On Mon, 22 Mar 1999, Vincent Seifert wrote:

I made the mistake of reading this while eating lunch, and then
had to clean knackebrod crumbs out of my keyboard...

Ahem.  All comments strictly my opinion, and offered in good spirit.

And welcomed. ^_^
 

Pastpresent 3 - Fog of Confusion, Part 2

	Gee, his hormones told him. This isn't half bad.

	That's right, his brain gibbered back, it's all bad. Do 
something!

	We are, the hormones said smugly. We're enjoying it, and 
we've got the rest of the nervous system on our side.

	Hold up, the brain shouted, where the hell is she putting 
her hands!?

	Oh wow, the hormones moaned.

	We're going to wind up married, you idiot! the brain 
screamed back.

	If that means we get this kind of feedback all the time, 
fine by us, replied the hormones.

{I wonder if something like this is what freezes Ranma up when
Shampoo plasters herself on him...}

Possibly. Although it's debateable whether or not Ranma actually _has_
hormones at all, considering...

	"Perhaps you could ask the local peasants for an 
offering?" Misuto said meekly.

	"Look, lady, we _are_ the local peasants," Kiri muttered. 

{I love this line.}

^_^

	Right, she thought, Nodoka'd actually managed to get to 
first base.

{And this one.}

Well, it was accurate.

	"Right. 8000 yen, up front."

{uh-HUH.  Right.  Nabiki takes after Kiri, Akane takes after Soun...
hmm... Kasumi takes after... uh oh.  You wouldn't.  Yes you would.}

{gleep!}

No comment. ^_^ 

there!" One finger stabbed up at the roof, pointing to a pile of 
twisted metal floating a few centimeters away from the 
ceiling. "I made a comment about that former cycle not having 
enough lift, and before I know it she's done some kami thing to 
the molecular whatsit of the liquid valves, and the thing tries 
to go into orbit. I'm spending more time keeping her from 
destroying my garage than I am working, and it's all Genma's 
fault for pushing her on me!"

{Hey, a REAL tinkerer would have USED that ex-cycle to make a
rather peculiar aircraft -- or at least would be trying to.
I'm disappointed.  :) }

Kiri is more of a tuner than an inventor. Although in story two she does
try to put an aircraft engine in an auto frame...

"And of noble bearing and virtuous temperment, swift to

temperament

Is it? o.o

	"I shall teach you the Righteous Seven Demons Wrath," 
Misuto pronounced. "Once you master it, Kasigi-sama will be 
unable to defeat you, and will no longer be able to pursue 
Nodoka." Her eyes teared up slightly. "Defeated, alone, bereft of 
his so-called love, he will cast his mind from earthly things 
and turn to the heavens for comfort. Oh, the pathos and 
tragedy!" She blew her nose loudly into a hankie. "I love this 
sort of thing."

{How... venal... she is.  :) }

But adorably venal. ^_^

	"The long-lost mystical Righteous Seven Demons Wrath," 
Soun intoned reverently. "If I can master it... if I can rise to the 
challenge of my Art... Kasigi is doomed!"

	"You've heard of this thing before?" Kiri asked, curious.

	"No, but it sounds awfully impressive, so it must be 
good."

{Echoes a generation into the future... you do this so well.}

This is old territory. ^_^

	"It was the most feared technique of Kudaranai Gouzen, 
the highly avoided master of the Lower Heiian Period. 
Kudaranai-sensei used it to cleanse the area of all immoral 
people; however, since he had very high standards, he 
eventually depopulated a large portion of Kyushu." Misuto 
clasped her hands together solemnly. "He was finally only 
beaten by Kasuko the Naive, who was just then at the beginning 
of her glorious but exceedingly brief career."

{Smelling a rat, I thought to look up "Kudaranai" and Kasuko".
I was not disappointed.  :) }

Hey, Takahashi isn't the only one who can have fun with names. ^_^ Most of
the characters in Pastpresent have descriptive sur or forenames when I
could get away with it.

	"It is said that she showed perfect control of the 
technique til the end, even being devoured in the cutest 
possible fashion."

{oh, ick.  Good thing this isn't a doujinshi.  :) }

Nah.

	"Let's please not go there," Kiri mumbled. "Okay. Why 
don't you two go off somewhere nice and zenlike to learn this 
raging demon wrap thing, or whatever it is? I kinda doubt 
garages are conductive to learning mystic techniques."

{Eh?  Oh, that's right, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance"
won't be written for another decade or so...}

Zen wrote a motorcycle book? ^.-

	"True," Soun replied. "There is a shaded grove behind the 
Tendo home which is most complementary to the the Art. Shall 
we adjourn to there?"

	"Okay!"

{Picks up modern jargon pretty quick, doesn't she?  Cute.}

She's a modern girl. ^_-

	The two left, and Kiri did a little dance of glee. She'd 
gotten rid of Misuto for a time, earned a nice amount of legal 
money, set Genma up for a pounding, and might have just set 
Soun up for something as well.

	Life was good.

{She really should know better by now.  When life looks that good,
keep checking six...}

She's an optimist. ^_-

	Soun turned to look where she was pointing. Misuto 
reached into the folds of her kimono, pulled out a baseball bat, 
and immediately whacked him over the head with it.

{A baseball bat?  She's picking up all kinds of bad habits from
Kiri, isn't she?}

Just updating weaponary. Kiri would have used her tire iron.

	Soun scowled. "'Whatever'? Is that all you gave to say for 

you have to

	"Come along then, dear Nodoka-san. I know a cafe not far 
from his spot. A brief stroll, a quick meal, and then... who can 

from this spot

Oops.

	Genma was in his path, but that didn't slow him down. 
Indeed, Soun thought contentedly, Genma made an excellent 
doormat.

{Adding insult to injury... or is it the other way 'round?}

Probably both.

	"Alone, defeated, my chosen consort is cast out into the 
cold hard world," Misuto intoned sadly, dabbing at her eyes. 
"Oh, what tragedy! Fortunately I shall stand by him, even in 
these trying and difficult times."

{heh.  I'm really starting to like Misuto.  From a safe distance.}

Say, several years away.

	"You've got this wet stain on your pants, too," Kiri 
helpfully pointed out. She'd added it with a plant waterer a few 
minutes ago.

{*guffaw*}
 

	Nodoka, eyes glazed, continued to pour herself a glass of 
wine. The bottle was already half-empty, and the glass had 
long since overflowed onto the table.

{I can just see this... heck, I HAVE seen this.  It belongs here,
though, no question.}

A highly annoying technique, it is...

	"Yeah," Nodoka said dreamily. "Groped."

{Nodoka with hormones.  I love this notion.}

Well, look at the views she epresses in the manga about what makes up
proper manly behavior.

assortment of flowers on the table. "For the young couple, 
complements of the, ah, management."

compliments

	"He's awake again," Kiri informed her companion. She 
watched with mild amusement as Misuto ushered over to fuss 
over Genma's dazed form. 

{um... none of the defs of "ushered" in my dictionary appear to
fit here.  Jeeves used to "shimmer over" in similar circumstances,
which doesn't exactly fit the definitions either, but may work
better... up to you, of course.}

Hrm. It's a fairly common turn of phrase...

	She'd just wait and see, Kiri decided. Once she truly 
began to feel sorry for him, she'd... she'd... hrm. Give him a hand 
in some way. But for right now, the entertainment and profit 
value of this was just priceless.

{Her and me both!}

	"Nice going," Kiri told the mist kami. "Genma's stubborn, 
see. If you tell him he shouldn't do something, he'll go it just 
to prove that he can."

	"Oh dear," Misuto said worriedly. "Is he really that in love 
with Nodoka?"

	Kiri laughed. "In love? Naw, I doubt it. He likes her, but I 
think that's about as far as it goes. This isn't about Genma 
trying to get Nodoka; this is about Genma and Soun competing 
over a prize."

{More echoes into the future...  applause.}

With differences. Genma's relationship with Nodoka is a lot more one-sided
than Ranma andAkane's.

	"Yeesh. Where'd you get your ideas about men, the 15th 
century?"

	"The 13th century, actually."

	"Oh yeah. I forgot."

{Another great exchange, and I absolutely do not care that they're
both using CE dating.  I figure Misuto's using it as a courtesy to
Kiri.}

Well, they aren't speaking English either, yet the dialogue appears in
that language. This is because neither the author nor most of the audience
speaks fluent Japanese. And I'm not an expert on pre-meiji dating
conventions.

	Nodoka looked at him suspiciously. "Who's Misuto?"

	"Oh, this mist kami me and Kiri accidentally freed. She 
was going to abduct me for some 'consort' business, but her 
power was low and she wasn't able to."

	She blinked. "Mist kami?"

	"Yeah."

	"That's ridiculous."

	"Hey, you should see her," Genma retorted, stung. "She 
looks the part, and..."

	"Oh, so she looks like a kami?"

	"Yeah. And she..."

	"And she just threw herself all over you, I bet?"

	"Well, I mean, not like you do, but..."

	Nodoka's left eye began to twitch. "Pretty, is she?"

	"Yeah, very. You okay, Nodoka? You look kinda..."

	"Better looking than me, I suppose?"

	Genma scratched his head. "Well, maybe in some ways, 
yeah, but..."

	He suddenly found himself airborne.

	"AND STAY OUT!"

{Oh, perfect.  Ranma's definitely Genma's son.}

Open mouth, insert foot, exit via window.

	"Quite true," Saotome-sensei agreed. "Unless, of course, 
you were to undergo special training."

	"I figured it would come to that," Genma said glumly. "It's 
going to be horrible, isn't it."

	Saotome-sensei grinned and nodded.

{I like Saotome-sensei, too.  Applause.  Of course, when Genma
tries to follow in his footsteps, we get results like the Neko-
ken...}

Well, it worked. Sort of. Ranma did learn it, and it is very powerful...

	But worst of all was the pulsing, deafening NOISE 
shrieking through the room. It made his eardrums want to 
faint.

	Dear God, Genma thought dazedly. I'm in hell.

{Been there.  Thought that.  Left immediately.}

Evil, yes.

	This produced more angry shout, none of which he could 

shouts,

	Saotome-sensei watched as the tattered, bruised form of 
his student crawled out of the warehouse, swayed slightly, and 
collapsed at his feet.

{Could have been worse.  Could have been cats...}

It was! Cool, hep cats! Solid!

	He sighed. "C'mon. I'll treat you to a beefbowl or 
something. And them I'm gonna go find Soun and beat the crap 

And then I'm

	Soun! Where was Soun? Reaching out with his senses, he 
made a desperate guess and lunged forward, fists flying.

	He felt a punch connect, and then another. With a wild 
battle cry, he unleashed a flurry of punches, kicks, and jabs, 
ending the assault with a vicious throw.

	There was a low moan from somewhere near his feet, and 
then no movement.

	"Heh," Genma said smugly, eyes still screwed slightly 
closed. "That'll teach you, Soun."

	"Kasigi?" Soun's voice said, slightly puzzled. "Exactly 
what was that for?"

	"That was for..." Genma blinked. Why was Soun still able 
to talk? For that matter, what was Soun's voice doing behind 
him?

	"Have you had some disagreement with Kiritsubo-san, 
Kasigi?"

{Whew.  I was afraid he'd clobbered Nodoka.}

But since it's Kiri, it's perfectly all right. ^_-

	She managed something like a smile. "I told you you could 
do it if you screwed up your courage."

	Genma winced, glancing over at Kiri's slumbering form. 
"Well, I sure screwed something up, that's for sure."

{snicker.  Exactly what I thought to myself.}

Fear the Awful Wrath of Kiritsubo.

	"Kasigi-sama!" Genma suddenly found several pounds of 

{That light?  She's pretty strong for such an insubstantial
crature, isn't she?}

Kami. Mist.

enthusiastic mist kami embracing him. "You actually defeated 
the Righteous Seven Demons Wrath! Oh, I knew I picked my 
consort well!"

	"CONSORT?! Genma, exactly who is this woman and why 
is she throwing herself on you?"

	He frantically tried to disentangle himself, attempting 
to meet Nodoka's murderous glare with a reassuring grin. 
Somehow, he suspected it looked more sickly that reassuring. 
"Er, ah, Nodoka, this is..."

	"Misuto-no-Kami, Lady of Mists, Empress of Fogs, Hazes, 
Steams, and Waterfalls," Misuto declaimed haughtily. "You may 
worship me, if you like."

{gasp.  choke.  thud.}

And she's serious, too. ^_^

This is just wonderful. Literally a laugh a minute, at my reading
speed. Funny, fast-paced, tied firmly to the manga canon,
plausible, great characters. I hope your enthusiasm carries this
through to completion, because lordy, it's fun to read.

It comes and goes. I have the plot and timeline mapped out, and write bits
of it when I can... I will finish it, but I'm not sure how long it will
take me.

Thanks for your comments! ^_^

Thanks for writing and sharing! 


Vince Seifert    Network Analyst     seifertv@csus.edu
http://webpages.csus.edu/~seifertv/  updated 1998Jun04
CSUS hired me to build their network, not to speak for the university.

- Susan Doenime
Brisbane, U of Q
"I hit the streets / They watched me in the monitor..."