOU."

Granted, Akane is not your focus here, but the contrast between
the subtlety of your handling of Ranma and Cologne, and the average
handling of Akane, makes the latter stand out.  Given your overall
excellence, the reader just expects more.

     The floor, he thought, is rising, bearing me up with it
towards the holes in the stars.  Laughter came, and went.  The
ceiling dipped and bulged, and the walls ran like wax in 
polychromatic shades.  His body was a prison.  Flesh was hateful. 
The stars laughed at him.  Roses rotted on the vine.  Thorns 
pierced his skin.  Vines wrapped around his limbs.  Vines 
covered his eyes.  The wooden floor was alive, trees rising, mist 
twining about the tangles of their roots.  They waved their 
branches and danced for him.  For a moment, he was sure he saw 
two worlds, one the dojo with the hole in the ceiling, the other 
the night-forest with trees so tall that their limbs had twined 
together and almost blotted out the stars.  Then there was 
nothing at all but sleep, and what lay beyond.

Effective.

to be villages.  But what stunned him were the mountains.  Two of
them were visible, forested on their lower slopes and rising tens
of thousands of feet into the air to peaks capped with frost and
snow that glowed blue beneath the starlight.  They were bigger 
than Fuji-san - bigger perhaps even than Everest - and Ranma 
realized then that wherever he was, it was not of earth.

Another nice description.  Conceivably, Ranma has seen the Himalayas,
too, prior to Jusenkyo.

at alien stars and unknown mountains.  He regretted going to
Cologne, regretted burning the incense.  The flying thing, 

Nice to see Ranma isn't so brash that he doesn't know when he
may have bitten off more than he can chew.

     "Oh god," he whispered, as he realized why it had itched all
this way.  Somehow, he had never looked at it in all this 
walking.  Pulsing tendrils of green moss were slowly growing from
his palm; around them, squashed stains of the ones he'd rubbed
away in his itching were spread in patches on the flesh of his
hand.  From them, tiny fibrous roots were beginning to emerge.

<clip>

wretched disgust as the moss grew upon his clothes, and, even
worse, upon his skin.  Tangled fingers stroked his hair, kissed
his forehead.  The last thing he saw as the moss drew a reeking,
faintly-glowing mask across his face, were the quick dark shapes 
flitting from the underbrush, weird eyes glinting with green
light and hunger.

Eeeewwww!  An appropriately horrific note to end on.


Overall thoughts:  stylistically this is exceptional.  Ranma's
and Cologne's characterizations are also exceptional (though
not, unfortunately, Akane's).  You haven't set yourself an easy
task, though; sustaining any level of horror will be difficult.

Ranma heading off for a solo adventure, away from his mileau, is
not one of my favorite subgenres, but I'll keep my eye on this
series.