In response to that ridiculous e-mail emphasizing the necessity of
cursing...

"Kasumi," I hailed. "You're going to have to learn to curse in this fanfic
where you're in business, because Petes said so, okay?"
"Okay, J-san."

I wish she'd stop calling me that.

Lesson 1:  Learning the words

"P***"
"Tinkle."
"H***"
"Bad place."
"F***"
"Procreation.  A natural act designed to perpetuate a species and
encourage genetic variation.  It involves a transmission of..."
"..."

Lesson 2: Situational directives.

"Ready for your next lesson?"
"Hai, J-san!"

I wish she'd stop calling me that.

"Now, when would you use the phrase 'Goddamnit'?"
"If my sink was leaking."
"Actually, that's a pretty good example, Kasumi!  How'd you figure that
out?"
"Well, of course.  I mean, I wouldn't want the water to spill all over the
place.  Since God helps us all, he could help me dam the water, ne?" 
"..." 

Lesson 3: Using the words in common sentences.

"Now, repeat after me.  Would you like to f***?"
"Would you like a fork?"
"I'm going to take a p***"
"I'm going to take a piece."
"Piece of trash!  Burn in H***!"
"Piece of rubbish, burn in the hall!"

At this point, I had just about given up, but Kasumi look forlorn at not
being able to succeed, and asked for one last try.  I decided to give her
another chance.

"HELLo, I am Mishima ASSistant manager Kasumi.  What's up, BEACH?"
"...Um, perfect.  Yeah.  Just perfect.  You can go now."
"Okay, J-san!"
I really wish she'd stop calling me that.

As she was leaving, she stubbed her toe.  "Ow!  Stupid rock."  No sooner
then had she said 'stupid', a thousand Gubby clones swarmed out of nowhere
and began hitting me with flamethrowers labeled OCC (versus OCC).  But
that's another story... 

-Natsume Ranma Ranma
-------
The sardines weren't worth the trouble.  A few more shots, then 
Ryoga-san would overheat and explode.  Ducking around a corner, 
I managed to lose him as I entered the ramshackle residence of 
my Anime supplier.

One look at his face and I knew that I was betrayed.  "Tell me."
I insisted.  He refused, so I slammed him against the wall.
"Last chance.  Where can Ranma-Ranma find good fanfics?"
"Try Jason Liao." he whispered, before he slumped to the floor.
I heard the sounds of a door splintering as I left through the 
window, one step ahead of Tendo Heavy Industries...