[Gary is at his computer, reading the previous night's FFML output]

Krista Perry <kperry@aros.net> wrote:

   Akane looked at him in dismay.  "But you're still dead!  We
can't leave you like this."

    Ranma shrugged.  "I'm sure there's another author out there
who's creative enough to fix this mess."

      Akane nodded thoughtfully.  "You're right.  All we've got
to do is post this to the ML and *someone* will come to our
rescue."  She glanced over at him.  "Although... that does mean
that there's a strong risk of this becoming a lemon."

Gary: HA HA HA! I wonder how many people won't realize that this is a
joke, and actually try to continue it? Nah, nobody could be *that*....

[Gary's MSTing team, Hiroshi and Daisuke, barge into the room]

Hiroshi: Hey, move over! We've got a fic to finish!

Daisuke: Yeah! Ranma and Akane are counting on us!

_____


        "Akane, our only chance is for one of us to get to the dragon.
I'll distract these ghosts while you slip past them."

        She nodded. "Right. Think you can keep their attention away from
me?"

        "No sweat." He stepped to the side, then raised his arms to draw
their attention. "Listen up, you guys!" he shouted. The murmur of
conversation in the room died out. "It's time to start!"

        The ghosts scratched their heads. "Uh...," one of them said,
"start what?"

        Ranma shot a you-are-an-idiot look at the ghost. "The first
annual Afterlife Dance Party, of course!" The ghosts started at one
another, puzzled. "CUE MUSIC!"

        Out of nowhere, a disco beat began. Ranma whipped off his
Chinese shirt, and quickly donned a white polyester jacket. A singer
sang in a falsetto voice. o/~ Well, you can tell by the way I use my
walk.... o/~ The ghosts hesitated at first, then started shaking their
bodies to the music.

        What a brilliant plan! With no one looking at her, Akane slipped
over to the wall and pressed the green button by the elevator door.

_____


Gary: Clever idea, guys.

Daisuke: Hey, we figured that the afterlife would have to be pretty
dull. These ghosts just had to be *dying* for a good party!

Gary: But what's gonna happen once Akane gets to the dragon?

Hiroshi: You'll see....

_____


        As soon as Akane stepped into the gigantic chamber, she knew
that something wasn't right.

        It wasn't the slight smell of sulfur in the air. Nor was it the
deep, resonating sound of air being sucked back and forth. No, it was
the gigantic creature that lay sleeping in the room. Specifically, its
color.

        It was mauve.

        *What kind of dragon is *that* color?* Akane asked herself.

        From below, many voices shouted out. "Kuei kuei conga! Kuei kuei
conga!" The dance party was still going on -- but it couldn't last much
longer. Akane had to hurry.

        She prodded the huge, slumbering frame. "Wake up, mister dragon!
We need your help desperately!"

        Suddenly, a pair of eyes stared at her. "Hi, Akane! Hyuk hyuk! I
want to be your friend! Hyuk hyuk let's sing a song!"

        "AAAAAAAAAA! IT'S BARNEY! KILL! KILL!" Her sword lashed out, but
only blunted against the creature's hide.

        "Oh, don't worry, I LOVE all young people!" His mouth opened
wide, revealing razor-sharp fangs. "Especially with a little ketchup!
Hyuk hyuk!"

        Akane screamed.


        Ranma burst into the room, noticing the lifeless, bloody body on
the ground. "Oh my God, he's killed 'Kane! That bastard!"

_____


Gary: I don't think this is the kind of ending people want to read,
guys.

Daisuke: Okay, okay. I've got another idea....

_____


        Akane stared at the colossal, unmoving creature in front of her.
Flies buzzed as they traced chaotic orbits around the head. Bruised and
blackened, the body stank like a charnel house.

        The dragon didn't move. Akane could see in her mind the dragon
flying away from China, bored with the same old scenery, only wanting a
short vacation. Evidently Yugoslavia had been a bad choice.

        How do I know this, thought Akane. How can I see these things,
like memories in my own mind.

        *Posthumous telepathy,* a voice in her head answered. *You have
to know how to do these things when you're a dragon.*

        Well, it made a sort of sense. I mean, why *else* would the
Chinese Emissary of Death be residing in his basement? "How can you live
again?" she asked.

        *I can't, you idiot! I'm dead! I am no more! I have ceased to
be! You know the rest.*

        "I'll carry you," said Akane. "I'll go from country to country
until I find a time and place where you can be brought back. And I'll
tell your story to my people, so that perhaps in time they can forgive
you too. The way that you've forgiven me."

_____


Gary: Um, guys, does the word "plagiarism" mean anything to you?

Daisuke: It's NOT plagiarism! It's a fusion!

Hiroshi: Yeah! And anyway, it's Krista's favorite series.

Gary: Be that as it may....

Hiroshi: Hey, wait a minute. I've got another idea.

Daisuke: You do? What is it?

Hiroshi: You know which character has been conspicuously absent from
this entire series so far, right?

Daisuke: Uh huh.

Hiroshi: So....

_____


        Akane prodded the huge, slumbering frame. "Wake up, mister
dragon! We need your help desperately!"

        Suddenly, a pair of eyes stared at her. "That's okay. Gotcha
covered already."

        "Huh?"

        "I'm bringing Ranma back to life," the deep voice lazily
intoned. "Payment's already been made."

        "Oh, that's wonderful!" Akane reached out to hug the dragon,
then decided it might not be a good idea. "But who--"

        "Why, Miss Tendo," a voice melodically intoned. "What a surprise
to meet you here!"

        Akane spun around. "Kodachi?"

        "Of course. And while you've been playing around with ghosts,
I've arranged with our mutual friend here for darling Ranma's survival."

        Akane gaped in shock. "You gave him your blood?"

        "Of course not." Kodachi narrowed her eyes haughtily. "The life
fluids of the Black Rose are far to precious to be squandered away to
some uncouth creature of mythology."

        "Hey, I...." The dragon belched. "I resemble that remark."

        "No," Kodachi continued, "I merely went around to several
hospitals. WIth proper persuasion, they were only too happy to give up
their supplies of plasma."

        The dragon rubbed its huge stomach. "Tastes bland as hell, but
it fills you right up." He turned back to Akane. "Of course, as you've
probably guessed, part of the terms of this are that you get sent away
again -- this time for good."

        Akane sighed. "Back to the kami plane?"

        "Nope. That didn't work out so well. This time, I'm sending you
to the Plane of Non-stop Wild Lemon Orgies. No one's *ever* escaped from
there. In fact, no one's ever tried."

        "Oh well." Akane thought for a moment. "All right, I'll go
willingly. But only if I can take one of Kodachi's other rivals along
with me."

        Kodachi eyed her suspiciously. "Which one?"

        "The girl with the pig-tail."

        "Um," the dragon said, "you mean the girl who is really...."

        "Yes!" Kodachi shouted triumphantly. "Take that foul harridan
and begone!"

        "We have a deal, then." Akane shook her hand, flashing a
Nabiki-like smile. "Nice doing business with you."

        "Ah, what the heck," the dragon said. "Who am I to mess up a
deal."

        "You and the Pig-Tailed Girl? I never would've suspected."
Kodachi smirked. "But you do make a good couple. The two of you were
meant for each other."

        Akane nodded in agreement.

_____


Hiroshi: What do you think?

Gary: It's... unique.

Daisuke: Think Krista will let us finish "Mixed Breed" too?

Gary: That's "Half Breed." And we'll have to see how well people out
there liked your ending to this one.

Hiroshi: Right. What do you think, sirs?



Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics.html