Mwah hah hah... It's my party now!
My trusty companion, Zippy the Wonder slug and I wil review this fic!
James J. Chu: The strange older brother of Lawrence. This is his new and
strange method of keeping in touch with his family.
Zippy the Wonderslug: The imaginary companion that lives in James's
computer.
Lawrence Chu wrote:
NOTE: Yes, it's an original fic. Let's see how well it goes with you
guys...
Z:No Mercy for the Majority! (2pt reference)
Kiyakuma Makiko hated camping. She always had to carry everybody's
stuff with her, and her body wouldn't accept the great amount of weight
she
was supporting after about fifteen minutes. She would always start
whining,
not caring about what dignity she might have had left, and people would
tell
her to be quiet, that they were having a good time. Of course, these were
the same people whose stuff she carried on her back.
J:Freeloaders.
Z:Tech note... LC, you have to use an editor that formats everything to 70
characters wide.
Not that her body had an excuse not to be able to carry all that stuff.
At the tender age of 17, her body was well into development. Her muscles,
although not exactly body-builder spec, were maybe enough to lift
something
about her weight.
J:So is she strong or is she weak. The first paragraph said that her body
couldn't handle the load for 15 minutes.
Z:Hmm. That is a point, James. You know, I think I'm starting to see the
hentai hormones creeping into your brother's work.
J:Mweh heh heh. It has begun...
The stuff she was carrying--bags, tent, rations, and all--was just a
little bit more than about her weight. She couldn't wait for the next
day,
when someone else would have to suffer her torture. She had to push her
hair
out of her face about twenty times that day, which was an amazing feat
considering that her arms were loaded. She hated camping.
J: Boy scout nightmares?
--Spoke too fast. *Great. Now I have to find shelter.* Her
T-shirt was getting wet, to please the fanboys. She hated camping.
Z:Um... the T-shirt bit is a bit awkward, not to mention the sudden piercing
of the fourth wall.
J: I like wet T-shirts though...
Z:You would, you bloody wanker...
For those wondering, no, there wasn't a wild animal inside ready to eat
her. If there was, this story would've been a helluva lot shorter.
Z: Tech note 2. If making Author Comments (tm Andrew Huang)... please
separate them from the fic by visual means somehow?
What there was inside was a rock. It was practically inviting her to
sit on it. Something about it made it shout "pick me! pick me!" over all
the
other rocks in the cave.
Z: Dum da da dum! It's grammar man to the rescue! The first sentence is
very awkward. It should read, "She saw a rock inside the cave. It was...".
J:Oooh. an ominous stone...
Z:Does it have three lines painted across it? Those things are lots of
trouble...
It was about that time that the sub-dimensional portal opened within the
cave.
Z: I hate it when that happens.
***
MECHA SERIES NINE
A completely random MechAnime parody
by Lawrence Chu
A Product of My Imagination
J:Oi! That was a frickin long intro sequence!
All characters and situations copyright ME! FINALLY, NO MORE
DISCLAIMERS!
HAHAHAHA! TAKE THAT, VIZ!
Z:James, do you think what I'm thinking...?
J: Yeah. Gotta get LC to stop dropping by Denner. He gets waaay too much
Coke there...
***
CHAPTER ONE: GENESIS DOES WHAT NINTENDO DON'T
***
J: Groan...
It took Makiko about three minutes to stop screaming in terror at the
portal. Not what was inside it, mind you, just the fact that there was a
portal
in itself was able to scare her witless. Face it, you'd be screaming too
if something like that happened to you.
Z: But it's such a cheery and gentle looking portal. Just ignore the dark
chanting and the slime covered tentables coming though it...
When she calmed down, she figured that there must have been something
inside that portal. After all, in all those shows she watched, there was
always something inside those portals. Apparently, this was one of those
solid-white portals which nobody could see through.
J:Break on to the other side...
A small alarm bell rang through the back of her head. *What if there's
something on the other side that'll kill you? That wouldn't be good,
would
it?*
Z:Common sense?
J: It's the new "cool" trait of self created characters. Often associated
with self-insertion fics in which the new character has more common sense
that the combined population of the rest of the fic.
Then, another voice spoke. *Ah, hell, it beats having to carry around
all of that stuff for another two hours.*
Z: Is it an imaginary voice, like me?
The first voice nodded in agreement. With that settled, she held her
breath, closed her eyes, and jumped into the portal.
J smacks the back of his head:Oi! Doesn't anyone try things like sticking a
branch in the portal or throwing stones at it to test its safety?
Makiko saw white. Interesting because her eyes were closed the last
time she checked.
J: Come to the light...
Z turns off the halogen lamp and puts it down...
Strange sensations were running through her body. It was like somebody
put a little too much novacaine into her bloodstream. There was a
slightly
erotic sense to it, to please the fanboys.
J: Damn the fanboys! Either write H or don't! You didn't put a lemon (or
even a lime) marker on this fic so you better keep it reasonably clean...
Z stage whispering:Looks like J's "older brother" mode is going into effect.
J: I heard that!
***
The place she landed in looked exactly like Narnia would if it were an
alien scientist's lab. It even had the Faun Tumnus in it, or something of
its
diminished stature. Maybe It was even more diminished than the Faun
Tumnus.
J: Um. No lamp post I hope...
It made a gesture that said something like "come with me!" or could
definitely be interpreted that way if It were using human hand gestures.
For all
she knew, it meant "I would like to mate with your pet mule" or "if you
move
I will kill you with a fig."
J: No! death by spork is my prefered method...
Finally, It opened its mouth and spoke:
Z:Tech note... more speaker ambiguity! Who spoke, the techno smurf or the
mecha...?
***
Greetings. I have been expecting you to come. Your planet is in
extreme danger, and you must defend it with the three others who will
assist
you.
J:Quotation marks... Quotation marks are needed!
My name is Matato Ha'kuno, hailing from the planet Puumba. My people
are somewhat more advanced technologically than yours, which you have no
doubt noticed while walking in here. We were a proud civilization, until
we
received your transmission.
Z: Yo short stuff, does Matato sound like Potato? Oh yeah. Genreal Motors
said to be careful. Slap the gears a bit too hard and you'll stall it...
J: Transmission?
I see you remain silent. It is almost as if you are aware of what your
people did to mine. That single transmission killed half of our
population as
it was broadcast. It is because of this that my planet wishes to destroy
yours.
J:Whoo hoo. death by radio...
However, I am forgiving you of your crimes, for I understand that to be
the only time an idol singer was ever allowed to be broadcast over radio,
and that you had no intention of harming us. However, the government I
work for
is not as forgiving, and I fear that they are preparing troops right now.
Z: Tech note... people tend to avoid monologues like this...
Since then, I have constructed this lab outside of work and been
constructing this very tool for your use, as idol singing will no longer
work.
J: Dangit... Where is Minmei when you need her?
Hence, I present you this: The Mecha Series Nine. It is yours, as
prophecied by
the ancient Puumban lores. Your friends shall receive theirs in due time.
Z:Ancient prophecy... Bah. Give me a shotgun and I'll kick all your asses.
Fascinating story, no?
J: No! ^_^
Don't worry, everything will be--oh, damn! I forgot to turn on the
translator
device! I KNEW I forgot something!
Z:Doh...
***
b $$P |"And I'll feel better
$$P $$ | in the morning,
d$$eee$$eeeee$$e | The pain will fade as
,d$P $$ | time goes by,
dP" $$ | What was taken, I won't
$$ | miss or I'll replace
eeeeeeeeeee$$eeeeeeee$$e | Nevermind me,
$$ | I'm all right."
,$$ $$ `b |--"Nevermind Me,"
,$$ $$ `b. | The Bosstones
d$P $$ `$b. |chu_bear@hotmail.com
,d$P $$ `$$bee |ICQ: LoopyChew, 8413137
edP" $$ `$$ |LoopyChew Music now
"7$P | officially blacked out.
__ __
||More shameless advertising. Hey, this thing is ||
||free, this is the only catch. Really! If I was ||
||lying, do you think I'd still be on this service?||
||Don't answer that question. Check it out anyway.||
\ / \ /
\/ \/
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com
J:This sig is a litttle tooo long LC...
--
James Chu
Primary Animator for EVA-R
www.eva-r.com
To contact: write to chubacca@clam.rutgers.edu or dance the jig while
waving mackerel around your head, yodel the theme to Cheers in front of a
local McDonalds, or storm the local barbershop and use all the hair
clippings to create a tent ...
"And I'll wear my yellow bunny undies" - C-Ko
"Stupid, STUPID, rat creatures..." - Bone