D: & A: drives are sporadically gone. system crashes every five minutes or
so.
if this isn't a virus, what the heck is it? system checks out in "Nuts
& Bolts" ok. up until the system crashes again... (scratches head
and considers having the thing exorcised) McAfee virusscan says
no viruses found...
           oh well, first of the promised files. hope it makes it.

     Certain characters are TM Jack Chalker, others TM Rumiko
Takahashi. This is just a rewrite of a previous story, altered to make
it a little more smooth. Note that this is dark and lime (at least), no
spurting body fluids but with Happosai and Ben Yulin involved...
---------------------------------------------
HAPPOSAI'S BIG ADVENTURE, or BETTING ON THE FUTURE
   Chapter one: an alliance made in "Very Bad Place"
---------------------------------------------
     Happosai finished fitting the last piece of the Nanban
Mirror into place with a little of the special glue. Once he'd stolen
the mirror repairing kit, he'd known JUST where to use it.

     They dared to try another wedding. To marry off Ranma
and Akane, WITHOUT INVITING HIM! How dare they! Fortunately,
Nabiki was kind enough to sell him the information.

     Holding the repaired mirror up, Happosai smiled. He knew
how to properly use the Mirror, he just usually didn't bother with the
effort.

        "Mirror of travel and travail,
          Over time you will prevail,
          Mirror of regret, I humbly ask,
          Help me with this simple task,
          To a far future where dreams come true,
          Take me there, I beg of you!"

     A single tear, produced by yanking out a whisker of his own
moustache, was sufficient to invoke the mirror.
--------795 years in the future, in a Galaxy far, far,
away------------------------
IT was a world like no other in that universe.

     A world with two large black hexes marking
the poles. A world with hundreds of hex-shaped environments,
sometimes very different from the environment right next to it.
A world created by an ancient race to whom the wholesale reorganization
of matter on a galactic scale was an everyday task.

     To those who knew of it, the world had a very simple
name. It was the Well World.

                  Currently orbiting this jewel-faceted world was a
planetoid/space station.  Currently in this station were two groups
of people. Also during this current crisis, one group had just come
upon the ultimate power (or close enough for most purposes.)

     However, a new element had been thrown into the
mix that would have long-term consequence.

     "Obie, do you have a fix on the intruder?"

     "Negative, Ben. I have an approximate reading,
he's somewhere near your 'lounge' but I can't locate him with
the sensors I have in that area."

     "Now, now, Ben. Can I call you Ben? I'm NOT
your enemy. Fact is, I'd like to suggest an alliance."

     "Why do I need to ally myself with anyone?
I have control of Obie, and he can rearrange matter and
energy to suit my whim."

     "So I've seen, so I've seen." The disembodied
voice gave an earthy chuckle. "That's why I think we're
kindred spirits, dear boy. Who knows, you may be one of
my descendants."

     "What?"

     "That would account for the odd energy pattern
I detected earlier, though time travel is supposed to be impossible."
Obie's pleasant baritone sounded curious.

     "Now, Ben, I want to suggest something to you. These
young ladies you've got around, I'm sure they're damn useful as
well as quite pleasant to look at, but if you made a mistake or simply
failed to consider an option, would any of them be able to point
that out? Of course not, by making them slavishly devoted to you,
you've limited their usefulness to you."

     Ben Yulin was many things. Bullheaded, yes. Stupid,
no. That this person was clever enough to find a way to hide from
Obie was duly noted. "Okay. So you want to play vizier to my
sultan, eh?"

     "Exactly. Advisor to you. In return, you help me out
and I get the number two position of power. Maybe you let me
rule one of your worlds after you've gotten done transforming
it. Sound reasonable?"

     Ben paused. "Obie. Voice analysis of intruder's
statements. Is he sincere?"

     "As far as can be determined, yes. Though he
may be able to disguise that as well as his presence." The
supercomputer sounded unhappy. He could feel his plans
being reworked every moment by this unknown variable.

     Ben paused again. The means to conquer hundreds
of thousands of worlds was in his grasp, and having someone
he could boast to was quite attractive. "Very well, then. So
long as you serve me to the best of your abilities, I accept your
offer. Cross me, though, and you shall be reduced to the lowest
of the low."

     Happosai chuckled and appeared by simply dropping
his Dimensional Warp technique. "No worries, though I want to
specify the world you'll remake for me.."

     Ben smiled, seeing something of himself in the short
little man before him. "First thing, we need to deal with those who
oppose me above. Any suggestions, Vizier?"

     "Why, yes," Happosai grinned back at the man. "I think
that a few upgrades in your defenses would be the first thing. Then
we can work on some of the little details."
-------------------Five Hundred Fifty years
later----------------------------
     Happosai sat back in a cushion and allowed one of the
slave girls to refill his goblet. THIS was the life.

     Ben shoved a couple of clinging girls away from
him and regarded his vizier. "Happosai. We've done it. Every
race, every planet, all remade to my specifications either by us
directly or through the Remotes. I am the ruler of an Empire
that spans galaxies, and have had my every desire satiated."

     "Yes," Happosai nodded happily. "And you're
even more bored than I am."

     "So what are you grinning about?"

     "I knew this day would come, you see. I've been
planning for it since I met you." Happosai nodded. "What
you need is a challenge."

     "What were you suggesting?" Ben Yulin was
so bored that even sex with dozens of exotic slave girls had
become routine. ESPECIALLY that had become boring.

     "Simple. Obie, have you analyzed the mirror
yet?"

     "Yes, Happi. It's a device for navigating alternate
timestreams."

     "Set coordinates for my home dimension, then,
two minutes after I left." Happosai glanced over at Ben Yulin.

     Ben paused, but nodded. "Make it so."
--------------Earth Orbit, Ranmaverse prime +30, 6/25/93----
     "We're there," announced Obie's pleasant voice.

     "Earth?"

     "Not your Earth, which is a radioactive cinder.
No, this is MY Earth. Obie, do you have your standard
transformation package loaded?" Happosai chuckled
evilly. He was especially good at it after decades of
practice.

     "Yes," the resigned voice of the computer sighed.

     "Can you *exclude* certain individuals from the
change? Target specific ones for specific alterations?"

     "Of course," Obie sounded a little more interested
as things began moving in at least a different direction,
"as long as I have a good fix on the individuals."


     "Now, Obie, how small and inconspicuous can you make
monitoring cameras and robots?"

     "Quite small. Fly sized spybots, if that's what you mean."

     "Well, I want you to set up cameras and microphones, or
the equivalent, in a few of my favorite old haunts before we start
playing this game. Then we can have some fun..."

     Obie grumbled a bit, but as he was constrained to obey,
there was little he could do. So many loopholes had been closed off,
either by Ben or Happosai over the years, that he couldn't do even
some of the things he could have when they'd gained control of him
all those years ago.

     Obie located the school, the house, the two restaurants,
and finally the village. Objects in each place were subtly changed
to include devices that could monitor and relay the situations that
would occur around them.

     "Standard slavegirl alterations?" Ben asked from his
cushions, shoving an amorous slavegirl to the side. Even
when they all looked identical to his dreamgirl, he had become
bored with the whole thing.

      "Not quite. Later, perhaps. You see, here we have the
opportunity to cause a few individuals MUCH greater anguish
than turning them into my private harem. I have thought long and
hard on this, and believe this punishment to be a thousand times
worse. Observe, O Sultan...

      "Obie. Record the following pattern under codename 'Mama's
Little Girl'. There will be two patterns, a Subject A (identified as
the Mama hereafter), and Subject B (identified as Baby hereafter)."

       "You sound like a lawyer, Happosai." Ben said with a smirk.

      "When dealing with Obie, one often has to." Happi turned back
to address the computer. "Continuing transaction. Mama will
be pregnant,  with the Baby as the eight month old girl child that
the Mama is pregnant with. Both Baby and Mama are to be
completely healthy, with normal development except that Baby
will have all memories and identity from prior to the transformation
intact- just be unable to act in a manner out of the ordinary for a
human child of that age."

       "Most people would go insane under those conditions,"
warned Obie.

       "Add then that they can't go insane, just sleep a lot. That'll
at least get 'em through most of the month. Since we're going to
go with multiple births, make sure the Mamas will have a LOT of
milk. Oh, and since at least one of the Mamas-to-be doesn't have
a lot of experience with it, make sure there's a basic skill package
including programmed reflexes for childcare, strong maternal
urges, that sort of thing. This is gonna be psychological and
emotional torture, not physical. Oh, and the children will be
beautiful little girls, even if they didn't start out that way, got
it?"

      "Recorded. You're a sick and twisted little man, Happosai."

      "Thank you, Obie, I try. Finally, neither the Mama nor the
Baby will know how this happened or why this happened, but
they will all know WHAT has happened. The Mamas will also
know who they're carrying. Lock and load."

       "Locked. Working out variables to impose. Ready."

       "This is *different* I suppose," said Ben with a yawn.

       "If it doesn't work out, we'll try something else." Happosai
shrugged. This is something we can come back to later, just as
long as the monitoring devices continue to record. Now to
specify the Mamas and their Babies..."
----------------------------------
       Ranma eventually became aware that Cologne was trying
to get his attention.

      "Well, son-in-law? What are you going to do about it?"

      "What CAN I do about it? In a month, I'm going to..."
Ranma turned a little green at the thought.

      "The chi signatures bear out your own convictions.
In one month you will have four baby girls. They are, were,
will be," Cologne stopped and shook her head as she tried
to determine what phrase to use. "Anyway, you'll give
birth to Shampoo, Ukyou, Kasumi, and Nabiki.

       "If we go through with the ceremony now, they'll
be born Amazons and I can help you out a LOT more
than I really can now. It would certainly be best for Shampoo,
and I've long suspected Ukyou would have done well as
a member of the Tribe."

       "Babies..." Ranma seemed to be staring at nothing
in particular. "Four of 'em. Oh my."

       "I'm not thrilled about being 'with child' myself,
Ranma." Cologne sighed deeply, but couldn't help
but glance in a mirror at an image of herself that she
hadn't seen in centuries. She was back to being in
her mid-30s from the look of it. "Hmmph. I'm an
Elder, and not going through this is one of the
benefits of surviving to a ripe old age. AND look
at who I'M carrying. Mousse, Ryouga, Tatewaki,
Kodachi. They'll automatically be tribe members,
but do we really want them?"

           "What about Mom?"

           "Soun, Akane, Genma, and Akari, as near
as I can tell. She's doing fine."

          "Any idea WHY?"

          Cologne sighed. "Son in law, if I knew
that, I'd be well on my way to figuring out the
how or the who. If I could do that, I might find
a way to put things aright. As it is, take your
prenatal vitamins, get as much exercise as you
can, and keep to the room. I've sent for Ling Ling
and Lung Lung, as well as three other Amazons
to help, but we've got to hold out for a week
at least before they get here."

        "Oh my," Ranma repeated, lost in a private
daze.

========================================
end part one. yeah, this is sick and twisted. this is
Happosai, remember. i figure he'd be amused as all
get out by something like this. Just watching Ranma
waddling like a duck would be enough to have Happi
rolling on  the ground.
         this is what i came up with trying to rewrite the
original "Happosai's Big Adventure" story. Any
better than the original?