Extremely opinionated C&C ahead, you were warned.

    Just so you know, I'm using the japanese names for the characters,
and the american names for the attacks, as most of them sound better, at
least to me.  Not to mention I can't remember the Japanese names.

About a half hour...if it took THAT long...with your web browser and
AniPike would take care of that. This may not bother most people, but you
can't have it both ways. You either go with all Japanese names, or all DIC
names.

    It was business as usual for the weekly Sailor Scout meeting.

Sailor Senshi meeting.

Usagi and Rei were arguing over the manga, as the other Inner Scouts

Inner Senshi

    "Is there something the matter Ami?"  Luna asked.      "No Luna,

Might want to fix your paragraph here...looks like you lost a carriage
return.

    "So Ami, how did your visit with your cousin go?"  Makoto asked.
The other scouts, except for Rei and Usagi, turned excitedly to listen.
Ami took a deep breath.  <Even with all the things that have happened to
us, I don't know how they're going to believe me.>  Ami thought.
    "It was very . . . strange.  I've got to tell you . . ."

<groans> Not *another* cousin-fic...the cousin thing has been done to
death. Why can't people come up with something more original?

Ah well...at least it's not Ranma as the cousin this time...

    "Hello."  She said with a smile.  Ami's mind raced to put a name
with that face.  The smile was what finally gave her the answer.
    "Kasumi?"  Kasumi's face became a bit puzzled, but quickly,
comprehension dawned.

The organization of these two paragraphs is terrible, distorted, and
distracting. It would flow much better like so:

    "Hello," she said with a smile.
    Ami's mind raced to put a name with that face. The smile was what
finally gave her the answer. "Kasumi?"
    Kasumi's face became a bit puzzled, but quickly, comprehension dawned.

And then, continue by attaching the next paragraph to the end of the last
one above, as Kasumi is the focus of both, so there's no need to start a
new paragraph when she speaks below.

    "Cousin Ami!  It's been so long."  Kasumi said as she hugged Ami.
"Come in, we've been waiting for you."  Kasumi lead Ami into the dining

'lead' should be 'led' in this case. Past tense.

    "Oh Ami, it's been so long.  How is my sister's little girl?"  He
cried, literally.  Ami didn't remember him being 'this' emotional,

You might not want to use single-quotes as emphasis marks. You need
emphasis marks when you're working with ASCII, but single-quotes generaly
have a whole other connotation. Use _underscores_, *asterisks*, or (less
preferred) CAPS instead.

not even the panda, seemed to notice.  <Which means that they're all
deaf, or it happens so often they don't even care.>  Ami thought.  She
decided to go upstairs and find out what was going on, when a young
reheaded woman flew down the stairs to land with her head on the ground.

red-haired (or redheaded, if you must, but redheaded looks extremely
tacky...)

As for the rest of that sentence... you trying to be popular in France here
or something? 'to LAND with her HEAD on the GROUND, with the HURTING --HEY
LADY!'  ^_^;;

Seriously...try to rephrase that somehow.

    In the middle of the dojo was Ranko, looking at the pair with a
slightly impatient expression.
    "Took you long enough."  She said, and then motioned for Ami to
come forward.
    "Come on, attack me."  She said.  Ami blinked.  <Wasn't Akane going
to train me?>  She wondered.

Okay, back the train up here. You pulled this out a little too quickly. I
mean, this whole part comes completely out of the blue. You might want to
indicate, up where Ami first arrived, or even when she's at the Senshi
meeting, that she was going to train while she was at the Tendou residence.
It's not exactly a foregone conclusion that this will happen, after all.

    "You might as well do it, Ami.  Otherwise the baka won't stop
pestering you."  Ami blinked in puzzlement, but the old habit of obeying

OOC remark from Akane here. Her attitude towards Ranma is more or less
correct, but 'the baka won't stop pestering you' is completely off-base. I
can't see Akane saying that in this situation.

the teacher quickly asserted itself in her.  She used one of the most
basic attacks that Luna had coached her in, a simple punch.  However,
Ranma wasn't there.  She tried again, but it was like trying to touch a

Ranko, not Ranma. This is Ami's perspective at the moment, and she doesn't
know the truth yet, so it should read "However, Ranko wasn't there."

    "Not bad.  Your form's pretty good, and so's your speed, for a
beginner anyway, but you think too much about the motions.  They have to
be as natural as breathing, otherwise you get in a fight, and you won't
react fast enough.  Believe me, that isn't good."  Ranko continued on in

Everything in Ranma's speech after 'for a beginner, anyway' needs to be
cut. Ranma doesn't typically go on like this.

the same vein, quickly disecting her performance, and laying it bare.

dissecting

    "Since she's your cousin, why don't you show her some of the basics
of the Tendo style, since I don't think she's quite ready for the aeriel

aerial

    "Ok."  Akane went into a set of simple stances, while Ranko gave
comments on what was wrong with her form, and ways to improve it.  Ami

And Akane isn't dropkicking her into next Tuesday for this? I think you've
got action going on here that isn't being stated, thus leading to
confusion. Not to mention, Ranma's more of the type to stand back, smirk,
and say 'Is that the best you can do?' Remember, Ranma is generally far
less polite than your average Japanese person *should* be.

heard a load thump from behind her.  She turned her attention there, and

'heard a LOAD thump'? If the panda did that, I don't wanna hear about it.

_<

what she saw made her drop any pretentions of being in form.  Even Akane

pretenses

    "Get out of the way!"  She yelled.  The two cousins glanced at each
other, when one of the walls shattered.  Ranma and Akane were startled
by it, but not really surprised.  The martial artists shifted into
battle stances, while Ami looked around, trying to find a place where
she could hide and transform.
    The figure that had shattered the wall was ugly, hideous, not to
mention short and old.

Since when does Happousai make his entrance by busting through walls?
That's Ryouga and Shampoo territory...

Whoever it was, it wsa showing a powerful energy field that Ami had no
intention of dealing with, without transforming.  She reached into her
pocket, and pushed the EMERGENCY button on her communicater.  <If I hit

communicator

it a few times, I may be able to hold it off until the others have a
chance to get here.>  She took her attention off of the little demon for
a second, when suddenly it flew to her.  Ami just a split second to
brace herself for the blow, and the likely repricusions of being hit.

repercussions

    "Yeah right, you old Freak!"  Ranko yelled.  Then, in a move that
startled Ami, Ranko fired a powerful energy blast, which appeared
similar to the Venus Crescent Beam, at the little old man.  'Gramps'
easily dodged it, and threw himself at Ranko, who caught him with an
uppercut, throwing him out of sight.

OOC...Ranma doesn't usually break out with the heavy artillery just to
knock Happousai around in a more or less comic situation. Only during a
serious fight. He'd be more likely to try kicking the little pervert into
orbit.

    "Grandpa said that some martial artist could focus their ki, their

martial artists

<snip lengthy psuedo-scientific hypothesis about Senshi abilities>
Sorry...you're never going to convince me that the powers of the Sailor
Senshi are (a) manufactured, (b) pure ki attacks, and/or (c) scientifically
developed. Their abilities are magic, which really can't be summed up that
succinctly.





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