Okay, after reading this I only have two things to say...

1) This is one of the funnier things I have read off the FFML in recent memory.

2) I wish I could write this funny.

Thanks for the chuckles,
JK

Note:
I do have character mappings for most of the cast worked out.  But I'd be
very interested to hear any suggestions from anyone about who should play
whom...

 
Here are some ideas off the top of my head

Shampoo: Chun-Li (Street Fighter V) (She's even about the correct age and has no small
amount of fighting skill)
Ukyou: Ryunosuke (UY) (couldn't resist suggesting this one)
Kunou: Jinai (El Hazard) (at least he has the right mentality)
Miss Hinako: Sasami/Tsunami (Tenchi Muyo) (another one I could not resist suggesting)
Kodachi: Naga the Serpent (Slayers) (there are few anime women who have the right laugh)