On Tue, 30 Mar 1999, Miko wrote:


Lurker-san,

I'll bet you had a brief idea of what kind of fics you'd
get from this chalenge.  However, this one is the best
of them all, and I'll tell you why:

I really wasn't going to, but...

And you shouldn't have, but I'm glad you did. ^_^

    After such an intense orgasm, she should have been panting
heavily; however, she lay unnaturally still, the rise and fall of a
chest
filling with air curiously absent.

This line is not Miko's fault for the grammatical error
that so many people have pointed out.  

     "Well?" Ranma asked.  "Did you like it?"

    "Ranma," Nabiki said, finally stirring, "that was perfectly awful.
Is this what you call lovemaking?  I feel sorry for what my sister
has to look forward to."

This line is perfectly in character, and enough of a surprise
to hook the reader.  One of the reasons this line is so important
is because of the nature of the challenge, one is curious
as to who the "she" is and who she's having an orgasm with.

    Ranma's face fell.  "Do you really think so?" he asked.  "I tried
so hard... this sort of thing doesn't come easy to me, I guess."

Heh.  Unintentional pun there. ^_-

    "Sorry," Nabiki said, "but you can't be good at everything."

Ya know, this brings up a whole new arena of Ranma interpretation.
in lemons.  Can you imagine what it would be like if Ranma's
first time was such a disaster, he goes on a training trip
to figure out how to be better?  I can't imagine him going to 
Cologne for advice. ;)

    "I suppose not," Ranma said, getting up.  "Still," he said,
crumpling up the paper and tossing it into the corner, "when I heard
you were publishing erotic stories, I thought I'd give it a stab...."

FINI

And here's the kicker!  Because of the key word "orgasm" everyone's
expecting some torrid affair between nabiki and Ranma, and it
really isn't.  This is in true keeping with the manga and anime,
because a) Ranma would never have sex (the show was for kids, remember)
and b) Nabiki would hever willingly have do anything with Ranma
if it didn't involve her gaining somehow.  I can also imagine
Ranma needing money enough to try this.

Wonderful, wonderful challenge reply.


Trisha L. Sebastian
tls@thekeep.org
Proud Member of the BML Productions Crew

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OVERHEARD:
Two more glasses of scotch, and I'll recite 
Shakespeare in Islamic pentameter.
"Forsooth, what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the east, and Juliet is...not veiled? Stone her! STONE HER!!"
			--Matt Nute

She sang, of course, "M'ama!" and not "he loves 
me," since an unalterable and unquestioned law
of the musical world required that the German 
text of French operas sung by Swedish artists
should be translated into Italian for the clearer 
understanding of English-speaking audiences.
		--Edith Wharton

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