I didn't write this fic. I'm just forwarding it for 
a friend. Everything used here created by 
anyone out there belongs to who created them. 
This fic is a spoof. It is not meant to insult 
anyone. If you have any problems with that, 
please mail:
getalife@hell.edu.au

SeventhOne

***
The LCL Files part 1a
by Stan the Man
edited by SeventhOne

***
Gendo sat at his desk, staring at the darkness of 
his room. His hands were in their normal 
position. 

"Ah. Darkness."

A buzzer rang. Gendo turned on the intercom. 

"Gendo here. Yes?"

"Major Katsurugi here. We've found the people 
you wanted sir."

"All volunteers?"

"Yes. They're here at Sector-03, sir."

"I'll be down immediately."

"Yes sir." 

The intercom went dead.

Gendo got up and began walking out of his 
room. There was a strange glint in his eyes.

***

As he arrived in Sector-03, he saw the 
volunteers. There were all kinds of strange 
people standing around the room.

"Hah! No one here is stranger than me," he 
thought to himself with glee.

The people stared at him as he walked past, 
and he stared back. He stopped at the wall and 
turned back toward the crowd. An hour went 
by. Gendo broke the silence. 

"People," he said. "We are glad that you have 
volunteered for this experiment. You are the 
first of the brave candidates to undertake this 
task, and we are grateful that you are here."

He stopped to push up his glasses.

"The experiment you will be a part of may give 
you nightmares that will stay with you for the 
rest of your lives, and visions of past memories 
that will haunt you until the day you die. No 
matter what you see, remember one thing: your 
task might determine the fate of humanity. Do 
your best, men."

He looked around. Most of the people were 
asleep on the ground. One was chewing on 
underwear, another reading a thick tome and 
drooling. A group in the corner were playing a 
game of poker. 

"Damn fools," he thought to himself. "You 
shall suffer for not paying any attention to my 
overly cool speech."

"Major Katsurugi, is everything ready?"

Misato looked at the control center above, 
Ritsuko gave her the finger.

"Yes, everything is ready, sir."

"Then let the experiment begin!" 

***
File 01

Name: 
Cid Highwind

Age: 
32

Reason of volunteer: 
"MIND YOU OWN GODAMN BUSINESS!!"

Cid sat in a chair, only a light fell on him from 
nowhere. At he saw was darkness, no sound of 
anyone or anything. 

"Hmmm�K�K.maybe I shouldn't have 
participated in this LCL project afterall." 

A darkness suddenly filled his eyes and there 
seemed to be words flashed in front of them.

HELLO.

"Ehhhh . . . uhhhhhhhhh hi?" 

NICE TO MEET YOU.

"Uh . . . yeah." 

DO YOU EVER THINK OF HER?

"Of who?"

HER.

"Damnit!! Give me a frekin' name!!" 

Then he saw a picture. It was a picture of 
someone Cid seemed to remember. Cid was in 
there, with this girl. Behind the two was the 
Shin-Ra rocket and the rocket was not tilted. 
Suddenly he remembered, "Hey, that's my lab 
assistant and that pic-"

YES, HER.

"Damnit!! Don't you ever DARE try to cut me 
off again!! WHERE DID YOU GET THAT 
PICTURE ANYWAYS??"

WE DIDN'T GET IT. IT CAME FROM YOU.

"What the hell do you mean?"

YOU REMEMBERED THE PHOTO. WE 
TOOK IT FROM YOUR MEMORY.

"OH, SO YOU'RE HACKING INTO MY 
MEMORIES NOW TO GET WHAT I DON'T 
WANT TO SEE AND SHOWING THEM TO 
ME HUH?"

YOU COULD PUT IT THAT WAY

"WELL, YOU CAN JUST GO AND KISS 
MY SORRY ASS!" 

You were afraid that she would 
die that day, and maybe your life 
might be miserable, so you 
pushed the cancellation button.

"No."

Then why didn't you just let her 
die and let your dreams of being 
the first one in outer space come 
true?

"WHY should I tell YOU, FREAK!!"

Because this determines your 
destiny

"No, I determine my OWN destiny."

Why?

"You wanna know something? You guys are 
the WORST cross-examiners I've ever seen. 
Bet you came here since you never passed the 
Bar Exam."

NO!!?YOU FOUND OUT!! ARGHHHH!!

[REJECTED]

Afterword:
Cid returned to the mortal world, not knowing 
what the hell was going. He went back to his 
original job a working as a pilot testing 
kamakazies.

***
File 02

Name: 
Kenny McCornmick

Age: 
(unable to identify words spoken)

Reason of volunteer:
(unable to identify words spoken)

Kenny looked around the dark enclosure that 
he was in. Nothing around but a light swinged 
from the top of darkness. A cord was attached 
to the light.

Let us begin.

Kenny murmurs.

Really? How interesting.

Kenny murmurs some more.

Were you afraid that time?

Kenny murmurs something angrily.

That's so true

Suddenly, the lamp hanging on top snaps and 
breaks. The light bulb falls on Kenny's head, 
smashing the brain into a fine jelly and Kenny 
falls on the ground. Dead.

So little time we had together.

�@
[Absorbed]

Afterword:
Outside the LCL, a small but angry voice 
could be heard. 

"Oh My GOD!!" the voice says, "They've 
killed Kenny!! You bastards!!!"

No one has ever found out what happened to 
Kenny.

All people know is that he somehow turned up 
the next day and was killed again.

***
File 03

Name: 
Gourry Gabriev

Age: 
I Forgot

Reason of Participating: 
You said I'd get food if I participate. Right?

Gourry sat around the dark room, hungry.�@ "Where's the food. Did they
lie?"�@ 

A woman appeared behind him.

"I've been waiting for you Gourry."

"Are you the waitress around this place?�@ 
Where is this place anyway?"

"No, Gourry, I'm Sylphill. Don't you remember 
me?"

"Sylphill? Hey, that's sounds like-"

"You do remember me?"

"Something pretty good.�@Give me an order and 
put it on my bill!"

"Hi Gourry how bout' joining us for justice?" a 
girl asked from behind.

"Do I get food if I join?"

"�K�KNo but you become a fighter of Justice. 
Don't you remember me? I'm Amelia."

He thinks for a minute. 

"Hey I remember you . . . You're that waitress 
from my hometown aren't you? Well, I'm dying 
for some of that fried rice you guys had over 
there."

Sweat drops appear on Amelia's forehead. 

"Uhhhhhhhhhhh�K�Kno."

A turkey appears before him. 

"ALLRIGHT FOOD!!" 

Before he can grab it another hand takes it 
away from him. He looks up. Lina's munching 
on the turkey. 

"Wait for your own," she says.

Wait, we never summoned her out. 
How did she get here?

Is she the real Lina Inverse? It 
can't be . . .

"Hey, Lina, how'd you get here?"

She points at nowhere. 

"Those idiots said that if I participated they'd 
pay me BIG CASH. I arrived late for the 
experiment cause I couldn't find a place to 
have lunch. I smelled turkey coming out of 
somewhere and realized that it was coming out 
of this puddle of orange thing. So I hopped in 
and decided to have a snack. Never thought I 
would see you here."

"Well I want more turkey and-" 

Gourry was interrupted as suddenly a blob 
appears before him and forms into a turkey.

"Hey, turkey."

"Hey what if I think MONEY." Lina says as 
gold coins appear before her.

"Lina, I think what we think will appear as we 
think."

"Gourry, do you know how to think?"

Gourry thinks for a minute. 

"No."

"Okay, let's put it this way, just imagine what 
you want the most."

A turkey appears. 

"Hey, so it works."

"Uhhh . . . Lina, what works?"

"Shut up and keep imagining turkey."

Promptly, the LCL transformed into turkey and 
gold.

They might take us over. ESCAPE 
ESCAPE!!

[Rejected]

***
File 04

Name: 
Daravon, Professor Bordam.

Age: 
Four Scores and Seven years ago . . .

Reason for Participating: 
As for the other half of my thesis: that the 
Marketing Manager MUST be an advertising 
man, I submit the following . . .

Daravon sits in a chair, not knowing where he 
is. He doesn't care, he mumbles on his thesis 
paper unconsciously. A figure appears before 
him. The figure says, "Hello Professor."

"I had a dream . . . If observation and 
experience did not tell me to the contrary . . . "

Another shadowy figure appears, 
"Professor . . . 
"

" I'm basically going to give the relative 
timeline. Not year by year, though. Event by 
event. With the current plans, this project is 
going to end up like Together Again. Here it 
goes: 5 stars means It's going to figure into the 
story greatly. 1 star means that it's going to be 
mentioned, but not gone into."

"PROFESSOR!!"

"It begins with a school. What school, you 
ask? Well, let's put it this way. Remember in 
Tenchi Muyo, we hear about Washu's academy 
days? Yes. That school. In the Cooperate 
Takeover continuation, Washu was number 1 
in her school for all her years there except for 
one. The first year. The year that a certain alien 
graduated. This "certain alien," was, 
undoubtedly, the universe's greatest scientist. 
She's also the only person in the entire 
universe to have held the title of number 1 for 
all her years at the science academy. She's the 
one Washu . . . Eh? You who?"

"Finally got your attention, ME LCL 
UNDERSTAND?"

"ICQ?"

"What??"

"Told see I so you."

"You here to merge . . . with us."

"Off course."

"Eh?"

"Lecture is this Hall the?"

"I don't understand what you are trying to say."

"Talk let me to your Manager."

The figures look at each other . . ..

"Who's that?"

Daravon mumbles on " . . . lost to that first 
year. Some more background information 
about this "certain alien": It appears that her 
species of origin is the same as a certain being 
named Jenova. Essentially, this species can 
transform into almost anything, and can recall 
body parts across the spans of entire planets 
after being cut up into little pieces and 
scattered. How they do this lies in the fact that 
their body parts act only as anchors for their 
souls. While the body parts may be in 
themselves animate or inanimate, the soul is 
within all parts and are controlled by a single 
mind unhoused in a physical body. Animate 
parts possess a distinct DNA that can be traced 
back the species of origin."

Guy never this mind.
Oh shit!! We're on catching. EJECT 
QUICK!!

[Rejected]