Hello,

Just reread this and thought I'd comment on a few things.  I know you
released this to the FFML a while back but I havn't been reading nearly as
much as I normally do of late.

       "What does sword boy want here?" Shampoo demanded, drawing into a

ready stance with her bombori.

I'm not positive, but since Shampoo is using it as a form of address, should
Sword Boy be in caps?

       20 girls, all of them lovely flowers, knelt before him. Their eyes
dared him to pick any but her and suffer the results. He was of age that
he >needed to start producing heirs, not to mention pick one as h

Always spell out a number if it begins a sentence.

       Ranma took another look at the girls and gulped. 'Facing down an
army of infidels while naked can't be worse than this!' he though.

thought

       But Abu wasn't finished yet, "And he's bringing the girl your going
to marry," he said in an off handed matter.

you're

       Sounja was a dignified no-nonsense man. He had arrived early that

morning and had quickly introduced everyone off importance that came with
him. Ranma showed him around the palace and its grounds. Finally, they
arrived back to Sounja's rooms.

       "Well?" Sounja asked.

Need an extra line in there.

       When Ranma had seen Akane that morning, she had been wrapped head
to >toe in vales as was proper for a woman traveling in public. But now
she had >removed them and came into the room.

veils

19 girls were also dreaming about Ranma, the one who wasn't, Saalihah
wasn't >only because she was still awake. When she had arrived, she found
that one
of Ranma's men; Abdul had been in love with her since

Needs to be tabbed in and written out nineteen.

       As the camel passed on into the desert, Ranma held Akane close, like
had was born to do so, and he was.

like he had been born

In the forefront were the warrior Kaleem, waving his sword like normal,
and >the ancient Khateeb.

was the warrior    -  I think.

        He does, he does love you more than you could know. I ask you
this, >Tendo Akane, who is it that you live for?

Did you mean to repeat 'he does' ?



Eagerly awaiting chapter five and the chaos that will ensue from everyone
finding out about the book. <G>


Warr

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                            Episode 214: Chef Aid - The German Dance

                                  I will do the German dance for you.
                                     It's fun and gay and fun to do
                                     I hope you will enjoy my song
                                        Sweetly, I feel lucky.

                                    Would you like some sauerkraut
                                      German boy, German boy?
                                   Would you like some sauerkraut?
                                            Bon appetit.